Part I

Chapter 18

Why is she hanging out with them?

She doesn't have to.

Senpai...

...what about me?

You said...I was...

...

I'll talk to her.

I'll just...no...

I'm scared.

Why does it hurt so much? I hate this...

What's wrong with me...?

"Seriously? No way."

Minamo's eyes stayed locked on to her discovery, Yukari still just a minor distraction to her. "Yes, seriously. I thought she was a guy at first, because of the hoodie, but then I noticed that everyone was looking at them wierd..."

Yukari peered closer. "...oh, yeah, I guess you're right. She's got the hips."

"Yeah. She's just tall, too."

Her friend shrugged. "Well, I never seen real lesbos' out doin' their thing before." She turned around. "Anyways, come on, I found the place!"

Minamo stood frozen for a few moments, watching the pair across the plaza as they continued to caress each other openly, and then finally regained control over herself. "...ah...y-yeah, I'm coming!"

Yukari hollered, telling her to pick up the pace as she shoved people out of her way without a care, but her words didn't really register in Minamo's ears. Her mind was in this sort of daze now, her body moving on its own as she blindly followed her friend through the crowd.

...why did I...

Her feet moved slowly, the trance that had now enveloped her making her feel as if she had been drugged, all because she had just simply seen two gay women become intimate right in front of her.

...just get so angry?

The moment that she had realized that the pair of lovers had been of the same gender, Minamo had, for some reason, instantly felt the flame of the most blazing jealousy. It had been the first time that she had seen two actual lesbian women together, outside of television and other media, and to behold the sight of them acting so close to each other in a public space, without any fear of prejudice, had just made her so upset. She had never had anything against that sort of lifestyle in question, but there was just something about the bravado that those two had displayed, their sheer audacity to show their love like that in front of the disapproving mob around them, that had filled Minamo's heart with this bleak emptiness, a hole that had coveted their courage in order to fill it.

I guess it was just a shock...to see people doing something like that out here. Ugh, come on, get it together...

She shook her head to clear it out, the aching feeling inside of her fading away now, her attention able to return to Yukari as she followed her friend into the bookstore that she had been searching for. The woman took off sprinting as soon as they passed through the door, zipping about the aisles with great excitement as she thoroughly inspected the inventory, Minamo trailing her as if she were chaperoning the actions of an over-stimulated child. Here and there she warned her to slow down, apologizing to other shoppers on her behalf when she startled them with her mad dashes.

But while her immediate focus was busy dealing with her friend's lack of manners, a deeper part of Minamo hadn't yet let go of what she had seen outside the store, a slumbering curiosity having become awakened by it all, roaring at her subconscious now with a hail of questions that it demanded answers to.

One of them, eventually, made its way into her more tangible stream of thoughts, the inquiry fitting easily around her mind, as if it were a glove that she had broken in some time before.

So I wonder...I wonder, what they actually saw in each other...?

What Minamo began to mull around in her head, as she continued to follow her friend around the bookstore, was what exactly it was that a woman could find compelling about another of her own sex. The blonde girl that she had seen had certainly been beautiful, but her allure, Minamo figured, was what a man would typically be drawn towards, a good figure and a pretty face.

So...that other woman, looks at her like a guy would?

Without even thinking about it, Minamo's gaze started to wander about the store, her eyes landing upon the other females around her.

...would I feel the same, if I viewed them like that?

The shop that she was in contained a fairly large crowd of people inside of it, the women among the bunch being a variety of ages and builds, Minamo viewing them whenever she could afford the chance to. She had become incredibly intrigued by the notion now, of being able to see a woman in a lustful way, the same way in which the two women in the plaza had seen each other. As far as men were concerned, Minamo knew what she found appealing in terms of their features and physiques, but as for another female, the only real basis that she had to go on was to try and enjoy the facets of them that she knew were traditionally popular.

Going on that standard, then, she could easily tell which women in the store would be considered attractive, the ones that had this childish cuteness brushing their faces, their frames thin and youthful. However, while Minamo could say that they did indeed look pretty, there was nothing in their looks that really set off anything special inside of her, no spark of excitement as when she took in a man that she found appealing.

