A/N: Hey everyone! Here's another chapter of Family Guy EG! Special thanks to Family Guy Fan writer 15 for helping with this chapter! I hope you like it! I do not own Family Guy or the OC, Emily Griffin. Emily Griffin belongs to Family Guy Fan writer 15. Enjoy!
Chapter 3: The Little House of Griffins
It was Halloween at Spooner Street and the sun was getting ready to set. In the Griffin house, Stewie and Brian were watching TV.
"We now return to 'The Great Pumpkin's Back, Charlie Brown.'" The TV announcer announced.
TV Cutaway
Charlie Brown was walking down the sidewalk. Linus ran up to him holding a picture.
"Charlie Brown!" Linus shouted. "I really saw the Great Pumpkin this time! I have proof!"
Linus showed a picture to Charlie Brown.
The picture showed a tall, slender being with skeletal hands wearing a very fancy suit. He had a pumpkin with a scary face carved on it on his head.
Snoopy walked up to Linus. Snoopy saw the picture and ran off yelping in fear.
End TV Cutaway
Peter came down with some packages from the attic. Brian turned around and saw this.
"Hey Peter, what's with all those boxes?" Brian asked.
"Oh, those?" Peter answered. "I'm turning this place into a haunted house for Halloween. It'll almost be like the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. And I'm going to be the host."
"Peter, are you sure Lois is okay with this?" Brian asked.
"She's fine with it, I already asked her." Peter replied.
"Ok. Do you mind if I check out some of the stuff in these boxes?" Brian asked.
"Sure Brian, I don't mind." Peter responded.
Brian opened one of the boxes and found a bunch of costumes.
"Wow, look at all those costumes. Peter, who are you going as?" Brian asked.
"Count Dracula." Peter answered. "He seems like a fitting host to me."
"Awesome. Let me guess, since I'm a dog, I should go as a werewolf." Brian suggested.
"Oh hell yeah." Peter said.
Brian rolled his eyes and looked into the box.
"Wait a minute..." Brian said as he noticed something in the box. "Is this Emily's mom's old wedding dress?"
"Yeah, I asked Emily if she would like to be the corpse bride in that dress, and she agreed." Peter replied.
"She did?" Brian asked.
"Yeah, she did." Peter answered.
"That's cool. So, I guess Lois will be doing Emily's makeup." Brian suggested.
"She sure will," Peter replied. "She will also do Joe's Frankenstein makeup."
Just then, the doorbell rang. Peter answered it to find a delivery man standing in front of him.
"Is this the Griffin's residence?" The delivery man asked.
"Yes, that's me," Peter answered. "Are you here to deliver the carts for my homemade haunted house ride?"
"Yes, I am." the delivery man said.
"What carts are y-" Brian started to ask. He stopped when he saw the delivery guy bring some metal carts to the door.
"Peter, did you buy mine carts?" Brian asked.
"Actually, these are homemade haunted house carts. One for each person who rides it." Peter said.
"Peter, you don't even have any tracks for these carts installed around or inside the house!" Brian shouted.
"Not yet we don't" Peter said. "Me, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland will be setting up the tracks, and for the best part, there will be a roller coaster at the end!"
"This better be a good haunted house. Unlike last year." Brian commented.
Cutaway
In last year's haunted house, Peter was dressed as a pirate and was leading the tour into the piano room something was covered under the sheet.
"And over here lies the deadliest creature in the world." Peter announced to the guests.
He pulled the sheet to reveal a white rabbit in a cage.
"A rabbit? Seriously?" One of the guests said.
"Yes, but that's no ordinary rabbit," Peter replied. "I found it at a cave in Britain, and this one is a deadly beast."
"Yeah, right!" A guest scoffed.
"What a rip off." Another guest said.
"You sir, are nothing but a PHONY!" Holden Caulfield stated. "A BIG FAT PHONY!"
"We're out of here." A boy dressed a Captain America said.
"No! Come Back! Wait! Please!" Peter pleaded, but it was no use.
"Dammit, now nobody want to come to my haunted house because of this...' Peter moaned in defeat.
Then, he noticed the rabbit wasn't in the cage.
"Oh crap! The Killer Rabbit's on the loose!" Peter shouted.
