Part I
Chapter 5
As abruptly as they had first arrived, the tears that Minamo had been spilling so hard had come to a sudden halt.
She stared blankly into her palms, her hands still covering her face as she sat frozen in her seat. A minute ago a surge of happiness had been rushing through her, sending her over the emotional edge and causing her to cry in joy from all the wonderful feelings that had been filling her. But now, those blissful sensations were making their exit, her eyes quickly drying as she regained her composure.
Although the act of becoming swept up in the moment had been quite a surprise to Minamo, her staunch character usually much too resolute to give into emotion like that, it wasn't nearly as bewildering as what had happened when that excitement had reached its highest point.
What...
All of that joy had suddenly exploded inside of her, popping like a balloon and sending the strangest of feelings coursing throughout her body. It had raced like lighting up her spine, jolting every single nerve Minamo had as it quickly made its way into her chest, grounding itself there and leaving behind the most peculiar of sensations for her to deal with.
It had only lasted for a split second, but Minamo had felt her heart...itch.
...was that?
Even though it was just a small, almost insignificant little tingle, that momentary agitation had now changed Minamo's entire state of being. As soon as it had finished its work her tears had instantly stopped, her poise miraculously returning to her after buckling under so much emotion. Her ecstatic breakdown seemed to have never happened at all now as Minamo found herself in charge of her temperament again, the happiness that had filled her now making way for a new experience that was beginning to engulf her.
When that slight thrill had left her heart, it had taken along with it a weight that she had never realized was inside of her before, only made known now by its absence. It had been pinning down some deeper part of herself, smothering it with great pressure, but had now allowed it to move with some freedom as its grip began to slip away.
That relief, then, had come to affect her whole mentality. Minamo's mind felt so liberated now, her thoughts so light and graceful without whatever it was that had been burdening them. All of the commotion that had been going on in her head for the entire day was now completely gone; there was only a tranquil silence now, her consciousness not allowing anything to impede upon her new found clarity.
She removed her hands from her face, the serenity she now felt dismissing any concerns about her appearance after crying so hard, and began to take in her surroundings with new eyes.
It was a little disconcerting at first, but Minamo quickly adapted to how subdued everything appeared now, as if the life of her settings had been drained away. The bar, the people, the lights, all of it had taken on this tint of shabbiness, as if everything around her had been painted over with a dull shade of gray. Her mind was intentionally trying to filter out the environment around her now, like it was trying to tell her that none of it was important enough to really matter to her anymore, that all of it was much too trifling for her to concern herself with. Everything was just so bland now, so trite, so pointless.
Everything, except...
"Are you done now? What the hell was that about?"
Minamo's head instantly snapped towards the voice she had heard, the only one in the world around her that had not become muffled by her disinterest, and her eyes settled onto a brown-haired woman who was sitting across from her, staring at Minamo with the grumpiest looking expression on her face. Her composure seemed to be quite ruffled as she lay over the table, her arms placed over her head as if she were attempting to take cover from an attack.
"God, what's wrong with you? People are gonna think I'm bein' nasty to you or somethin' with your frickin' waterworks."
Minamo blinked in surprise. It had taken her a moment, but she finally realized that the person who was staring at her so incredulously was Yukari. For some reason her friend looked so different to her now, almost as if she were a completely new person. She had the same old wavy hair, the same mischievous eyes, the same childish countenance, but all of that seemed to have taken on a new dimension to Minamo, like she was seeing her friend's true appearance for the very first time. Everything about her just seemed so...endearing now, every facet of her sparkling with a gleam that she had never taken notice of before.
She stared at Yukari, becoming more and more delighted with what she was seeing. There was just something about her friend that seemed so aesthetically pleasing now, every little detail on her face and figure coming together like a beautiful puzzle, and Minamo now found herself becoming quite giddy in her presence. A light-hearted air was sweeping over her, causing her to chuckle unabashedly as glee began to fill her.
