Part I

Chapter 24

The drive back to the city had been a quiet one for Minamo so far, the rest of the passengers in the van having fallen asleep shortly after their departure from the beach. It was close to evening now and her young students had worn themselves out today, at least on an intellectual level. All of them had been working quite hard at finishing their summer home work before their return, the girls now resting comfortably in the back seats as they took in some well deserved shuteye.

She brought the vehicle to a stop, waiting to merge onto a highway that would take them back to the city, and glanced over to the seat beside her, Yukari snoring loudly in it.

...no...I didn't...I never would...

Once again, it assaulted her, the terrible anxiety that had been pestering her since that strange chat upon the shore, Minamo cringing as the pain of it shot through her.

Dammit'...come on...

A breath of frustration jettisoned out.

Why can't I let this go already? I didn't do anything wrong...I never have...to you...

Her stare went back to the road, a stream of fears continuing to trickle out from some cracks that had formed in the walls of her heart, the conversation with Yukari from earlier in the day having blitzed it with unrelenting force. The woman had done something that was a rarity for her to do, letting forth her emotions and thoughts so openly towards her, admitting some of her weaknesses regarding her anger problems, and of how they had almost caused her to hurt the person that she had confessed that she was the most devoted to.

But yet, for Minamo, the reality of her friend injuring her somehow wasn't what had truly rattled her, what had begun this unwinding of her mental health. Instead, what had been eating at her so badly since then, that was now actively tearing away at her sense of self, was the sheer, brutal honesty in which Yukari had told her everything with.

'...trust you...'

The force of the worries increased, streaming out into her mind even more intensely now.

Why did you say that...why did you have to say that? Of all the people I know...you...you've never said that...in all these years. Why...why...why...?

It was that then, Yukari's declaration of the confidence that she had in her best friend's integrity, that was now slowly driving Minamo insane with memories.

"Hey, senpai!"

Minamo turned around, zipping up her running jacket as a few of her juniors strolled across the field towards her. "Hey! Good job out there today, guys."

The group that now surrounded her all smiled cheerfully, the bunch being comprised of a set of younger girls who were also a part of the cross-country club that she had signed up for, their session for the day just finishing up. Minamo was in her final year of high school, and the fine athletic reputation that she had developed over the years here had earned her a bit of following, her fans regularly coming to chat it up with her after practices were done, as they were once again doing.

A somewhat grey sky overlooked them all as they stood around the track, sipping on water bottles as they began to engage in some small talk. Most of it centered around the usual: how well the day's practice had gone, the upcoming meet, of how they knew that Minamo would perform amazingly in it, just like she always did, their praise causing her to blush profusely.

Soon, however, the topic at hand changed course, to a matter which was outside the realm of sports.

"So, umm, senpai...we all kinda' wanted to ask you something..."

"Sure! What's up?"

The students looked at one another, apparently deciding as to who should keep the dialogue going. "Yeah...well...we just wanted to know...you're friends with that one third year, right? Tanizaki?"

"...yes. Why?"

"You know what happened yesterday, right?"

Minamo sighed. "...I know, yeah. She got into a fight. Everyone's been asking me about it..."

"We figured. Lots of people have been talking about it. The story is that she and an upperclassmen got in an argument over something, and Tanizaki ended up sluggin' her."

Another girl spoke. "I heard she beat her up good! That's why she's not here today, huh? She got in a major trouble, huh?"

Minamo felt her temper rise. "Yeah, she did. But, it's not any of our business, is it? Just leave it alone." She stooped over, picking up her bag as she prepared to leave. "Anyways, I need to get home and shower..."

"W-wait, senpai..."

"Yeah! We came to talk to you about it because..."

Her juniors traded glances with each other again, one of them finally overcoming the hesitancy that had taken them. "...we've been talking about this for awhile, senpai. We're...we're all really worried about you."

Minamo turned back to them, a dubious look in her eyes. "About what exactly?"

"...about...how you always hang out with her."

"So?"

"Senpai...don't you think she's kind of bad company to be with?"

She glared at the girl who had just spoken. "No, I don't think so."

"But she's always starting trouble with everyone!"

"No she doesn't! She's...she's not a bad person. Other people just...they don't treat her well, and she gets mad..."

The girls chuckled. "Come on, senpai...she's just a jerk to everyone...that's why everyone avoids her."

Minamo tightened her fists. "She's not a jerk."

"Listen, senpai...please don't get mad. Maybe you guys are friends or whatever, but..." The girl who was talking sighed. "Like I said...we're all worried about you. It's just not us, but, the other kids as well. We don't want to see you get dragged into anything with her..."

She folded her arms, assuming an aggravated posture. "What do you mean, 'dragged'?"

"...you're way to good of a person to be hanging out with someone like her, senpai."

"She's a nut case..."

"She's going to do the same to you one day too, senpai!"

Minamo looked over to the student who had just blurted out those words. "Do what...?"