Suddenly, the rabbit leaped onto his neck and Peter fell to the ground screaming.
End Cutaway
Stewie walked down the stairs wearing a white lab coat, black pants, black shoes, and a black shirt. A pair of scientist goggles rested on top of his head. He stepped into the kitchen where Lois was applying makeup to Emily's face.
"The night is alive!" Stewie yelled in a crazed tone.
"My, Stewie, aren't you a cute little genius." Lois said as she looked at Stewie.
"Of course I am. I'm a genius at making devious plans to have you eliminated. Soon, I will succeed." Stewie chuckled evilly.
"That's nice, sweetie," Lois said. "Now Mommy has to get some more makeup for your sister."
Lois left the kitchen and went upstairs.
Emily turned to Stewie. Her face was all gray with some black eyeliner.
"So Stewie, how do you like your costume?" Emily asked.
"It's amazing! I love it! Thank you for choosing this costume for me!" Stewie answered with enthusiasm.
"No problem," Emily said.
"Your makeup looks great. What else does Lois have to do?" Stewie asked.
"Nothing much yet. There are still a few things put on my makeup." Emily replied.
"You know, funny thing, I almost thought you would be like a giant zombie baby for Halloween." Stewie said.
"Was it because of me wearing these undergarments?" Emily asked sternly as she lifted the skirt of the wedding dress.
"Pretty much." Stewie answered.
Lois came back with some makeup supplies.
"Alright, sweetie." Lois said to Emily. "Now to add the final touches."
She put a couple of red linings on Emily's face to make her look like she was cracked.
"And...finished!" Lois exclaimed.
She pulled out a face mirror and handed it to Emily.
"My god..." Emily gasped. "I look like I've risen from the dead."
"Then you're all set." Lois said. "Once we're ready, get yourself in the coffin and act like you're dead. Though since there's still time, want to take Stewie trick-or-treating until everything's ready?"
"Sure, mom," Emily said. "Also, I've already brought some candy for the trick-or-treaters."
"And where did you get the candy?" Stewie asked. "They sure don't look like the ones that have been advertised."
"That's because I got them from Whole Foods." Emily answered. "I can't stand it when everyone eats those disgusting processed stuff with high fructose corn syrup..."
"Well, good for you, Emily." Lois said. "No kids of mine would eat that stuff."
The doorbell rang. Emily walked up to the door and opened it to find two kids dressed as Doctor Strange and Jason Voorhees.
"Trick or Treat!" they yelled in unison.
"Well, don't you two look great in these costumes?" Emily complimented as she handed them candy.
"Thank you!" The kids said as they left.
"Ready to go trick-or-treating, Stewie?" Emily asked.
"You bet I will, big baby." Stewie said in a teasing tone.
Emily just rolled her eyes.
"Are you and your brother all set?" Lois asked as she is now dressed as a beautiful witch.
"Yes, mom." Emily responded.
"Ok, I'll let you know when the haunted house is ready." Lois noted. "I'll text you when it's time."
"Understood." Emily said.
"Now keep an eye on him, don't let any teenage bullies take his candy. It happened to him last time." Lois warned.
"Will do." Emily said.
"And Emily," Lois said before Emily and Stewie left. "When you plan on sharing any candy, don't give any chocolate type candy to Brian."
"Got it, mom." Emily said as she nodded her head.
Then, she and Stewie turned away to go trick or treating.
"Uh, Emily?" Stewie asked. "Why can't we offer any chocolate to Brian?"
Emily bent down to Stewie's height and whispered in his ear. Stewie's eyes widened in shock.
Hole. Lee. S***." Stewie said.
Lois heard a cackle from behind her. She turned around to see Peter wearing a vampire garb, a white shirt with a collar, black pants, and fake vampire teeth.
"Oh ho ho, Peter!" Lois said laughing.
"Like my costume, Lois?" Peter asked.
"You know I do." Lois said.
"If this night goes well, maybe you can take a ride on a 'magical broomstick.'" Peter stated to Lois.
Lois just giggled. Just then, Cleveland, Joe and Quagmire came.
"Hey Peter! We're here!" Quagmire announced.
"Hey guys!" Peter said.
"Ready to get this house IN track?" Cleveland asked while making a pun.
"You bet!" Peter said.
