Hello everyone. I hope this update makes up just a little bit for the lack of episode this week. I hope you enjoy the last part of my main story. There will be one more chapter, an epilogue, to come and then I'm done. It's been fun writing this, I'm quite proud of how it turned out. Happy reading.

Chapter 6

"Theo's all tucked up in bed" Ethan said as he opened the front door.

"How has he been?" Bea asked. "Is his temperature down?"

"Temperature?" Alicia came up behind Bea, a concerned look on her face.

Bea turned around and offered her a small smile. "He was a bit poorly when I left. I didn't want to worry you."

"He's fine now" Ethan said quickly. "Honestly. He didn't lose his appetite and his temperature is almost back to normal. There's nothing to worry about."

Bea came inside but Alicia still stood on the doorstep frozen. She was looking at Ethan, so many emotions rushing through her mind as she did so. She took a breath but the words caught in her throat. There were no words she could say to make up for all she'd put him through.

Ethan reached out and offered his hand. "Hi" he said, in that sweet nervous way of his. "Why don't you come inside?"

Alicia hesitated but took his hand. It was soft and warm and she allowed him to pull her over the threshold. She leant her suitcase against the wall and removed her coat in silence, all the while struggling to think of what she could possible say to this man. When she had hung up her coat Ethan and Bea were still standing in the hallway. They both looked a little unsure as well but it was Bea that broke the tension. "I'll put the kettle on" she said, and hurried to the kitchen leaving Alicia and Ethan alone.

"I'm sorry" they both said in unison, then laughed bashfully.

"Jinx" Ethan said. He knew it made Alicia laugh when he acted dorky and it worked. It made him smile when her shoulders visibly relaxed.

"Hi" Alicia said, finally returning his greeting. "It's good to see you."

"You too" Alicia said. She led the way to the living room and sat down on the sofa to remove her boots. Ethan hovered for a moment until she patted the space beside her and he gladly accepted the invitation.

"It's so good to have you home" Ethan said. He sounded relieved.

"Have you been staying here?" Alicia asked, looking around. She noticed one of Ethan's shirts hanging on the airer in the corner.

Ethan followed her gaze. "Oh, no. Well, just for the weekend. There was a minor mishap with some strawberry jam and I didn't want the stain to set."

Alicia's hands fidgeted in her lap and she stared at them for a minute before finally looking up. "Ethan, thank you" she said. "Thank you for stepping up and helping Bea while I wasn't here. You didn't have to do that. I'm eternally grateful."

Ethan put his hand on Alicia's to stop her fidgeting. "I did" he replied. "That's the least I could do. I couldn't help you, but I could help your family."

"I'm the one who should be apologising. I'm the one who left and dropped everyone in it. At work too. I'm sorry."

Ethan waved her apology away. "Stop. You're home now, that's all that matters. Can we just agree that we're both sorry and leave it at that?"

Alicia thought back to the pact she and Bea had made in the car and figured the same notion could apply with Ethan. She nodded. "Yes."

"I love Theo too. I'm happy to help out any time you need me, all you have to do is ask."

"I don't know what we did to deserve you." Alicia sighed deeply and hugged Ethan. He returned the hug. This hug that he had been waiting four months, longer than four months, to give and receive. "I'm going to get help" Alicia promised. "I'm going to get better."

"I'll help you in any way I can" Ethan said into Alicia's hair.

Alicia pulled away. She looked into Ethan's eyes. "You're a good man, Ethan Hardy. I've messed you around so much and still you're here. Theo adores you, I remember, and Bea tells me that bond's only grown. You're the closest thing to a father he'll ever have."

A lump formed in Ethan's throat and now he was the one lost for words. Bea appeared in the doorway carrying a tray and saved him from having to reply. If he did it would probably be unbelievably soppy and embarrassing and he'd never live it down.

"Is anyone hungry?" Bea asked, setting the tray down on the coffee table. "We can order something if you like."

"I should get going" Ethan said.

"You won't stay for tea?" Alicia pleaded with him to stay but he shook his head.

"No, I'll leave you to it. I'll pop round tomorrow though, pick up my laundry." He gave Alicia's hand a squeeze and stood up.

Alicia nodded. "Thanks Ethan."

Bea walked him to the door and gave him a hug on the doormat. "Thank you so much for this week" Bea said. "Thank you for everything."