"Hurt you, like she did to that other kid."

"Senpai...all that Tanizaki brat does is cause trouble for people. That's the second fight she's got into this year...and we all heard that she's always been like that. We're just really worried that she might do something like that to you someday as well, since you're always around her..."

"You're just being nice to her, right, senpai? Because she doesn't have any real friends, right?"

"Why does it matter why I'm friends with her? Look, I understand what you guys are saying, but please, don't worry about me."

"Come on...that kid just does what she wants, senpai. We've seen her get mad at you, too. What if she goes overboard, like she just did yesterday? That..."

Someone else interrupted. "Wasn't the girl she beat up her 'friend' too?"

"Yeah! They were hanging out together lately as well...senpai, please just think about what we're telling you! We're talking to you about this because...you know...everyone on the team really loves you. Maybe you don't realize it, but, you're a big inspiration to us..."

"And...if something ever happened to you because of that dumbas-"

Minamo put a hand up, stopping the conversation. "I don't want to hear it. Look, she did something stupid, ok? We all make mistakes. She won't do anything like that to me anyways, so just drop it."

"But how do you know?"

"She won't." Minamo spun around, walking off with haste. "She's your senior in any case, so you all should really show more respect to her. Bye."

"Senpai..."

"Wait...!"

She took a few more steps and then paused, tossing a half-look behind her, a kind smile on her face and softness in her voice. "Look, guys...I appreciate the concern. But, really, please don't worry about me. I know Yukari pretty well. We've been good friends for a few years, so I'll be perfectly fine. Ok, guys?"

The girls all stared at her anxiously, no one speaking for a few moments. "...I guess you know what you're doing, senpai."

Minamo fully turned around, giving them the most pleasant expression in her arsenal, and took contentment in seeing them all melt a bit from it. "I'll be fine. Thank you for the consideration, though. I'll see you guys later. Take care!"

She made her exit then, taking a couple of minutes to cross the length of the campus then, her brisk pace quickly taking her to the area in which the bike racks were located. Once there, she retrieved her own ride, plopping herself onto the seat while adjusting her bag upon her, and was just about to take off when she felt a tug on her sleeve.

"Senpai..."

She looked behind her, one of the girls who she had just seen on the field now gazing straight at her, Minamo recalling that this particular individual hadn't said anything at all earlier. "Hey...what's wrong? I didn't even notice you coming this way."

Her junior bowed politely. "I'm sorry to keep you here still, but...there's something that I wanted to talk to you about myself."

The girl's subdued tone began to worry her. "...ok, sure. What is it?"

The student hesitated, placing her hands into the pockets of her track suit. "...umm, well, first...I don't think...I don't think Yukari is a bad person, either."

Minamo's eyes opened in surprise. "R-really...?"

"Yeah...I'm not saying she's the nicest person, though...just...I just think she gets misunderstood a lot of the time. I know I don't know her very well since I'm new to the school...but...I just didn't want you to think...that I don't like her, like how the others don't. I'm..." She bowed again. "I'm sorry that they were saying those mean things about her."

She smiled warmly. "N-no...that's ok. Don't apologize for them. But...that's a really nice thing for you to say." She sighed. "So many people look down on Yukari...I just don't like hearing that kind of talk about her. She's my friend, and, you know, I want to watch out for her..."

"Like she does for you, right?"

"W-what?"

The girl stood up straight again. "Umm...about yesterday...that's what I wanted to talk you about."

"...what about yesterday?"

"That fight that Yukari got in after school...I know she followed that girl after classes were out. That's when she beat her up." She looked away. "I know why she did, too."

"What? How...do you know all that? Were you there?"

"No, I wasn't. But my sister heard them arguing about something yesterday during school."

Minamo stared at her blankly, her mouth now becoming strangley dry as her smile weakened. "O-oh...yeah?"

"...umm, you were there too, right? When they were arguing. My sister said that...that girl was yelling at you..."

She stayed silent, looking down at the ground now.

Her junior frowned. "...that girl made fun of you, didn't she?"

Minamo bit her lip.

"Senpai...I promise I won't tell anyone about this. I haven't told anyone anyways! Only me and my sis know what happened, and we won't tell anyone! I swear! We don't care if it's true or not, anyways."

"...if what's true?"

"That stuff...that girl was saying about you."

She spoke slowly. "I don't know what you're talking about..."

The girl's tone became slightly distraught. "Senpai...I'm sorry to get into your personal stuff, but, I just want you to know...I still think you're the coolest. I don't care how you are. You're so cool...you're the coolest person I know. And...you really mean a lot to everyone...so...I just wanted to let you know, that...I know I'm just a first year, but, I'll always help you out too if you need, like Yukari does, because I hate to see people be mean to yo-"

"She doesn't help me with anything. I really don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"But...that girl..." Her junior paused, thinking something over. "Senpai, my sister said that girl...yesterday, she called you a..."