"You guys get started. I'm going to get my makeup done." Joe said as he wheeled his way to the kitchen where Lois was getting the makeup ready.
"Sure thing Joe." Peter said as they started to work.
Meanwhile, Stewie and Emily walked along the sidewalk and came up to a house. Emily knocked a few times on the door. The door opens to reveal Mort Goldman.
"Trick or Treat." Stewie and Emily said in unison.
"Oh, hello. Nice costumes. Here you go." Mort said as he grabbed some candy from a bowl and put it into Emily and Stewie's bags.
Emily noticed something about the candy.
"Going organic too?" Emily asked.
"Yeah, I'm trying to be careful with myself and get sick from any processed ingredients, so I thought I'd do the same with everyone else." Mort said nervously.
"Well, good for you." Emily commented as she smiled at Mort.
They walked to another house. Stewie rang the doorbell. After a few seconds, Buzz Killington opened the door.
"Trick or- oh no! Not him!" Stewie cried in realization.
"Why hello, Stewie." Buzz Killington said. "Fancy meeting you here. Have you ever heard about the time how pineapple was discovered?"
"No, and I really don't want to know..." Stewie answered.
"Well, I'll tell you anyway." Buzz Killington said. "They discovered how much they were PINING!" Buzz laughed at his unfunny joke. "Now then, would any of you like some avocados?"
"No!" Stewie shouted.
"Well, here you go anyway." Buzz Killington said as he placed two avocados in Stewie's bag.
Stewie growled in anger as he and Emily walked away from the house.
"Now, I can see why you don't like him." Emily said.
Back at the Griffin household, Peter, Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire were helping Brian with his costume.
"Alright, Brian. First things first about turning you into a werewolf is you need brown fur. How are we going to do that?" Peter said.
"We could dip him in chocolate?" Quagmire suggested.
"No, we are not doing that, Quagmire." Peter replied sternly.
"What?" Quagmire questioned.
"Chocolate is deadly to dogs. We know that you hate my dog, but that's too far." Peter replied.
"And you know I could arrest you for animal abuse." Joe added.
"Damn it..." Quagmire muttered.
"Now then..." Peter said. "Any other ideas?"
"We could use brown spray paint." Cleveland suggested.
"Oh yeah!" Peter said. "Good thinking, Cleveland!"
"You know," Joe said. "I got these brown spray cans that I confiscated from those teens yesterday."
"Can you get them, Joe?" Peter asked.
"Of course." Joe accepted as he wheeled to his house.
"I don't know..." Brian said. "I've had a bad experience with spray paint... One time, when I took Stewie trick-or-treating, those teenage bullies spray painted me pink. It was such a huge embarrassment."
"Is that why you were pink?" Peter asked "I thought you went out as Clifford except the paint was fading off."
"Ha ha. Very funny, Peter." Brian said sarcastically.
Joe came back with some cans of brown spray paint.
"Alright guys, got the spray paint cans here," Joe said.
"Wait, don't I need a mask?" Brian asked. "I don't want to breathe in that stuff."
"Did you wear a mask when you got spray painted last Halloween?" Peter asked.
"No, but-" Brian started to say.
"Good." Peter said as he grabbed a can of spray paint. "Time to get you all brown like Chewbacca."
Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland spray painted Brian, causing a cloud of spray paint to form around Brian.
A few minutes later, Brian was colored brown from head to toe.
"Wow," Brian said. "Even though I'm color blind, I feel like a brown Labrador."
Just then, the Porgs from 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi" appeared next to him.
"Sorry guys," Brian said to the Porgs. "You've got the wrong brown-haired friend."
"I'm right here, you guys." Chewbacca said as he walked to Brian.
The Porgs flew to Chewbacca.
"Alright then, let's head back to our ship." Chewbacca said as he and the Porgs boarded the Millennium Falcon and took off.
"Well," Quagmire said. "That was bizarre..."
"Now that you're brown..." Peter said. "You'll be needing a uniform to make you look like a werewolf. Let's see... what kind... The classic? The high School jockey? The business man? Or maybe the stereotypical homosexual Duke?"
"How about 'none of the above'? Werewolves are always in the nude!" Brian said.
"But then people will think you're a brown dog." Peter noted.
