Part I

Chapter 3

Yukari picked up her glass, half-way filled with beer, and stuck it out across the table.

"A toast!"

Minamo looked up from her food, Yukari's eager look causing her to smile as she picked up her own glass in return. "Um, sure. But to what?"

Her friend held her pose for a few moments, frozen in thought.

"Well...we don't have to see those ugly kids for two da-"

"I'm not toasting to that."

Minamo placed her drink down and resumed her meal. It had taken almost two hours since her practice had finished, but she and Yukari had finally arrived at their destination: a cozy little bar that was just on the outskirts of the neighborhood they lived in. The pair had been regulars there for a bit over a year now, their favorite watering hole to come relax at. They used to frequent the bars that were closer to the main city, until Minamo had became fed up with how congested they always were, never feeling comfortable around large groups of people. So she had set out to find a more pleasant place to spend the nights at, her search eventually leading her to this nearby, family-owned establishment that had never really caught her attention before. The ambiance of the place had been perfect for Minamo, nothing too fancy, and the type of crowd it drew was mostly comprised of casual folks from the local neighborhood; people she could relate to a little better than the suits at the city's bars. The number of visitors was just always right for her as well: not so few as to feel that you stuck out, but still large enough so that you felt blended in with everyone else.

Initially Yukari hadn't enjoyed the idea of leaving the packed-house style of bar that she loved so much, but after finding out that this one had an all-you-could-eat buffet on the side, she had become sold. The cuisine they offered was pretty good, the only downside to it being how expensive it could all be. It was the bar's only real flaw as a whole though and Minamo had never really minded that little inconvenience, figuring that she was paying extra for the great atmosphere.

Upon arrival the two women had wandered over to their usual spot, a little table tucked away into one of the corners of the main room, and then had ordered immediately as Minamo had been ravished. They both had gotten their usual fare, which consisted of lots of chicken, both grilled and fried, sashimi, a little tofu, and plenty of alcohol, of which most had been requested by Yukari. Normally Minamo always forbade her friend from getting so much to drink, knowing that the aftereffects of her binging would flow over into her classes the next day. This time however Yukari would have an entire weekend to recover from her intoxication, so Minamo had allowed her to go to town. To her surprise though Yukari hadn't guzzled down much at all yet, simply being content by just stuffing her face. They would be there for the remainder of the evening however, so Minamo figured that her friend still had plenty of time to get tanked.

She leaned back in her chair, taking her little cocktail and giving it a sip. The liquid flowed down through her, warming her inside as it melted away the difficulties of the day. This was what Minamo had been craving for since morning, a way to cure the worries that had plagued her with the remedy of some good food, a few spirits, and an evening of fun banter with her best friend.

While it was usually hard for most people to believe that she and Yukari could have an actual enjoyable time together, given how antagonistic her friend could be towards her, Minamo had always been able to pull off just such a feat. The petty squabbles that their students and friends knew them for were but a small facet of their overall relationship, one that had been able to survive all of the stark differences between their personalities since they had first become best friends in high school. It was when they were allowed to hang out together casually, away from the pressures of their jobs and peers, that their true friendship really came into light. Their mismatched characters had somehow always found great joy in the company of the other, like a pair of complementary colors that benefited from simply being placed into the same vicinity as their opposite.

The two spent the next hour chatting about whatever came to their minds, whether it was about work, local news, their friends, or even just how funny looking some of the other customers in the bar appeared. Minamo provided most of the substance to their conversations, giving them depth and providing Yukari with some level of enlightenment about whatever they were talking about, and her friend in return would always make her laugh with her inane comments and skewed views on everything.

The dialogue flowed smoothly, and Minamo loved every second of it. Even though it was sometimes extremely difficult for her to do so, Minamo had never really connected with anyone else like she had with Yukari. Once in awhile they would meet up with some other old friends from their school days, and though Minamo always enjoyed seeing her former classmates, she felt as if the bond that she used to have with them had diminished over time, unlike the one she still maintained with Yukari. It was like those old friends had lost something as they had grown up, some common factor they all had shared that used to serve as the glue of their relationships.

But we haven't lost it, have we Yukari? She forced back a smile as she listened to her friend talk about one of her online fighting games.

We haven't, because we're still kids.

When it came down to it, that's really why she and Yukari got along so well. Minamo had never felt like she had gotten older as the years passed, not once in her life feeling the urge to over-indulge in the world of adulthood like her other friends had. They all felt a bit stiff to her now because of it, a little over-refined from their attempts to fit into the mold of how a woman their age "should" be acting. Minamo however had never really fallen into step with any of that, none of it really feeling natural to her. She had always been the tomboy out of all her friends, finding much more happiness in her athletic, laid back style of life, instead of the formal and conventional worlds that most of them had engaged in.

