Yeay! I finally held true and updated soon! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, even if it's a little sad. Don't worry though! I'll try and make the next one happier! Oh also, this has a kind of explicit sex scene in it so, if you don't like that sort of thing, you shouldn't read the last half of this chapter.

"That was the artist I saw. If I could've hid out forever I would have. There was something about that kid I still can't get out of me. Just the passion he put into his work…"

"Why did you leave him? Didn't you try to write to him?" Quatre asked. Milliardo blinked a few times.

"My father sent some people who tracked me down through credit cards to bring me home. He threatened my inheritance and I told him to shove it. But then he said he would take away Relena's inheritance as well. I had to go with them. I wrote him every day for two weeks and twice a week for like 3 months after that. He never replied to any of them. I found out he was having an exhibit and I went there, but they told me he'd left already. He wasn't staying in the apartment I'd modeled in. He just dropped off the face of the planet. I haven't actually been with anyone since that…

I disappear for a week or two every once and a while to avoid getting stuck getting married. Dorothy fills the potential girl in on my history of men and then threatens them if they talk. Their family ends up backing out. My father ends up getting pissed off. He told me I was going to get stuck with Dorothy, and that's fine with me. I can handle her, and sometimes I think she enjoys this mind game we're playing. I'm pretty sure she knows about Trowa as well, but…" Milliardo explained.

"You didn't happen to see 'Of Despair,' while you were at that exhibit did you?" Quatre asked.

"What's your sudden interest in my love life? Are you jealous?" Milliardo teased.

"I'm dating Trowa now," Quatre said.

"Trowa Barton?" Milliardo asked.

"Yes. I've been trying to undo the damage that Zechs caused," Quatre said.

"I didn't hurt him. I mean, well obviously I hurt him because I just disappeared, but he hurt me too. He never replied to any of my letters. He just avoided me," Milliardo said.

"I don't think he got any of them Milliardo… Did you ever think that maybe your father was going through the mail before it went out to make sure you weren't in contact?" Quatre asked. He wanted to run to Trowa and make everything right, but that also meant he would be giving him up. He didn't know if he had the strength to do that yet…

"That actually would make a lot of sense…" Milliardo said. He sat on the concrete, covering his face.

"Are you alright?" Quatre asked softly. He kneeled in front of Milliardo.

"He must hate me… I… I swear to you Quatre, that I really loved him. I never had the nerve to tell him, but I loved him. If he forgave me for leaving I was going to publicly renounce my inheritance so he couldn't use Relena against me," Milliardo explained. He could feel Milliardo's heart sinking, breaking, probably all over again.

"Milliardo," Quatre said softly. He pulled the older boy's hand from his face to see him holding back tears.

"I know that I shouldn't ask you this Quatre, so forgive me. Could you explain what happened? All I want is his forgiveness. I don't want to steal him from you, you two are probably very happy together. And thank you for cleaning up whatever mess I caused. I know he loved me very much. He must have been so hurt…" Milliardo begged.

"He thought you left him because his painting was driving him mad," Quatre said.

"Sometimes I couldn't understand what he was doing. I couldn't feel everything he put into it. I said to him inadvertently that someone else would understand him better than me. He must be analyzing everything I ever said to him…"

"There's something else you should know…"

"Did he hurt himself?" Milliardo asked, knowing the answer before Quatre had finished the sentence. Quatre nodded.

"He cut himself… He really lost it after you left. He was painting when he did it, and he used his blood to finish the piece, the one my father bought. His friend Wufei had to clean him up. He thought it was best to move him to New York. I met him at this coffee shop and Hilde called me telling me he wanted me to model for him. We actually only started dating this afternoon. I don't think I can talk to him tonight, but I will during the week," Quatre said.

"Thank you Quatre. You don't know how much it means to me," Milliardo said. He stood up and hugged Quatre. Quatre hugged him back and nodded.

"Just… tell them to call me later. Tell them something came up, anything. Get my number from them and call me Wednesday, I'm usually teaching lessons while he hangs out in his apartment," Quatre requested. Milliardo nodded.

