Part II
Chapter 45
"...you have to go...! Stop just sitting here! Go get her...!"
As the woman in her arms continued to lament, Kagura started to observe something that was quite strange. Suddenly, the world around her had begun to stumble over itself, slowing down as if it had become drunk. The reality of everything that she had just gone through, of all the things she had just heard this woman so loudly spout out, had finally registered with her, the impact of it so overwhelmingly surreal.
It was an odd sensation, but not one that was completely disorienting; she just didn't feel as if she were of her regular state of mind anymore. The only similar experience that Kagura could compare it to was that of entering a runner's high, or feeling the effects of being in the zone during a game. On one hand, everything seemed so distant from her now, as if she had somehow grown apart from her immediate environment. But yet, at the same time, she had also become much more aware of it all, able to view her surroundings with a far sharper lens, to grasp and examine it all in true focus.
The bright lighting of the apartment. That was the first matter that had immediately caught the attention of Kagura's heightened perception. She could acknowledge it now, could tell how abnormal its illuminating presence was, because it was actually still daytime outside. The lights were needed because the balcony window's blinds had been closed shut, sunlight bleeding in between the blades like an uninvited guest that was attempting to sneak inside.
And then, there was the television.
The thing was on, must have been on, since she had originally arrived, Kagura only just now realizing it. Sound was emanating from it, and the screen itself was displaying its contents properly, but neither of those details had caught her attention before. From what she could recall, she had sworn that the apartment itself had been completely silent this entire time.
However, while Kagura did feel a bit foolish for initially overlooking such obvious facts, she found that she was able to excuse herself for the omissions, given that her mind had previously been dealing with a far greater spectacle.
Her concentration shifted back to it then, to the most significant of all the epiphanies. This woman that she had been holding against her, that was still wailing relentlessly at her, had kept referring to her by her first name over and over and over again.
Which, to Kagura, seemed like such an incredibly strange thing for her to do, since she didn't have a single clue as to who this person was.
That was the greatest revelation that had become so evident to her, above everything else that she was now fully aware of. This weeping, erratic mess beneath her, Kagura was sure that she had never met her before.
Of course, she did indeed appear like that other person whom she actually knew.
Had the same face and hair style, the same physical characteristics, the same voice.
But, outside of that outward resemblance...
...everything else was completely different.
The familiar, glowing confidence, that cool and calm persona, the genuine, warm smile that was always used to greet her, all of the wonderful qualities that were so prevalent in her real mentor were not to be found in this woman at all.
No, not this sobbing pile of hysterics.
Kagura was positive that she would never act like this, that she would never display such bizarre behaviors, as the core of her actual coach's character was engineered from a different set of plans entirely.
So, this couldn't possibly be her, then.
There was just no way.
And, besides that...
...kiss...
Kagura bit her lip hard, the myriad of conflicting details now beginning to come to blows with one another in her thoughts, her apparent understanding of everything quickly unraveling.
...'her'...?
She didn't get it. It just made absolutely no sense to Kagura, of how she could both know and not know a person at the exact same time, the complexity of this insane puzzle now inflicting her with an awful headache.
'Wow.'
No one had to actually say it aloud, as Kagura was sure that every boy and girl in the classroom had instantly thought the same thing. The sounds of bodies shuffling in surprise as they sat at their desks, the chorus of subtle gasps, all of it served as adequate enough proof of their amazement.
A young, attractive guy, just out of college, with a height that was perhaps a bit below average: that was Kagura's first impression of their P.E. instructor as he had walked into the classroom, his fresh aura and handsome looks instantly grabbing everyone's full attention. With short, black hair and bangs that were fixed with just the right amount of dishevelment, and a lovely, crisp smile that fit his soft face so perfectly well, it was just so easy to imagine that a single glance at him could slay any admirer. And, as to attest to that fact, it had taken just under a second for his appearance to bring forth the expected reaction. Upon getting a better view of him, once he had moved to the front of the room, a collection of cooing and dreamy sighs had then flowed forth from a number of girls, all of whom had just personally thanked the heavens for being assigned such a majorly cute sensei.
