A/N: Sorry, this took some time but it's also a rather long chapter. And it's a dark one, probably the darkest of this story. It only can get brighter... xD

And retroactivly to Kine: Thanks! Honestly and wholeheartedly! ;D

Being stupid

Heather

Heather leaned back to stretch her stiff muscles and groaned in annoyance both over this most uncomfortable of seats and their situation alike. Why on Midgard were they still here in the hospital? Sure, there was no way they could have let that girl wander around there all on her own but now she was safe and cared for. Wasn't that enough?

She glanced at her watch and sighed. This way, Astrid and she wouldn't be able to keep their appointment later…

Beside her, Fishlegs fidgeted in his seat, obviously anxious over something, and not for the first time during the last fifteen minutes, too. Since he got that phone call earlier, in fact...

"What is it, Legs?" She asked, examining her husband closely. He got this nervous habit whenever he tried to keep something hidden or had a guilty conscious. And sure enough, he got this adorable guilty expression that always showed up on his face right before he would admit his sin. Heather put in some effort into hiding her grin at this.

"You know…" he began, scratching his neck uncomfortably. "That call earlier… that had been… Hiccup…" She frowned. So what? He'd probably asked how much longer this excursion of theirs would take them. No need to be so nervous. She just hoped they'd be done here, soon. But Fishlegs was still fidgeting.

"And?" Heather threw him a puzzled look.

"And…" Fishlegs gulped. "and I might have… forgotten to call him earlier… he's on his way here, I guess…" Heather sighed with relief. So they would be able to leave soon, after all. Maybe he would be able to talk some sense into Astrid or –

"You didn't call him earlier?" she asked, half shrieking as that bit of information clicked in and Fishlegs shook his head, a perfect picture of misery now. "Oh shit…" she cursed. "And let me guess, he didn't listen to you now, did he? Ah, of course, he didn't! How could you forget to call him? Didn't you went down into the lobby just to do that?" This wasn't good… She now remembered what Legs had said on the phone. That they weren't at Carlo's and that they were in the hospital instead. And not much more after that. Damn, with only these information, Hiccup would be frantic! As if they needed another distraction right now. Hiccup would not be in the condition to talk some sense into Astrid after all, on the contrary, she'd probably have another patient to care for instead. And there goes our appointment, she thought with a sigh. But why should things work out as planned for once after all…

"There was some hold up on my way out, some emergency I guess, and I got distracted…" Fishlegs admitted sheepishly. "Did you know there's a new cafeteria in this wing as well now?" At this, she smirked. But she had to admit, she was hungry, too.

"Actually, I didn't. But since you know your way around now you could go and fetch me some hot cross buns. Not the same as pizza, but better than nothing. And a hot cup of coffee?"

In that moment, ever so slightly uneven steps could be heard running toward them through the corridors. Fishlegs shared a knowing look with her and they both rolled their eyes a little. This dramatic flair of his... It didn't take much longer and Hiccup came dashing through the entrance, wild eyes looking around the room frantically.

"Odin's eyeballs, what's up with him?" Fishlegs muttered and Heather could only agree. He looked horrible, even more so than she would have expected. After his phone call with Fishlegs just now, he would assume the worst, of course, so she'd expected to see this frantic look in his eyes, close to turning into fully grown panic. She'd also expected him to be shaking and panting as he would not have paused for a second until now. She'd not however expected his hair to be… well, almost tidily combed compared with how it usually looked, shaped now by his fingers which he must have run through it multiple times.

"I don't know…" she murmured, frowning. He'd been upset before, she remembered now, had wanted to talk to her about something. It wasn't often anymore that he resumed coming to her with his problems so it must have been something he couldn't talk with Astrid about. And it probably wasn't about his plan to propose to her again…

He spotted them then and Heather saw the guilty disappointment on his face before he approached them. Of course, all he can think about is Astrid, she thought with a sigh. One would think he'd learned his lesson by now. Astrid was tougher than he gave her credit for and far from breakable… And yet, the anxiety for his soulmate was omnipresent as ever…

She raised her hand to point out the room Astrid and the girl were in, even before he had the chance to ask the question that was so obviously written all over his face and her lips twitched a little when Fishlegs did the same.

