CHAPTER TWELVE

ROSE

Dimitri hovered over me, my arms pinned above my head, one large hand covering my heart. "Dead, again."

Our trials began in two weeks, and at the rate, I am going right now, well, it doesn't look good. I had been training with Eddie when Dimitri was back home, but now that he is back, we picked up where we left off. It's safe to say fighting Eddie every day was nothing in comparison to sparring with Dimitri. The worst part, I could tell he was holding back.

After being released from the clinic, Dimitri and I discussed many things. First and foremost, his role in munchkins life, and our relationship. I didn't want him to leave, and he didn't want to live a lie by staying. So, we compromised, we would tell people it's our child but give no further explanation. We still have a few weeks, maybe a month, before I start to show. By that time, we will be at court, so it was less likely for suspicions to rise from there. However, once they did, if they choose to believe something different, that is on them. Lissa, and now Christian, and Eddie, along with our families knew the truth. That was all that mattered to us.

We slowly coming out as a couple, already earning disapproving looks from my fellow classmates, Guardians, and the Moroi teachers. We knew that it would happen though, so no shock there. We hoped to be the model for change. Showing that Dhampir can have a committed relationship without leaving the Moroi world behind, or putting our charge in danger. Which brought us to the second most important topic, graduating.

"God, dammit," I half growled, half screamed.

"Where is your head at, Roza?"

"I don't know," my head shook side to side because I did know. It's with Adrian.

It's been a week since he walked out of the clinic, slamming the door on our friendship. He won't answer my text, calls, or the door when I spend hours knocking. Lissa had gone to talk to him, I accompanied her mentally, but he wouldn't speak my name. I have broken him, and I hate myself for it. And I deserve the gnawing guilt in my stomach.

Adrian had stood by me, held me when I felt like breaking down. He looked out for me when Dimitri was gone. He rocked me after I took the test, calming the erratic ramblings of my mind with his presence. He brought me food when I didn't feel like dealing with people and outside life in general. He is, was apparently, my best friend.

They saying goes, 'you don't know what you got till it's gone', but I think it's more along the lines of, 'you know exactly what you have, you just never thought you would lose it'. After all of our late night chats, bonding moments, and laughter, even the fights, I never thought I would lose him. Selfish really, I always pictured him being in my life.

"Roza," Dimitri's thumb slide across my cheek, catching the warm liquid.

"I'm sorry," I dipped, moving under his arm that had loosened its hold on me.

"For what? What's wrong, Milaya?"

Shaking my head in answer, I grabbed my gym bag and headed for the showers. Standing under the hot spray I let my sobs take over, tears joining the water washing down the drain. When the water started turning cold, I washed quickly and rinsed. By the time I made it back out into the gym, Dimitri was showered, dressed. and was reading his novel waiting for me.

"Better?" He opened his arms to me.

"Not really," I sighed, "I really messed up, and it cost me my best friend."

"Oh, Roza," he kissed my temple, tightening his grip, "He will come around."

"I don't think he will. You don't understand, he felt like he had a purpose, a reason to keep going, and I took that away from him."

Laying my head to his shoulder, I remember the night I spent hovering over the toilet. Maybe a week after I found out, the 'morning' sickness started, and Adrian was sitting with me. I kept telling him he didn't have to stay, that I was sure he didn't want to listen to me calling dinosaurs all night. But he said he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. 'It's the least I can do, besides, it makes me feel useful.' Or all the nights he answered my call for random snacks, not a comment or complaint about the weird request. Pickles and peanut butter, or salt and vinegar chips, sometimes at the same time. 'Call me anytime, Little Dhampir, I will always be ready and waiting.'

I had learned that Adrian wasn't asked of much. From anyone for anything. He was written off by his father, a failure and disappointment. His "friends" only wanted him around for his connections and money. No one took him seriously, no one believed in him. But I did. I told him time and time again how much I appreciate everything he has done for me. I made sure he knew that I thought he was capable of great things, and one day he would make a great father, and husband, to someone lucky. Maybe I should have clarified I didn't mean me.

"Do you want me to leave?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"What?! No, why would you ask that?"

"You seem more concerned with how Adrian fits into your life than us moving on with ours."

Pushing off of his lap, I stared down at him, "Are you serious?"

"I'm stating a fact," he quipped, "Ever since you told him to step back, you have wanted nothing more than for him to come closer. Do you want him?"