The next word came out from the student's lips then, one that carried a tremendous weight with it, her meek utterance still somehow sounding as loud as thunder.

For a few seconds, neither of them moved or spoke, the entire world now having become frozen to Minamo, as if the planet itself had come to a complete stop. Time had died, nothing was progressing, nothing seemed to matter to her anymore, nor had ever mattered.

And then she started to scream.

"No she didn't! She didn't call me anything!"

Her junior backed up in alarm, Minamo having become absolutely furious. "Whoa...! Hey, senp-"

"Why'd you come here, just to say something stupid like that? Why would anyone call me that? How could you think she did?"

"L-listen...that's why Yukari jumped her after school, right? Because that girl was picking on y-"

"I don't know why she did! Yukari...she's...she's just crazy!"

"But...she's not, sh-"

"Just leave me alone!"

With great haste, Minamo raced off on her bike, pedaling with a frantic energy that was being fueled by the sheer terror that now flowed throughout her entire body.

Her hands gripped the wheel tightly, the tiniest beads of sweat sliding down upon it.

Why...why...?

Minamo looked over at Yukari, her gaze burning into the woman as she continued to doze peacefully.

I didn't lie to you. I told you the truth. I did...I really did...

The brake pedal felt the full force of her foot, Minamo smothering it into the van's floor with all of her might.

That time...you were just my friend...my only real friend...

Inside of her mind, the leaking of her sanity continued on, the small cracks that had formed from earlier today now growing larger and larger as she felt herself losing control. Spilling forth from those structural defects, corroding the grip that Minamo had on her immediate reality, was a toxic mix of doubts, of fears, of denials, of shames, all of it now seeping deeper into her consciousness, contaminating the sparkling image that she always had of herself, of everything that she had always believed herself to be, that she wanted to be.

Into the depths of her being it all went, staining everything along the way, scorching her insides like acid, burning her, burning, burning, burning...

I'm not...

Somewhere inside of her, a spark lit up.

I'm not...

It touched that lethal mixture that had pooled together, and for a moment, she held her breath, feeling absolutely no emotion now, no sense of awareness, no anything...

...until it all exploded.

You fucking idiot!

With delirious force, Minamo began to whip her head back and forth madly, her bangs flying around furiously as she desperately tried to rid her mind of some internal agony, some horrible, torturous pain that was roaring through out it now. The suffering she was experiencing from it was unbearable, and she started to gasp for breaths as if the life were being choked out from her, perspiration streaming across her face as her seat rocked with her motions.

Why did I do that? Why did I ever write that? Why, why, why, why, why...argh! Get out! Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away, go away...! They'll...they'll see you...

She looked up into the rear view mirror, catching the sight of her pupils bulging widely, her entire face an absolute mess as strands of hair stuck to her damp skin, corpse-like since the color of it had faded away, Minamo now on the very edge of hysteria.

Shit...shit...they hate me...look at you...they're going to hate you...if they see you...they all know...they're just...lying...shit...shit...shi-

Her forehead banged against the wheel, and she began to twist her skin against it.

All the time...all the time...they knew...that's why everyone hates me...especially...especially...

She sat up again, her jaw shivering.

I have to run. That's all I can do. I'll go home. I'll go home, and I'll quit. Then I can run. From everyone. And then...and then she'll...

*smack*

She stared at her own hand.

What...?

The sting on her cheek was barely noticeable, Minamo not even having been aware of the slap that she had just given herself.

Wait...

Against the flow of all that she had been going through, her berserk actions now finally began to slow down, her ragged breathing settling, her face gradually returning back to its normal state.

No one hates you...no one...calm down...you've been through this before...just calm down...

She became still.

That's right...just calm down. That's not you. Not at all. Forget about it. Let it go. Nothing ever happened. You've always been the same. You're imagining things. You're just imagining things.

Her stare went to the mirror again, and in it, she saw her old, familiar demeanor return, a perfectly friendly smile decorating it.

There we go.

She looked back to the road then, the raging commotion that had been going on inside of her mind now having completely vanished, the tears in her consciousness caked over and repaired. The momentary breakdown that she had just struggled through seemed to have never occurred at all now, no one else in the van having seen it happen as they continued to slumber on, blissfully unaware of the bout of dementia that had just taken place in their vicinity.

The light on the traffic signal shifted to green, and she brought the vehicle into motion again.

What should I get for dinner today? I don't want to make anything. Maybe I'll get some take out, or...

Her thoughts went on like that, assuming such a common tone now, filled with nothing but the normal fare of what usually went on in her mind. Everything that had just happened, every memory she had recalled today, every morose feeling she had experienced while talking to Yukari on the beach, all of that was forgotten now, locked away safely into the vault.

And once again, she was Minamo Kurosawa, a perfectly ordinary, well mannered individual who had become a teacher at her old high school, whose life had mostly gone according to plan, outside of yet finding a husband.