Hey guys, welcome back to Running for Life! Haha, wow, I'm actually perfectly on time today!
First things first, review time! Thank you to readwithcats (Huh, that might work, thanks!), BooksAreMedicine (Oh, that's because Sandy's dreamsand doesn't have healing properties, while the medicine does. The main purpose of it was to speed up the healing process; the "knocking him out" thing was really just a side effect), crashingthroughtime, Brenne, OutOfThisUniverse, WinterCrystal1009, AFandomLostInTheEcho (...are you alright? XD Love your enthusiasm though, haha!), Serami Nefera, Guest (Aw, thank you! And don't worry, I've been totally invested in writing this story since long before I even posted it-since February, actually-so I don't plan on abandoning it any time soon!), justsomeone, 1 (Alright, I'll check it out, thank you!), Guest, Guest (Don't worry, I won't abandon it!), WickedInk, and Guest (Alright, let me know if you think of something! And thanks!)!
ONCE AGAIN, IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF SONGS THAT FIT WITH THIS STORY, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Hopefully that got your attention, haha.
Anyway, it's sort of a short chapter today, because my mom had me helping with Thanksgiving so I was pretty busy, but I hope you enjoy all the same! Without further ado, on with the chapter!
Chapter 22: Pain
Pain.
It was practically all he knew anymore.
Every day, from the moment he opened his eyes to the moment he closed them again-and sometimes past even that-he could feel a twisting, crushing pressure in his chest that threatened to break him down once and for all. He would sometimes find himself screaming in the middle of an empty wood, tearing at his hair and clinging to his horse.
Despite this, he hadn't let a single tear fall since he was eleven. He would scream, he would yell, he would take his frustration out on various trees, but he would not cry, even though he had every reason to.
Horrific dreams plagued him often, pulling him back to the night of the fire, and to other rather traumatic experiences, such as his being whipped in front of a crowd. The nightmares held him in a vice at night, and he often woke up in a panic.
Still, he tended to think. At least I do wake up.
He didn't know what kept him from taking his own life in order to end the cycle of constant pain; it simply felt wrong somehow. And perhaps some foolish part of him believed that it might even be possible that he was meant for something more than mere running.
Until he found whatever that purpose might be, however, he would simply have to bear the pain.
()()()()
Jack was confused.
The man in red had returned, which wasn't a surprise, but this time, a gray rabbit had come with him. They didn't seem to notice he was awake, though, and only talked to each other. The rabbit's voice was angry, while the man sounded embarrassed.
For a long time, Jack couldn't make out their words. It wasn't that they were speaking quietly, it was simply that he didn't care enough to listen. Why should he have to? Everything was more than okay. He didn't have to worry about why the rabbit was yelling at the man in red.
Jack smiled as he watched them. Their words slipped right over his head as he reveled in his ecstasy. He didn't know why he was feeling this way, but he didn't mind. He was so happy, and it felt so good. He loved it even more than he loved the last feeling. Nothing was wrong, and he was free to enjoy this intense glee forever. Everything was perfect.
Soon, Jack grew a little curious. His pointed ears pricked up a little, wanting to hear what the gray rabbit and the man in red were so upset about. Why would they feel bad? he thought. Don't they feel this too? It feels so good! If they don't feel it, they should. Haha, that rhymed!
"Damn it ta hell, North, I know that, but that doesn't mean ya should've given him more!" the rabbit was exclaiming, green eyes narrowed quite a bit.
"I told you, Bunny, I didn't!" the man in red protested.
"Well ya may as well have! Ya left the kid alone in a room with medicine that makes him happy. What did ya think was gonna happen!?" the rabbit shouted. Jack gave a soft giggle. Who knew that bunnies could be so grumpy?
"Alright, is true, was...bad idea," the man said, nodding his head and frowning. "But...why was it bad idea? You said medicine has no bad effects, and he is not fully healed yet. Why can we not still give it to him?"
The gray rabbit rubbed his forehead. "Because, mate! Dangerous or not, we can't let him get dependent on the stuff! We don't want a bloody addict on our hands! How is he gonna help us fight Pitch if he's sittin' in bed either sleepin' or gigglin' like a four-year-old all day!?"
"That is...other thing," the man in red said slowly. "Should he even be helping us fight Pitch in first place? He is only child…"
"Oh crikey, here we go," said the rabbit. "Look mate, I don't like it either, but ya know what the Tsar said. Granted, there's no way in hell he's becomin' a real Guardian once all this is done, but Lunar ordered us ta let him help so, unfortunately, we have ta let him help."
The man sighed, nodding a little. "Ah, you are right," he said. "I am sorry. I will not let him get any more of medicine."
"Good," the rabbit grunted. "It'll take a little longer ta heal him this way, but at least he won't be able ta reduce himself ta a mindless toddler for the rest of his life."
Jack wasn't sure what either of them were talking about, but he had just realized how funny it was to be watching a giant, angry talking rabbit. He laughed brightly, and the man in red and the gray rabbit quickly turned his way. They seemed surprised.
"Oh, Jack, you are up," the man in red said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Mmhmm," Jack replied with a nod. He tilted his head, smiling slightly. "What were you talking about?"
The rabbit's eyes narrowed. "About how this-" He picked up the needle and the jar of green paste that he knew was what made him so happy. "-is no longer bein' given ta ya. Yer soberin' up, kid. No more of all this." The rabbit gestured in Jack's direction as he said the last sentence.