"Thank you Quatre," Milliardo whispered as the younger boy rushed off. He went to his own apartment to be alone, to think. There was no way he could hide this from Trowa, he'd sense something was wrong. He couldn't lie to him, but he was not at all prepared to tell him that not only was he wrong about Zechs, but it was also the family friend he'd had a crush on and had went down on him. 'I know you loved Zechs a lot, well guess what he still loves you, and he did everything in his power to keep in touch with you… Yes, I understand you can't see me anymore. I know I'm being very understanding, you're welcome. I just want you to be happy.' He imagined his dialogue.

If he loved Trowa the way he did, he should only want what made Trowa happy. Fixing his relationship with Zechs would actually be the best thing for Trowa. It would fix all his mental quirks and he would probably be who he was before. He would be bright and shining again, smiling and in love, but not with him. He would let himself be touched in public and he would paint passionately, not of pain and hatred. It wouldn't be Quatre who filled any of these positions. If he did this, he would have to give Trowa over to Zechs, and it would hurt him worse than any pain he'd ever felt. He thought he deserved a day or two to prepare for that…

He let himself into Trowa's apartment, but Trowa was not there. He left a note that he'd be in his apartment, to get him when he was back. He went back to his room and decided to take a shower. He stripped and stepped in to the tub, turning the water on warm, gradually making it hotter. He washed his hair and body and then just stood there. He let the water caress his body.

Trowa put the canvas down. It was a bit larger than the ones he had just worked with. He took the last painting and rested it against the wall next to the others. He saw a note on his pillow. 'I'm upstairs. Come get me when you're ready. Quatre.' He wondered if he had really been at the art store that long. He glanced at the clock and shook his head.

"There's no way he went to lunch and got back already. Something must have happened…" he said to himself. He grabbed Quatre's key and went upstairs. "Quatre?" he called out. He heard the soft hiss of the shower, and went to his room. "Quatre?" he said softly from the doorway.

"I didn't expect you to be back so soon," Quatre murmured.

"I could say that same," he retorted, coming closer to the frosted glass door. Quatre opened the door a crack and smiled at Trowa.

"Last time you came in my apartment like this you caught me naked. I'm shocked to find you standing outside my shower," Quatre joked, changing the subject.

"Well I don't think it's much of an issue any more is it?" Trowa said teasingly. Quatre blushed a little.

"Then maybe you should join me," he teased, half smiling as he closed the door. Trowa blushed and contemplated it. He couldn't think of a reason not to… He stood outside the bathroom and took his clothes off, resting them neatly on the side table. He opened the shower door making Quatre jump.

"You did invite me in," Trowa commented.

"I didn't think you'd take the offer seriously," Quatre admitted.

"Do you want me to get dressed again?" Trowa asked.

"Well, no… You can join me if you'd like," Quatre said moving away from the spray. Trowa stepped into the tub, letting the hot water soak him. He pulled the lithe boy close to him with one arm.

"I never did this with Zechs…" Trowa said softly. "So there's no reason it should trigger any memories. We should be safe this way…" Quatre nodded in acknowledgement. He put his arms around Trowa's neck. Trowa leaned down to kiss Quatre, easing open his lips to gain entry to his mouth. His hands moved down Quatre's back, resting on his butt. Quatre pressed closer to Trowa.

"Oh," Quatre uttered, feeling his body react to Trowa. Trowa's mouth moved to his neck, kissing and sucking gently at it. He bit Quatre's shoulder, moaning as he felt Quatre touching him.

"Quatre," he whispered, slamming their lips together. He traced kisses down Quatre's throat, running fingers over his nipples. Quatre made a pleasured sound, urging him to continue. He pressed Quatre against the tiles, who gasped at the sudden cold. He smirked at the blonde who had his eyes closed. He gripped Quatre's erection and the boy nearly collapsed.

