Chapter Nineteen

Rose

The urge to roll my eyes as I entered the throne room was overwhelming. So much, so, I had to bite my tongue almost to the point of drawing blood and blink a few times to conceal the movement.

Not that they would have noticed anyway.

Dad sat relaxed in the outdated armchair, one ankle resting on the knee of his other leg, a glass of something brown in his hand. He said something to Tatiana, resulting in a sound I never thought I would hear from that woman. A full on belly laugh. Her head fell back, one arm going around her stomach as she tried to contain her body movement.

I watched the exchange between the two for several moments before clearing my throat and announcing myself. "Am I interrupting?"

Tatiana sprang forward, her foot hitting the table knocking her cup of tea over. I had never seen her look so...ungraceful. I couldn't hold back the laugh that climbed up my throat.

"You scared me, Rosemarie," she continued to laugh, "Don't you know better than to frighten an old woman."

Oh- so many smart ass remarks danced on my tongue, but- I held them back. "Sorry," I let a small laugh slip, "but you are the one who rang for me."

"That I did," she nodded, sitting straighter, she took on the regal role I have always known her for, Queen. "Come and sit, we have much to discuss."

Dad moved from the armchair he had been occupying to sit next to Tatiana, allowing me to take his place across from the both of them. Folding my hands in my lap, locking one ankle behind the other, I waited. My attempt to keep up the fearless, poised, Guardian act was wearing thin as she just stared. Truth is, I was petrified not knowing exactly why she had called for me.

I was expecting her to tell me she no longer wanted me guarding Adrian. Or that she had some outrageous plan to take my child from me. If that was the case, this bitch had another thing…

"Rosemarie, I want to offer you an invaluable position," she cut off my train of thought, successfully grasping my attention. "I want you to be the head of a new program for Dhampir Mothers who want to be Guardians."

"Are you serious?" I squeaked after picking my jaw up off the floor.

"Absolutely," she nodded, a wide smile forming across her face, "Guardian numbers are at an all-time low. We need the strength of the woman as much as the men. I do understand the struggle of wanting to be there for their children, so I hope to implement a plan to allow female Guardians, with Moroi who want to be involved, raise their children in the home they are guarding. Of course, most would need retraining…" she continued on, but I tuned her out.

Dumbfounded is not a strong enough word for my lack of ability to communicate at this very moment. On the one hand, I am ready to praise her for thinking of a way to let the women work and provide for their family without selling themselves. On the other, I can't help but establish one very important problem with this idea.

"They come first," I mumbled.

"What was that?" Tatiana asked.

Sighing, I repeated, "They come first. You. The Moroi."

"Well, of course," she watched me, her head tilting slightly to the side, "That's your oath."

"I know," I scoffed, "I have known that since I was four. But if you put me, my child and, you all in one room, add a Strigoi to the mix, I am protecting my kid. Not you."

"But that.."

"Is what any mother would do," I nodded. "I think your idea of finding a way to let women be both a mother and a Guardian has merit, but not like this. If it comes down to a choice, they will not hesitate to let a Moroi, Royal or not, die to protect their own." I paused, letting those words sink in, before leaning back in my chair and continuing, "not to mention, fiding Moroi that would willing to allow someone to raise their family with theirs, is slim. And the Dhampir children would never have the things the Moroi did, so you would be forcing them to grow up witnessing all the things they, themselves don't have the privilege to have."

"But…" she started, but Dad cut her off, laying a hand on her arm. Brave move, Old man.

"What do you suggest, Kiz?"

"I would have to think on it a while, but this isn't the answer to increase your numbers."

We slipped into silence. My thoughts were geared toward an alternative way to draw more women into being Guardians. Dad's face looked like he was thinking much the same, but Tatiana, I couldn't read her. Her eyes darted around the room, not focusing on any one image for more than a split second. Her hands fiddled with the hem of her silk blouse, and she shifted her legs several times. If I didn't know any better, I would say she is scared.

"Your Majesty," I spoke low, addressing her formally showing genuine concern, "what is it?"

"You would let Adrian die." It wasn't a question, but I had to answer.

"No. Never. We would never be in the situation where I would have to choose between the two."

