What makes all the difference

Hiccup

After reading through it, Hiccup stared down at the letter for quite some time. He swallowed hard and his lips were moving of their own volition, he trembled and his head felt like it was full of cotton wool. He felt numb… his numb fingers couldn't hold the letter anymore and it landed on the desk, his numb mind couldn't think, couldn't find an explanation or solution and his numb heart couldn't feel, couldn't react in any way. It was just too much!

She purported that… that… this girl… That he was…

No! No, that was impossible! He would know, wouldn't he? He glanced back at the photo of the girl and tried to find some resemblance, anything, but found nothing. He exhaled deeply to calm down again. She looked just like her mother, with her wispy blonde strands…

He read the letter anew, with a much calmer mind this time, and, combined with what he remembered of her and their life back then, a new picture began to form in his head. And it made him angry.

If she needed money, she simply could have asked! They had been good enough friends that he would have tried to help her, even after she'd rejected him, just like the rest of his friend, when he turned down their life of partying and carefree fun. There was no need to come up with a story like this. Her father… Knowing how their life had been back then, anyone could be that girl's father, really!

He glared at the letter one more time, eyebrows furling. She told him to transfer the said sum to an account that belonged to one Elizabeth Johnson, the girl probably. As long as he did this, she promised to never bother him again, but if he refrained from doing so, she'd contact his beautiful fiancée. Obviously, she thought he would keep something like this hidden from Astrid, would simply pay and get on with is life. But that was out of the question! If there was one thing he'd learned then it was to trust Astrid with everything. In the unlikely case that this was true, that this girl really should be his daughter, then…

Then what?

He took another deep breath and tried to think it through. What would that mean? He knew far too well what it meant to have a parent that didn't care. In case this girl really was his daughter, then he wouldn't, couldn't do to her what Valka had done to him! Whatever her mother had told her about her father, she needed to know that she wasn't unwanted.

But was that true?

Hiccup closed his eyes as his breathing began to come out ragged and his body began to shake all over again. He didn't want this to be true! He didn't want this girl to exist, not if he really should be her father. He wanted to be with Astrid for the rest of his life, wanted to raise a family with her! He didn't want anything else. He didn't want this girl and her mother to be a part of their life…

A strangled sob escaped him at this thought. It was just too close to what Carina had suggested in her letter. How easy it would be to simply pay her off and ignore the incident thereafter, to never think of it again. No one would ever need to know…

But he would know… and so would this girl! She would grow up, believing she was unwanted… He could ignore everything else, if necessary, but not this, not with knowing just too well how that felt.

There had to be another solution! Oh Gods, please!, he begged mentally. Please let there be another solution! He could think of none, though. Not with the little information he had. He needed to learn more… needed to know… He needed to talk to Heather!

With a jolt, he got up and walked toward the door. If there was one person who could find more information right now, it was probably Heather. It wasn't fair to burden her with this in addition to her usual work, especially now, when she'd have to get back on the things she'd missed during the past weeks. And it wasn't fair to burden her with this knowledge, these suspicions, really, when she wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone.

Because, no, he wouldn't keep this secret from Astrid… But he wouldn't burden her with his fears as long as he had no prove! For, again, chances were high that he wasn't this girl's father after all!

Hiccup left the office he shared with Astrid and walked over toward Heather's office instead. He'd seen her passing his earlier as she'd returned to her work as well, leaving Astrid with Fishlegs. Within their small group, these two were the ones who had the least in common and under different circumstances, Hiccup would have wondered what they could be talking about. But not today…

"Heather?" He asked after he'd knocked once against her open door frame. "Do you have a moment?" He could see how busy she was and the grunt with which she answered showed him how distracted she was, too. But when she looked up at him a moment later, she stilled and squinted at him. She must have seen something through his admittedly rather poor façade, for she immediately got up and walked toward him.

"What's up?" she asked and her tone made clear she knew there was something. He took another deep breath and, with only slight hesitation, reached for the letter and the two photos inside his pocket.

