Warmth Part I Chapter 40, an azumanga daioh fanfic

Part I

Chapter 40

It's so funny.

You piss me off all the damn time, but yet, I still love you.

I mean, I'm still in love with you. That's what I meant...

Minamo's fingers went over Yukari's nose so very gently, outlining the woman's facial features as blades of sunlight slowly crept across them, morning now coming through the window blinds.

...but I guess that's what love is. When you can still make me laugh, and make me so happy, even when you're so...idiotic...

A small beep went off from her wrist watch, a sound that caused her to scowl.

...just a few more minutes. We can be late again. It's summer, after all.

Minamo nodded. It made good sense to her. There were no classes in session yet, the students still enjoying their summer vacations, so the only things that the teachers and staff had to work on were their own personal projects and itineraries. Given that fact, then, being a little late didn't really make much of a difference, meaning that Minamo could spend another ten or so minutes by Yukari's bedside, without having to wake her up to get ready.

...I'm sorry. I know I've been doing this every morning for awhile now, but...but I just need to...

Another gentle rub up and down one of Yukari's arm, another few minutes spent gazing at her as she lazily slept.

In a few days. Just a few more days, and I promise I'll tell you then. So just...just let me have this for now...

Eventually, after she had soaked in enough of the feel and soul of the woman before her, Minamo finally relaxed herself on the carpet. Her head craned backwards, looking up to the ceiling as a gigantic smile crossed her face, those familiar pains in her chest numbed for yet another day.

I wish...I wish I had figured this out a long time ago.

Her aching heart settled down, a welcome experience that she had consistently been blessed with for over the course of the last few weeks, ever since that wonderful day at Magical Land had taken place. Just as it had happened at the end of it all, under a starry night sky, the agony that she had suffered with for so long just simply vanished within a single intimate moment with Yukari now.

If only I had been brave enough to enjoy all of this in the past, whenever I was near you, or holding you, or even just seeing you...

Minamo stifled a giggle, her utter happiness wanting to victoriously leap out from her as she reveled in how well things had been going as of late. It was clockwork now, plain and simple: if her craving for her love came to torment her, then simply becoming overly affectionate with Yukari sealed it all away. Clinging to her arm whenever she got a chance to, leaning against her, feeling and connecting with her beyond how she normally did, all of it was part of the antidote that Minamo had always been much too afraid to obtain before, but now, consumed thoroughly.

And why I was afraid? I'm so stupid...I'm an idiot.

Yukari had expectantly taken some notice of her friend's new set of behaviors, but for the most part, she hadn't seemed to really mind any of it. There was the odd comment here and there about how bubbly Minamo's personality had gotten lately, Yukari wondering if her coworker had begun to dabble in the world of drugs, but those instances had just been the woman's usual humor at play. Outside of that, she had easily gone along with it all, acting as casually towards her as she always had.

...so, it has to be true, then. She...

Another shiver of real delight shot through her, just the mere thought of it making her dizzy with joy.

...she really must think of me differently from everyone else!

It was a safe conclusion for Minamo to make now, after all of the experiments, examinations, and dissections of her old friend's reactions towards her new identity. Yukari undoubtedly thought of her as more than a mere 'best friend', because even the closest of companions wouldn't feel comfortable with the recent actions that Minamo had been engaging in with her.

There is something more. I know it. I know it! And soon...very soon...

She already had everything planned out for the big occasion, had known exactly what she wanted to say for almost a month now. This coming Sunday, Minamo would take her love out for dinner, drive them both back to her apartment for some drinks and relaxation, and then...talk.

Talk about the two of them, the truth about herself, and then, their future together.

...I can't wait! But...I guess I can live with this, for now, though...