Yukari remained laying over the table, her eyes looking up at Minamo with a questioning look. "What the heck's so funny?"
Even though her friend had sounded quite annoyed, Minamo's ears took in every word as a note from a sweet song. "You! I don't think I've ever seen you look so nervous before."
Yukari blew a strand of hair out of her face, slowly sitting up as she made sure that no one was watching them. "Yeah, well...I never seen you cry before. It's weird." She put her hands over her face, massaging it as she breathed out loudly. "Man, if I knew you were gonna' act like that then I wouldn't have gotten' you shit."
Minamo continued to laugh, Yukari's voice tickling her with every intonation of it. She couldn't figure out why, but anything her friend did now just seemed so whimsical. The little changes in expression she made, the agitated manner in which she was speaking, even the way her clothes wrinkled around her just seemed to provide Minamo with so much simple contentment.
What happened to you, Yukari? You usually look so demented, but now...
Yukari could only address her friend's sudden cheeriness with a quizzical glare, not at all understanding what was so hilarious, but her attitude began to soften as she started to enjoy how happy Minamo had become. "Yeah...so...don't do that again. You freaked me out."
She nodded genially, agreeing to do what Yukari asked of her. Even though she herself had been greatly surprised at her own breakdown a few minutes ago, that breach of character just didn't matter to Minamo at all anymore. Part of the reason had to do with how good she was feeling at the moment, the joy helping to push the concern out of her head, but what had really chased her anxieties away was this reassuring sense of safety that Yukari was now providing her with.
While her friend was more often than not a source of frustration for Minamo, making her feel a bit like a babysitter at times, she had now somehow transformed into the sole supplier of her confidence. The uncannily kind deeds that Yukari had performed for her tonight had suppressed the heartache that had gotten the best of her earlier, a feat that Minamo had never been able to successfully accomplish on her own. Her usual routine for dealing with the troubles of her loveless life involved burying all of it deep inside of her, enduring the suffering in order to act out her life as normal.
But now, all of that grief had melted away in the warming presence of her fellow teacher, and Minamo was amazed as to why Yukari had never had this effect on her before. Even on those rare occasions when her friend had shown some bit of good will towards her, none of those acts had ever sent her spirit soaring as high as it was right now.
I've never been this happy with her before. Is it really just because she got me this watch?
She glanced at Yukari, trying to make sense of everything that had happened tonight.
Or maybe, it's because no one has ever called me their best friend...
Another chuckle escaped, Minamo unable to contain the delight that phrase gave her. 'Best friend'. What a sweet ring that has to it.
Since her mood was now intact again, she and Yukari were soon able to resume their night from where they had left off, before Minamo had caved in to the weight of her problems. The anniversary of their friendship was still fresh on their minds, so the pair settled into in a lively conversation about their younger days, bringing up old stories about their school, classmates that they still saw now and then, how their neighborhood had changed over the years. Nostalgia was dripping from every word that was spoken between them, both women laughing loudly as they bantered back and forth, and the other patrons of the bar who witnessed them couldn't help but feel a little admiration for what seemed like a strong, loving relationship between two close companions.
That sense of wonder wasn't just felt by them however. As Minamo continued to converse jovially with Yukari, the fresh affection that she had gained for her continued to reach new heights. She found herself becoming increasingly captivated by Yukari's mannerisms; by the crazy, overzealous way in which she talked and moved, her vivacious charisma filling her with absolute joy. Everything she did just sparkled in her eyes, all of it somehow becoming so sublime, so exciting, and it filled Minamo with an electricity that gave her new life. There was a spontaneity to her now, a freedom of speech that let her words flow out so incessantly and candidly, like she had become a teenager who had far too many things on her mind to say.
They kept on talking on talking, using up almost every tale that they had in their arsenals about their youthful days. When discussing the past had finally begun to lose some of its luster, they then turned their attention to the gift that had been sitting idly in front of Minamo during all their chatting.
