Part I

Chapter 35

The student's name was signed at the bottom.

Minamo's hands now fiercely gripped the confession letter, the crinkling sound of paper filling the classroom as she felt herself succumbing to a sad, heavy emotion.

Why does it feel like…

Her entire body tensed up, her teeth grinding together as it ate away at her.

…I've just been…insulted…?

With a rigid demeanor, she began to pace back and forth in front of her desk, fuming over the item in her hands as the happier moments of graduation day faded from her mind. The only thing that now mattered to Minamo was the letter, the girl's confession feeling as if it were the sole event that had actually transpired today.

….just because she could do it? Is that it…?

Her eyes went over every single word again, one part in particular now tightly clutching her attention between its jaws, endlessly gnawing upon it.

'… I don't want any…'

How could you possibly go through with this? How? What…does it take…?

'…regrets in my life…'

As Minamo carried on with her incessant rereading, those old castigated memories of hers began to form together, spilling forth through the cracks in the locks that had always been placed around them. And as she stood there, she could begin to see and hear it all: her homeroom from her own school days, the gathered classmates around the desk, their boisterous laughter…

'…I feel that if I can go through with this, then I can cure the pain…'

The chains on her past continued to break as Minamo now recalled a bright afternoon sky, the school trailing off in the distance behind her as she ran from it with great urgency. She was racing somewhere, trying to meet the student who had come into possession of her valuable item, that precious part of herself that Minamo had so desperately needed back.

And then she could see it. The sight of that hair, that crazy, wild hair, just flowing about in a light wind, the girl just standing there in the middle of a narrow street, just waiting for her.

Waiting, for her, as she held it in a hand.

'…I just want my chest to stop hurting…'

A heavy grimace spread across Minamo's face, the piece of paper in her hands now taking its full toll upon her, her student once again at the center of her thoughts.

So…are you going to be fine, then? Are you…going to avoid…everything that I had to go through? Everything that I went through, because I couldn't…just…tell he-

"Oh, hell, there you are! Hey, I was waitin' for your ass in the office all this time, dammit'!"

Her pacing came to an abrupt halt.

Yukari's head was poking through the open classroom door, the woman soon walking inside with a gigantic bouquet of flowers slung over a shoulder. "We were gonna' meet at four and head home, right? Oh, by the way, I signed you up for the teacher's buffet tomorrow, since I didn't see your name on the list yet. Guess what! This year they're takin' us to a pretty fancy place , way downto-" Her jaw suddenly dropped down in sheer amazement, her eyes bulging as she finally took notice of the instructor's desk. "What is all that bullshit?" She ran up to the table, looking over the entire length of it as she stared stupidly at every single gift, card, and flower arrangement that had been given to her fellow teacher.

Minamo carefully folded the confession letter, sticking it into a coat pocket, keeping her back to her friend.

"Wh-…no….fuc-…gshh!" Yukari sputtered angrily, her face growing visibly red as she tried to cope with just how much sheer love her coworker had received from not only her own class, but what also seemed like almost every other student on campus, given the amount of homage paid to her. Her eyes kept on flying back and forth between her own bouquet and the table top, colorful words muttered under her breath with every comparison of the two. Eventually, though, her entire posture relaxed dramatically, a heavy sigh escaping from her as she calmed herself down. "Ah…whatever. You found my wallet today, so, I forgive you. I'm in a good mood, anyway." She looked over to her friend. "So, what ya' doin' up here still?"

"Ah..." Minamo turned around just slightly, something forbidding her from fully facing the woman. "I just finished…talking to some students..."

"Oh…ok. Well, yeah, anyway, like I was sayin': free grub tomorrow!" Yukari placed her bouquet down on one of the student desks, chuckling as she put her hands on her hips. "It's at a really nice buffet place, and they reserved, like, a whole section for us! Most of the staff is goin', and we can drink this time too! The stupid school is payin' for us to get fat and loaded, Nyamo! College is finally lookin' like it was worth it!" She triumphantly threw her arms up in the air, laughing victoriously, before she looked back down to the front desk, a hint of jealousy still on her face. "Yeah, so, uh…guess you want some help movin' all this junk to your car, right?" The woman's hands went rummaging through the assortment of gifts, shaking them as they rattled softly. "Which ones got chocolate in 'em? Gimme' some for helping."

"You can take whatever you'd like."

Her friend glanced at her with some surprise at the meek response. "Huh? What's wrong? You sound kinda' bummed." She laughed again, placing the boxes that she had picked up back onto the desk, and then walked over to her. "Ah, I know what it is! You miss those brats already, huh?" She began to pat her shoulder heartily. "Well, you shoulda' seen this day coming, Nyamo. Nothing lasts forever and all that jazz, you know?"

"…yeah."

"Chin up!" Another merry slap, this time to her back. "They'll probably come by and visit ya' sometime later. Maybe, anyway. I dunno'. Kids can be kinda' stupid."

