Feeding

Staying at the Cullen's was great. Only Esme was home during school and I felt a little lonely without seeing Edward all day. But as soon as he got home he would sit with me on the couch, his arm thrown round my shoulders. Alice would come and join us after a while. I liked her. At times she's a little scary but I know that she means no harm. It's difficult adjusting sometimes.

Carlisle hadn't allowed me back at school, but I was happy with the break. I could sleep in after the late nights up with my son. We got some personal quality time together that we didn't when I had school. His first tooth was so very close to coming through and it only made his pain that much worse. I held him to me whenever he was in pain and it seemed to calm him somewhat. The connection we had was unlike anything else.

I'd been taking the calcium pills Carlisle had given me every morning and he'd suggested I try feeding tonight. For some reason I'd put it off. Twice I'd gone upstairs with Ed for his feeding time but come back down to make a bottle. Esme gave me encouraging smiles every time, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready just yet. I knew that Ed could sense my nerves and fears and that made him worried and uncomfortable.

Laying on the couch with my son in my arms had become my day. Esme refused to let me do anything around the house. My cold had cleared up and Ed's had started to as well. There were still traces of snow outside, some of it having melted. The front door opened, and Edward and his siblings came in. He dropped his bag and came straight over to me.

"Hello sweetheart. Did you have a good day today?"

"Yeah. I missed you."

His family had found out about our relationship in the late hours of Monday evening. They'd grown used to me and Ed being there and had welcomed us to the family with open arms. So when he leaned down and pecked my lips they just smiled warmly.

"I missed you too."

Sitting me up, he sat beside me with his arms supporting Ed in my arms.

"Have you tried feeding him today?"

"Not yet. I'm a little scared."

We were whispering between us. His siblings still didn't know that Ed was my son and I didn't want them to know. I was happy with the way everything was going at the moment.

"Next time he needs feeding, would you like to give it a try? I'll be right outside the door for you."

"I could give it a try now. Ed was fed about an hour and a half ago, but he needs more milk what with his teeth."

"Come on then."

I followed Edward up the stairs to his room. He hadn't slept in the basement once since I'd got here. I'd been cuddled up with him every night in his bed. We hadn't done anything though. We kissed for a while and he tried to take it a step further once. He'd slipped his hand under my shirt. I'd coward away from him and he stopped. I was terrified of any form of contact like that. Kissing was safe. I couldn't be hurt when kissing.

Sitting me down on the edge of his bed, he made sure I was comfortable. He whispered comforting words into my ear before peppering my face with kisses.

"Take your time. There's no need to rush. I'll sit just on the other side of the door. If you need me just shout."

"Thank you."

After placing his smooth lips to mine he left the room. I was alone with my baby. The fears that I'd felt earlier when preparing were lessened now. Edward's support helped me a lot. Laying my son on the bed, I unclipped my bra and pulled it out from under my loose fitting shirt. I released my breasts from the neckline of my shirt. They definitely looked a little more swollen than usual. Lifting Ed back into my arms, I held him near my breasts. I'd gotten further now than I had earlier. I had to let Ed become comfortable with the new situation.

"It's okay baby. I'm going to feed you with my own milk for the first time."

Reaching his fingers out, he touched my soft skin. I let him suck on my thumb for a few moments. His lips were so close to my nipple and he didn't seem fazed by the new position. He dropped my thumb from his mouth and moved across to my pert nipple. His lips fell a couple of times, so I shifted him slightly. The feeling was strange at first. When he was secured against my breast, I could feel my milk releasing from my nipple. Ed seemed so content lying against my chest. His eyes were closed and his fingers resting over the side of my breast above where his mouth was. I grinned watching him. If I had known the joys of breastfeeding I would have started a long time ago. Cradling him to me like this made me feel more like a mother than anything else. I hid my free breast he wasn't suckling on beneath my t-shirt and brushed my hair out of my face.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella. Are you okay?"

"Come in Edward."

There was a silence before I heard the door handle turning and the door was opened. Edward stood watching me with his eyes filled with an emotion I couldn't pinpoint. Patting the spot beside me, I asked him with my eyes to sit. He stumbled slightly as he came over to me. He'd never done that before. Sitting beside me, he wound his arm behind me, his hand cupping my son. His other hand brushed across my cheek. I turned my head to his and was so close to him.

"You, my sweetheart, are beautiful."

Cupping the back of my neck, he pressed his lips to mine. I became like jelly instantly. With my baby suckling on my breast and Edward kissing my lips, I had never felt so loved before. My lips were moulded to his perfectly. I didn't want it to end. But he did pull his lips from mine an inch.

"I envy your son so much right now Bella."

His lips were back on mine, sucking on my bottom lip. I moaned lightly into his mouth and sighed.

"He gets to latch onto your perfect rounded mounds. My sweetheart, I love you."

"Mmmm Mmmm…"

Softly at first, he ran his tongue around my lips. Parting my lips, he cautiously flicked his tongue out. The sweet taste of his tongue filled my mouth. I moaned louder this time. His confidence grew as he massaged the top of my tongue with his. When I needed to breathe, his lips slid down to my neck. Nipping at my skin, he nuzzled his head into the crook between my neck and shoulder. Ed let go of my nipple and yawned widely. Lifting him up over my other shoulder, I patted his back lightly. He didn't take long to burp. I left Edward's embrace much to his disappointment. After laying my sleepy baby in the crib, I straddled Edward's lap. He took hold of the back of my thighs and fell backwards. I placed my hands on his shirt covered pecks.

"I love you Bella. So much."

"I love you too Edward."

It was the first time I'd said it. I finally felt confident enough to say those words. I'd never said them to anyone before. I trusted Edward with my life. He lay with his head against the bed, his eyes closed.

"Say it again Bella."

Leaning forwards, my lips ghosted over his.

"I love you."

He groaned and caught my lips in a passionate kiss. It was slow, loving and tender; nothing like anything I'd experienced before. My life was going perfectly. There was nothing more I could ask for. I'd found the love of my life and had the most amazing son. Everyone around me offered support. Moving to Forks was the best idea ever. I'm so glad my mother had suggested it. My future looked bright and I knew that with Edward by my side there was no chance of darkness taking over me.