His voice, however, had quickly spoiled the ruse.
"Hello, everyone! Welcome to your very first year of high school! Are you excited? Ok, well, my name is Minamo Kurosawa, and I'm going to be your homeroom teacher..."
It had such a splendid tone to it, the words uttered with this pleasant regality, a very even and formal manner of speaking. In presentation itself, it was of the kind that one would expect from a natural orator, someone who knew how to properly address a group of people with both clarity and confidence.
The only thing about it, however, was that it just wasn't a guy's voice.
'Holy crap! She's awesome...!'
Kagura felt herself fall into wonder as she sat in the middle of the classroom, the inaugural moments of her high school experience already leaving her speechless. Their smart-looking, handsome P.E. teacher was actually a woman!
'Awesome, awesome, awesome!'
This was the first time that she had ever seen, let alone met, anyone like this Kurosawa-sensei person before, a female who appeared to be just oozing with coolness and finesse. It had been impossible to initially identify her sex from not only her boyish looks, but also from the way that she had walked and moved, not many other women that Kagura knew possessing that recognizable athletic flair to their step.
Oh, and her personality! As Kurosawa-sensei went on with her introductory speech, Kagura could feel herself already beginning to adore this woman. She was an athlete, a former competitive swimmer, and a real lover of sports, too! She even went so far as to answer questions about her favorite teams, and then got into a light debate over the roster selection of their city's baseball franchise this year, displaying her knowledge of every player with absolutely no problem at all.
And with every breath she spoke, this superb mix of kindness and poise was elucidated, demonstrating how affectionate her character was, of how comfortable she was to be around.
Her discussion with her class went on like that, and the more she talked, the more that Kagura became excited. Finally, an adult woman that she could truly relate to, talk to, identify with. Someone who loved and engaged in her own hobbies as much as she did, who seemed to automatically garner respect by just simply standing there. Even the light blue track uniform that she wore invited admiration, the upturned collar-look giving this woman such a snazzy elegance.
Yes! Kurosawa-sensei was undoubtedly and totally cool, no buts about it. Kagura could easily tell that everything about her was amazing, despite the fact that she had only known her for a handful of minutes at best. Regardless of that triviality though, Kagura was all set to get in her ear the very moment that she had the chance to. She wanted to know more about this person, her history, wanted to converse with her about all the things that she normally couldn't with most other women.
And then, Kagura heard her laugh. It was wonderful. It was so calm and perfect, so incredibly reassuring.
"...of course you can! I'm not that great with other subjects, but I'm always here to help." Kurosawa-sensei smiled, and temperature of the classroom struck this perfect level of warmth. "Ah, and that reminds me. Let me get back on track with the introduction for a moment..."
Every student listened with the utmost of intent.
"...since I'm your homeroom teacher, that means that I'm chiefly responsible for each of you, and I'm not just talking about stuff that has to do with school. What I mean is, is that if you guys are ever really feeling down or frustrated about something, then I'm always here to help out with that, too! For example...if you need someone to listen to you about a personal problem, or you just need some advice for something outside of class, then you should definitely feel free to come talk to me. Now, I can't promise that I'll always be able to give you the right answers, but I think a lot of the time it just helps to have someone listen to you. And of course, everything between us will always be confidential, so you definitely shouldn't feel shy about approaching me, ok? I want to make sure that you kids are successful in every part of your lives, so remember that I'm always here for you, and so are all the other teachers as well! Alright, guys?"
The whole of the classroom nodded in unison, and Kagura could feel a current of awe swirl about the place, everyone feeling so at ease after their sensei's brief speech. This was a first year class after all, full of students who were nervous about their initial foray into this new academic world, Kagura included, but the woman before them had just so effortlessly swept all that anxiety away.
Kurosawa-sensei smiled again, goodwill cascading out from every single crease on her cheeks. "Alright! So, where were we..."
Kagura had to fight herself in order to keep her rising enthusiasm contained, something that had always proven quite hard for her to do. It was just that, she had never expected to encounter someone like Kurosawa-sensei in her life, and now that she finally had, she had instantly become infatuated with her. Even though there was still a full school day ahead of her, with many other sensei's yet to be met, Kagura had still already decided that this woman was her favorite one of all time.