"You can't say that for sure, you just said…"

Shaking my head, I reassured her, "I was talking about people who reside outside of Court. I would never have to make that choice because Adrian lives here, and if we ever left the wards, Munchkin wouldn't be with us."

She nodded, hopefully, taking my words to heart. I would never let anything happen to Adrian or Munchkin. The one benefit of living at Court is the wards. Other than the Academy's, there is no other place on earth with as many layers of protection as here. We are safe.

Tatiana dismissed me with a wave of her hand, instructing me to come back in a week with an idea. Bowing, I took my leave, with Dad on my heels.

We crossed the grounds in silence, neither knowing exactly what to say at this point. I give the Queen credit, at least she is trying to find a decent way to get the women involved. I just can't stand behind the idea of making them choose between their charge or their child. I know I wouldn't be able to do it, even if I am a new Guardian, and mother. I couldn't imagine someone who has been away from this life to follow the oath without a second thought to their child's safety.

It's simply implausible.

"Are you getting excited," Dad broke the silence.

"Yes," I smiled weakly, my hand running over my round belly. We're halfway to the finish line, and I was growing more and more every day.

"But…"

"But I'm scared, Baba." Admitting my fear was like drinking vinegar, the words leaving a vile taste in my mouth.

"Why?"

I scoffed, why not? Let's see, shall we? I am eighteen years old, fresh out of high school. I have no experience when it comes to babies, or children of any age really. My job carries a demand for sacrifice, and every day I go to work, I may not come home. I live in a house with three other people, whom I love, but it isn't how I envisioned starting a family. Fuck, I never envisioned starting a family. But now that that ship has sailed, I would rather have a home of my own. Not to mention, I didn't have the best role models for parents growing up. What if I get tired of dealing with him? What if I am not good enough to keep him alive? Or better yet, what if I do have to choose between my child or my best friend at some point?

"Kiz?" Dad's gentle voice pulled me back.

"A lot of reasons," I sighed.

"You know, I was scared too," he smiled softly, "When your mother first told me she was pregnant, I had a panic attack."

"No. Not the infamous, Ibrahim Mazur," I laughed.

"Oh yes," he joined me, "She handed me the test and I just stared at it. For an hour. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of having a child. I never thought I would," he shrugged. Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, he continued, "but it was the greatest gift I have ever received, well, until you give me my grandchild."

"I see where I am ranked now, thanks." I swatted his chest jokingly.

"You will see one day. Hopefully, a long, long time from now."

"How did you get over it? Being scared."

"I never did." I looked up at him, curiosity running through my mind. What does he mean? "The day you were born," he smiled, his eyes shining in the dim morning light, "I remember it as if it was yesterday. You were six pounds, eleven ounces. Born at four-twenty-three in the morning, human morning," he clarified. "Your mother went into labor around midnight, and the doctors said it would take a while with it being her first child, but you didn't want to wait."

"Sounds about right. I'm not very good at that."

His voice deepened as he chuckled, "No, never have been. You were born after only a few hours," drawing a deep breath, he blinked back the tears in his eyes. "You were so perfect, absolutely beautiful. I got to cut the cord, and when they placed you in your mother's arms, I felt…. It's hard to explain, but it felt like no matter what happened next I could handle it. Even though I was terrified that I would fail you, and I still believe I did most days, it would all be okay."

"You didn't fail me, Baba, not at all." I wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him closer to the side of my body, "I know why you did what you did. I understand it. If I had been in your situation, I would have done the same thing. You were protecting me, just like a father should."

Thinking about what Dad did to keep me safe reinforced my thoughts on Tatiana's plans. Even he as a Moroi and I a Dhampir, his parental instincts said to protect your own. It didn't matter what race, or status we held, we all thought the same. We will do anything to make sure our children are safe and happy. Even if it means letting them go until we can be a part of their lives again somewhere down the road.

He stopped walking, pulling me into a long hug. "My point is, Rosemarie, I still, even after all these years, fear being a father. I worry that I will let you down, no matter how old you are, I worry that I will fail you."

"You won't," I squeezed him tighter, "You could never fail me."

"And you won't fail Munchkin either," he whispered into my hair, placing a soft kiss to the crown of my head.