But as she kept on looking about her, she did begin to find her eyes sticking to certain individuals occasionally, the women who seemed to be of a more mature make. Their faces and demeanors were a bit more refined, containing this fermented sort of beauty when compared to the younger girls present, and, to Minamo's surprise, she actually felt some degree of attraction towards their particular set of looks, becoming a bit enamored with them. Even though she saw these types of women every day in her life, she had never really viewed them from the angle of a voyeur before, hadn't tried to make anything significant of their attributes.

They look nice, but...actually, I think it's more about how they're...acting.

She stepped around an aisle, getting a better look at the store as a whole. What she was noticing now, about the pleasant sensation that was being derived while taking in the breed of women that she found fancy in, was that it was their behavior, more than their looks, that was stimulating it. The way that they dressed and moved, how they spoke, none of it had that bubbliness of the younger ones. Instead, they exhibited this confidence, this type of assuredness that was so ingrained in the way that they carried themselves, Minamo starting to realize that it was their outward personalities that had really captivated her attention to them.

They're not so 'girly', I guess...it's just...I don't know, they seem more...complex? Interesting?

Across the store she heard the loud squawking of a familiar voice, Minamo turning around to see Yukari standing by the store's exit, a bag full of freshly purchased books in her hand. She was waving towards her, Minamo taking off with haste to join her outside before the woman really starting yelling for her to come.

"So, where to now, Nyamo?"

"Um...I don't know. I...kind of want to walk around still. Want to just window shop for awhile?"

"Yeah, ok, sure. Hey, let's find some hot chocolate! There's always someone out here sellin' it now."

She nodded to her friend's wish, both women venturing out into the streets once more, Minamo resuming her little visual experiment from where she had left off. Despite the wider variety of women to look upon outside here though, her interest still continued to settle upon the ones that had that mature aura to them. They just seemed so much more distinct to her, their characters radiating with a cultivated individuality that she just found so incredibly exciting, their particular allure glittering brightly amongst the dull puerility of the hundreds of other women around.

But while Minamo was beginning to understand as to what she found attractive in another female, what was perplexing her now was the nature of that fascination towards them. It was hard for her to exactly nail down, but what she was feeling wasn't what she could definitely call a sexual-type of affection, such as the kind that she had for men that she liked, but neither was it just some simple sort of admiration for something that she found beautiful. The most that Minamo could fathom from it all was that it was a sensation that somehow exceeded both those types of desires, a more ethereal sort of pull that just seemed to control her will so easily, that had now filled her with this warm, buzzing heat.

"There's a stand! Chooocoooooolaaaaate!"

Yukari once again ran off by herself, talking enthusiastically to a sidewalk vendor that was selling some seasonal food and drink items. Minamo simply watched her as she went, finding an empty bench nearby to sit down on, signaling to her friend when she was done with her purchase.

The woman sat down next to her, a cup of cocoa in each hand. "I got two!"

She smiled. "...you got one for me, too? Wow, tha-"

Yukari laughed sarcastically. "What'er you talkin' about? They're both for me!" She stuck her tongue out.

Minamo frowned. "How kind of you..."

Yukari smirked, pushing one of the cups into her face. "I was just kiddin'! Take it, take it."

She chuckled, accepting the drink as she began to sip it slowly, the chocolate still a bit too hot to really gulp down quickly. "Thanks, Yukari. Mmm, this is pretty g-"

She looked over to her side, having heard a sudden yelp of pain, her friend holding her cup away from her as if it contained some sort of evil, her face red and contorted.

Minamo sighed. "Take it easy...don't just chug it down off the bat."

"Mwah' twongue! Swhit!" Yukari crimped her lips together, trying to cool her mouth. "That asshole boiled this in Hell!"

She laughed, about to turn her head back towards her own drink, but found her neck unable to budge.

Ah! What about...

She stared at Yukari, the woman's attention set to the beverage in her hand.

...her?

Her head flipped back quickly, just barely escaping Yukari's glance towards her.

I think so...I think it's true, after all.

As they continued to sit upon the bench, the people around them bustling by, Minamo made use of the situation by stealing glances at her friend whenever she could, applying the same aesthetic filter on her as she had done to other women in the past hour. She had always known that Yukari had some level of charm to her looks, but the extent of that had never really been explored by her before. She had grown quite used to seeing her friend's face on a daily basis for almost half of her life, never really giving much weight towards what the opposite sex said about her.