Half an hour later, they were still waiting, still sitting on these uncomfortable plastic chairs but at least Fishlegs actually had gotten her some buns and a coffee. While he'd been gone, she'd made a phone call to cancel their appointment and made a new one for tomorrow. Astrid didn't seem to remember this anymore but Heather was sure she would do so later.

"What do you think, would it be safe to go in and ask how long we're supposed to keep waiting?" Fishlegs asked grumbling and Heather snorted.

"Sure, go ahead!" she answered. "It was nice knowing you," Fishlegs snorted but in that moment, the door they were both watching opened and Hiccup left the room. He moved calmly, deliberately, stepped into the corridor and silently closed the door behind him. The moment the door fell shut though, his façade crumbled and broke. Heather watched him stagger, one hand at his head as he stumbled and probably would have landed on his knees if there hadn't been another chair in his way. He slumped down on it and aside from Fishlegs and her probably nobody had noticed this small breakdown.

"What, in Thor's name…" mumbled Fishlegs beside her and she squinted her eyes at their friend. What in Thor's name, indeed… He was supposed to be relieved, knowing that Astrid was alright. Still a little shaken, yes, she'd expected as much, but this? He seemed even worse than before! She wasn't able to see his face as he'd buried it in his hands but she could see his ever-moving lips as if he was talking to himself.

Beside her, Fishlegs fidgeted again and threw her a worried glance. Heather knew, what he was thinking. They both had seen him down and broken before but only she had been there when he'd been at his worst. And the sight of him now was just too close to what she remembered! What in Thor's forsaken name had happened in there?

She decided to go over and try to talk to him. It probably was futile right now, but she at least had to try! After taking one last sip of her coffee to buy some time, she got up, but when she turned toward Hiccup, she only caught a fleeting glimpse of him as he skittered away through the entrance door and disappeared into the corridors behind.

"Oh, for the-" she cursed and grabbed her purse. Why couldn't things be easy for a change? Just once? "Stay here!" she ordered Fishlegs and hurried after Hiccup. Following him wasn't easy though, as even with his Pegleg he could run faster than her with her pumps. But then it wasn't that much of a handicap really. He was faster than her, period! Especially with her pumps…

Luckily he was heading straight forward and whenever she lost him there were enough people around who, admittedly, gave her puzzled glances but also didn't hesitate to point out the direction the other madman had rushed. She caught sight of him again soon as he leaned sideways against the wall right before the doors that lead into the entrance hall of the hospital, catching his breath. She paused, too, then, not wanting to confront him panting and wheezing. But that turned out to have been the wrong decision as Hiccup recovered much faster, his training with Astrid obviously showing results. He entered the hall then, just as calm as he'd left Lissy's room earlier and Heather lost sight of him once again. Annoyed at herself, she moved on and when she reached the doors as well saw him standing at the reception and talking to one of the women working there. He'd made an effort to appear calm so she did likewise, strolled over toward him and soon caught what they were talking about.

"…over in the outpatient's department is her daughter." She heard Hiccup saying. So he was inquiring after Lissy's mother. A good thing! Maybe all this would be over soon, after all. "She would be…" She saw him gulping and lifting his hand to the level of his shoulders. "… about this tall with… with blond hair and blue… ahm…" He struggled with his words and Heather frowned. How did he… "Ah, nevermind… Maybe they found her ID. Her name is Carina Johnson."

Heather's jaw dropped.

Hiccup

Hiccup leaned against the wall and tried to compose himself once again. He'd managed to do so while he was in that room but how, he did not know. Maybe this really was just a crazy dream. Maybe he would wake up any moment now, with Astrid in his arms, lying in their bed. Maybe her hair would tickle his nose as she snuggled her back closer so his chest. Maybe they would get up, then or a little later, eat breakfast and he would tell her of his strange dream. Maybe they would laugh about it together. May this would happen, now!