"Just rip it open. It's just the stupid packaging."
"I'm getting there, I'm getting there..."
"Dammit', let me do it." Yukari reached over the table, trying to snag the box that contained the watch she had given Minamo, but gave up with some irritation after her friend had successfully played a little game of keep away with her. "Geez, this place is gonna' close before you get that open."
Minamo snickered, placing the box back onto the table as she resumed opening it. "Don't worry. I just like being careful, that's all." She pried the lid apart, removing the contents out slowly as she set everything down in an ordered manner. The documentation for it was fairly bloated, and Minamo realized that at some point she'd have to go through all of it in order to get the most out of the plethora of sports-related features that the watch had. For right now, however, just putting it on and setting the time would be good enough for her.
"If it doesn't fit, I can get another one."
"It's a watch, Yukari, not a pair of pants." She wrapped the device around her wrist, its smooth, gray strap encircling it comfortably. It had such a sleek design, with gracefully flowing curves that gave it a futuristic appearance, and Minamo had trouble believing that she was actually the owner of something so incredibly expensive.
"Thank you again, Yukari."
Yukari didn't look up, her head having dug itself into the hefty manual that the watch had come with. "Yeah, yeah. Don't mention it."
For the next few minutes the duo spent their energies on figuring out how to properly set up the time for it, Yukari quickly losing her patience with the instructions as she flung them towards Minamo. The woman became even more upset when her friend had merely flipped through a few pages to find the proper solution, setting the watch with an ease that made it seem as if she had done it hundreds of times before on this particular model.
Minamo now held her wrist above her head, fawning over her present. "I'm going to try this out first thing tomorrow when I go running."
"Maybe I'll go with you."
She looked at her friend in surprise, Yukari not usually one to engage in any sort of exercise unless there was some sort of reward involved. Minamo actually believed that she was serious about coming with her though, given how friendly she had been acting tonight, but the hope quickly vanished as Yukari stuck her tongue out, a 'Yeah, right' expression on her face.
Minamo laughed lightly. "You had me." She looked back to her watch, admiring it again. Although she did love it for the potential fun it could give her, what had really cemented her attachment to the gift was the fact that Yukari had been the one who had gotten it for her. Minamo had received some wonderful presents in the past from all kinds of people in her life, but not one of those items had ever given her as much joy as this one had.
Out of anyone who would do something as crazy as this, I'm so glad it was you.
As she continued to marvel at her present and the person who had given her it, Minamo suddenly felt as if something was wrong with the situation, like some detail hadn't yet been addressed.
The answer came upon her quickly, however. "Hey, Yukari."
"Yeah?"
"You know, since this is all to mark the occasion of how long we've been friends, well, that means I should be getting something for you, too." She touched the watch with her other hand. "But...I don't think I can get you anything as nice as this. I hope that will be ok."
Yukari rested back in her chair casually, her eyes staring at the ceiling as she took her time in answering. "That's kinda' dumb to say, 'cause I don't see how you can top what you already got me."
Minamo could only look at her friend with a puzzled expression. "What are you talking about? I didn't get you anything..."
"Sure ya' did. I got it right after I gave you that thing."
"What...? What did you get?"
"I got to see you smile."
For a few moments Minamo could only stare blankly at Yukari, her friend's gaze still scraping the ceiling. She hadn't at all been prepared to hear her say something like that, especially by how candidly it had come out of her.
But slowly, the weight of those few words began to sink into her, and as they did, that tantalizing itch returned to her chest. This time, however, there was nothing fleeting about it.
My...smile?
That itch was lingering inside of her now, picking up a cadence that was gradually morphing it from a small tingle into a strong pulse, every beat sending the slightest warmth into Minamo's cheeks as she suddenly found herself averting her eyes from Yukari. A bashfulness had come over her now, born from the fact of knowing that her friend had been observing some attribute of her.
My smile...my smile...