I pulled back slightly to look him in his eyes, the same molten chocolate that I see when I look in the mirror. "I love you, Baba."

"I love you, too, Kizim."

I gave him one more tight squeeze before letting go. He walked in front of me, opening the door to the house wide, motioning me to go ahead of him. I bowed mockingly to him and headed toward the kitchen. I hadn't had a chance for breakfast this morning before being called to see Tatiana, so needless to say, I was famished.

The scent of barbeque floating through the air didn't help. It smelt divine, whatever it was, and my stomach rumbled. Following the scent, I located the source in our backyard, along with the rest of my housemates.

"What in the…" I ripped the door open, stepping out into the mob of my makeshift family.

"Surprise!" they yelled. Lissa coming up to me first to wrap her arms around my shoulders.

"What is all this?"

"Your gender reveal party, I know you said you didn't…"

"No.. I didn't. But thank you."

I hadn't wanted a huge ordeal for the gender reveal. Mainly because Lissa talked me into letting her throw the baby shower, but of course, she couldn't hold back from doing something.

Dimitri and I had decided we wanted to know what we were having, but according to Lissa, Gender Reveal parties are all the rage. I don't get it, but whatever makes her feel like a part of this adventure I have found myself on, I'll do it. After all, I did have to give up being her Guardian because of Munchkin. Might as well let her have a little fun. Or a lot by the looks of the space.

Two long tables had been set up. One with plates and a three-tier cake, the other with party favors and little games. Pink and blue confetti covered every flat surface, and balloons of matching colors were tied to ever chair and railing. A lawn game of bean bag toss, also in pink and blue, and a board with a huge black balloon sat off to the right side of the yard.

Adrian and Eddie were playing a game of toss. Christian was manning the grill, Dimitri at his side. And Mom, Dad, and Pavel were chatting at the table. Tasha sat in the rocking chair on the porch, a glass of water clutched tightly in her hand.

"Hey," I smiled, sitting down next to her, "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," she forced a smile.

"I'm sorry, I don't think anyone thought about how difficult this must be for you."

"It's okay, Rose, really. Your little one still deserves to be celebrated, I'll be just fine. Promise."

With a gentle squeeze to her knee, I left to explore. Lissa had seriously outdone herself this time. I can only imagine what she will do for the actual shower. Grabbing a blue mustache off of the table, I pinned it to my shirt, showing I was betting on a boy. Praying rather, but in the end, as long as munchkin is healthy, that's all I care about. Boy or Girl, I will love them all the same.

My thoughts drifted back to Tasha, knowing she is struggling to be here right now. She had just been induced and delivered two weeks ago, so she was still struggling daily. Emil, who I never pegged for being the type to be involved with anyone, came to Court with Alberta's permission to be here for her, but he left just a few days ago. My heart hurt for them both, they shouldn't have had to go through what they did. It's just not right.

"Roza," Dimitri's smooth accent wafted over me, "Are you ready?" I nodded, taking his hand to follow down the steps.

"Alright, Dimitri, I know it's not a Strigoi…" Lissa laughed. She finally started calling him Dimitri when we moved in, and I still have to bite back my laugh at how weird it sounds coming from her.

Lissa brought the board with the balloon to the middle of our gathering, before moving to stand next to Christian. Dimitri pulled his stake, holding the tip firmly in his hand and testing the weight. Drawing back, he flung it forward, missing the balloon by inches.

"Aw, come on, Belikov, I know you can do better than that," Adrian laughed.

"Stand in front of it, I bet I won't miss again," Dimitri growled, I rolled my eyes.

After the dust settled on the bomb of their relationship, Dimitri and Adrian have become more like brothers than cousins. It's funny to watch the way they interact with each other now. Granted, Dimitri still doesn't let him get away with anything, say like getting to close to me, but he is on the right side of supporting our friendship now.

Pulling his second stake from his side sleeve on his pants, Dimitri lined up again, letting the deadly silver fly through the air and puncturing the balloon.

"YES!" Dimitri and Dad yelled.

"NO!" Everyone else screamed as the pink dust burst out, carrying away on the soft summer breeze.