"Oh, yeah. Good point. Alright, just give me the high school jock." Brian stated.
"All right guys. Now, it's time for a building montage." Peter announced.
As they started building, "Dead Man's Party" started playing. Peter grabbed a tool box, some metal tracks, and some wood. Quagmire arranged the metal tracks and wooden structure. Joe grabbed a screwdriver and wrench, jumped out of his wheelchair and landed on his stomach, and started screwing the metal tracks together. Peter was hammering the wooden structure together. After he hammered a few nails, he went to go get more nails. Suddenly, he felt a tug from behind. He looked behind and found that his pants got caught in the nails. Brian and Cleveland were decorating the house with fake blood and gravestones. An hour later, the house looked a real haunted house.
"We did it, guys. The haunted house is finished and ready for business!" Peter said.
Emily and Stewie walked up to the next house. They rang the doorbell and the person who answered the door was David Pumpkins from Saturday Night Live.
"How's it hanging?" David Pumpkins greeted. "I'm David Pumpkins!"
"Uhhh...trick-or-treat?" Stewie and Emily said awkwardly.
"If that's what you want, I'll give you both!" David said. Suddenly, his two skeleton dancers appeared from left and right of Stewie and Emily and started dancing to a weird tune.
Stewie and Emily were weirded out by this strange performance. After the skeletons stopped dancing, David Pumpkins looked at Stewie and Emily.
"Any questions?" David asked.
"Where's the damn candy?!" Stewie yelled.
"In your pockets!" David said.
Stewie and Emily looked in their pockets to find that there is candy in there.
"Good lord!" Stewie exclaimed in amazement. "How did they get there?! Did they?"
The skeletons shook their heads.
"Then how-?" Stewie said confusedly when he got cut off.
"I'm David S. Pumkins!" He said.
"Happy Halloween!" said the skeletons.
"Any questions?" David Pumpkins said as the door closed.
"Thanks…" Emily thanked awkwardly.
"That was weird…" Stewie commented as they walked away from the house.
Just then, they ran into Chris.
"Chris? What are you doing here?" Emily asked confusedly.
"Trick or treating." Chris said. "Mom wouldn't trust me with doing the construction work."
Chris is completely covered with toilet paper.
"So, you decided to become a mummy, did you?" Stewie asked.
"Actually," Chris said. "I had a huge incident with the toilet paper..."
They came to the next house and the door opened to show Herbert dressed up as Charlie Chaplin.
"Well, look at that." Herbert said. "Looks like Chris came over to trick-or-treat."
Suddenly, Emily felt a buzzing in her pocket. She pulled out her phone from her pocket.
"Oh my gosh," Emily said. "We need to head back home now, the haunted ride is ready."
"It's ready?" Chris said. "Sorry, Mr. Herbert... maybe next year."
The three Griffin kids left.
"Get your fat ass back here..." Herbert said in defeat.
At the Griffin house, Peter was outside waiting for kids to enter the haunted house.
"Velcome to my humble home," Peter said, "Would you care for a ride of your fright?"
"Not yet Peter," Lois called. "The kids aren't back yet!"
"Oh ok. Sorry, Lois." Peter apologized.
"Oh... dammit, where are they?" Lois asked herself as she started to get worried.
"Hey Lois," Cleveland asked. "How do we make Quagmire look invisible?"
"What do you mean?" Lois asked.
"Well earlier, we tried covering him all green." Cleveland replied.
"Oh?" Lois asked. "And whose bright idea was that?"
"What?!" Lois asked angrily. "Peter, that is not how you make an invisible man!"
"How was I supposed to know?!" Peter asked. "I went to the paint shop earlier yesterday!"
Cutaway
You see Peter at a hardware store shopping for paint.
"Excuse me sir, do you have any invisible paint?" Peter asked to the store clerk.
The clerk stared at him for a few seconds and then started laughing.
"Why did you even come here?" The clerk laughed. "There's no such thing as invisible paint! What are you, born yesterday?!"
End Cutaway
"Well, how else are we going to get Quagmire to look invisible?" Peter asked.
"Have you tried painting camouflage?" Lois asked.
"No..." Peter said glumly. "I can't make realistic color."
"Why not?" Cleveland questioned.