Minamo sat back up, setting herself next to the bed again as her hand went to one of Yukari's, gently caressing it, her fantasies taking off again. Although most of her recent romantic mannerisms had been through means that her love had been aware of, there were still instances of it that she would never find out about. Whenever Yukari had a bit too much to drink, whenever she was asleep as she now was, Minamo would go past personal boundaries that weren't regularly available for her to transcend, holding and treating her like a real lover. And while her conscience did feel a bit heavy by hiding these things from Yukari, she deemed her actions to be quite justifiable.

If it's me doing it, then it's fine. I'm the only one allowed to do this to her anyway...so, it's fine...

She nodded to herself, being cautious with her tender conduct as she continued to indulge her hunger.

We'll go to work soon. Just sleep for now, Yukari. It's fine.

Another tight press of her hand over the other woman's, and then, Minamo slid her grasp up Yukari's arm, massaging it gently as she got lost in the feeling of it all.

It's ok. It's just me doing it, so it's ok. Besides...it helps me. You're helping me stay calm, Yukari. So it's ok, right?

...I mean...you're mine, remember? So, really, it's...it's my right to do things like this to you...

The pure sensation of bliss, the raw warmth that ran through her veins now, all of it grew rapidly in abundance. In her mind, she imagined the reality of their future together, of them happily and openly loving each other, living together, existing...

...existing...

...together. Oh...that would be so wonderful. It will be wonderful! And...you'll love me everyday...

...and you'll keep admitting it to me over and over again. And then you'll tell me how much you love to look...

...love to look...at...

...look...

...look...at...

...what?

...at me, of course.

Ah, right.

At me.

Yes!

I really can't wait.

It's going to be fantastic.

I'm not scared at all. There's nothing to fear. I just have to tell her, and that will be that.

Then we'll really be together...finally.

...yeah.

Yukari...she'll finally see me in the way that she should be seeing me.

That she has been seeing me, of course.

Right.

And then...

...and then...

...everything will finally be like how I want it to be.

How it should be.

So I finally...

...so I finally won't have to worry about this stupid, damn pain anymore.

As I waited in my car, I went about cleaning up a bit of clutter that was caught between the seats. I don't know, I just can't stand when things are a little messy, or when they're out of order. Everyone always pokes fun of me because of those habits of mine, but that's just the way that I am, so I can't help it. I'm a neat freak! However, I do always notice that when I'm a bit nervous or anxious, that I start nitpicking about my surroundings more than usual...

I guess I'm nervous right now?

I looked at the clock on my radio. A handful of minutes had already passed by since I had first parked outside of her house. Yukari knew I was here, I just talked to her on the phone, but that woman always takes forever to get ready to go out. Well, 'getting ready' isn't quite the right term for it, I suppose. It's more like...whenever she 'chooses to leave her bed'. Yeah, that sounds more appropriate.

...come on...

Ugh, get out here already! It's so strange. I feel like I'm usually a very patient person, but there's just been this edge to me today. It's hard to describe. I mean...to some degree, I can understand it. I'm going to finally tell her that I'm a lesbian today, and that I want to go out with her. So, of course I'm jittery. I've been hiding this for so long...it's natural to feel like this. No one would blame me.

But still, I thought I'd feel a little more composed about all of this. I've rehearsed what I'm going to say at least a hundred times so far, and I haven't been as agitated with my feelings about her as of late...

Ha!

What am I saying?

Me, of all people, should understand what's going on here. I'm an athlete...I know that's it's a completely different experience to practice for an event, versus actually participating in the real thing...

It's alright, though. All this apprehension will be in the past once the moment in question is over.

I mean...once...once we're together, I mean...

Oh, I love this smile.

The smile that just came on my face...

...it's always so great to feel.

This smile that comes, whenever I think about Yukari becoming my girlfriend.

*thump*

Whoa!

That totally scared me.

I was off in my own world and hadn't even realized that Yukari had walked up to the car, until she just knocked on the window.

I unlocked the door for her, and then had to suppress a small gasp as the feeling blitzed me again, the tingling sensation of having her right beside me, my love sitting down in the passenger seat. Every time now, it's just like this...like I'm meeting an attractive blind date for the very first time, even though I've known Yukari for years and years.