Or now.

Or now…

He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply for the umpteenth time today. He wouldn't wake up… Not this easily… This nightmare would keep tormenting him and there was no end to be seen. He pushed himself off the wall, calm façade in place, and went over to approach Sally once again.

The receptionist looked up and smiled at him just like before. "Mr. Haddock! Did you find your fiancée?" she asked friendly and he flinched slightly.

Yes, he'd found Astrid, thank the Gods. And she was alright, she was fine, nothing had happened to her, he reminded himself. At least when it came to her this day wasn't a complete disaster. But then, even thinking of her my made his heart shrink today…

This girl… Lissy… short for Elisabeth obviously. He'd recognized her immediately, he'd stared at her photo for quite some time today, after all. Seeing her in flesh and blood had been a shock, though. Especially in blood… he closed his eyes to banish the image from his mind. Not now! He wasn't ready yet to deal with this, too, not now…

"Mr. Haddock?" Sally asked again, tearing him out of his thoughts and he blinked.

"Erm… Yes, I found her" Hiccup answered, still distracted by his thoughts. "But I have another question. I… We are looking for another woman, probably the victim of a car crash. Had there been one of those?"

Sally looked a little puzzled but checked her display nonetheless. "I'm not sure" she murmured. "There have been a few emergency cases, but a car crash…" she trailed off, eyes searching.

"Please, we need to find her. Over in the outpatient's department is her daughter, and…" Hiccup broke off, suddenly self-conscious. He knew more, of course, but was unsure about how much he should reveal.

What does it matter?, he scolded himself. The truth would come out eventually, no matter what he said now. This was not about him!

"She would be…" he gulped down the lump in his throat as unbidden memories flooded his mind. Memories of the slender girl in his arms and of how he'd secretly dreamed in every second she'd be someone else… "…about this tall with…" Gods, he'd been an ass… He'd know as much back then as well, but…

There was no but! He'd been an ass, straight and simple. The fact that none of it had ever been serious in any way didn't make it much better, really. "…with blonde hair and blue… ahm…" Sally wouldn't know or care about eye colors... no need to admit the extent of his idiocy to her, even though she wouldn't even understand it. "Ah, nevermind…" he continued as another idea occurred to him. "Maybe they found her ID? Her name is Carina Johnson."

"Carina Johnson?" Sally asked, frowning. "I think I read that name somewhere…" she trailed off again and Hiccup could almost feel the panic rising within him again. So it was true. If Carina really way here, then…

But he got no time to continue this line of thoughts as another voice sounded from behind him.

"How do you know all this?" he recognized Heather's voice and flinched. When had she appeared behind him? How much had she heard? Slowly, he turned toward her and he knew he wouldn't be able to hide the extent of his weariness from her. She had this ability to see right through him that had saved him once but now it might very well lead to his doom. And sure enough, when her eyes met his, she squinted up at him and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Spit it out, Haddock!" she ordered and he grimaced. She hardly ever called him that but when she did he knew he wouldn't be able to get away anymore.

Of course, he hadn't been able to get away. But he hadn't tried to do so anyway.

Hiccup had let Heather lead him toward the waiting area close to the entrance hall and push him down on one of the seats there. Apparently, she'd wanted to make sure he wouldn't run away but he'd had no intentions to do so. He was tired of keeping up his front and truth be told was selfish enough to want to share his load with somebody else, to lighten it even if or meant to burden someone else with it.

But Heather wouldn't mind. She already had proven her capability of helping him endure his struggles and he had wanted to ask her advice anyway. So when she asked him what had happened after she'd cornered him he didn't hesitate much before he told her what had happened.

He didn't start with the letter and the photos, though, didn't start with Elisabeth… Lissy. He didn't even start with Carina. As much as he knew he'd screwed things up pretty badly, he still wanted to explain himself, wanted to make it clear he never wanted or suspected any of this.

