Woo! Update! Yeah so, I'm kinda stuck after this... I'm really sorry. I'm gonna try my best to get the next chapter done, but I can't promise when, just that hopefully next week it'll be done. Reviews are appreciated as always And I'm sorry I made things so complicated. I can't seem to write a story without adding 57 plot twists lol. So yeah here's 11! I'm thinking 12 or 13 will be the end, if I can come up with it. And don't worry, Trowa will end up with the right blonde
"Trowa!" he heard. A familiar voice… He turned around to see Hilde closing the coffee shop. Maybe she could tell him what to do? It was worth it just to talk out what was going on in his head, even if she couldn't help. She opened up just for him, and locked the doors. She made them some hot chocolate and listened intently as he explained the situation.
"And I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel obligated to both of them. And on top of it Zechs loves Quatre too; he loved him before we met. Maybe I should tell Quatre to be with Zechs and solve all the problems…" Trowa murmured, stewing over his Styrofoam cup.
"It seems like both of them think you should be with the other. Quatre thinks it will cure you to be with Zechs, since you know he really did love you all this time, and that bitch fucked everything up. He feels like Zechs deserves a second chance. Zechs loves you still, but thinks Quatre deserves you because he helped you overcome the pain he had caused unintentionally because of that bitch. I don't really know what to tell you other then… I'll get a gun and we can go kill Dorothy first of all," Hilde began, reiterating everything for clarity.
"But she only did that stuff because she was in love with Zechs," Trowa said, feeling sorry for her. He knew how it felt to feel like the person you loved never cared about you.
"Yeah, but it wasn't just his life she messed with. She could've even come to you and explained things. I think she just gets off on fucking with other people. She's not a good person Trowa… Maybe Duo could give you some advice as far as the decision goes. I have something that will make you really happy though," she said, pulling a paper out of her pocketbook. Trowa looked at it skeptically. "Unfold it!" she squealed.
"The circus?" Trowa asked. Hilde put a finger on the girl in the picture.
"Look who it is!" she yelled. She was bouncing around waiting for Trowa to look closer. She put the paper right up to his face.
"I can't see with it that close," Trowa said with a laugh. As she pulled the paper back his mouth fell open. She took an envelope out of her bag and laid it on the table. "Catherine?" he whispered.
"Read the letter! I got it on my lunch break when I stopped home. I couldn't wait to tell you! I was going to come over after I closed too!"
"Dear Hilde, I know it's been a long time! I'm really sorry. I moved out of the house as soon as I could. I've been traveling with the circus so I haven't been able to get on a computer. I'm writing this in advance, hoping you're still living in New York, at the address you gave me back in L.A. Here are two backstage tickets and a flyer with the dates and address of when I'll be in town. Hopefully, I'll see you! Bring your brother or your boyfriend! I'll try and drop by your place when we get in, the day before the show. Hopefully you won't hate me for not keeping in touch. Sincerely, Catherine Bloom," Trowa read.
"At least one thing is going your way! And I'm sure Duo can help you with the boyfriend issue. He's always good at stuff like that. Come on, let's get back so that they don't worry about you ne?" Hilde said patting him on the shoulder. Trowa smiled and nodded. "I'll go in your apartment, or Quatre's and let them know you're ok, and you can spend the night with me at Duo's if you want."
"How do you know that's gonna be ok?" Trowa asked.
"Duo's my brother. He'd always lend a helping hand," Hilde said, nodding. As it turned out Quatre and Zechs were in Quatre's apartment, hoping to give Trowa some space. Hilde left Trowa in his own apartment to shower and change while she went up to tell the other two he was going to be fine. Quatre flung the door open, slightly disappointed to se Hilde standing there.
"What brings you here at 11 Hilde? I'm not really up for a lesson right now."
"I came to let you know Trowa's alright, albeit a little hurt," Hilde responded. Quatre let her in and she finally met 'Zechs.'
"Did he give you a message for us?" Zechs asked.
"He's very hurt and upset that the people he loves most in the world want nothing to do with him. Even more so that they were arguing for the other to take him as though he were an object and not a person with feelings," Hilde said. Both blondes looked to the floor. "He thinks maybe you two getting together would solve all the problems," she added.
"So he could suffer alone? Does he really want either of us after this?" Zechs asked.
"Why were you trying to give him up? He feels so betrayed," she said to Quatre.
"I just wanted everything to be the way it was before. He knows Zechs still loves him, and if they're together he won't have to hurt anymore. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but I felt it was what was best for Trowa. I could never begin to make Trowa feel the things he felt painting Zechs or any aspect of their relationship," Quatre answered.
"And you?" she asked Zechs.
"It would be wrong of me to take advantage of this situation. Trowa is with Quatre. He's helped Trowa start to become the person I knew again. If he wasn't here I doubt I'd have ever had a chance again, much less find out what Dorothy did. If Quatre hadn't helped him and loved him, he would never have begun to forgive me," Zechs responded.
"Don't you love him? Don't you?" Hilde asked looking between them.
"Of course," Zechs answered first.
"Yes, I do," Quatre furthered.
"Then maybe, if you both love him, you should fight for him. You should be fighting about why you deserve him, not how to pass him off, and the reasons why he shouldn't be with you. You've made him feel like love is nothing, and everything should follow some rules of right and wrong. He thinks it would probably be best, in that case, if you two got together. Maybe you should think about that next time you fight to get rid of him," Hilde said.
"I love you both," Zechs began daringly. "If…if it could be that way, the three of us…" Quatre's eyes widened, as did Hilde's.
"If that's what Trowa wanted… I would do that for him, even if I had to share him to be loved by him," Quatre said in concurrence.