It's pins and needles whenever I look at her now, whenever I talk to her, or hear her laugh...

"So, what we doin' tonight?"

"I thought we'd get some foreign food, like...you've had 'pasta' before, right? They have this nice place near the business center that we could go try out."

She smiled. "Sure. Sounds good to me."

I nodded happily. Oh...I'm so anxious to just get this confession out from me already. But...but not here! Just a few hours more, Minamo. Then! Then it's time!

"Alright! Oh, did you bring along that movie that you wanted to watch?"

Yukari didn't answer me. She just simply pulled up a DVD case from the floor of the car, waving it at me. I hadn't even seen her toss it down there.

"Cool...ok, let's go, then."

I turned the ignition on, the car getting into gear as we got on our way. It would take about fifteen minutes to arrive at the downtown area where the restaurant was, and maybe another ten or so minutes spent walking there, once we found a lot to park in, so...maybe a half hour to reach there in all?

Yeah, that sounds about right, especially since traffic is light on Sunday evening. You see, I always estimate travel times in my head whenever Yukari is with me, because she always has trouble keeping her appetite, and hence, her temper, in check, if we took too long in getting to our destination. So, figuring out our ETA beforehand allows me to plan things out a bit better for my sanity's sake.

And, as I predicted, there really wasn't much traffic on the roads today.

What a wonderful dinner that was! But, oh, man...I think I ate way too much, though. I couldn't help it. I just totally let go when they put our plates down in front of us. The only other time I ever pig out like that is when I'm famished after a swim or a game. I wonder why I was so hungry? Maybe I was just trying to settle my nerves with food, because I was getting pretty antsy during it all. Yukari and I had a great conversation in the restaurant, and she cracked me up like she always did, but the rest of the night to come was just on my mind so much...

...but...it was still a fantastic evening out. And...geez, I hope she didn't notice, but...I was getting constantly flustered by just looking at her, because...

...because she's so...

...I still have trouble even just thinking it:

Because she's so hot!

She's fire! That's what she is.

Fire, fire, fire, fire...

Oh, we're home.

"Unlock the door already, would ya'?

My eyes were wide open, yet it felt like I was almost asleep...like I was dreaming. That's been happening to me a lot lately. I zone out and just forget everything.

"S-sorry!"

I rustled through my keys, found the right one, and then opened the door to my apartment.

We stepped inside. After tossing off our shoes, we quickly began to get the remainder of our night underway. To Yukari's delight, I pulled a case of beers out of the fridge, while she in turn popped her DVD into my disc player. It was some mystery movie that I had never heard about, an obscure little title that only someone like Yukari would ever really know of or care for.

She started playing it as I dimmed the apartment lights. Yukari always needed it to be dark whenever she wanted to watch a movie, for the ambiance and what not. In any case, we settled down in front of the couch and made ourselves comfortable on the carpet, something of which I think I did a bit awkwardly. The nerves are really starting to get to me now. I was just thinking that...well, while I feel that I'm ready with what I want to say to her, I never really thought much about the actual timing. Should I tell her during the movie? Hmm...maybe I could pause it mid way, and just say...that I have something to tell her? Would that be too out of the blue?

Wait, hold on. Who am I kidding? This whole thing is out of the blue! I'm going to tell her that I'm in love with her, after almost sixteen years of knowing her...

"Yesssss! That dude totally deserved to be shot. Man, I hope he kicks the bucket."

Dude? Oh. Right. The movie. I hadn't really been watching it at all. How far are we into it? Time is really flying...ah, I see. One of the side characters got shot. Geez...why does she always laugh at things like that? I think that was one of the good guys, too.

Ah well...at least she's in a good mood, it seems. She's been like that most of the day. Well, really any day when I'm treating her out...