The words kept echoing around in her mind, Minamo finding herself becoming completely infatuated with them. Although she had been complimented on her features many a time before, none of that praise had ever had the effect that Yukari's was now having on her. There was just something so enticing from knowing that she, of all people, had taken delight in the simple act of her just looking happy.
Why is this making me feel so dizzy? Is it because she's never done this before? I don't think I've ever heard her talk about me so nicely...
Something suddenly pricked at her consciousness, a small needle of recollection.
No...no, that's not true.
It was the strangest thing, but Minamo had just felt the slightest breeze of deju vu blow by her. There was something about how she was feeling now, about the situation she was in, that had unexpectedly become so familiar to her. She thought she was starting to go crazy, but Minamo could have sworn that, at some point in her past, her usually obstinate, inattentive best friend had said something so similar to what she had just told her.
A laugh interrupted her trance, Minamo zoning back to reality as she saw Yukari watching her with a bemused grin, her head resting on a hand as she leaned over the table. She looked as if she was finding humor in how shy her friend had become, and Minamo felt her self-consciousness take control once more as it tugged her eyes away again.
Why can't I look at her now...?
Yukari continued to laugh sheepishly, and Minamo felt goosebumps come upon her with every little cackle. "Yeah, sorry. That was kinda' corny, huh?"
She glued her stare to the table, not daring to look up. "No...no, it wasn't. I was just...surprised that you'd say something like that. That's, kind of unlike you."
"Yeah, well..."
A period of awkward silence came between them, neither woman really sure on how to continue the conversation, but Minamo was coming to the point at where she felt she had to say something. A part of herself didn't want this occasion to end after having become so enamored with what she was going through, now under the spell of a thrill that was begging for more compliments to fuel it, that sought more admiration from the woman who taken a deeper notice of her.
Minamo had never been one to blatantly fish for appreciation though, much too modest about herself to ever go that far, but the dead air between them was starting to choke her now. Think, think...
"Y-Yukari...it's, really nice, for you to say something like that, but...I still want to get you a real present."
Yukari shrugged. "Well, I dunno'. If you really wanna'..." She thought to herself, a little glint coming into her eyes. "I know. How about you do somethin' for me instead of buyin' somethin'?"
"Do something? Like what?"
"You gotta' make me a promise."
The deja vu that Minamo was experiencing suddenly became stronger, her friend's words triggering another round of it, and she now felt as if she wasn't in control of her actions anymore. It was like she was watching herself talk with her friend now, viewing an actress who was performing in a role that she had played before. "A promise?"
"Yup, yup. If you don't do it then I'm takin' that watch back, ok?"
'...I'll take it back...'
Her eyes opened in surprise for a second, everything that Yukari was saying now reverberating with memories. "O-ok..."
"Ok. Alright, so, you promise me that you won't get into that stupid dumpy mood again, and I'll call it even, ok?"
'...we'll be even...'
Minamo's breathing began to pick up pace. "Yukari...I want to get you something rea-"
"It's my present so you get me what the hell I want!"
She jumped in her seat, Yukari employing that trademark commanding voice of hers for whenever she got impatient. "Alright! Alright, ok...I'll do that, then. I promise."
"Good, good." Yukari sat herself up, clapping her hands together as her voice instantly became friendly again. "You're no fun when you're bummed out. Ya' know, you need to cheer the hell up more, because, I mean, you got nothin' to ever worry about, anyways."
Minamo finally looked up, her curiosity overcoming her shyness. "What? What do you mean?"
Yukari chuckled, and what she did next completely changed the world around Minamo.
What...?
All her friend had done, after her laughter had ended, was simply grin at her. But the way she had done so had set off something inside of Minamo, releasing a memory that came to suddenly flood her entire consciousness.