"Take care of yourself, Bea" Ethan said, grabbing his coat and opening the door. He lowered his voice when he said "take care of your family."

Bea only smiled in response. She never wanted to be parted from them again, not even for a moment. And for tonight at least, she wouldn't.

She returned to the livingroom and Alicia was pouring the tea. Bea gently took the milk jug from her and placed it back on the tray. "That can wait" she said. "Just sit with me."

Bea stretched out on the sofa and held her arms out for Alicia, who sunk into her like a stone falling to the bottom of a lake. Bea wrapped her arms tightly around Alicia's body. Bea's soul lifted and she closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of Alicia's body against hers and the scent of her hair filling the air. She was home.

Bea led Alicia slowly up the stairs by the hand, resisting every urge in her body that wanted to run straight up to the nursery and scoop Theo into her arms. She knew that convincing Alicia to come home was only the first step and she had to take things slowly. When they reached the door, Bea kissed Alicia's hands and nodded to her, asking the silent question; 'are you ready?' Alicia smiled back and Bea quietly pushed the door open.

In the faint glow of the dinosaur nightlight, they could see Theo standing up in his crib, wide awake. He wasn't crying or fussing, but standing staring at them with his big curious eyes.

All parenting books would tell you to leave a child to let themselves fall back asleep if they wake up in the night and there's nothing wrong, but Bea ignored all the advice, just this once. "Hey baby boy" she whispered. "What are you doing up?" She switched the lamp on and the room was bathed in a soft yellow light.

"Ma" Theo babbled, and Bea hoped to God he was just chattering incoherently and wasn't about to call her Mummy again, not with Alicia present. But thankfully he just laughed and reached out his arms to be picked up.

Bea didn't need to be asked twice. She lifted him out of the crib. "I missed you" she whispered and held him close.

Alicia watched on and her heart felt full. On one hand she was saddened that she wasn't the one her child reached for, but on the other hand seeing how comfortable Bea and Theo were in each other's company made her happier than she could express. Alicia knew it would take time to build a relationship with her son again. Even before she left it was Bea who was doing most of the parenting. Alicia simply couldn't cope. She didn't even know if Theo would remember her but she wasn't going to give up. She would do everything she could to make her son trust her and feel safe with her.

Bea nuzzled the top of Theo's head with her cheek and looked up at Alicia. "Do you want a cuddle?"

Alicia did. So much. But she shook her head. "Maybe tomorrow. I don't want to disturb him."

Bea smiled sadly. "Are you sure?"

Alicia nodded, but took a step towards them. She brushed Theo's soft cheek with her fingers and he turned to look at her. "I'm sure. There will be plenty of time for that."

Bea nodded. "Ok little man" she said to Theo. "Time to sleep." She unwrapped his arms from around her neck and he was too sleepy to put up a fight. Bea gently lay him back down in the crib and tucked him in.

They switched off the lamp and left the room. On the landing Bea searched Alicia's face for any signs of how she was feeling. Alicia's eyes were wet with tears but she wiped them away furiously when Bea leant in to give her a comforting hug.

"I'm fine, I'm fine" she said, smiling despite the tears. "I'm being silly. It's just… the past few days, they've been a lot."

"I know, darling. But I'm so proud of you."

"I'm nervous to hold my own child" Alicia admitted as Bea went in for a hug. She felt silly but of all the people in her life, Bea was the one she trusted the most and knew she could be vulnerable with her without fear of judgement.

"It will pass" Bea said. She gently rubbed Alicia's back. "I promise it will."

It frightened Alicia how quickly she found herself slipping back into her old life. One on hand it was comforting, to know that her four month absence hadn't ruined everything as she feared it had. But part of her resisted. Alicia was scared that slipping back into her old life would also mean slipping back into her old habits. She felt like she had been given a lifeline, one final chance to get things right. Jeopardising that wasn't an option.

So she hung back. She left the majority of Theo's care to Bea, just watching, learning, storing away in her memory all the new information she'd missed out on by not being there. How he would only eat his food out of one particular bowl. How he fussed when he had to put socks and shoes on, but a stuffed animal to play with was all that was needed to distract him. How he loved books, loved to hold them and turn the pages, staring at the words as you read them like he was checking you were getting the story right.

