Part III
Chapter 66
...
...
...
'...are...'
...
...
...
...'...you...'...
...
...
...
...'alright...?'
...
...
...
"...thanks."
Eiko didn't know how much she had handed the cashier as she received the pastries. It could have been three or four times what was owed, but she didn't care.
"...m'am...?"
She was oblivious to the cashier's plea, the young girl simply wanting to hand her the hefty amount of change that she was owed. Instead, Eiko just ambled out of the bakery with her goods in hand, quickly blending into the outside crowd.
...think...
Her attire, as well as her persona, were both somewhat drab this morning. She hadn't really bothered with looking her best before heading out of her apartment earlier, as it had actually been the last thing on her mind this time. Of course, her natural radiance did still manage to turn heads, but not all of them were specifically interested in witnessing her beauty. Some of them were nearby denizens that were used to seeing this particular woman always looking like the epitome of fashion itself, and were now caught off guard by how much more regular she appeared to be.
...think...
Before Eiko had even noticed, she was back in front of her apartment door.
...think...
She absentmindedly fumbled through her purse for her keys, and soon opened the lock. After stepping inside, she carefully passed around the sleeping girls and cats on the carpet, making her way into the kitchen. She then placed down the box of baked goods for her guests and then made her second cup of coffee for the day, the first one having had no real effect on her so far.
"...oh, good morning."
Eiko peeked over her shoulder and saw Minamo coming out of the guest bathroom. She had apparently just showered, her raven black hair still slightly damp. "Ah, good morning. How did you sleep?"
Minamo blinked at her without speaking for a moment. "...I don't think I did, much..."
The fatigue in her friend's voice was easy to hear. "You didn't, huh?"
The woman kept silent for a moment, eyeing the sleeping girls.
Eiko got the hint, taking her coffee with her as she silently stepped over to her friend and then whispered in her ear. "What's wrong?"
Minamo's voice came out equally hushed. "...I had a nightmare...and...I did a lot of thinking during the night, and, I want to talk to you about something..."
"...ok. Let's sit down. Go to your room. I'll bring you something to eat. Do you want some coffee?"
"Yes, please. Thanks."
While her friend did as told, Eiko quietly went back to the kitchen and fetched a giant muffin for her along with some quickly made buttered toast. After pouring some coffee for her as well, she went to join the woman in her room. Minamo was sitting on the edge of the bed, and so after handing off her food and cup to her, Eiko slowly closed the door and then sat down next to her.
Minamo gazed down at her plate, her eyes appearing tired and screaming for sleep. But, despite that, there was still some kind of weak fire about her now, a sort of life that had been absent from her body for the past few days.
...she doesn't seem depressed. That's good at least.
Eiko cleared her throat before speaking. "...so, you had a nightmare. Was it like...all the 'other' ones?"
Her friend took a small bite from her muffin, bathed it with some coffee, and then eventually responded. "...yes. I was bleeding a lot..."
"...so, just the same the-"
"I dreamed that Yukari came and killed me."
A long, tiresome period of silence passed between them then. "...you're worried still..."
Minamo let out an exasperated breath. "I tried, Eiko. I really, really tried hard not to think of her all night...to think of how different everything could be if I had been able to just let go of her. But, I don't...I don't really know how to love anyone else but her. It just ate at me all night. Every time I tried to think of how things could have been, well...my thoughts just raced right back to her. And then, the guilt of what I've done sets in...and the thought of her hating me...it always drives me insane! Eiko, I admit, I admit that I was actually happy last night, for just a little bit, when I started thinking of dating another woman. But, then...and then it all just comes back in a rush...".
Eiko peered down into her coffee mug, swirling it slightly as she listened. "...well, it has only been one night, Minamo. If...you've loved someone for so long, then...yesterday night was just a start. A beginning, you see? It's going to take time to heal and to get over all of...this..."