So he started at the beginning. There was no living creature in this world who knew him as well as Astrid but Heather ranked one a high second place on that list. So of course, she already knew some of what he told get then and frowned in confusion, but his story soon got more detailed as it had ever been before.

When Hiccup left the town he'd spent his whole life in, he was alone and broken in many ways. Knowing practically nothing about his parents and his mother's self-chosen absence especially had always nagged at him. It had been a silent misery however as he hadn't wanted to push his uncle too much for information. Hiccup had seen that the loss of his brother Stoick had been a hard blow for Gobber, that he had still suffered from it even almost two decades later. And because he'd loved his uncle, Hiccup hadn't forced him to talk about his father at all. He'd always hoped that maybe there would come a time when Gobber would tell him on his own…

Astrid had known of his pain, of course. But then, she had also been his only cause of joy throughout his entire life so far, had been his anchor, the one person he could always rely upon and turn to with whatever bothered him or occupied his mind. She'd been the one he'd fallen in love with long before he'd realized it. But now both Gobber and Astrid weren't a part of his life anymore.

"I can't wait to leave this cursed town and everything that belongs to it!" That had been her words which she'd practically spat out like some bitter tasting bile, face swollen by her tears and hands clenched into angry fists. Hiccup remembered this moment all too well as her words and the image of her had burned themselves into his mind to never be removed again. They'd been on their way back home from her parents' funeral and he remembered how he'd paused in his steps beside her. He'd stared at her for a moment, thunderstruck, before he'd caught himself again. Her words had hurt! They'd cut into him like a knife, because he, too, belonged to this town. Didn't he…?

So he'd been right… he'd recognized his feeling for her as what they were some time ago but her words then had convinced him that she would never return them. He had thought about telling her, had dreamed about staying with her, of living with her. But all she wanted to do was to leave this town behind and everything it represented as well. So he'd waited for Uncle Gobber's funeral two days later, had made the necessary arrangements and had left for college a few weeks earlier than intended without really talking to her again. It had felt wrong to simply leave like that but he'd written her that letter at least and planned to send her more after his heart had healed a bit. They were still friends, after all... right? But thinking about her hurt like hel and he wasn't able to write down a single word to her for quite some time. Instead, he concentrated on the distractions around him.

Spending entirely too much time in his dorm led to meeting some fellow students, to get to know and befriend them and before he knew how they accepted him as a part of their gang. Their lives were so much different from everything he'd known so far and it was enchanting. A part of him recognized and understood the appeal this way of life held and repelled from it but his conscious mind was bruised too much to care. All he wanted was for his life to change, for anything would be better than how it was so he thought...

So, he joined their life of partying through the night and sleeping all day, of fooling around and getting into mischief. He knew quite well that a lot of the things they did weren't exactly legal, were downright forbidden and if he ever was to get caught, he knew he would not only be punished by disciplinary measures but would also lose the scholarship he'd earned some years ago. But this memory, too, was linked too heavily to those sapphire blue eyes and he was unable to think about it.

It took a few months before he discovered and participated in another aspect of this life without rules or regrets. Eventually, his new friends discovered his lack of experience in sexual matters and made sure to fix that. The first girl he'd been with then was actually a loose member of their group and although she'd been very businesslike and methodical in teaching him, he'd enjoyed it very much. But again, a part of him was repelled by what he did. Making love, it was called, and with good reasons. He'd never wanted to be this close to another person, except –

The pain in his soul grew from day to day, from week to week and he began to hate himself for what he did. But at the same time, he was unable to stop it. For doing that, he would have to admit his guilt to himself consciously, which would only have caused more pain. So he went on, partied every night and spend a lot of them with girls he'd sometimes only met hours before, everything to numb the pain within him. His friends recognized the pattern far sooner than he did himself, though. It didn't take long before they began to point out girls to him, wherever they went. Girls they thought would be his type and more often than not, they were right. It took months again before he realized, though. His type were the blonde ones with blue eyes.