Cutaway
We see Peter dressed as Bob Ross.
"Hello everyone," Peter said "I'm going to paint a nice, beautiful, and realistic looking picture. And what I will paint... is a beautiful landscape..."
He began painting something on the canvas.
"Ah man... look at those colors" Peter said. "You'll be full of wonder once it's done..."
"And…done." Peter said as he turned the canvas revealing a crappy looking paint that would look good if a seven year old made it.
"Dammit!" Peter shouted.
End Cutaway
"Oh..." Cleveland said in realization. "That's why..."
Just then, Emily, Stewie, and Chris opened the door.
"We're home!" Emily announced.
"Thank God you're back," Lois said. "Get in position, we're starting."
"But I'm not ready!" Quagmire exclaimed.
"Ok, just wrap your face in paper towels and put a pair of sunglasses over it." Peter said.
"Alright, I don't know if this will work..." Quagmire said as Peter walked outside for position.
"Sorry for the wait, everyone..." Peter said, explaining to the people in line. "There was some technical difficulties..."
He turned to the people in line only to find there were no people in line.
"Did I forget something?" Peter asked.
He saw there was no sign on the front lawn.
"Crap! I forgot to put up a sign on the lawn!" Peter exclaimed.
Peter went in the house looking for it.
"Now, where did I put it?" Peter said to himself.
Peter looked in the kitchen, his room, Stewie's room, and Meg's room, but there was no sign in either of those rooms. Peter looked in the garage where Stewie and Joe were there in position. The sign was there standing against a wall.
"Bingo." Peter whispered as he grabbed the sign.
Peter ran outside and mounted the sign on the lawn.
Two minutes later, some people came up.
"Velcome one and all," Peter said as he tried to sound Romanian. "Would you care to come for a ride of your fright?"
"Is the ride free?" a kid asked.
"Vhy Yes it is." Peter said.
"And so is the candy if you're still trick or treating..." Peter said in his normal voice.
"Cool." the kid said as he entered the haunted house.
He got onto the cart and the ride began.
The cart entered through the front door and in the first exhibit, Lois acted like she was brewing.
"Come on over and taste thy brew!" Lois cackled.
The cart moved its way to the next exhibit where there was a coffin. The coffin opened up and Emily crawled out of it.
"Are you the lover I've been waiting for since 1872?" Emily said in a British accent.
The cart moved through the garage where Stewie pulled the switch.
"It's alive...IT'S ALIVE!" Stewie yelled as Joe sat up.
The cart turned outside where Brian was waiting. Brian growled at the moving cart. The cart turns to the kitchen where Cleveland was there. Cleveland slowly walked towards the cart with his arms outstretched. The cart went back through the living room and got to the chain climb.
Meanwhile, outside, Brian was taking a little break when he noticed something. On one part of the rollercoaster, a screw was missing.
"Oh my god..." Brian whispered before running to find Peter.
On the ride, the cart reached the top and makes a turn and entered Meg's room where Meg is dressed casually and texting on her phone.
"Hey... 'sup?" Meg asked as she noticed the cart.
The kid screamed as the cart turned to the outside and turned to the window to Chris' room.
"You've disturbed the pharaoh's tomb..." A recording of Joe's voice said. "Now, face his wrath..."
Chris came out of a coffin.
"I'm a mummy." Chris said.
The cart exited Chris's room as Quagmire came out of the bathroom.
"Brace yourself," Quagmire said. "For I am the invisible man!"
The cart continued to the master bedroom where David Pumpkins and his two skeleton dancers were waiting.
"I'm David Pumpkins!" David said. "Enjoyed the ride so far?"
Outside, Brian came to Peter.
"Peter! We need to stop the ride!" Brian exclaimed.
"Why? The ride is going so well!" Peter said.
"Not till it gets to the-"
Before Brian could finish, he saw that the cart was about to enter the climax of the ride.
"Oh no..." Brian muttered.
The cart zoomed downwards and made a few turns and drops. Suddenly, the loose support shook and started to fall apart. A crash was heard and the cart started to swerve out of the backyard and into the street.
"Oh crap. Now what?" Peter said.
"What was that?!" Joe asked in alarm. "I heard a crashing sound!"
"The roller coaster portion just fell apart!" Brian yelled.