Hmm, I guess I should wait to talk to her. She seems to be really getting into the story now. I don't think she'd hear me...

I'll...I'll just wait until the movie's done. I don't want to bother her right now. Yeah. Just a little more time...

"That was garbage. I saw that endin' comin' a mile away."

I flipped the source on the television back to my regular set of channels, the movie now done and over with, and then got up to turn the lights back on. "Yeah...it was a little predictable. The acting was ok though, right?"

Yukari looked over at me as she yawned, stretching her arms. "Eh...was ok, I guess. Pfft, this is the last time I let a student recommend me a flick. Those brats got no taste."

I chuckled as I sat back down. Actually, to be honest, I had no idea if the actors were good or not. I barely watched the thing. "...well, it was nice of you to try their recommendation, at least."

She shrugged then, taking another drink from her beer. How many had she had so far tonight? I think only one, actually. Wow, she's taking it easy.

"Anyway...are you hungry? Do you want a snack?"

She motioned with a hand towards me, and I knew what she wanted. I gave her the remote, and she started searching for something else to watch. "Nah. I'm pretty full. Kinda' tired."

"Ok."

The conversation died down then, along with the atmosphere. The movie was finished, Yukari was in a sort of sedative state now, and me, well...

My hands balled into fists, and my heart wanted to just suddenly leap out from its cavity.

This is it.

"...h-hey...Yukari."

"What?"

Here we go.

Everything is perfect now.

It was just us together, no one else listening, no one else around, and I had the safety of my apartment around me...an environment that made me feel so comfortable, so very at ease.

And so, now, it was all in place.

I swallowed, doing my best to stay cool. "...um...I need...let's...can we talk...?"

She looked at me strangely then. Ugh, I'm already blowing this, I can tell. "Uh...ok?"

"I...um...y-you know...we've been..."

...ugh...

"What's up with you?"

"N-nothing! I'm just...something...I..."

...spit it out...!

"...I was...what I was trying to say was, that..."

She drank from her can, just watching me over the rim of it, staring at me like I was crazy.

"...l-let's...make sure...that we look up movies online first next time...before we watch them, ok? Y-you know...a review...so we don't waste our time again. Yeah...?"

A small pause, then Yukari chuckled. "Yeah. Yer' right. Shoulda' done that so we don't have to watch any shit again."

...damn it!

What the hell...?

Yukari went back to watching television, just in time as well, because my jaw just shivered wildly.

And...am I sweating?

Argh!

I don't know what just happened. My confidence...it just suddenly died.

I blew my chance!

...I couldn't take the shot.

That was the perfect opportunity! So, what the hell?

What the hell just happened to me?

I was feeling so good about this!

I thought...I thought I was ready for this, then...

...ugh..

...this strange thought just came to me as I was trying to confess, and it threw me off completely.

How do I describe it? It's...I don't know.

Maybe it was more like a feeling. It just felt that...that I should hang on for something instead of telling her.

Hang on?

Hang on...or, wait, maybe? Waiting? Yeah...that's what it felt like. Like I should wait, or things would have gotten screwed up.

But...wait for what?

Waiting for...

...ugh, I don't know.

I don't know!

I just don't know! What am I waiting for still? Why can't I just tell her? I was so happy and confident around her all this time, when I was...when I was, you know, getting a little...closer to her...

So, why the hell can't I tell her now?

I was ready!

And...and now...

...I'm running away, again.

My arms folded around my knees, and I think I started to sulk a bit.

I'll...I'll try again.

Relax.

Keep calm. Like on the field.

Stay steady.

You can still do this.

...I don't know how much time went by then.

Was it midnight now? I have no idea. I don't care.

It didn't matter.

Yukari had fallen asleep. I didn't even noticed when it happened. She didn't even drink that much tonight. Maybe two cans? That's way below her regular count, so I guess she was just tired.

But regardless of that, I failed.

I kept hesitating this whole time, kept messing up my chances these last few hours.

