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Psychedelic Lovebirds... The Storm Progresses... Guzma Talks Some Sense
Lillie could tell right away that Youngster Joey's Rattata was not going to turn out to be a very successful guardian deity.
She had gone along with Youngster Joey and his Officer Jenny escort to the Ruins of Conflict to see Rattata installed as the new deity, and things had started seeming fishy practically from the word go. It didn't take Lillie more than a few minutes to figure out that both Youngster Joey and Officer Jenny were completely out of their skulls on hallucinogenic drugs.
"Here you go, Rattata!" Youngster Joey had cried happily. He hoisted the struggling rodent into the air as if presenting it for inspection. Then, still carrying Rattata high above his head in both hands, he galloped clumsily up the steps leading to the stone altar.
"You're so fast!" Officer Jenny cried, laughing and slapping one of her thighs in pure amazement. "How are you going so fast?"
"Rattata in the skyyy—with diii-amonds," Joey sang. His Rattata finally managed to squirm free and leap to the top of the altar where Joey couldn't get him.
"You want me to leave you some fruit snacks so you won't get bored while you're guarding the island?" Youngster Joey asked. Rattata gave him an uneasy look. "Rattata," it then breathed, and shook its little head no.
Youngster Joey shrugged. "Your loss," he said. He spun his cap around backward. Then he spun it another 180 degrees until it was forward again. Then he took it off, removed a small white square of paper hidden inside the cap, and put the square on his outstretched tongue.
"Are you sure Rattata knows how to be a guardian deity?" Lillie asked cautiously. She was standing near the corner, far back from Joey and Jenny. "He doesn't look very confident."
"Are you kidding?" Youngster Joey said. "This is a top tier animal! Rattata defeated Mewtwo!"
"What! Really?"
"Heck yeah. He soaked a hit with Focus Sash, Endeavor'ed Mewtwo down to 1 HP, and then used Quick Attack on the next turn, baby. It was so sweet." Youngster Joey glowed with pride. It was true: his Rattata, despite only being Level 8, really had killed Mewtwo using that strategy and saved Kanto.
"Have a good time up there, Rattata!" Officer Jenny called. She gave a huge, double-armed wave. "Give us a call if you get too scared!"
"Rattata," Rattata said, glancing this way and that.
Lillie, Youngster Joey, and Officer Jenny walked out of the ruins. Youngster Joey was sweating like a madman. "It's a good thing Rattata is the new Melemele deity," he said. "I bet you he takes care of all this destruction and madness…" For a moment Youngster Joey looked at his hand as if trying to remember how to work it. Then he snapped his fingers. "…Just like that."
"What about those purple tornados?" Lillie asked, shielding her eyes with the flat of her hand. Purple tornados were stabbing down from the thunderheads and twirling trees, houses, and people up into the sky. Tapu Koko had had more to do with the stability of the weather than anyone realized.
"Rattata will deal with it. It's his problem now."
"I guess I just didn't think Moon Child would really do something so irresponsible," Lillie told Hau and Guzma that evening when they were sitting at a table in the Pokémon Center having dinner among other evacuees.
"Y'all is stupid, then!" Guzma shouted. He gripped the table with both hands in an effort to keep himself from flying too far off the handle. "Moon Child is wicked evil, yo! You got any idea how many times she and her Salazzle beat my team up so bad I literally pooped in my pants?"
"I think I realized there was something wrong with Moon Child when she gave Nebby such a clobbering," Lillie recalled. "Right after we played the flutes together and Nebby evolved into Lunala. Moon Child knew I wouldn't be able to stand seeing Nebby endure any more pain than it already had, but she didn't care. She had Salazzle do a Flamethrower on Lunala, and that was all it took. The poor thing screamed like a warthog and fell to the ground. Defeated with one attack. Then she caught Nebby. And just dumped him in the PC along with the rest of her prisoners."
Guzma shook his head. "I'm scared of Moon Child," he admitted.
"So am I," Hau said. He had barely spoken all evening. "Lillie's right. Moon Child has got something wrong with her brain. Remember at the Trainer School, when she got called to the office after only like ten minutes?"
"I couldn't believe that!" Lillie cried.
"Moon Child is bad, yo," Guzma told them. "I been telling y'all that this whole time."
Suddenly, screaming could be heard from outside the Pokémon Center. Lillie and Hau jumped up and ran for the door, intent on finding out what was happening. The second they got outside they found out: Moon Child had just flown overhead on the back of Charizard and carelessly rained cinders down on the evacuee tent city.
"My poster!" screamed an old woman, holding a long tube of shiny paper that had been set alight by Charizard's passage. "It's irreplaceable!"
"Where is she headed?" Lillie asked. She watched Charizard's trail of fire snake away into the eastern sky.
"She's going to Akala next," Hau said in a voice thick with despair. "She's going to try to catch Tapu Lele, too."
Guzma slammed his fist into his hand. "Yo!" he screamed.