Jack frowned. "What?" he asked confusedly. Why would they want to take the medicine away from him? "But...it feels so good…" He felt a strong sense of sadness wash over him as tears filled his eyes.
"Don't care," the rabbit stated bluntly. "Yer not becomin' dependent on this stuff. Yer wounds are almost healed now anyway; ya should be up in a few days without the help of this. Ya ain't gonna sit here gigglin' forever, and no amount of cryin's gonna change that, ya hear?"
Jack did hear, but that didn't stop the tears in his eyes from pouring down his face. Through the water, he could see that the man in red looked concerned, but the gray rabbit continued to glare at him.
What did I do? he thought, growing increasingly upset. I thought they liked me...but they don't want me to be happy...what did I do? What did I do!?
Jack continued to cry even after the man in red and the gray rabbit left the room. He barely noticed the door closing. He was more than sad. He hugged his pillow and sobbed into it. The boy wasn't even sure where the sadness was coming from anymore. It had overwhelmed him completely, and all he could do was cry until he finally fell asleep.
()()()()
When Jack awoke hours later, the first thing he noticed was that his arms were wrapped around his pillow in a vice grip. The second thing he noticed was that said pillow was soaked. The third thing he noticed was that his face was also soaked.
Wincing against the pain that the action brought him, the sprite pulled away, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he wiped the moisture from his face with his right hand. Was I...crying? he thought in disbelief. What the hell…? I haven't cried in years! What could've...damn it. Something in that damn medicine…
He turned his head to glare at the nightstand where he knew the medicine would be, but his expression morphed into one of surprise when he realized that there was nothing there. They must've taken it away because I took more of it… the boy thought with a frown. Good riddance. If it made me cry enough to practically drown my pillow, then I don't want it. His frown deepened. But it...felt so good before… His thoughts were suddenly taken over by muddled memories of ecstasy and bliss. Suddenly, he found himself longing desperately for the amazing feeling he loved so much. How...could they...take it away from me…?
Jack quickly slapped himself across the face, bringing those jumbled thoughts to an abrupt halt. "Don't be an idiot," he said out loud, chastising himself. "No matter how much pain you're in...no matter how much you want to…you can't just spend the rest of your life in some happy hopping fantasy land."
Though he couldn't remember anything he did while he was under the influence of Aster's medicine, his memory of the time before that was nothing short of perfect. The Nightmare attacks, Onyx, his stab wounds, his sister...everything was crystal clear in his mind.
The attacks were over, Onyx had left, and, judging by the slightly milder feel to the pain in his side, shoulder, and leg, his wounds would be healed relatively soon. However, there was no end to death. Jack would never see his baby sister again.
He wondered if she had been buried yet. He figured that, with the amount of time North had told him had passed, she had. The boy promised himself that the moment he was back on his feet, the first thing he would do was find her grave.
The more he thought about it, the darker his thoughts grew. He remembered the blinding rage that drove him to nearly kill Onyx. Despite his usual horror at the thought of ending another person's life, Jack began to wish he had gone through with it. His fist clenched and he imagined Onyx's neck being crushed beneath it.
She has to die, he thought, dangerously calm. Livi didn't deserve it. She could have had a life, a home, a family...but that demon took it all from her. It should have been Onyx that died that day. It should have been her...it should have been her…
Jack's narrowed eyes softened, then closed as his shoulders slowly slumped, his anger dissipating into sorrow. ...it should have been me.
Olivia had only died because she had chosen to protect her brother. She didn't have to take the knife for him, but she did anyway. Jack flinched as he felt a familiar pressure tightening in his chest, and a slight burning feeling behind his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and glared down at his hands.
No. I will not cry. She...she wouldn't have wanted me to cry. I'll...I'll avenge her instead…
However, a small voice in the back of his mind screamed that his sister also wouldn't have wanted him to kill for her. The boy knew it was true, but he couldn't bring himself to listen.
I'm sorry, Livi… he thought mournfully. I might not kill her...but Onyx has to pay for what she's done…
Despite the pain, both physical and emotional, that bit at him to his very core, Jack steeled himself and forced a neutral expression onto his face. Even in private, he refused to let anything show. He had to believe himself when he said he was fine. After all, if he could fool himself, perhaps fooling others would become all the more easy.
Fine, Guardians, he thought. I'll recover without your damn medicine. I don't need it anymore anyway. 'Twas beneficial for a while, but I can't depend on its effects, no matter how fantastic it made me feel. I have to step up and reenter the real world, and I will do it with my head held high, because-damn it-I am not a coward. I am Jack Frost, snow sprite, and I will not let my little sister's killer walk away without a fight. No matter what happens, I will make Onyx pay for her crimes. Perhaps I'll even be able to help take down the Nightmare King, destroyer of my race, as well. Regardless of whether or not this rings true, when I am able, I will stand up, and I will fight.
"So, Guardians," Jack said aloud to no one, head bowed and eyes closed. "You want me to come and help me fight, do you? Well guess what?" He lifted his head and glared icily at the door, imagining the four immortals standing there in its place.
"I'm in."
Aww...no more delirious Jack...I MEAN YAY HE'S BACK TO NORMAL THAT'S A GOOD THING WOO!
...don't judge me, I had a lot of fun with the past few chapters. XD
Haha, anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you back here next week for Chapter 23!
Until then, Sapphire316, out.