"Trowa," he moaned softly. Trowa twitched in pleasure. Hearing his name on Quatre's lips like that seemed a sin. He kneeled down, hovering between Quatre's legs until the boy looked down at him. He smirked and ran his tongue over the tip. "Oh…" He took the head in his mouth, sucking lightly on it, running his tongue around it over and over. Quatre faltered again, nearly falling, but Trowa braced his legs. He felt Quatre's fingers in his hair, gripping hesitantly.

He slowly moved further on Quatre, about halfway before moving back. He could hear Quatre panting, moaning softly, and quivering at the feeling. He wondered if Quatre had been like this when Milliardo had touched him… He ran his tongue along the length, and started a rhythm. Quatre's hands tangled endlessly in his hair, he could even feel his nails a little. He took Quatre all the way in, and Quatre twitched when he felt himself touch the back of Trowa's throat. He moaned loudly despite his resolve to be quiet.

"Oh, Trowa," he moaned at the feeling. He sounded as though he couldn't make up his mind what to do. "Trowa I'm gonna…" he said, cut off by another moan. He tried to pull Trowa's mouth away from him, but Trowa would not let him. He was so close, he was… "Trowa!" he cried out, half in pleasure and half in warning. Quatre came relatively quick, twitching a little after his release. Trowa swallowed his seed and helped him sink to the ground. He was aching for his own release, but desperate to hear his name cried from those lips again, louder… "I'm sorry… I…" Quatre began breathlessly.

"I wanted to. I knew you were warning me," Trowa said making the blonde blush. Quatre's eyes trailed down Trowa's chest. He blushed again when he saw how exciting he was. "It's actually a turn on when you blush," Trowa whispered, sucking on Quatre's earlobe, knowing he was blushing furiously.

"Trowa I want you to…" Quatre said, swallowing hard. Trowa released Quatre's ear but did not move from his position. "I want you inside me…" Quatre felt ashamed of himself. He just wanted it once, one memory to hold on to. One night that they only felt for each other, before he was gone…

"Are you sure?" Trowa asked. Quatre nodded, moving back to kiss Trowa. He moved so they were long ways in the tub and pulled Trowa on top of him. "Quatre, is something wrong?" Trowa asked, breaking the kiss. He could feel how tense Quatre was. He wouldn't let Trowa see his face; he just wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"I'm just a little nervous…" Quatre whispered. He kissed Trowa's ear, running his tongue along the side of his ear.

"Quatre," Trowa whispered, unable to break from his grip. Quatre moved his hips up against Trowa, exciting him. He figured that Quatre would tell him what was wrong later. As much as he wanted Quatre, this felt wrong in a way. It felt like Quatre was begging him to stay rather than make love to him. "Let's not do it in the shower," Trowa said. Quatre loosened his grip enough for Trowa to slip away. He shut off the water and picked up the blonde. He dried them off and put Quatre on the bed.

"I have some lotion in the top drawer," Quatre said. Trowa laughed a little despite himself. The laugh lightened the mood though. Quatre relaxed a little. Trowa retrieved the lotion and pushed Quatre's legs apart. He kissed his inner thighs, eliciting a soft breathy sound from Quatre.

"You're sure you're ok?" Trowa asked, putting some lotion on his pointer and middle fingers. Quatre nodded.

"I know you won't hurt me," Quatre whispered. He arched into Trowa's touch when he felt fingers moving in circular motions around his entrance. He was getting excited again. Trowa pressed a fingertip in Quatre, feeling him tense so much it almost hurt.

"You have to relax Quatre," he said, motioning for the boy to sit up. He placed feather light kisses on Quatre's face and neck. He started kissing him, pressing his finger a little farther in and withdrawing it as Quatre calmed down. He wanted to hear Quatre's breathy moans, but he needed to help him relax. He inadvertently shoved his finger all the way inside Quatre when he felt the timid grip Quatre made on his erection. He broke the kiss to whimper at the feeling.