"Hey, babe! You're taking a break, too? Are you coming with us?" Astrid wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, nuzzling against his back for a moment and he froze mid-movement. Heather, who could see and read his expression, raised an eyebrow at him.

"We're going to Carlo's for lunch." She explained slowly, giving him time to recompose himself. "Astrid left me with far less work than expected and thanks to you, Legs is good on time for today as well. So we wanted to celebrate a little. Are you in?"

Hiccup closed his eyes for a moment, mind working rapidly. He wanted nothing more than to spend some time with Astrid and their friends, to distract himself from the piece of paper that felt like it was burning a hole through his jacket and into his skin. But he wouldn't be able to keep up a calm front, not in his current state or for that long a time. Judging by the look Heather gave him, he probably wasn't even able to do so now…

"Ahm…" he started weakly. "No, I… I still have a lot to do." It was a lame excuse and he knew it but it was the best he could come up with. He turned to give Astrid a fleeting kiss and hurry back toward their office but she wouldn't let him do so. She held him in place, arms still firmly around his midst and scrutinized him.

"Hiccup?" she began, voice steady and earnest. "What happened?" As always, she saw right through him. He loved her even more for this, for knowing him so well. But he couldn't tell her, not know, not here…

He shook his head slightly, eyes closing for a moment. "I'll tell you later" he promised in a weak voice and after a moment's hesitation, she nodded, a concerned expression on her face. She drew back her arms, releasing him, but only to stretch and place a quick kiss on his lips.

"Until later then." she breathed, voice heavy with worries and he gave her a pained smile. He stood and watched as they made their way toward the lifts and his eyes never left her just like she refused to draw her gaze away from him, walking practically backward. He could see the apprehension on her face and hoped in that moment more than ever that this letter was just a sick joke.

"Is this possible?" Valka's voice was sharp as ever, cutting right through him, and by now he regretted to have come to talk to her in the first place.

After Astrid and the others had gone out for lunch he'd returned to their office, but only to walk up and down like a lion in a too small cage. He actually had gotten a few curious glances through the glass walls and had eventually stopped pacing, though. But what should he do now? Carina had left him with no possibility to contact her at all and his own researches for her hadn't been very successful. He had nothing but the data from the account and the bank had refused to give him any more information about the owner. He would have to wait for Heather and her talented fingers on the keyboard to get more information…

Simple waiting had turned into torture, though, and in the absence of any other possibility, he'd decided to ask Valka's opinion about this letter. Which turned out to have been a horrible mistake…

"Hiccup!" she called out for him now. "Is this possible?"

Was is possible? Gods, yes it was… He had been young and stupid and lost in a life without any rules. He had been aware of the possible consequences but she'd assured him…

He leaned forward, propped his head on his hands supported by his knees and bit his lower lip. She'd assured him, that she took the Pill, that even with all the partying and drinking there wouldn't be a problem, that they didn't need to take other precautions, that they knew each other well enough... He had been stupid, really! But at the time her words had been enough to convince him, over and over again…

"Hiccup!" Valka's voice was close now and he looked up at her the moment she reached out for his shoulder to shake him. In her free hand, she still held the letter, partly crumpled by now by her iron grip. "Is. This. Possible?" She glared at him with her all knowing eyes and he wouldn't get around answering her this time.

"I don't know…" he said grudgingly. Valka snorted and started to pace in her office.

"You don't know?" she inquired angrily and Hiccup flinched. "YOU DON'T KNOW? How's that possible? Do you want me to explain this to you? I never though that would be necessary…"

Now it was Hiccup's turn to glare at her. Her words could have been understood as a joke but Valka Dragonite never made jokes! "Gods, yes!" he leaped to his feet and yelled at her. "Yes, it is possible, alright?" and as suddenly as this outburst had come it was gone again. Hiccup slumped back done into the seat, face buried in his hands. "Yes, it is possible" he repeated, mumbling. "Unlikely… but possible…"