She kept her distance, like a stray puppy deciding whether or not to trust the kindness of a stranger. The stranger in this analogy was not Bea or even Theo however, it was her own happiness. But Alicia was also tired of feeling sorry for herself, tired of going over and over all the ways she had failed. With a beautiful son and a beautiful girlfriend, how could she feel sorry for herself? She was so lucky and she would try to remember that even when things got hard.

Alicia stood leaning at the kitchen counter with a mug of tea watching Bea make Theo's breakfast. Theo sat in his highchair expectantly, banging his little plastic spoon on the tray with amusement at the racket he was making. Bea was due in for a shift in a few hours, but Alicia knew she didn't want to leave, and she was reluctant to leave Alicia and Theo alone. Alicia was nervous about it too, but more than that she didn't want Bea to spend all day worrying about her.

"I called Robyn" Alicia said. Bea looked up from the chopping board. "She's not working today. She's going to bring Charlotte round for a playdate."

"Are you sure? I can take him into nursery if you want to rest."

"Absolutely sure" Alicia said. "I want to spend time with him.

A look of relief crossed Bea's face and Alicia knew she had made the right decision to call Robyn. It was awkward at first, calling her friend after staying silent for so many months. But Robyn was sweet and understanding and said she would love to come over.

Alicia suspected Bea wanted to make a suggestion such as that herself, perhaps to ask Ethan to drop round if he wasn't busy, but would have struggled with how to broach the subject without hurting Alicia's feelings.

Bea smiled gratefully. "That's great" Bea said. "You shouldn't be alone. I'm going to ask Mrs Beauchamp for a few more days off after this shift. I want to make sure you're settled.

Alicia put down her tea and came up behind Bea, wrapping her arms around her middle. "Thank you for worrying about me" she said. She kissed Bea's cheek. "But you don't need to." Alicia took a deep breath. "I made an appointment with a psychologist Mrs Beauchamp recommended. It's tomorrow." She said this slowly, aware of what a big step this was.

Bea turned around. "You didn't tell me. That's amazing, I'm proud of you. Is this at that private clinic?"

Alicia nodded. Having dedicated most of her adult life to the NHS she felt a little guilty for going private but she knew it was important to start this process quickly and there was no telling how long it might take otherwise. She had to put her family and her immediate wellbeing above her principles. The broad smile on Bea's face right now more than justified her choice.

"What time? I'll make sure I get someone to cover my shift so I can come with you."

"You don't have to come" Alicia said. The words came automatically, so used by now of trying to get through her problems alone.

"I do" Bea's tone was firm. "I'm here for you. We both are" Bea stroked Theo's hair her and he looked up at her, eyes wide. "Isn't that right, munchkin?" The little boy nodded, sensing that 'yes' was the right answer even if he didn't understand the question.

"You don't have to do this alone anymore" Bea continued, as if reading Alicia's mind. 'You never did' she wanted to say, 'you could always come to me' but that would only add to Alicia's guilt and they had promised each other they would only look to the future. Instead she turned and returned Alicia's hug, holding her close.

The next morning, Alicia hurried down the stairs pulling her hair into a ponytail, nervous that she would be late for her appointment. She found Bea at the bottom of the stairs with Theo in her arms. They were both wrapped up in scarves and coats, their shoes on and were ready to go. Alicia stopped and smiled gratefully. "You really didn't have to swap your shift you know" she said, but was also extremely grateful she had.

"I wanted to. And Ethan was more than happy to help."

Alicia reached out to take Bea's hand. Saying 'thank you' again seemed inadequate. At every turn she was astonished that Bea was still here, still supporting her and loving her and believing in her even when she didn't believe in herself. Alicia didn't know how she was ever going to live up to person Bea saw her to be but she would try.

"Listen, I don't want you to tell me what you talk about, not if you don't want to" Bea said. "It's none of my business really. I just want to know that you're talking to someone and they're helping you through."

"You don't need to escort me to the door. I want to go." But Alicia wasn't being defensive, she was pleased that Bea wanted to come. "There's a playground nearby. It's a lovely day. You can take Theo to play while I spill my guts to a stranger."