"I'll let him know," Hilde assured them. She left them talking quietly between themselves and went back to Duo's apartment. "So what do you make of Trowa's plight?" she asked.
"It's very complicated," Duo answered.
"Well it's about to get even more complicated," Hilde said with a nod. She collapsed on the couch as Duo raised an eyebrow. "Zechs and Quatre agreed that they would share you, if you couldn't decide between them," she said to the brunette.
"That's a bad idea. One of them will get extremely jealous, or they'll end up more into each other than you. Three people relationships always end bad," Duo commented.
"The only way to decide is in your heart. Don't think about the right and wrong. Don't think about what you 'owe' to either of them. You have to feel it in your heart after you take away all the reasons, who you truly love, who you truly desire to spend the rest of your life with," Heero said. He put an arm around Duo and kissed his temple.
"I can't help but think of the reasons," Trowa said. "I'm going to end up hurting one of them…"
"Well if you can't forget voluntarily, I have something else. If you could erase all the memories acquainted with Zechs or Quatre, which one would you choose?" Heero proposed.
"Things would have been different with Quatre if I erased Zechs," Trowa remarked.
"Let's pretend that you'd have the same memories regardless, after this moment, if you had to erase one of them…" Heero said as Trowa thought.
"If it weren't for Zechs, I would never have known Quatre. If it weren't for Quatre I never would've known what happened with Zechs… They just keep running circles into each other…" Trowa murmured to himself.
"You're avoiding the question," Hilde whispered.
"If one of them were going to leave forever, never to return, who would you choose to stay with you? Who is it you could not live without?" Duo asked.
Memories of Zechs flashed through his head. The beach, the apartment, the paintings, the sex… They were chaotic, frenzied with emotions. With Quatre's memories however, things calmed in his head. His smile lit up the room, and his laugh made Trowa feel not so hollow anymore. He could see how selfless Quatre had been in all this, risking his inheritance and his relationship with his father to help him, to be with him. Zechs could never love him as deeply or selflessly as Quatre.
It had to be Quatre, just like he'd told the younger boy earlier. Quatre was his savior. He would have to do something before he could remain faithful to Quatre's heart. Just as Quatre wanted to hold on to the memory of them making love when he thought Trowa would leave him, Trowa felt Zechs deserved the same, forgiveness in a sense. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, but he felt it was what needed to be done. He would have to read Zechs' letters as well before he returned them to the older blonde to do with as he wished.
"Who is it?" Hilde asked.
"It's complicated, but I think I have it all worked out. Thank you all so much for listening to me and helping me through this," he said simply. He hugged Hilde and nodded to Duo and Heero. He returned to his apartment and took the letters out of their envelopes. The letters fully explained his situation. How he was falling apart without Trowa beside him. How Relena meant the world to him, and she had never forsaken him, and he could not let her be punished for something he did that pissed off his father. The letters got more depressing, explain how sorry he was, begging Trowa to write back, to send him a phone number, leaving his number and an address of an apartment he sometimes lived in while fight with his father. He begged Trowa to come see him. Every letter got worse, some even had obvious tear stains on them, little smeared letters…
'You may be mad at me. You may never forgive me for being so weak. After my sister, you are the most important person in my life. I love you Trowa… If you come here now, I'll tell Relena everything, and I'll renounce myself as an heir so that we can be together again. I worry that you're suffering, sitting alone in the apartment… Please reply to this letter, if not I shall write only once more, to say my goodbyes. It would seem this is your wish, and if that is what makes you feel better Trowa, making me suffer alongside you, then I shall leave you alone. Know that I am suffering here without you, and I will forever suffer without you by my side. I never meant for things to come this far, but they have, and you will forever remain in my heart Trowa…'
This was the only letter aside from the last that Zechs had said 'I love you.' The last letter said simply, he loved Trowa, he would give him the space he needed, never to forget him, and promise to some day try and forgive him all the pain and suffering Trowa endured at his hand. The letters only strengthened his decision on what to do. He knew first, he would have to explain it to Quatre, to see if it was something he could endure…
He let himself into Quatre's apartment and crawled into bed with him. He stared longingly at him. He didn't want to wake him, but couldn't resist brushing the hair back with his fingertips. Quatre stirred slightly and groaned as he opened his eyes. "Trowa?" he whispered hopefully.
"Quatre I need to ask a favor…"
"Anything."
"This is no small favor Quatre, and it's more something I need you to allow me to do before I can truly belong to you."
"What is it?"
"In order to let go of Zechs…" he began. "I need to…"
"…Like how I wanted to hold on to that one memory of us?" Quatre asked, trying to understand. Trowa nodded.
"I think he deserves this one memory. Even if I was with him I could never forget the pain he made me feel. And I don't think I could live much at all without you Quatre. You are my muse, my angel, my savior… I hate to ask you to endure-"
"If this is what you need to do, then do it. I will not hold it against you or bring it up in conversation. If this means you will be mine…" Quatre interrupted.
"Only yours, forever," Trowa assured him.
"Then I can endure anything," Quatre said, putting a hand on Trowa's cheek. "When?"
"Tomorrow. When it's done, I'll come back here to you," Trowa promised. Quatre snuggled into Trowa's embrace. Other people may have heard a request to sleep with another person, but Quatre only heard Trowa's request to say goodbye. Hours ago he was sure he'd lose Trowa forever, but now, he would do anything for Trowa to stay. He fell asleep with the older boy thinking about how they had only just started dating earlier that afternoon. How had things gotten so complicated in such a short time? Almost as quickly as he fell asleep he woke in the morning.