For a moment, it was utterly silent in the big room and when Valka spoke again then, her voice was as calm and businesslike as always. "Then we'll deal with this!" she said and turned back to her desk. "The sum is ridiculously small considering what you'd have to pay if she'd drag you into court. Of course, then she'd have to prove you're the father of that girl but either way, your reputation would be ruined. We can't let…"

Hiccup didn't listen to her anymore. What had she said? "My… reputation?" he asked, whispering and disbelieve plain in his voice. But Valka didn't seem to have heard him and just kept on babbling. He heard her talking about making the remittance to appease Carina and sending out private detectives to look for mother and daughter, of getting a DNA sample to make a paternity test and of making sure all for once this topic wouldn't bother him ever again. He heard her but was barely listening.

"My reputation?" he asked again, louder and angry, and this time Valka paused and looked at him. "Is that all you care about? My reputation? What about Carina and what she'd been through? What about this Elizabeth? What about Astrid? What about me?" The last word came out strangled and weak. Who cared about his reputation? So many lives were about to be wreaked by this. By his stupidity! People called him brilliant but how was it possible then, that he kept causing chaos over and over again with his sheer and utter stupidity? He buried his face in his hands again, tearing at his hair. Why couldn't he stop being stupid, dammit!

Valkas words then were calm but they had a glint of emotion in them he rarely got to hear. "Your reputation became the reputation of this company. And I care about it just like I care about you. I care about Astrid as well and you know that. But forgive me that I cannot care about a stranger and her offspring who try to blackmail you and who's simple existence causes you so much pain. The wisest solution would be to simply give in to these demands and be done with it!"

Hiccup gulped. Her words made sense. So much sense… So easy... He closed his eyes, trying to hide from himself.

Hiccup was back in his office and for the first time since this room became his, he'd activated the camouflage within the glass to keep the curious glance outside. He alternated between pacing through the room and sitting motionless at his desk, between tearing at his hair and staring lethargically into the air. His thoughts were turning around in circles, never getting anywhere. He wanted to follow Valka's suggestions. He wanted nothing more, that to do just that! To pay Carina off, give her as much money as she needed, and forget he ever received her letter. If it would have been something else, anything else he probably would have done just that. Carina had been the nicest one, the only one he would ever really call a friend of his acquaintances back then but by trying to blackmail him, she'd lost that status. If this was only about her, he would do, what Valka had said.

But it wasn't.

This was not just about him, his finacée and his kind-of-ex-girlfriend. There was this girl, Elisabeth, and she made all the difference. Because of her, he had to know…

He needed Heather, dammit!

Hiccup looked at his watch and frowned. Where were they, anyway? Shouldn't they be back by now? Time had lost all meaning for him today but they actually were gone for more than two hours.

Hiccup reached for his phone and dialed Astrid's number – but couldn't reach her! He frowned. Maybe they'd been driving through a dead spot, although he didn't know of one on their way to or from Carlo's… He tried again but with the same result. Could her battery be dead? Possible… He tried Heather's phone instead, knowing she was practically always available but got the same result there as well.

Suddenly nervous, Hiccup dialed the last available number and an almost painful wave of relief washed through him when Fishlegs answered immediately.

"Hey, Hiccup!" his friend greeted him. Maybe he even wanted to say more, but Hiccup interrupted him.

"Hey, Legs! Where are you guys? Shouldn't you be back by now? Or are you dallying on purpose? Or did Carlo persuaded you to get a dessert again?" He added in an attempt to be cheerful, but even in his own ears it sounded lame and Fishlegs didn't react to it either.

"Yeah, well…" Fishlegs hummed and hawed a bit before answering. "Actually, we never made it to Carlo's." He paused and Hiccup could practically see his friend scratching his neck uncomfortably.

"Legs, what's up? Where are you?" He inquired, urgency now clear in his voice.

"Uhm… " Fishlegs made, still buying time before finally answering. "In the hospital?"

Honestly, I think I would not want to live in this town.. waaaay too many accidents! xD