Alicia put an arm around Theo and the little boy turned to look at her with an open but indifferent curiosity. She was a stranger to him, and the way he clung to Bea didn't escape her. But she didn't dwell on it, it was her own fault her son didn't know her, but she felt hopeful that that would change, certain there was time ahead in which to put it right. She no longer felt weighed down by her bad decisions, she felt optimistic that she was on the right track leading towards the life she wanted.

"Do you want to go to the park?" Alicia asked Theo, her voice rising brightly. Her enthusiasm worked, Theo nodded his head vigorously. Alicia caught Bea's eye and smiled. For the first time in a long time it didn't feel forced.

"Let me find my boots" Alicia said. She started to walk towards the kitchen and the place she'd left them by the back door, but Bea held out the arm that wasn't holding Theo and caught her as she passed.

"Come here first" she said, and pulled Alicia in for a kiss.

It was a cold day, there was no one in the playground but her and Theo, and the noise of the traffic and even of the birds in the trees seemed far away. It was quiet and Bea relished it. She pushed Theo on the swing and spoke to him, answering his chatter with positive assertions and praise. But she wasn't really listening to him, her mind was elsewhere.

She stared through the trees to the old townhouse that had been converted into a private clinic. The clinic where Alicia now was, trying to unpick all that had gone wrong in her life to lead to her breakdown in order to put her life back together, stronger and more secure than it was before. Bea knew how these things worked, knew that there was no quick fix, that managing mental health was a long term struggle that you never really won. She wished there was a quick solution. She wanted nothing more than for Alicia to be healthy and happy, and it hurt her that it wasn't in her power to make all her problems go away.

Sometimes it took an outsider to make the changes needed. She had told many of her patients this over the years, knowing full well that one day she might have to tell herself the same thing. You can love someone with your whole heart, but sometimes that alone is not enough.

Mr Radford was the name of the psychiatrist Mrs Beauchamp had recommended. Apparently, they had worked together years ago and Connie couldn't have recommended him highly enough. But still, Bea didn't know him, and it was a strange feeling trusting someone you had never met with something as important as the future of your family. But she wasn't lying when she told Alicia she didn't want to know what she discussed in her sessions. Alicia needed that safe space, free of judgement and free from pressure. And Bea didn't care, not really, not if the outcome was positive. Her and Alicia both wanted the same thing, she was sure of that. How they got there wasn't as important as the end result.

"Mummy, stop."

Bea was jolted from her thoughts by Theo's voice, but when she stopped pushing the swing and looked down at him he wasn't upset or distressed, simply bored. He reached up his arms to be lifted from the swing. Bea obliged, setting him down on the woodchips, and he immediately raced off towards the climbing frame. She followed, ready to catch him if he fell.

Bea felt then more strongly than ever that if she had one purpose in this life, it was to make sure the two people she loved more than anything knew that she would be there to catch them whenever they needed her.

Alicia stood at the park railings out of sight, watching Bea and Theo in the distance. Her first session was over and she felt battered and bruised emotionally and mentally exhausted. But in a way she also felt lighter, just a little bit. She knew one session would not magically fix all that was wrong, that it would take time and dedication. She knew also that there would be things she needed to deal with that she wasn't even aware of herself yet. But she would do it, no question. She would do it for her family.

Theo's shriek of joy seemed to echo across the whole park as he ran to Bea and she caught him, swinging him up into the air. The happiness she saw in them both brought a smile to her face and tears to her eyes at the same time. She wanted to be part of that. She imagined a similar scene, hopefully not to long from now, when Theo would run to her with the same joy on his face and Bea would be by her side. She could get there, she knew it.

She opened the gate slowly and walked across the grass to the playground. Bea caught sight of her as she lowered Theo to the ground and smiled nervously. Alicia smiled back, in a way she hoped was reassuring.

"Finished already?" Bea asked. Her voice wavered. Only slightly, but Alicia noticed.

"Yep."

Bea let go of Theo's hand and he scampered off. She walked towards Alicia and held her arms out to her. Alicia gladly stepped into them without another word and they embraced for what felt like a very long time. Over Bea's shoulder Alicia kept one eye on Theo as played.

Eventually they pulled apart. "How was it?" Bea said. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"It was hard" Alicia admitted truthfully. "It was always going to be. God knows I've got a lot to work through. But it's worth it. You're worth it."

Bea took hold of Alicia's face and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. "Come on, let's go home."