She nodded weakly.

Yukari sighed. "…aw, come on. Don't get mopey on me. You're always too damn emotional about stuff like this. You're supposed to be, ya' know, all happy and whatever for them graduating this place, right? Right! So...yeah, hey, let's go home already. Maybe we'll get somethin' to drink? That'll cheer you up!"

Minamo opened her mouth for a moment, quickly closing it.

Yukari bent her head around, trying to look at her friend's face. "You're really down about seein' 'em go, huh?"

She looked away.

"…eh?"

Minamo bit her lip as she began to fidget.

"Nyamo? Hey…you alright?" Yukari went around her friend, standing in front of her now. "You're actin' super we-…whoa."

Her body twisted away, her face having just been barely revealed to the woman.

A worried tone started to permeate Yukari's voice as she stared at her fellow teacher. "Are you sick or somethin'? You look kinda' pale…'

She didn't reply, facing the chalkboard now.

"…man, are you really that upset? Come on…I mean, it's not the first time you've said goodbye and stuff to students, right? Yeah, ok, these ones are off to college or whatever, but, still…"

"…I'm fine. Please don't worry about me. Sorry."

Yukari stared at her awkwardly. "Uh…"

"...you said that you'd help me move these gifts, right?"

"…yeah…?"

She let out a few, short breaths during the pause in conversation. "…would you mind…getting some bags from the office? We could…put them in there…to make the move easy."

"Oh, yeah, I can do that." Yukari put a hand on her hair, rubbing it in confusion. "But…you sure you're ok?"

"I am. It's just been a long day. Just give me a little time, please. Sorry…"

Her friend hesitated for a few moments, just watching her quietly, but eventually spun around as she slowly made her way out of the classroom. "Yeah, ok. I'll be right back. Don't swap out any of my flowers with yours! Mine are tons better!"

Minamo nodded again, standing still as she listened to her friend's footsteps softly fade away, silence eventually filling both the classroom and outside hallway.

…I was…

She exhaled deeply in relief while placing a hand onto her chest, trying to reach the agony that had made its return once more, to somehow hold her heart together before it fully crumbled apart.

…I was fine all day with her.

The very second that Yukari had entered the room, Minamo had felt the rending in her chest, the tearing of the stitches that kept her heart's wounds together, an array of desperate patchwork fixes that had never really worked, had never truly healed the oozing ruptures.

I was fine…for months? A year? How long did I go for this time? And now, I can't even look at her...can't even talk to her properly. It just never seems to stay away, no matter how hard I try to forget. It just keeps coming back…just keeps coming back, because something always happens…

It flashed through her mind then, the face of her young admirer.

...always...happens.

Minamo's hands began to shake as she stared down at the ground in dismay, the tenebrous feeling from earlier now coming into full fruition. Her student's written words continued to make their rounds inside of her head, gaining in volume with each new pass as they gave power to that dark, bitter emotion.

That girl…she's at the same age that I was, but she was still able…to do that…? I don't understand. How did…she get the courage? There's no way…there's just no possible way, but she still did it…and...

It wrapped around her senses as it further debilitated her, a feeling that was usually so foreign to someone of Minamo's character, but that, at the moment, was overtaking her quite easily.

...how? How do these women do it? They can just say what they feel...towards whomever they love? And they...she was scared, but, she didn't care. She didn't care! How? I don't understand! I don't understand...how someone can just...how a woman can just say that they love another woman, and not be scared, of what would be thought of her. It's...just not possible...to go through with it then! It can't be! But...other women have done it...and she did it, too! She did it! So now, is she...is...she...

She saw the girl's relieved expression now, the solace that she had radiated after her confession, the image of it still so utterly bright, blinding, dazzling...

*thwack*

...is she going to be free?

Minamo had hardly noticed it, the fist that she had just slammed down upon one of her student's desk, the slight ache that it sent through her knuckles. She wasn't really aware of any of it all, the lurid, dirty taint of jealousy now fully polluting her comprehension.

Is she going to be happy now? She's not going to feel this...this damn pain? None of it at all? Because she's braver than I am? Because...just because she could deal with her fear...

A heavy, labored sigh jettisoned itself from her.

...and wasn't afraid...to say that she's in love with me, a woman, because...

Her stare went to the doorway, her face weary and tired, full of longing.

...she trusted me.

The past began to swirl about Minamo again, the memories unable to be held back after everything that she had just experienced, everything that she had just felt. She was wallowing in it all now, the images surrounding her without let, no amount of will or crushing guilt able to place them back into their cages.

If I had just trusted you, Yukari...like you trusted me, then would I have been stuck with this horrible pain for all these years...? Could I have told you, about how I really am? Could I have told you, at some point...that I had been truly in love with someone for all these years? That...that I still love you, more than anyone else, in the entire world...

In the midst of Minamo's mind, she could see that wild hair flow gently in the breeze once more, as it all came back to her...