The woman who was sitting in front of her had suddenly disappeared, and in her place now sat a young high school girl. She had the messiest, most frivolous brown hair that she had ever seen, tied up terribly with a red band. Somehow, though, that style seemed to suit the girl, fitting together well with this impish aura that she had about her, like there was never a moment when a mischievous thought wasn't inside her head.
But what Minamo had noticed most of all about this girl, what had caught the attention of her heart, was the expression that she wore.
On her face was this silly, almost absurd looking grin, one that might make any other person who looked at it feel as if they were viewing a bona fide troublemaker. To Minamo, however, there was a much deeper impression to be gleaned. The smile had this gallantry to it, a touch of confidence that filled Minamo with an overwhelming sense of relief, as if this girl was some kind of hero who had come to save her day.
And then, she spoke.
'What do you got to worry about, if I'm always gonna' be here to take care of ya'?'
The girl vanished with her last word, and Minamo was left staring at Yukari again, that dashing grin on the woman's face now the most elegant of smiles.
"Right, Nyamo?"
Minamo didn't hear her at all, because the voice of her own mind was now drowning everything else out.
'...take care of you...take care of you...take care of you...'
Every little syllable, every little inflection of Yukari's voice was running rampant inside of her head now, all of it setting her senses on fire as her chest began to pound furiously, her face becoming completely flushed as she was forced to look away from her friend yet again.
I feel...incredible...!
There was a joy in her now that far surpassed what she had felt earlier, an immeasurable sensation that Minamo knew, after dealing with all of the nostalgia that had come upon her, that she had experienced once before, a long, long time ago. It caused her skin to sheen with sweat, her breaths coming out so forcefully from her lungs as her body tried to cope with the uncontrollable euphoria that it was going through.
Yukari...Yukari...Yukari...
All she could think about was her friend, who had now become more amazing to her than anyone else in the entire world. Yukari was the only person who had always stayed with her, had always been by her side through rocky times, who had always chosen her company over everyone else that they knew. Even if she could be juvenile and callous towards her at times, there was still no one else who had ever made Minamo feel as good as she did right now.
And no one else, from every friend she had ever made, from every date she had ever gone out with, had accomplished what Yukari had just done for her.
At the very core of her heart, Minamo started to feel something move. That aching void, the pain that had been afflicting her with grief for so many years, had finally begun to close in upon itself, mending together as if someone had taken a needle and thread to it.
Yukari...
Her body took control of her, forcing Minamo to look up and address her friend. She was just a puppet now, her strings being pulled by something that was far greater than herself.
I...
I...
"I...l-"
She gasped.
From out of nowhere, another old, familiar feeling had suddenly come into her. This one, however, was not one that filled her with any happiness, any amazement.
It was a black hole, sucking up everything that she had just experienced, taking away every ounce of pleasure that had touched her as it left behind a cold, depressing emptiness. The sadness that had taken her in the morning had returned, attacking her with a blade of shame that completely pierced through her heart and undid every seam that had just been sown together.
There was terrible guilt inside of Minamo now, born from a crime of which she had absolutely no recollection of ever committing, and she felt herself giving way to the weight of paranoia.
I haven't done anything wrong...no one would hate me...
"Hey, you ok?"
Her eyes looked up to Yukari for just a second, before that tearing shame forced her to look away.
No, they would...they're all looking at me...they hate me...she...!
Just a few moments ago, Minamo had desired nothing else but to be with Yukari for as long as she possibly could tonight. But now, she found that she wanted to be nowhere near the woman.
She woke up in fright, choking for air.
Yukari!
Her senses returned to her quickly, and Minamo found herself in the darkness of her apartment, laying on her bed in the clothes that she had gone out to the bar with.
Right, right...I'm home.
She looked over at her table clock, the bright display telling her that it was past midnight. Minamo had returned to her apartment from her night out with Yukari just a few hours ago, throwing herself onto her bed the moment that she had arrived. She had been much too exhausted to care about taking a shower or changing into proper sleep wear, seeking the comfort of her pillow far more than the feeling of being cleanly.