It's not that she wasn't an adult at all however, still being more mature and responsible than most others, but Minamo had just always felt more comfortable by being the person that she had always been, not seeing a need to give up the things she had always loved.

"...and sometimes I think, 'Hey, maybe that punk's ass I just beat is in one of my classes.' Wouldn't that be funny? I could give the brat so much crap. If I knew who they were, anyways."

And, of course, Yukari was pretty much the same way. Minamo returned her attention to her friend, laughing at her remarks. "And you would probably fail them if they beat you, right?"

Yukari nodded sagely, as if it was the obvious course of action to take.

Minamo couldn't help but smile at her friend's audacity. Out of both women, it was Yukari who had always been the real kid, being far more juvenile than Minamo could ever allow herself to be. Her reasons for being the way she was were far different than her friend's, but she too had the penchant of retaining her inner youth. That mutual link between them then had allowed the pair to do everything together as they had grown up, sharing their experiences with the person that they felt most natural around. Even when their conflicting personalities had been the source of some rough times for them, Minamo had still always chosen to remain by Yukari's side, her genuine affection for her always trumping any thought of abandonment. That sense of devotion had eventually turned Minamo into a bit of a motherly figure for Yukari, always cleaning up her messes and trying her best to groom her into a better person.

It really was like taking care of a bratty kid sometimes, but Minamo had nevertheless stuck through with it. She always wanted to be there for her best friend, even when she didn't really deserve it. Much of that kindness was just born out of a natural sense of compassion for her, but to some extent it was also Minamo's way of showing her true appreciation for her friend. There had been some times in the past when Minamo had really been put against the ropes, and the only person that had chosen to support her corner had been the most unlikely of candidates to do so.

She watched Yukari as she continued to gab on about her games. If only everyone else could see that part of you, then they'd understand why I'm still your friend.

Minamo was suddenly reminded of something. Games...oh, wait a minute...

"Hey, hold on." She put up a hand as Yukari spoke, bringing her to a stop. "I forgot to ask you about this earlier today when you mentioned it. You said that you still didn't have enough for that system you wanted? What happened to your fund?"

Yukari stared at her blankly, honestly looking like she had no idea what Minamo was talking about. Her mouth soon gave way to a crooked little grin however, tipping Minamo off to the fact that she really did understand the question. "Umm...what fund?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Yukari. I know you should have had enough cash by now to buy it." She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table as she folded her arms. "Please don't tell me you've been pinching from it."

Minamo expected her friend to get defensive, as she usually did whenever they talked about her finances, but Yukari just sat in silence, staring at their table as her brow visibly furrowed. She was thinking hard about something again.

"Um, Yukari...?"

"I'm pressing Start."

"Err...'Start'? I don't get i-"

"Start button!"

"What...?" Minamo was at first baffled about what Yukari was talking about, but she slowly began to understand. "Wait...are, are you seriously trying to pause our conversation...?"

Her friend didn't make a sound as she continued to think to herself, causing Minamo put a hand over her face. "My god..." Even though she knew Yukari better than anyone else, the woman still managed to surprise her by pushing the limits of what even the most irrational person was capable of.

Minamo shook her head, uncovering her face so that she could bring her drink to her lips. "It doesn't matter what excuse you're coming up with. It's your money after all, not mine."

Yukari finally answered after a few more moments of silence, casting her gaze towards the floor. She had set her purse down there and now gave it a deflated smile.

"Yeah, it is."

Minamo watched her from over the rim of her glass. "How much of it did you spend?"

Her friend looked up to the ceiling, still mulling something over, and then began to chuckle abashedly.

Minamo rolled her eyes, Yukari's behavior telling her that she had probably wasted most, if not all, of the money that she had been saving up over the last month to get a new gaming console that had just come out today. Yukari usually had trouble putting away cash for anything that would take some time to purchase, always giving into the temptation of more immediate frivolities. For this occasion however, she had actually gone to Minamo for help on coming up with some way to keep her spending under control, so that she could obtain her prize on the day it came out. Minamo had been so proud of her for finally trying to be more responsible with her money, and had helped her create a budget so that she would have just enough cash on hand for when the new system went on sale.