Every single time, that feeling came back...and I blew it.

I couldn't tell her.

About our relationship.

Damn it! What just happened? I was so...so sure of myself...

When will I be able to tell you? Why is...why is this so difficult...? I just wasted this entire night, all the time I spent getting ready for this...

Why can't I do this?

Even...even a child can. My student...my student could do it...

...but I can't.

I'm pathetic.

All I can do is just sit here...

...on the floor...

...doing nothing. Just...doing nothing.

What the hell happened?

This last month...I was so happy. I was living in a dream. I was finally free!

And now, it feels like I'm back in the cage. My chest feels like something's stuck in it. This was my night! My night to change everything. And now...

...no, I'm not going to wake her up to try still. That'd be so rude.

I'll...I'll just try another time. Yeah. Another time. I'll...I'll plan another night...and...th-

I sneered at myself suddenly.

You're a fool. You're never going to be able to tell her.

...but why? Why can't I?

Why...?

I'm an adult now! I'm an adult! I should...be able to do this by now...

But then, why can't I?

I can't...I can't even identify what's keeping me back now. Is it fear? What is this...?

This feeling, like I should...wait...wait for something...?

But...!

But the person I love is right next to me, in my apartment, resting against my couch. She's right there! Why should I wait? Why can't I just tell her now?

I just want to tell her...so that...

...so that...

...I can stop being alone.

Because...even if you're...always with me, Yukari...

...I'm still alone.

Until...

...until I can tell you.

I'm going to be alone forever, aren't I?

With this damn pain in my chest.

It will never go away.

It will never heal, because...because she's always around me, so it keeps tearing back open.

This stupid, damn wound, that keeps gushing...

...I hate it...I hate it so much...

...it's hurting now. It's really, really hurting...

Then why don't you make it better?

I can't! I just c-

No, like how you have been doing. How you've been doing so for a while now.

What? I haven't been doing any-...oh.

Oh!

Wait...no. That...wouldn't be right.

But you've been doing it anyway.

I lifted myself from where I was sitting, crawling closer to Yukari then, slowly, silently, making very sure as not to rouse her.

That's right. There you go.

Remember?

You don't really have to tell her anything to feel better. It's ok. She'd understand.

Don't worry.

...right.

The smile came back, as I remembered.

I forgot. How silly of me.

I forgot that she's in love with me.

Idiot!

So...so doing this is fine. You're helping me cope, Yukari.

It's fine.

With great caution, I slowly lifted one of Yukari's hands, holding it between my own as she slept. I massaged it then, felt it, her smooth palm, the touch of her fingers intermingled between my own...

...yes...

...and almost immediately, I began to feel the pain ebb away. Joy replaced it as I engaged with her, connected with her through our fingertips.

She entered my head then. I saw us. She was holding my hand. We were walking, so peacefully...peacefully walking...together...hand in hand.

...oh, Yukari.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I keep...that I keep having to hide this from you. These things, that I'm doing...

Please just give me this. Don't make me feel guilty.

It just...it helps me, Yukari.

I'm not a strong...I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I need things like this. I have desires, too.

Don't you understand, Yukari?

It fixes things for a little while...when I touch you. And hold you. And feel as if you're...

...as if you're...

...you're...

My eyes suddenly opened wide with realization, a truth slamming into me.

That's why I still can't express my feelings for you!

Of course!

It's because, when I hold you like this, it's...it's...you're...

...you're the one that's actually touching me!

That's it!

You're the one that's coming out to me! That wants me!

That's why...

...that's why you've been holding me every morning, isn't it? That's...that's why...you keep...feeling me...all day...

That's right.

Because...

...because you're the one...

...you're the one who's going to confess to me!

It was so obvious. I'm so blind.

You've been working on telling me that you love me all this time. Of course...of course it would feel wrong, then, for me to take the initiative!

That's why I can't say it!

Because you haven't said it first!