The day this fact sank in he spend retching and gagging and in pain, physically and emotionally. He tried to banish the memories of all these faceless and nameless girls, tried to forget what his twisted mind had tried to do. Instead, he dug out all the happy memories of Astrid, of how they'd spend days and nights together, laughing and joking, of how they'd sometimes talked for hours about a movie or about one of his inventions. He retrieved the memory of her radiant smile and held it up in his mind like an icon, an admonition, a memento of what it was he longed for.

After that, he never again had a one-night-stand or a short-lived affair with any random girls. He did, however, tried to engage himself in earnest relationships, tried to go on, to forget what he would never have. He tried to get to know the girls before they got intimate, but it never worked out. He couldn't stop to look for similarities and none of them were Astrid...

And then Carina joined their gang.

It was during his second year when the first freshmen gave up and rooms in their dorm became available again. She got one of them then and it didn't take long before she, too, became a member of their gang. His friends had teased him about her as she, too, fit his former preferences with her water-colored eyes and the whispy strands of pale blond hair. He'd been dead set on not liking her just because of that. In fact, he'd been anything but nice to her, had hoped really he would be able to chase her away, to make her move to another dorm, to leave him in peace.

But in the end, his efforts had exactly the opposite effect. Carina became more interested in him, maybe even more than she would have been if he'd simply treated her like everyone else. She made an effort to spend time with him, to talk to him, to get to know him. And over time, he got to know her, too.

She was a nice person. She was funny. And she wasn't Astrid… she was not as smart and witty as Astrid. She was kind and even the idea of her retorting with some snide remark or even punching someone was ridiculous. She was slim though not in a sporty way like Astrid was but rather skinny. She was careful about what she ate, a vegetarian. She wasn't really interested in the little effort he spent on his studies, didn't understand what he did there anyway and he soon stopped trying to explain it. She wasn't like Astrid at all, he thought sometimes when he compared them in his mind. Even the resemblances in their looks weren't really that prominent. Yes, she was blond, too, and yes she had blue eyes as well but she looked nothing like Astrid… where Astrid's eyes had the vibrant color of the deep blue sea, Carina's were rather bland, light blue, almost gray really, and missing the intensity of deepness. And where Astrid had to tame her golden mane by braiding it into complicated works of art, Carina's rather silvery strands hang idly and straight down her back. No, she wasn't like Astrid, not at all, and therefore he felt rather save to spend time with her.

Their relationship wasn't a solid or exclusive one. He liked her enough to not mind being intimate with her occasionally as it didn't feel as wrong and twisted as before. It was fun for the both of them, familiar without holding any meaning or commitment. When they all were out in a club, he didn't mind seeing her flirting or even disappearing with other men and this fact was soothing to him beyond belief. It meant that neither he nor she were in any danger of getting hurt by their so called relationship. It didn't mean anything, was just for both their enjoyment. Because he knew deep down that he wasn't able to give her more than that. His heart was taken and he would never be able to give it to anyone else, ever.

And then, near the end of his second year at college, he received the notice of one of his tutors. The warning, that if he didn't put more effort into his studies, he eventually would lose his scholarship and although he'd inherited enough to be able to pay for college as well, this warning reminded him of what he really wanted. He wanted to become an engineer, to put all these ideas in his head into life, to build devices and gadgets that could make life easier. It was what he'd always wished to do and this reminder gave him the strength he needed to escape this life he'd never really sought or wanted.

He left his former friends and wasn't very sorry to know he'd probably never hear from them again. He left the dorm they all lived in and moved into a small apartment where he would be able to concentrate on his studies without any distractions. And he left Carina, who'd been genuinely happy for him as she knew how distraught he'd been over their lifestyle. She'd wished him luck, knowing they'd probably never see each other again. She'd understood, that their relationship, too, was something he needed to leave behind in order to move on.