As far as Minamo knew, Yukari had been sticking with the plan and saving her money perfectly. Her heart had really been into it as well, talking to Minamo every day about how much she had left to go cash-wise, how awesome the launch titles would be, how her friend could come watch, but not play, her system, at least until she beat all the games, and so on. Minamo had found her enthusiasm a bit contagious, Yukari's child-like glee being quite adorable. While she wasn't as avid a gamer as Yukari, she still did enjoy spending some time behind the controller and had been anxious to see what all the hype was about herself.

But, as usual, it looked as if Yukari had come short on achieving her goal. Minamo really thought that her friend would have pulled it off, and was genuinely disappointed to see her lose control of her money once again. Although she had initially brought up the issue tonight in order to scold her a bit, something about Yukari's attitude at the moment dissuaded her from doing so.

Is she feeling bad about it? Yukari still had her silly smirk going, but whatever it was that had been wracking her brain before seemed to slowly seep back into her immediate thoughts, causing her face to look serious once again, maybe even a bit regretful. Something was bothering her friend, and so Minamo chose to not make her feel any worse. It was a rare event for Yukari to be lamentable over anything, so she decided to take a more cordial approach about the issue.

She put her glass down and smiled sweetly. "Well...you tried, right? I'm sure you'll be able to pick it up somewhere eventually if you give it another shot, ok? I'll help you out again if you want."

Yukari stared at her blankly for a second, then gripped the seat of her chair as she sunk down into it, her eyes fixing themselves upon her purse once more. Its presence here tonight had been a curiosity to Minamo, Yukari usually choosing to leave her bag at home whenever they went out, since it was one less thing for her to lose when she became inebriated. But today she had insisted on bringing it along, telling Minamo to mind her "own damn business" when she had inquired about it on their walk here. So, Minamo had done just that, letting her friend do whatever she wanted.

"Yukari...did you hear me?" Her friend was still silent. The pace of their conversations always moved like molasses whenever Yukari's thoughts were in a knot about something, but finally, after what seemed like another minute, she looked up at Minamo.

"Yeah, I could get it later, huh?"

She was smiling again, looking as if she had reclaimed her ginger mood. Minamo was glad to see her happy, although she was a bit astonished at how tempered her friends's response was. Now that she thought about it, Yukari had been fairly docile the whole evening, for her standards anyways. She had looked pretty tired today though, so perhaps her unusual agreeableness was a result of some lingering fatigue.

Whatever the reason however, Minamo chose to make the most of Yukari's tame behavior. Their time at the bar so far had been so refreshing for her, the terrible day Minamo had gone through now becoming a faint memory thanks to all of the fun that she had been having, most of it due to how entertaining her friend had been. She wanted to keep the good times rolling, so Minamo led the subject away from Yukari's money predicament and on to more pleasant topics as the pair continued to enjoy themselves.

As the night moved on, so too did the patrons of the bar. Most of the regulars had been there that evening, occupying their usual spots, leaving at their usual times. Even though both she and Yukari had never really mingled with them, Minamo still felt a bit connected to the crowd as a whole just out of sheer familiarity, as if they were all a part of some indirect family. She loved to watch them all go about their business, Minamo becoming an audience to the little stories that unfolded at every table, the dialogues comprised of nothing but laughter and facial expressions. It was a fulfilling pastime for her, one she partook in whenever there was a lull in their own table's conversation.

While Minamo continued to survey her surroundings a trio of people walked into view from behind her. She focused her attention on them, seeing that the group consisted of one of the bar's attendants escorting two newly arrived customers. One of them, a young, handsome boy, was holding the hand of an equally young and attractive girl. Their host led them to a table where they both sat down with enthusiasm, making it more than obvious that they were a couple with the way they smiled and touched each other with affection. Minamo figured they were probably some college kids, seeing as high schoolers weren't allowed in here.

"They don't really fit in."

Minamo looked over at Yukari, who had been watching the new arrivals as well. Most of the folks who visited this particular bar were a bit older in age, so the young couple did stick out a bit. "Yeah, I guess. I've never seen them here before."

"I know what's goin' on. I bet they got lost on their widdle' date and just decided to eat at whatever dump they saw first." She brought her head up, turning to look at the couple. "Wait 'till they see how expensive this place is. They'll hafta' goto the cheapest store to get some protection for later."

Minamo ducked her head down timidly. "Geez, lower your voice, Yukari. They'll hear you..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be good."

Minamo stared at her with a bit of surprise, still not quite believing how pliable her friend had been tonight.

"Are...you ok, Yukari? You just seem so...behaved..."

"Is it a frickin' crime?"

She put her hands up defensively to calm her down. "No, no, no! It's just...never mind I said anything."

