Part I
Chapter 31
...
...my...
...my...
...it's...my...
...it's my life...
...
It's...
It's my...
...life...
...
The air started to clear.
Around her was darkness, a bath of black. Nothing was recognizable, nothing made sense.
She was just there.
'...my...'
...
'...my life.'
...
'It's my life.'
...
'Isn't it?'
...
'I remember...I remember someone telling me that...'
...
'...and I thought I listened to her.'
...
'Didn't I?'
...
'Aren't I doing what I want?'
...
'I mean...didn't I do what I wanted...'
...
'...when they took this picture?'
...
*flip*
'Oh, wow, it's on every page.'
*flip flip flip*
'Why did they make a yearbook with the same picture on every page? That seems strange.'
...
'...but it's a nice picture. I think so, anyway.'
...
'I look happy in it.'
...
'I think I remember being happy. But was she? She's looking at me strangely.'
...
'Did I did do something wrong? Was she angry?'
...
'But why? I just...wanted to touch her.'
...
'And hold her...just a little...'
...
'Even if it was just our hands...'
...
'Because...isn't that what someone wants to do...'
...
'...when you're in love?'
"Oh, hey, that's your senpai, eh?"
Minamo glanced up from the book that was in her lap, Yukari leaning down next to her, looking at it as well. "Yeah."
"You love her, huh?"
She returned her attention to the yearbook, going through a few more pages, fawning over the same picture over and over. "I don't know. I think so. I think I'm in love."
"How can you tell?"
Minamo thought for a few moments. "...I just...feel really happy whenever I'm with her...like more than with my other friends. She's amazing...just amazing. She's...she's always so confident, and just knows what to always say...she's amazing Yukari. And...I don't know how to describe it. I just feel so safe with her, like, I can just be who I am with her. But...sometimes...I don't know. Sometimes I don't feel like that. Sometimes...sometimes I just get angry..."
"What ya' mean?"
Her fingers began to tightly press around the book. "I get mad when she's with other people."
Yukari gave her a puzzled look. "Huh? Why would you get mad about that?"
"I don't know."
"You don't want her to have any other friends, or what?"
She shook her head. "It's not that. It's...when one of them gets to close to her. I hate that. It makes me...so angry..."
The woman knelt on the ground, sitting upright on her toes. "Why?"
"Because she should only be like that with me."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
She felt her temper suddenly flare. "Because she's mine."
"Yours?"
"That's right. I don't care what you think. Or what anyone else thinks. I'm the only person that's in love with her...and...and she feels that way about me, too."
"How'd you figure that out?"
"...figure what out?"
"That she's in love with you."
Minamo found herself beginning to become incredibly irritated with her friend. "What a stupid question. How...how stupid of you to ask that..."
Yukari crooked her head. "So, what, she told you she loves you, then?"
A brief period of time passed by before she responded. "...I just know, ok?"
"You don't know anythin'."
"Shutup!" Minamo's voice devolved into a growl. "She doesn't have to say it. I just know what she feels about me. She's always really nice to me, and watches out for me, and, and helps me with anything...and speaks really kindly to me..."
The woman laughed. "What's so special about that? Just 'cause she's always bein' nice to you on the team doesn't mean nothin'."
She looked up at Yukari then, giving her a terrible glare for what she had just said. "Yes it does!"
Her friend just smiled back calmly. "Hey, let me ask you somethin', Minamo."
"What?"
"Why do you like girls?"
"...huh?"
"Like, what do you see in 'em?"
Her stare went back down to the yearbook. "I don't know why."
"You don't know why you're a lesbian?"
She felt something tear apart inside of her chest. "I'm...I'm not..."
"You just said you were in love with your senpai, didn't you?" Yukari pushed her shoulder teasingly, chuckling. "Come on, you totally are one. Just admit it already."
Minamo felt herself begin to shrink then, something so tremendously frightening about the way in which Yukari had just laughed at her. It was as if she weren't just listening to a single individual cajole her, but rather, a chorus of voices, all of them filtering through the woman next to her, snickering at once, simultaneously impaling her with a barrage of callous mockery.
"Come on, just say it. You know, everyone thinks that you're one, anyway."
"...thinks I'm what?"
"That you're a lesbian."
"...I said I wasn't..."
"Yeah, right, you liar. Everyone can see it. They all can. They saw it with your senpai. You were always all over her."
Her head bent down low, Minamo attempting to somehow hide herself in the pages of the yearbook, her eyes averting themselves well away from the woman. "We...we were...just friends..."
"So you weren't in love with her?"
"...I..."
Yukari patted her back heartily. "You're such a shitty liar, Minamo."
Her quaking hands covered her ears in desperation. "...please...just leave me alone."
"Everyone knows what you are."
"Stop..."
"All the kids did. I bet even the teachers did, too."
"Stop it!" She began to wail into her lap. "I'm not like that! And no one thinks of me like that! No one...no one does...no one..."
Yukari laughed, and again, Minamo heard the cackling of other individuals along with it. "Yeah? Well, you know, even if they don't know, they will know."
"...what?"
"You know what I'm talkin' about."
"...no..."
"Sure you do, best'est pal."
Her teeth began to grind.
"Everyone's gonna' know your secret, you damn liar. Damn, fuckin' liar." Yukari leaned in close to her, attempting to look up at her face as her friend hid it, her voice a whisper now. "Stupid. Fucking. Liar."