Now, however, that she was examining her in a more sensual light...

That warm feeling from earlier flowed through her again, something inside of Minamo beginning to melt away.

Yeah, it's totally true, what they all said. I can really see it now...

Her judgement, after taking in the woman's merits, came into agreement with what numerous men in their college days had constantly said about her friend: that Yukari, at the end of everything, was just flat out hot. Everything about her, her facial features, her physique, all of it had this razor edge to it, the qualities of what one could label as a natural fox. What was even more impressive, though, was that her friend was what she was without the aid of any sort of makeup or flashy apparel, Yukari being one of those lucky individuals who just didn't need any of that any extra sparkle on herself, sizzling well without it.

However, even though her physical appearance had certainly piqued Minamo's interest, it was really the sheer magnitude of her friend's persona that was truly capturing it. Yukari's unstable disposition was the sole reason that she was still single, her temperament acting as a bane towards any successful relationship despite her good looks, but Minamo could see something behind it all that not many others, possibly even anyone else, ever really did. Much like the other women that had made an impression on her today, her fellow teacher had a character that was totally unto herself, her oddball behavior consisting of quite a few layers of unique fabrics that wove together into something exclusive. There was always that rowdiness in her of course, but at the same time, Minamo knew that there was also the glimmer of a good heart underneath the smokescreen of her pride, a sense of humor that most entertainers would kill to have.

Her friend was, essentially, a mishmash of varying identities, enough of which that didn't make her seem like a typical woman, but at the same time, didn't cast her off into some sort of masculine-stereotype as well, almost going beyond the scope of either gender.

She was just...Yukari, and she was always so confident in being nothing else than that.

Confident...

A wide smile broke out on Minamo's face, one that she didn't even notice come upon her as she started to become enraptured by her friend, the woman just sitting there idly as she attempted another sip of her cocoa. It was strange to her, but now that she was getting a genuine feel for how attractive Yukari actually was, of how unique she was, she began to feel this mote of pride develop inside of her. Just knowing that she was able to sit by such a good-looking, comical individual made Minamo feel as if she were someone special, as if the others who passed by around them should feel completely jealous of her.

This is so weird...it's like I want to be seen with her now. To see me with...

Another thought suddenly struck her, one that made her giggle out loudly.

To see...me?

Yukari glanced over at her. "What's so damn funny?"

She collected herself. "Nothing, nothing! I'm just...feeling good, I guess. You know, this nice air and all."

Her friend stared at her strangely, returning her attention to her drink without another word.

Minamo hopped up onto her feet, taking a quick sip from her own hot chocolate. "...I'll be right back, Yukari. Just going to look into that shop there."

Yukari shrugged, Minamo now walking up to one of the buildings in front of them, peeking into one of its windows.

I wonder...

She sized herself up in the slight reflection of the glass, able to see enough of her own image despite the transparency of it.

...if any woman's ever looked at me, like I've just been doing?

A tingling sensation went through her, the path that her imagination was now leading her upon becoming quite the tantalizing trek. While it was Yukari who had usually gotten the most renown when considering appearances, Minamo herself had never been a stranger to such fare as well. Her style of looks, though, was a bit different from her friend's, her features softer and more subdued in comparison, what one would call 'cute', and her body as a whole was lither and tauter because of her athletic lifestyle, giving her an overall boy'ish complexion.

Boy'ish...

She tilted her head, viewing her own ever-growing smile in the window. Being seen as a tomboy was nothing new to her, but she was now contemplating whether that quality of hers had ever drawn in the eyes of another female. She had experienced it to some degree before, girls in her classes at work having told her how cool she appeared, how 'handsome' she was.

But, as for having another adult woman say that...

Oh my gosh!

She covered her mouth to stop another round of giggles, almost spilling the drink in her hand as she did.

Has Yukari ever thought of me like that? Like those students have?

That particular prospect, that her old friend might have seen some part of her as attractive during all the time that they had known each other, had unexpectedly sent such a delightful thrill up Minamo's spine. It was causing her to feel so lighthearted now, almost becoming dizzy with giddiness as she began to imagine what the woman might actually think of her looks, Minamo snickering to herself with every possibility.

Maybe she thinks I'm cute? Just nice to look at? She'd never actually say that I looked good, though...oh, but what if she did...?