"Trowa," he whispered, letting his eyes fall closed again. Trowa worked his way up to two fingers as Quatre jerked him awkwardly. The touch excited him none the less. "I'm not very good at this… I'm sorry…"

"Don't be ridiculous Quatre," Trowa whispered. He used more lotion and met resistance as he attempted using a third finger. Quatre took some lotion and used it on Trowa, pumping his cock with long even strokes. Trowa faltered. He groaned and bit his lip in pleasure.

"You're making me feel so good," Quatre said breathlessly. Trowa eased a third finger into Quatre finally, stretching him and getting him used to the feeling.

"Would you rather me be on the bottom Quatre?" Trowa asked. Quatre shook his head.

"I told you that I want this. I want to feel you inside of. I want you to make love to me, now," Quatre answered sternly. Trowa nodded and positioned himself.

"It will hurt for a little while Quatre, but you have to remember to stay relaxed. It'll start to feel good," Trowa warned. Quatre nodded. He pushed the tip into Quatre and met with unbelievable resistance. It also felt amazing, and he groaned trying to move. He needed to get all the way in so Quatre could get used to the feeling.

"I'm sorry," Quatre cried, tensing even more if that was possible. Trowa moaned loudly.

"If you stay this tight I might be finished before we start," Trowa said with a small laugh. He ran his hands soothingly over Quatre's chest. He rolled Quatre's nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Quatre moaned softly and relaxed. He pressed the rest of the way in finally. "Are you alright?"

"Was it like this for you?" Quatre asked, trying to stay composed.

"I wasn't as nervous as you. It was a lot easier for Zechs than for me I think," Trowa replied, laughing a little.

"I'm embarrassed… I wanted to be good for you," Quatre said sadly. Trowa cupped his face and kissed him.

"I could probably finish right now if you kept tensing around me, without me moving at all. I don't want to be the only one to get something out of this. I… I love you Quatre… I want to make love to you, and make you feel incredible. Whatever it is that's on your mind, you need to let go of it for now. Forget the rest of the world and just concentrate on me," Trowa whispered.

"I love you Trowa," Quatre whimpered, wrapping his arms around the taller boy. Trowa could hear traces of finality. He could feel Quatre begging him not to leave, but he couldn't imagine why…

"I'm not going anywhere Quatre, I promise," Trowa whispered. Quatre finally let go of his fear and relaxed. He forced himself to get used to the feeling and then started to make noises of pleasure.

"Hold me," Quatre pleaded. Trowa moved so that they were both in a sitting position and pulled the boy close to him. He helped Quatre continue to move.

"Why are you so sad Quatre?" Trowa whispered, more to himself than to the blonde. He held Quatre's face in his hands and kissed him. When they broke away he saw a tear falling. "Am I still hurting you?"

"It does hurt a little more this way," Quatre said elusively. Trowa knew he was hiding something, but he needed this. He had to hold on to the memory of Trowa making love to him if he was going to ever recover. Trowa moved them back to the way they had been, he groaned as Quatre tightened around him. "I'm close." Trowa put a hand between them to touch Quatre's erection. "Trowa," Quatre moaned. He was crying out every time Trowa went deep inside him.

"Does that feel good?" Trowa asked. Quatre moaned in response. "I've found your spot," he mused, moving a little harder to elicit more of those sweet sounds from Quatre's lips. "Quatre," Trowa groaned, feeling the boy tighten around him.

"I'm gonna cum," he breathed. Trowa captured his lips in a kiss as they both came together, taking them to a high neither of them had ever experienced. He leaned heavily on Quatre, who was breathing long and deep. Quatre wrapped his arms lazily around Trowa, tracing fingers over his back.

"Quatre?" Trowa murmured into the boy's neck.

"Mmm?"

"I love you," Trowa whispered. Quatre started to quiver underneath the boy. "You're trembling," he said in alarm. He sat up and stared at the blonde.

"I love you so much Trowa," Quatre said.

"Quatre, what's wrong?" Trowa asked, easing out of the blonde. He winced at the feeling. "Sorry."