It's not your fault, Minamo.

What a wonderful epiphany. I feel so much better about my failure now. I needed that answer.

Just like I needed her hand against my face, so Yukari went and put it there for me.

Thank you, Yukari. I needed it there.

That's why you put it there.

And now...you're rubbing it against my cheek. She cupped it against it. It was so nice and warm, and I could feel her admiration of me through it. I could hear her telling me that she was in love with me, as if her hand itself were the words, gently rubbing my face, gently revering me.

She just has to tell you her real feelings.

Yes!

You have to tell me these things, Yukari, or how will I find out?

You have to tell me...that you can't manage without me.

And that you love how I look...and you have to tell me that I'm attractive to you, over and over and over again...

And that...and that you're really amazed by me, and everything that I do...

Everything I accomplish...

You love me so much. That's what you want to tell me, isn't it?

That's why...that's why you need to confess to me already.

Please...just do it...

...tell me that you love me more than anything.

And...that you find me perfect...and that you're so proud to be in love with me...

That's why you have to wait. You have to wait for her to come to you.

What a wonderful feeling this is, when Yukari touches my face like this! She's holding my face so lovingly now. Oh...Yukari...don't stop...please...just keep your hand on me forever. Please...never let this end, Yukari...

I caressed my face into her palm and fingers, and I took in the scent of her body from it. Then, I kissed it. I kissed it! Over and over again. Every single one of her fingers, because, she was letting me.

Love me!

My senses were lit! They were blazing! Amazing. Amazing! So incredible...so...so very incredible. Yukari really does love me. That's why she's touching me. She wants me...she really does. She wouldn't just do that to anyone, so...she...

...she...

...she does love you.

Yukari's arm went back on the carpet. I held it all the way down as she placed it. I didn't want to let go. But it's fine, Yukari. The pain...the heartache, it's gone for the moment. You saved me again.

Every time you touch me like this...you save me. You make the pain go away.

Yes. It's fine if you want to keep things like this for now, Yukari. If you want to just feel my skin with your hand, that's fine. You can confess to me later. As long as you keep touching me like you just did, then I can live. I can wait.

Yes!

Yukari, when you come to me, I'll be waiting. I'll wait forever. I swear I will. But until you do, please, just keep using me whenever you need. You can hold me any time you want, like you have been doing. You're so daring to just do things like that to me. But it's ok. Because...because it...

...keeps my heart together.

From crumbling.

I sat back on the floor then, grinning, just grinning. Even though Yukari hadn't actually confessed yet, she did just verify that she loves me. She only caresses my face and no one elses.

That's right!

She only does that to me. Because we're lovers.

And as my lover, only she knows how to make the pain go away.

...what was that?

Huh?

What, Yukari?

Oh.

Oh!

Of course. Of course I will.

I set myself right next to her again. She just told me that she wanted me to feel her hair. Of course, Yukari. I can do that.

Since she wanted me to, I began to run my fingers through her hair, picking up the wavy strands and dropping them, just playing with them. She really does have amazing hair. It's like a thriving forest...just so full of life.

For a few minutes, I did as Yukari asked. My hand somehow went to her face then, because Yukari wanted it there. It was fine that she wanted that, because I adored the feeling of her skin. Velvet...that's what it is. So nice, and sleek, and...warm...

She's so hot. I can't believe it.

...warm...

Ah...I feel like, the temperature...in the apartment...is increasing.

Well, it is summer. A summer night.

...warm...

...warm?

Ah.

Yeah.

...they do look warm. Now that I really focus on them.

Oh.

I just leaned in towards her. My face is half a foot away from hers.

She said she wouldn't mind.

She wants me to find out.

...it's getting humid.

...why isn't the A/C coming on?

Well, I'll check that later.

Right now, I have to do what Yukari wants.

She's my girlfriend, after all.

Gently...gently...