Her friend set the plate and cup down onto the floor, rubbing her face with her hands as she appeared to try to stay awake. "I know...but...that dream! Those dreams, Eiko! I had it again...and all that blood, it always just feels so real-"
"Were you bleeding from your mouth in it?"
Minamo looked at her with surprise, distracted for a moment by the sudden question. "Well...yes! How did you know that...?"
"You must have told me about it before. I sort of remember it."
"I see. Umm...is that important?"
"...ah, no, it just came to mind. Sorry. Anyway...yes, I remember you telling me how real they felt. But...I don't remember you ever mentioning Yukari in any of them."
"...well, that...whenever I had a dream with her in it, I didn't want to tell anyone..."
"Right. You just said you felt attacked by someone. But...so, it wasn't always with Yukari in them?"
"...no."
"...so in some of those old dreams, it was someone else who attacked you, correct?"
Minamo frowned. "Maybe. I don't know. I've tried so hard to always forget them, but...it does always feel like someone else is there in my dreams attacking me. It's...it's often Yukari..."
"The guilt you felt by hiding your sexuality from Yukari must be a source of that."
"...maybe..."
"But, then again, you said 'often'. That's what I'm confused about. You have these bad dreams, but they don't always involve Yukari. Can you explain what that means exactly?"
Her friend took a moment to think it through. "...I don't know. Sometimes in these dreams it feels like...I'm with someone else, or I'm...I'm kissing someone that I can't see..."
"...can't see?"
"...it's so hard to describe. You know how sometimes when you dream, things feel...cloudy? Nebulous?"
Eiko smirked. "I...actually don't dream that much. I guess I have a poor imagination. But, I think I understand what you're referring to. You have an idea of something but can't quite put your finger on it."
Minamo nodded. "Yes...that's right. I just feel like there's someone else there, and, just sometimes...it's Yukari. Other times, it's not, I think..."
"...but, in this case, it was Yukari. And she...what happened? What was the scenario, if you understand?"
"Scenario?" Minamo considered something. "...oh..." She grimaced, the expression clearly born from the pain of remembering the nightmare. "...I dreamed I was in a room...maybe my apartment, and, someone else was there."
"And the person there was Yukari?"
"...yes. She..." Minamo winced, speaking slowly. "She hit me, and then, she was choking me, and then...and then I saw the blood come out from my mouth... and then I felt that sick feeling. I felt like I was throwing up...it's always the same, that horrible taste..."
"...why did she hit you?"
"What?"
"Why was she attacking you?"
Minamo gave her an incredulous look. "...because she hates me...?"
"...is that the same reason in past dreams where she's attacked you, though?"
"...I think so. In the past, though, it must have been myself just...worrying about what would happen if she found out about me."
"But, in those dreams when it wasn't Yukari attacking you, then...what could have been the reason for that person attacking you?"
"...I'm not sure what you mean?"
"Well, sometimes you have dreams with Yukari, and, sometimes you don't. You've also mentioned that sometimes you've kissed mysterious women that you couldn't see, and then, they attacked you. I know these are just dreams and they don't have to make total sense, but...?"
Minamo stared at her for a moment, appearing a bit perplexed. Her brow then furrowed in thought. "...I don't know whether it's them attacking me or not. I just...feel attacked by 'something'..."
Eiko turned to meet her eyes, looking confused as well. "By 'something'?"
"...yes. Just...I feel attacked. That's all."
"...alright. So, basically, you always feels attacked, and then, you always start bleeding."
"...yes."
"...it's always from the mouth too, isn't it?"
Minamo blinked. "What?"
"...I'm just wondering...it's strange why you always suffer the same sort of injury in these dreams, right? Why would that be?"
Her friend sighed with some frustration. "I don't know, Eiko. I just know that I always end up bleeding somehow, by someone, and...I mean, I can always see it running down my lips, and that by itself is enough to make me want to vomit. So, I hate it! What more is there to tell you...?"