Minamo continued to stare at the photos before her in silence.
Yukari brought herself back upright, sitting on her hands. "You used me."
A small, weak shake of her head was produced.
"Used me all these fuckin' years. That's what you did. And you know it. So, you know what I'm gonna' do, old pal? Yeah, you know what I'm gonna' do. I'm not gonna' let you do it no more. No more, 'cause I'm gonna' tell everyone. Tell everyone what you are. Then they'll get why you're not married yet. They'll get it. And you know who I'm gonna' tell first? Every single one of your students. Yeah. Those kids. Those kids are gonna' know, Minamo. They're gonna' know all about how disgustin' you are, 'cause I'm gonna' tell 'em all what you wrote in that damn lette-"
Minamo lunged at her friend, Yukari vanishing into the darkness as she did.
"Don't!"
She fell onto her hands, screaming desperately into the empty abyss.
"Don't...! Don't...please...don't tell anyone...Yukari. Yukari! Don't...tell...please...please...please..."
Her cries abruptly ceased, the presence of another individual quickly becoming tangible to her.
Minamo sat up in a flurry, her eyes darting about the bleak area, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, yet she knew, somehow knew, that another person was now with her.
'A woman...?'
A figure emerged from somewhere, now walking towards her.
'...no...a girl? An adult? I can't...I can't tell...'
It continuously shifted, the appearance of this individual, from a young female to an older one, back and forth, her identity unable to be refined as she made her way to where Minamo was, sitting down next to her, close to her, so terribly close.
"You can do it if you want. I don't really mind."
Minamo flinched. She knew that voice. It was so incredibly familiar to her, yet it was just out of her memory's reach in order to properly grab hold of. "Do...wha-"
The figure, the woman, placed her forehead against hers, their bodies mingling together. "If you want."
"What?"
"If you want."
The phrase repeated itself in the black.
"If you want. If you want. If you want. If you want..."
Minamo stared at her blankly, unable to make out any distinct facial features, unable to deduce the true character of this amorphous woman, but regardless of all that, she was so positive in feeling that she still did somehow know who this person was. The voice, the way she moved, the aura about her, all of it was a dead giveaway, the woman's name and image just on the precipice of Minamo's consciousness.
"Why do you want to try it, though?"
"...try...try what?"
"Really? That's why? Oh, well, do what you want."
"...what...what are you ta-"
Her words came to a muffled halt, the woman having just completely covered her mouth with her own.
"Mmmph...?"
Minamo hadn't felt herself move into it, hadn't even noticed the action take place, her lips just suddenly, instantly, having melding with figure's, totally outside the scope of her awareness, the two of them now embraced in a deep, solid kiss, the ecstatic sensation of it completely rocking her mind and heart.
She was kissing a woman. She was doing it, experiencing it, and slowly, as the amount of joy began to drown out her senses, she fully succumbed to reveling in it.
Because it was wonderful.
Incredible.
Amazing.
Extraordinary.
And then Minamo felt it, this overwhelming flood of pure relief, a massive amount of abatement that set loose something inside of her, unwinding a tension that had choked her inner being for far, far too long. Guilt was no longer guiding her thoughts in terms of who she loved, blissful sensuality having now taken over as she began to dissolve into this person, this woman, this lovely, fantastic situation.
Time crept by so slowly then, Minamo remaining locked together with her enigmatic lover, not ever wanting this moment to stop, to be released from her. This is what she had always so desperately craved, to be truly intimate with another woman, to forget all the ridicule, the scorn, that would be tossed at her, simply because her heart yearned for something that was so different from everyone else's desires.
'Different...'
Her arms wrapped around the figure, loving her dearly.
'...I just...I just don't want...to be hated. Why is that so wrong? Why...why is that...so-'
Minamo cried in alarm as she suddenly flew across the ground, her hands clutching her face in pain.
'W-what...?'
It hurt beyond belief, the horrible, aching gash that had been just planted across her cheek, something, someone, having just struck her with a blow that had ripped her skin apart, sucked her senses dry.
Blood was everywhere. Her face, her hands, her body, it stained it all, stung it all.
And then she tasted it.
Minamo gagged, coughing it all out as it spewed forth from her mouth, cascading down forcefully from her lips, filling the area, the world, with her warm life.
The woman was gone. The sensation of kissing, of loving, was gone, and now all that was left for Minamo was pain. Unrelenting, agonizing, pain.
"...help...help me..."
She felt the hate, the hostility, of the one who had attacked her. In the darkness, Minamo knew that someone despised her, the person, the thing, still out there, watching her suffer, watching her pass away.
"Do you love me, Minamo?"
Yukari was standing over her now.
"You're in love with me?"
She couldn't respond.
"Then why did you use me?"
Minamo let go a tormented cry, Yukari stomping down on her chest, kicking her now.
"You deserve this. You're just like everyone else."
Laughter filled the air, from a countless amount of people.
"You love me? You're in love with me. You're in love with me. Yup. Nope? Do you know? You're in love with me..."
The words, the laughter, the pain, it all went on, Minamo fading away, gradually fading away as her eyes became too heavy to keep open.
The yearbook lay in silence behind them at a distance, blood splattered across it, pages flipping over by the hand of a thin breeze.
And then, she died.