I tilted my head, slowly edging myself closer to her. Her mouth was just slightly open, just the perfect amount.

She did that on purpose, so that this would go well.

You're so kind, Yukari.

Oh.

Your breath is warm, too. I feel it on my face.

My body started shaking.

...hmm.

That's peculiar.

I'm burning up inside, but shivering on the outside. How strange.

Whatever.

I closed my eyes. I've never kissed someone on the mouth before.

But, Yukari wants me to.

She wants me to feel how warm her lips are. She wants me to see how it feels to make out with another woman.

Of course, Yukari.

I'll do that.

Since you want me to.

Ok.

Ok.

Here...

...my nose is touching hers...

...here, now...

...here we...

...here we g-

..e...

...o...

...t...

...ga...

I froze, a fraction of space between my mouth and hers.

I couldn't make contact, because...

...because my body just stopped moving. I...

...I suddenly...I suddenly felt...

...like I wanted to vomit.

My brain is vomiting.

What...?

I heard...

...something...?

Someone...just said...something.

I swear it.

And...

...it...

I'm terrified now.

I'm terrified.

I heard it.

In my head.

In my bones...I heard...

...I'm...I'm so scared...

...and...I feel...

...no...I can taste...

I can taste it.

I can taste...on my tongue...

...the blood...

...because...

...I'm the victim.

I'm the body on the floor.

I was murdered.

Blood...

...help...

...someone help me...!

It's spilling...

...everywhere!

My blood...my blood...

...blood...

...

...bloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloo-

"Yeah, that's enough of that."

Oh.

I didn't even see that...

...Yukari's eyes had opened.

Hmm.

Why does she look so angr-

"Agh!"

She threw me off.

She kicked me off.

I'm on the carpet now. The ceiling...

...it's spinning.

I think I sat up.

Ah, it's flowing out of my mouth.

A red waterfall.

...it's so warm.

Yukari...she's on her feet. She's looking down at me.

Now she's wiping her hand...on her skirt.

She must have gotten her hand dirty.

You should wash your hand then, Yukari, if it's dirty.

"I thought you were actin' weird lately. What the fuck were you about to do?"

...me? Is she talking to me?

"Tell me."

I think my mouth opened. But, I forgot my own language.

And, there's too much blood coming out. So I shouldn't talk.

"So are you a lesbian or what? How long have you been doin' this shit to me?"

I feel...

Yukari bit her lip. She was just watching me. What's she looking at?

I'm feeling...ill...

"...yeah, just keep quiet then, you fuckin' liar. You ain't no different. You never were."

She turned around. She went to the entrance way then, and put on her shoes.

Someone told her to wait.

Yukari looked at me then. I'm not sure why. I didn't say anything. But I sort of wish she hadn't looked at me. There was a strange expression on her face. It was an angry face, but something else was mixed with it as well.

It's scary.

"Shut the fuck up. And don't pick me up in the mornin'."

The person who asked her to wait asked her once again. She wanted to explain something to Yukari. Whoever it was, she sounded pretty annoying.

"Shut up!"

Ugh, I hope they stop their conversation. My head is pounding, so they're giving me a headache.

I heard the door slam as it closed.

Yukari was gone. I didn't even see her leave.

Ah...

I think I know where she's going. She's probably off to tell everyone.

Well, that's fine. I'll just have to stay in here forever, then.

...ah...

Oh...I can taste more of it now.

The blood.

The warmth of it.

It's pouring out everywhere.

I'm sitting in my own blood.

...huh?

Oh.

...I'm hearing voices.

I can hear everyone talking about me now.

From outside the door.

Yukari must have told them.

Everyone must know by now.

They hate me.

But they always did. I should have known.

Everyone hates me. I'm not really any good.

I'm a waste.

It's true.

...

Mmm...

...it really is warm.

Yeah. Blood really is warm.

...

You know...

...at the end of it all...

...I really do hate warm things.

...

They make me sick.

End of Part I