"What?!" Joe asked in panic. "How did this happened?"
"Umm... I just realized that I forgot to screw the bolt..." Peter nervously confessed.
Brian and Stewie both facepalmed.
"What were you thinking, Peter?!" Lois snapped. "You know that should been your priority!"
A woman walked up to Lois.
"Hate to break your argument," The woman said. "BUT MY SON'S ON THAT CART!"
"Don't worry, ma'am. We'll get your son." Peter assured.
"Get in the car, Peter." Joe said. "We're about to go on a wild goose chase..."
Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland ran to Joe's police car and got in.
Joe contacted the police radio.
"All units, I'd like to report a runaway cart on the loose rolling down the streets." Joe said "I need traffic and trick-or-treaters out of the path."
"Hehehehe..." Peter laughed. "Looks like we got Frankenstein as our police officer..."
"Peter, this is serious..." Joe muttered.
"Oh... right... sorry..." Peter apologized.
Quagmire stuck his head out of the window to see if he could find the cart.
"There it is!" Quagmire shouted as he pointed to the cart.
The kid panicked as he crossed a stoplight at a red light causing the cars to crash in at each other.
"Oh no! The road's blocked!" Peter yelled.
Joe took a left turn and turned right on the next lane. Meanwhile, the kid on the runaway cart was heading towards a railroad crossing. A stream line steam train was approaching. The kid looked right and shrieked at the sight on the incoming train. The cart crossed the tracks and the train missed. The gang crossed the bridge over the train tracks. Quagmire looked at the window and gasped.
"Guys! The cart is headed towards the dock!" Quagmire yelled.
"That doesn't sound bad," Peter said. "I mean, he can just swim and we can fish the cart out since I used to be one."
"We need to stop that cart and fast!" Joe shouted.
"But how?" Quagmire asked.
"We might need some backup." Joe responded.
"And just in case, I'll get a boat." Peter said.
"Boat..." Joe said. "That's it! There's a garbage barge over there and Peter could use the boat to push the barge and catch the cart!"
"Great idea!" Cleveland said.
Joe stopped the police car at the nearest boat. Peter got out of the car and boarded the boat. The cart sped through the dock and was headed towards the ocean. Peter turned on the boat motor and pushed the garbage barge to the runaway cart's path. The kid screamed as the cart zoomed along the dock and fell into the garbage barge.
"Are you alright, kid?" Peter asked.
The kid popped out of the garbage.
"That was awesome!" The kid shouted. "Let's do it again!"
"Yeah we're not doing that again..." Joe replied blankly.
Just then, Lois, Bonnie, Donna and the boy's mother arrived.
"Oh, thank goodness you're okay!" The kid's mother said as she came up to her son and hugged him.
"That was some awesome ride!" The kid said.
"We did it, guys. We saved the kid!" Peter announced.
"I'm glad you did, Peter" Lois said proudly.
"That was some good thinking, Joe." Bonnie said.
"Aww shucks." Joe said as he blushed.
"Come on, let's go home." Peter said as they all walked to the car.
"You know," I really need to be more careful next time when it comes to setting up the ride." Peter added.
"And what about the cart?" Lois asked. "You do know it's a rental."
"We can make a replacement." Peter answered.
"No Peter, we can't!" Lois said sternly. "Didn't you know what I mean by rental?"
"Yeah! We return it after destroying it!" Peter said.
"No!" Lois shouted. "It means we have to return it WITHOUT any damage! What is wrong with you?"
"We're kind of in a hurry because our show's almost over for the week." Peter blankly said.
"Besides, Cleveland called for a crane." Peter added.
"Well, that's better." Lois said.
As soon as Peter started the car, he set the car to reverse by mistake causing him to bump into Cleveland's car which accidentally got his car tilting on the edge of the dock.
"What the hell?" Cleveland exclaimed. "No no no no no no no NO!"
Then, he and Donna in their car fell off the edge into the same garbage bags Peter saved the kid in.
"Dammit! Sorry Cleveland!" Peter called.
"Looks live I've got another reason for a crane..." Cleveland said.
The End
A/N: Well, that was Episode 3 of Family Guy EG! Hope you liked this chapter! See you next chapter! Happy Halloween! Please review!