Yukari gave her an unhappy look, then went back to finishing off her plate. Minamo shook off her bewilderment and resumed people-watching, her gaze returning to the newcomers several times throughout the evening as they dined. She watched them converse with each other so jovially, always hugging and kissing each other playfully as they sat together. Both partners just seemed to be infatuated with their counterpart, their sheer exuberance proving to everyone else that they had been genuinely made for each other.

As Minamo continued to observe them her mind began to wander, her thoughts eventually starting to revolve around her own romantic life. Even though the evening so far had lifted Minamo's spirits from where they had sunk to earlier that day, she began to feel them falter once again, dwindling in the face of the couple's happiness. A tightness started to develop in her chest as those dour feelings from before slowly made their return.

What do I want...? I don't even know...

"That's what a happy couple looks like, Nyamo."

Minamo turned to Yukari, who was grinning smugly at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on. You've been staring at them since they came in. Now your face is all mopey because you're jealous."

"Excuse me? I really don't know what you're talking about."

Yukari lifted her hands, making a gesture as if she were giving up. "Whatever. You know what's up. I don't gotta' tell you."

"Tell me what?"

It took her a second to notice it, but she had slammed her fist down on the table. Yukari gave her a satisfactory smile, content that some point of hers had been proven.

Minamo sighed and collected herself. "Sorry." She stared at the table a moment and then back towards the couple.

"I'm not jealous. It's just...I don't know. It just always makes me wonder."

Yukari looked at her cautiously as she returned to her food."What does?"

Minamo continued to watch the young couple, gazing wistfully at them. "You know. What it must feel like...to be so close like that."

Yukari finished gulping down a mouth full of sashimi and then groaned loudly, rolling her eyes. "Don't start talkin' about this crap again."

"It's not crap!"

Her friend sat there looking dumbfounded at Minamo, who had shouted loud enough to bring a small pause in the bar's atmosphere as heads turned to see what the commotion was about.

"Whoa."

Minamo recovered herself quickly and then cringed, hunching down low over the table in an effort to try and somehow hide herself from everyone, her voice now a low whisper. "Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed."

Yukari looked as if she were trying to force back a laugh. It was a rare event for Minamo to be the one to lose her cool in public, and the awkward situation her friend was now in seemed to have tickled her.

Eventually though, she got control of herself and resumed her meal. "See, that's why I don't like talking to you about that stuff. You get all uppity and start cryin' about your lame dates and what not. It's pathetic." She popped a few more pieces of seafood into her mouth and then glanced at the young couple, making a disgusted sound as she saw them caress each other. "Whbo' mweeds' thaf' mhushy' swhit' anthywahs'?"

The rest of the bar had gone back to their own activities, so Minamo straightened herself back up, sliding her glass closer to herself on the table. She peered down into it, watching the reflection of the lights above shimmer on the liquid's surface.

"I do."

Her voice was somber and quiet. Yukari finished her munching and then sighed. "Oh geez, Nyamo. Don't get bummed out on me..."

Her friend's voice didn't register to her, Minamo's mind now completely lost in another world. Her thoughts were filled by the memories of her past relationships, of all the effort she had put in to try and take them to a deeper level, to a place where the young couple had brought their own to. Not one of them, however, had ever given her what she was looking for, that special magic that others around her seemed to find so easily in their own romantic encounters. And now, that painful yearning for what she couldn't have had fully returned to her, killing her mood and undoing all the fun she had experienced earlier in the evening. While Yukari's apathetic remarks towards what she craved for so dearly had agitated that ache, it was the pair of young lovers in the bar that had really inflamed that old wound. Their flagrant affection for each other had mocked her since they had arrived, as if they both were telling her that she would never be like they were, never feel what they felt, and that the perpetual melancholy that ate at her would always be a part of her life.

Why? Why can't I have it as well? It's not fair...what have been I doing wrong...?

On another day she would have been able to keep herself together, but not this one. That absence inside of her had been plaguing Minamo since morning, those old acidic feelings corroding her mentality and weakening her as the hours had gone by. She didn't have the strength to keep it all at bay anymore, and so now found herself subjugated by the whims of her own self-pity as she stared down blankly into her drink.

I just want to feel it...even if just for a second...

Minamo started to swirl her glass around as it sat on the table, watching the little ripples bounce off the sides. The liquid stirred so easily, with but the slightest of touches.

She wished her heart could be the same way.

What Minamo had always wanted, what she desired so desperately above everything else in her life, was to feel the engulfing warmth of being in love with someone.