Her heart began to spiral upwards, Minamo's fantasies running wild now, all the flattering ideas of what her friend could see in her causing her senses to become drunk. She was losing herself, some other force inside of her taking over the wheel of her consciousness, directing her thoughts and actions in directions that she couldn't at all understand as she continued to giggle uncontrollably.

Yukari watched her antics from behind. "What the hell are you doin' over there?"

She twirled around on a foot, a spring in her step now, and skipped back to her friend. "Hey, Yukaaaaarrrriiii..."

The woman looked up at her bizarrely. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Minamo grinned widely, twinkling her fingers about as a little greeting.

Yukari's jaw dropped, just staring stupidly at her now. "...Nyamo... uh, are you ok...?"

She shook her head up and down vigorously.

Yukari glanced at the cup of hot chocolate in her hand, looking at it suspiciously as if it had been laced with something, and then casually emptied it upon the sidewalk.

Minamo chuckled. "I'm ok, Yukari! I'm just...I'm just getting into the season, I guess, after being out here. Anyways, I have a question for you!"

"...yeah, what is it?"

"Are you doing anything tomorrow night?"

Yukari took a few moments to adjust herself to her friend's strange behavior, slowly digesting the question. "Oh, you mean Christmas Eve?"

"Yep!"

The woman leaned back casually upon the bench, her arms spreading out on the length of it. "Yep! Sure am! I got invited to a party, matter o' fact."

Minamo's smiled evened out. "Oh...really?"

"That's right! Gonna' be a lot of folks there! Probably tons of good food and stuff too, 'cause it's a real snazzy affair, so 'course they had to have me ther-..." She paused in her words, the cocky smirk that had cut across her face during her explanation now collapsing upon itself, Yukari throwing up her hands in defeat. "Ahh, who'm I kiddin'? I'm gonna' be home in my jammies' drinkin' beer."

Minamo laughed heartily, her mirthful spirits returning. "Hey, hey, that's not so bad!" She grinned. "You could have a tasty Christmas cake with it, too. Beer and cake sounds good, right?"

The woman blew out a breath of despair. "Yeah, it would be good, if I had any money left." She kicked the shopping bag next to her feet, looking at it. "I kinda' didn't have money for these to begin with..."

"Well..." She looked up to the sky. "Maybe Santa will bring you one..."

"Santa hates me, and all decent people."

She chuckled. "Well...what if..." She looked down at her friend again. "...what if I brought you a cake? I'm no Santa, but I could do that at least..."

The woman's face shot straight back at her, a ridiculous amount of suspicion upon it. "...you're gonna' buy me a cake tomorrow?"

"If you're nice to me!"

"...as in you paying for it? Without me tellin' you to?"

"That's right!"

Her friend continued to stare at her, suddenly pointing an arm straight towards her. "Who are you? Where's Kurosawa?"

She started to laugh again. "Yukari, it's me..."

"No way." Yukari's head turned from side to side, searching around her. "I knew somethin' was up. You're way too damn peppy! Nyamo's anal and stingy." She cupped her hands over her mouth, yelling out loudly as she alarmed the people who walked by. "Where are you, Kurosawa? You can't ditch me, you troll!"

Minamo retook her seat by her friend, placing her drink onto the ground. "Come on, stop fooling around. I'm serious...I'll come over tomorrow and we can have some fun, ok? And I really mean it! I'll bring a cake along, and you can have as much of it as you want." She softened her voice. "I mean...it beats spending tomorrow alone, right?"

Yukari stopped yelling, calming down a bit as she realized that the woman next to her was who she claimed to be. "...yeah, I 'spose." She stretched herself out, her hands resting behind her head now. "Well, if ya really wanna', sure, come on over." She paused for a moment. "Now that I think about it, I don't think we've spent a Christmas Eve together since college. "

"Yeah...with the old gang. But most of them are married now..."

"Damn them." Yukari yawned. "Ah, who needs 'em anyways? So, yeah, I got drinks there, and you can bring the goodies..."

The pair continued on with their conversation as they planned the next day's events, Minamo maintaining her high all the while, enjoying every second of being able to talk and joke around with her closest companion. And although she couldn't really understand why, when she now looked at the passing couples around her, she felt as if she somehow possessed what they did.