And she hadn't even spoken to her yet!
"Sensei!"
Their teacher glanced over towards the voice, acknowledging a girl who had raised her hand. "Yes?"
"Umm...I have a question." The student grinned mischievously. "Are you maaarrrriiieeed?"
"...m-married?" Kurosawa-sensei began to laugh timidly. "Ah...that was fast. Um, no, I'm not..."
A round of murmuring went throughout the young crowd then, a few suppressed giggles coupled along with them. And, while Kagura had expected the boys of the class to show some interest in the woman's single-status, she was surprised to see that their reactions were dwarfed by the outward delight of a generous number of girls.
"...anyway...l-let's take roll! We have a lot of stuff to go over today...!"
Kagura crooked her head as her chin rested in her hand, elbow planted upon her desk.
'That was weird...'
The sheepishness that her sensei had just displayed had been more than obvious to notice, her silky composure having wrinkled wildly for just a second when the question had been asked. It had been an inquiry into her personal life though, so it was understandable that Kurosawa-sensei might have felt a little hesitant about answering it. Maybe she was the type that just wasn't comfortable when talking about stuff like that, or was simply a little embarrassed to admit that she was single.
However...
'...meh.'
Kagura didn't spend too much time pondering over it. It wasn't a huge deal. She had just simply found her sensei's reaction to the question a little intriguing, but not because the topic of 'love' had been placed on the table. She herself had never really cared about romance or relationships, didn't really understand what all the fuss was about. To her, all that stuff just seemed like a needless burden to carry as one tried to enjoy life, like someone tying a heavy weight to their body as they prepared to freestyle on a motocross bike.
No, her interest had nothing to do with anything like that. Rather, it lay within this lapse of her sensei's dialogue itself.
For a fraction of a heartbeat, Kagura had seen a particular emotion flash across Kurosawa-sensei's face, one that had made the woman become so eerily quiet and motionless, before all the abashment had kicked in. She was positive that what she had seen was a real occurrence as well, not something of her imagination's invention, because when she had witnessed it, the barest trickle of deja vu had gone through her.
Kagura couldn't explain why she had experienced it, especially since she wasn't even able to put a proper name on the emotion that she had seen. But, for a reason that was completely unknown to her, it still just felt so incredibly familiar.
The cadence of the world gradually returned to its regular beat, everything moving about her in proper order again.
Kagura wasn't sure how much time had passed by since she had fallen into that strange daze. It could have been a few seconds, or a few minutes, or maybe even more. Somewhere during it all though, the woman in her arms had stopped her incessant pleading. She looked exhausted, just laying there in a heap against her, and Kagura swore that at least half of her original body weight had vanished, this person becoming like a feather to her.
And, on top of that, she had now become so strikingly quiet as well.
Outside of the dull drone of the television, the apartment had become all but silent. No more yelling or desperate cries, no subtle whimpering even, because this woman had apparently lost her desire to speak, had grown exasperated from her belligerent antics.
Kagura, however, wasn't falling for any of it, because she had finally come to understand.
She got it.
She finally, finally got it.
Got 'that', in any case...
Yes, it was true that she still didn't really know this particular individual as well as she had previously believed. Kagura was utterly confused by everything that had happened today, everything this person had related to her, and all of that was still well beyond her capabilities to properly figure out and solve.
But, as for the reason as to why this woman had suddenly clammed up, however...
...that was something that Kagura could comprehend now, and the answer had nothing to do with becoming tired.
...yep.
It happened then, exactly on cue, her theory already proving itself correct.
The woman in her arms, she was now calmly pulling herself out of the embrace. She kept her head down, staying muted...
...slowly backing away from her...
...slowly retreating...
"It's cool, don't worry."
Kagura held onto her, keeping her close, not allowing her to get away.
"You don't gotta' be scared to talk to me. I mean, you already said some stuff about what's goin' on...so don't back out now, ok?"
The woman didn't respond with words, but she didn't have to, as the shiver that went through her then was more informative than any verbal response.