He paused after this account, giving Heather time to process what he'd told her. Of course, she didn't need much time, she was Heather, after all, but he needed time as well. Aside from the first few days, he had never thought ill of Carina. Not until today that was... There had been nothing in their parting that had hinted at any grudge she might hold against him. And if it was true, if she really thought he would be the father of this girl, then why hadn't she contacted him right away? True, it would not have been what he'd wanted, not then and not with her, but he would have stood up to his responsibility, would have tried to care for her and the child as best he could. And why would she contact him now, and in this manner? It didn't make any sense…

"Alright…" Heather tore him out of his thoughts then. "But why did you tell me all this? You know this Carina, so what? You had a life before, I already knew that. And Astrid knows that, too, by the way, you told her as much if I'm informed correctly. The question is now, why is she here and why is her daughter over at… the…" she trailed off and although Hiccup wasn't looking at her, he could imagine how her eyes widened as every information clicked into place. He reached into his pocket, just like he'd done earlier, drew out the letter and handed it to Heather.

She read it once, twice and a third time, although he was perfectly convinced she'd understood it the first time already. When she lowered the letter, he dared to look up at her again to gauge her reaction. He'd expected her to glare at him with accusation and anger but couldn't find anything remotely like that in her eyes. Instead, she looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then nodded.

"That explains a lot, at least." She stated matter-of-factly. "Though not everything" she added in a low murmur before she continued. "Anyway, what's the plan? I can organize a paternity test if that's what you want? We already have your DNA in our system, getting Lissy's won't be hard. We can compare them at the lair, no one will know who's it is."

Hiccup shut his eyes and took a long and deep breath. Dear Heather, efficient as always. More often than not this trait of hers was rather annoying but not today. Today he wanted to hug her for it, for not making a big deal out of his stupidity.

He nodded. "You think you can get a sample without anyone noticing?" He asked nervously. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep this whole affair hidden for long, not with all the attention he got lately but he still hoped to not see his face on every other magazine tomorrow again, and especially not with a headline like this. But Heather just chuckled.

"Yeah, don't worry. There's enough of her blood on Fishlegs' back seats. You know, he's not very happy about that but now it might come in handy…" she said, with dry humor and if the situation had been different, Hiccup would have been able to laugh about it as well. Fishlegs and his car… He could sense that there was something else that bothered Heather, though, and he could guess what it was.

"How much are you going to tell her?" she asked calmly and there was no question whom she meant by her. Hiccup grimaced but gave the only answer she deserved.

"Everything!" he whispered, knowing the truth would destroy everything he'd been so sure of only this morning.

Heather nodded again and added after a short pause: "You think you can manage things here?" she asked carefully. "Fishlegs and I are going to return to the lair. When I can get this started right away I think we'll have the results on the day after tomorrow. Maybe you want to wait to tell her until you know for sure?"

Delaying the inevitable? Oh yes, he wanted to just that! Wanted it very much! He was good at doing that! He scoffed at himself. Delaying telling Astrid the truth had never turned out to do him any good… But in this case, there was no good to be expected anyway. And Heather was right, he still doubted this girl would really be his daughter. So why tell her, when there probably wasn't anything to tell…

"Mr. Haddock?" They heard a call ringing through the corridors and looked up in unison. A moment later, Sally appeared in the doorway, slightly breathless. "Ah, there you are. Carina Johnson got admitted a few hours ago. She was badly injured but a surgeon already operated on her. She's in intensive care over in the ICU right now and, from what the head nurse told me, is still unconscious."

Hiccup pressed his lips into a thin line. And there went the last hopeful doubts he'd allowed himself. That, maybe, all of this was just a coincidence, a misunderstanding. That Lissy wasn't this Elisabeth, that Carina wasn't really here, that… that all of this was just a fucking nightmare, for Odin's sake! Aloud he said: "Thank you, Sally. I'll go and make sure her daughter learns about this, too."