A groan escaped from her, and she held her head to try and alleviate the throbbing that was going on inside of it, a leftover reminder from all the drinking that she had done before she had left the bar. Through the haze of intoxication, she could vaguely remember trying to wash away something with the liquor she had consumed, an awful feeling that had beset her while she was having fun with Yukari.
Yukari...
Her memory after that was spotty at best. Yukari had paid their tab and then helped Minamo home, both acts being firsts for her since they had known each other. She then recalled being in the passenger seat of her car, being led up some stairs, falling asleep, and then...
She shuddered.
Why did you leave me...?
Minamo shook her head, the nightmare that had jolted her awake still fresh in her mind. She turned onto her side, staring into the black night with wide eyes.
You wouldn't do that to me. You never would...
The haunting images from her slumber still lingered on, being shown in front of her eyes over and over again like some kind of cruel torture. When she had first entered her dream, it had all started off innocently enough, a typical workday on a bright morning. She had been walking down one of the school hallways with Yukari, talking happily with her after they had just arrived on campus. The details of what they had been conversing about weren't very clear to her, but she remembered feeling so good as they traversed down the corridor, Minamo delighted to just be with Yukari as she made the most of her time with her.
The tone of their dialogue soon began to change, however. Minamo had said something that had angered her friend, of whom had then started to say less and less to her as they continued to walk, eventually coming to a point where Yukari had become totally silent, like she was intentionally ignoring her.
And then, in the blink of an eye, she was gone.
When Minamo had realized that her fellow teacher had disappeared a panic had filled her, causing her to frantically search everywhere for Yukari until she finally spotted her in her homeroom, teaching one of her classes. Relief had filled her then, but when she tried to enter the room herself, to be close to Yukari again, she had found that there was no handle on the door, no way to slide it open. It was stuck shut, leaving her locked out and only able to watch her friend talk to a group of anonymous students as she peered through the entry's small window.
'Yukari! Yukari, I'm out here still!'
Minamo had begun to yell, becoming alarmed as the idea of being separated from her friend had entered her mind. Yukari, however, just stood there at the front of her class, completely oblivious to her pleas and acting as if her friend didn't even exist outside in the hallway.
That thought then, that her beloved friend could possibly forget about her, had terrified Minamo. She had then started to scream, becoming more and more desperate for her friend to let her in, a cold fear building up inside of her as the possibility of being abandoned had started to make the shift into reality.
'Open it up! Please, don't leave me alone...'
Minamo had then started to go crazy, pounding on the door with all her might to try and break it down, willing to do anything so that she could be with Yukari again, to have her acknowledge her presence once more. Nothing, however, was working for her, and as the dim prospect of being forever cut off from her friend dawned upon her, she began to feel a sharp, agonizing pain flare up inside of her chest. The torment that it had given her was immense, and she had started to become sick as that suffering shot through her, a dreadful nausea overtaking Minamo as something warm had begun to fill her mouth, some morbid taste that had entered it.
She had looked at Yukari one more time through the glass window, but the room had emptied out, and Minamo was left staring at the reflection of her own pale face, a stream of blood gushing out through her lips, flowing straight down her body.
And then she had woken up.
Minamo closed her eyes, trying her best to calm herself so that she could fall back to sleep, to forget about her dream, about the awkward end to her night out.
Just relax, Minamo, it's not real. You had way too much to eat and drink, so that's why you're having nightmares now. Calm down, calm down...
Eventually, sleep did come to her again, and the distress that she had endured began to dissipate, the memories of the long day becoming blurred as her mind smeared them away, allowing her to gently rest so that she could recover from it all.
And as she nodded off, the new watch that she had received from her friend still found itself wrapped around her wrist, silently counting the time as the night passed along.
Minamo would never know of it, but while she slept, her other hand had come over to clutch her precious gift, holding on to it dearly to ensure that it couldn't somehow leave her.