Kagura grinned widely down at her, deliberately speaking with her usual cheer now. "Hey, it's cool, it's cool. I'm gonna' help you out, so come on and trust me, ok?"
Another shudder left the woman, pulsing through her breaths.
"Yeah...you wanted me to help you, right? So, I'm gonna' help. Just don't be scared to talk to me, ok? I mean, I'm here to listen, but you know, it's your call whether you wanna' talk or not. But, hey, I'm here..."
A small period of silence came, the individual in front of her remaining as inert as a rock.
Kagura let go of her arms then, feeling like it was a good move to make now. "...I mean, I'm not gonna' promise that I'll have all the answers for ya', but yeah, I'm here to listen still! And that'll help! C'mon..."
The person continued to stare down at the carpet, suspended black hair hiding her face.
"...hey..."
"...I..."
She watched the woman's arms wrap around her own body then, the palm of a hand pushed against an area near her sternum, as if she were attempting to keep something inside.
"...it's just...whenever...sometimes, I want to..."
Kagura stifled her reflex to hold her again, something telling her to wait.
"...when I want to...talk to someone...about it...then...I...it hurts...and I want to...throw up..."
The words were difficult to hear, all of them coming out so softly, empty heaving weaved in between each one.
"...so...I want to talk...but it's...hard, and...because I don't want...people to know..."
"...ok. I get it."
"...because...I want them...to not think...differently..."
"...ok. Right. Ok."
"...so just...please, please don't...tell...don't tell anyone...about this. I...want help...but...I don't know, who she's told...just promise me...don't tell anyone...don't tell anyone, Kagura, please..."
"Hey, don't worry about anything. I promise I won't tell anyone. You can totally trust me! I totally swear. I mean, we're teammates, right?"
It was slight, her head stiff with indecision, but the woman nodded. "...don't...tell my friends...or anyone I know...don't...just don't..."
Kagura reclined back, loosening up her posture, her legs crossed. "I won't, I won't, don't worry, don't worry. I'm not gonna' do anything like that. I just wanna' know what's going on so I can help you, so you can feel better! Ok?"
"...y-yeah..."
"Ok...so, yeah...if you need to get somethin' out, then go ahead. Just take it easy...ok?"
The woman's shoulders moved up and down as she deeply inhaled again and again, a minute passing away. "I...I...I..."
"It's cool, it's cool. Take it easy."
"...I...yesterday, I wanted...I wanted to ask her...to go out with me."
Kagura felt her skin tingle over, the hairs on her body suddenly coating over with frost. "...you...you mean Yukari...?"
More extensive breaths came out, this person obviously spending a massive amount of effort as she struggled to keep herself together. "...that's...y-yes..."
"...ok, um, just take your time in answering. Don't rush it...I know it's tough, but...so...ok, does that mean that...that you like he-?"
"I love her!"
Kagura had to plant a hand on the floor to support herself, almost falling over as she was caught off guard by the shout's impact.
Whoa...!
Somehow, the woman before her had just recovered her real voice, and had used it to forcefully erupt a declaration that had rattled the walls of the apartment. To Kagura, it felt like she had just witnessed something burst open with immense force; an enormous amount of internal pressure that had finally found a way to release itself to the outside world, the whole of it now in plain sight.
And, just the same as with an actual explosion, there were now remnants of the blast to be seen, the woman having raised her head up to Kagura when she had shouted, her expression now in full view.
Weary eyes, moistened with apprehension.
Pale, dilapidated skin.
Jittering, nervous lips.
All of them and more were the leftover fragments, the aftermath of someone who had been kept in check with terror for so long, who was still quite obviously under its dominating reign, who had never felt its onslaught let up before.
'...so remember...that I'm always here for you...'
...inhale, exhale...
Kagura had to calculate her breathing then, something she did whenever she was about to undergo a difficult undertaking, before the start of any sort of competition or endeavor. It was her method of calming and preparing herself, to get her rhythm under control before a race started, to lessen the chances of her hesitating or making a wrong move.
Because this...this was definitely something that she could not screw up in anyway whatsoever, her very first encounter with this woman named Minamo Kurosawa.