"No," I growled, pushing my palms into the side of my head I tried to settle myself. Dimitri was pushing buttons that were cause for an explosion. As much as I care for Adrain, he is not a replacement for Dimitri, can't he see that? "I just miss my best friend, you know how that feels, why can't you understand?"

"At least your's is still alive," he growled back. "And Ivan and I were nothing like you and Adrian. He wasn't in love with me," he added with a scoff.

My rebuttal of 'he's not in love with me' froze on the tip of my tongue. He was right, and the way his lip twitched, he knew he had me cornered. "Why are we fighting over this?"

"Because," he sighed, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger. Pinching the bridge of his nose, and inhaled deeply, "I don't know, all I know is you need to figure out where to go from here. Your trials are coming up and you need to focus. If that means fixing things with him, go. If you can put it aside for the time being, do it. Whatever you need to do, find a way." Picking up his gym bag, "And when you're ready, Roza, I will be here. I will help you however you need but take some time to figure it out. I love you, always, just remember that, okay." he headed back to his room, leaving me standing alone in the gym.

I watched the door shut, before curling myself up onto the hardwood floor. There are too many things to do, and not enough time. It feels like just yesterday Dimitri was dragging Lissa and me out of Portland. Now, we are mear weeks away from trials and graduation. Then allocations, which Alberta had suggested I take an indefinite leave of absence until I was ready to return to Guarding after munchkin is born. Dimitri would stay with Lissa and be assigned another partner, hopefully, Eddie, but we shall see on that one.

Anyways, he is right. With everything moving in fast-forward, I needed to focus and figure things out. I have to pass my trials to graduate. I have to graduate to be Lissa's Guardian. And I have to fix my friendship with Adrian in order to move ahead with life. I don't know how I am going to do it just yet, but I will.

"Rose!" Lissa yelled across the commons.

I waved to her and made my way through the line for lunch, making sure I grabbed a fruit cup since Dimitri was watching me. He was on shift this afternoon, standing against the far wall scanning the room with his cautious eye. Each time he passed me, he would pause a moment, making sure that I was okay, before continuing his watch.

"Hey, Liss, Fire-Crotch," I plopped down next to Liss, nodding toward Christian.

"Are you and Guardian Belikov going to the graduation dance together?" her smile split her face.

"Uh- I don't know, Dimitri and I haven't even talked about it yet," I shrugged, starting in on my spaghetti.

"Well, I need to know so I can order his suit."

"What?" I choked on a meatball.

"Yeah, considering he is freakishly tall, I have to have it ordered in, I need his measurements too."

"But why?" Lissa has always enjoyed dressing me up, I guess Dimitri is on her list now too.

"He can't very well show up in Guardian uniform," her nose scrunched up at the thought, "that outfit just isn't going to pass with the dress you are wearing."

"Just let her," Chris whispered.

I shot him a look, to which he shrugged his shoulders. "Liss," I turned my full body to face her, "As much as I appreciate you wanting to do that, and I am sure he would too, he is probably going to be working that night. And he isn't one for handouts."

"Can't he take it off, you only graduate once," she whined. "You can't go alone, Rose."

"He doesn't get a choice, it's part of the life," I shrugged. "We don't get a say in our schedules, maybe Alberta can have him on an early shift, but he would still be in uniform afterward."

"Well, what about…"

"Don't," I groaned, "I already know what your thinking, and he won't. Hell, I can't even get him to talk to me."

"I can always try again."

"No," pushing my fingers to my temple, "I need to talk to him, but even if I can fix things, I won't go with anyone other than Dimitri, and that's if he can."

Lunch continued with idle conversation, Eddie joining us halfway through. He had been putting in extra training too for the trials. I had a free period after lunch, so I would be headed back to the gym myself to get in a few reps. Tossing my trash, I walked to the bin closest to Dimitri. I let him know where I would be, and gave a whispered I love you, before leaving for my room to change.

Walking back to the dorm, I contemplated going to try and talk to Adrian first. I worried about him falling back into the hole he had climbed from since coming here. But my latest attempts at speaking with him all proved futile, so I continued to the Novice dorms. It would be better to try and catch him after dinner anyways, he normally slept through part of our day, waking around that time.

Climbing the stairs two at a time, I pulled my key out to unlock the door. But it was already open. Not fully, just a crack. Placing one hand on the door, I pressed it open slowly, my heart stalling in my chest.

"Little Dhampir."