"Can we go back in the shower?" Quatre asked, wanting to wash himself off. Trowa nodded, picking the boy up. They sat under the spray, Trowa massaging Quatre's scalp. "I've been selfish…"

"Don't be absurd," Trowa retorted. Quatre turned to face Trowa.

"I found something out today, that could help you. Instead of telling you I asked something of you that I probably shouldn't have. I just wanted you to make love to me so I could hold the memory close to me," Quatre began, seemingly speaking in riddles to Trowa.

"If it was selfish of you to ask then it was selfish for me to accept. I knew something was bothering you and I did it anyway," Trowa retorted again.

"If you found out there were plausible reasons for why… why Zechs left you," Quatre forced out.

"Why would you bring that up now?"

"Zechs… Zechs is Milliardo," Quatre whispered with tears in his eyes.

"What?" Trowa asked incredulously. "Milliardo? The one that went down on you? Relena's brother?" Quatre only had the strength to nod. "Milliardo is Zechs…"

"He didn't leave you because he didn't care Trowa. His father found him and threatened to disinherit him. He would have done that for you, but then he threatened Relena. Milliardo loves her more than anyone in the world, he's only ever protected her and made sure things went perfectly for her. He tried to write you letters, he said he wrote you for three months and then tried to find you at your art show but you'd left already. He was very upset when he was talking to me. I know that he was telling the truth. He's still willing to publicly disinherit himself to protect Relena and be with you because he loves you," Quatre rambled as he tried not to cry.

"What's wrong with you Quatre?" Trowa yelled. He grabbed him, squeezing his shoulders.

"I'm not lying! He wanted you to forgive him and I want you to. You were so happy before, and now that you know he didn't abandon you-"

"That's not what I'm talking about Quatre! Do you think knowing that makes everything better? It certainly doesn't erase all the pain and all the damage it's caused me these past years! It doesn't take away this scar! I don't care what Zechs, Milliardo wants! You're the one who pulled me out of my depression and stood by me! If he loved me so much he would've been honest with me and had the strength to cut his father out of his life before his father had a chance to blackmail him! We weren't even together and you were ready to forsake the relationship with your father in the hope that one day we would be! And now we are and you think I would even consider leaving you!" Trowa shouted, tears welling up and streaming down his cheek. He couldn't feel the tears so he wasn't aware that he was crying.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I was just so afraid. I don't know if I could take it if you left…" Quatre whimpered. Trowa pulled him into a hug and squeezed him so tightly he thought he might suffocate him. Quatre's arms went around him and squeezed him tightly as well.

"I love you Quatre. What you told me… it does make me feel better. Maybe in time I could let go of these ill feelings and attempt to speak with him, but not any time soon. I've still got a lot of healing to do, and you're going to be the one that pulls me through all this," Trowa said kissing the top of Quatre's head. "Come on now, we're going out tonight with your friends, even if he is there. I've got you now, to protect me."

"Trowa I love you so much," Quatre whispered, nuzzling into the brunette again. The phone rang and prompted them to finally get out of the shower. Quatre rushed to answer it.

"Hey you ran off so quickly Quatre! What time did you want us to pick you two up tonight?" Relena asked.

"How about 8?" Quatre asked.

"Sounds great. Hey is it alright if Milliardo comes?" Relena asked.

"It's fine," Quatre assured.

"Are you sure?" Relena asked. "You seemed pretty shaken up before…"

"Don't worry about it. I've worked it out," Quatre assured again.

"Dorothy kind of changed the plans," Relena said.

"What are we doing then?" Quatre asked.

"Going to a club or something… She feels like dancing," Relena said with a sigh.

"Hey, can you dance?" Quatre called out.

"I suppose," Trowa answered. He came into the bedroom, dressed again. "Are we going dancing?" Quatre nodded. "Is Zechs coming?" Quatre nodded again. Trowa raised his head up and sighed. "You'll just have to help me stay strong."

"So are you sure you still want to come?" Relena asked.

"Yeah, we'll be there."