"...I'm sorry. I just...I suppose I felt that talking about your dream would help you feel better somehow, but..." She gave a bit of a despondent chuckle. "We have this method of inquiry in the industry where we continuously ask 'why' in order to find the root of a problem. I guess it's easier to do on an automobile, though..."
Minamo put on a tired smile. "It's alright. I know you just want to help. But...Eiko, I actually don't feel that bad, even after that nightmare. I mean...I had a tough night, but, I do feel a lot better."
Eiko raised any eyebrow. "...and why is that?"
"...well..." Her friend leaned back upon her hands, settling in on the bed. "Like I said, I really did try to imagine...dating someone else last night. But, my thoughts just always went back to Yukari. Even...if things never work out again for us, I still don't think that I could ever stop being in love with her."
"...but, Minamo, if that did happen, then, of course you'd have to move on somehow. What sort of life would that be otherwise?"
Minamo shook her head "...you're asking me to replace her. I just don't know how to do that."
"...people fall in and out of love all the time. They probably couldn't imagine that they could fall in love again if things didn't work out the first time, but, they do. The same would happen to you if you could learn to let her go..."
"...this is different. It's not the same feeling as some crush. It never has been." A deep sigh. "I don't know how to describe it, Eiko. It's...it's like...she's like something that fits with me. Like...two puzzle pieces...do you get what I'm saying...?"
"...in English that's called a 'soul mate'."
Minamo tried pronouncing the words, somewhat nailing it.
Eiko chuckled. "...that's it."
"...in any case, I've never felt that feeling with another person before. And, I don't think I ever will again. This has never been like a crush that I've had in the past before I met Yukari. It's...always felt much warmer than that, and...Eiko, I've been feeling the same feeling for over half my life. How can that be a feeling that would just suddenly leave after all of this time? It can't be the same thing..."
"...if things didn't work out, then, would you actually spend the rest of your life pining after someone that might resent you?"
Minamo didn't answer immediately, her blue-gray eyes glued to the floor. She hardly moved, simply still and tranquil, considering, pondering.
"...Minamo...?"
"...that's...what I realized last night, Eiko. That's why I feel better, even after having had such a bad dream..."
"...realized wh-"
"That I could live on with loving Yukari even if she wants nothing to do with me."
Eiko blinked in surprise. "...are you serious...?"
"...when I was considering how things would be if I dated another woman, my mind sort of wandered off and...I sort of imagined something that I never have before. I imagined what it would be like if...Yukari actually got married to someone."
"...ok."
"I never considered that before. She's had boyfriends, but...you could always tell that things would never really go anywhere, for a number of different reasons. So, I guess I never worried much about it. Beyond that...even though I had tried to bury my feelings for all these years, I still never imagined Yukari getting married, because...I guess, deep down, I was scared of the thought."
"And so...you've finally considered the possibility."
Minamo frowned, her hands together, her fingers fiddling around. "Yes. Well...more than that. I considered the worst...that, she got married, and...she hated me. If we were basically in a situation where she wanted nothing to do with me ever again." She looked away for a moment, thinking, and then continued. "The thought still terrifies me, but I realized, regardless, that I would still love her, and I would do everything I could to support her, even if she wasn't with me. I realized...I realized, Eiko, that there was something that I was afraid of even more than her hating me, or...even more than her telling everyone that I was gay..."
"...and that is...?"
"If Yukari ever felt that she was alone."
Eiko examined her friend, trying to decipher her body language. It was an unrecognizable aura to her.
Minamo turned towards her. "Eiko...her life has been all about people deserting or avoiding her. I would like to believe that no one knows Yukari like I do, how wonderful she can be. Everyone else has always brushed her off...yes, I know, she brings a lot of it on herself. But, still, she can be amazing...and it's the fear of her feeling alone that hurts me more than anything." She took in a relaxing breath, slowly exhaling. "I know what I'm really afraid of now, Eiko. I never had the courage to ponder it all before, until...last night. I love Yukari, and, even if she did hate me...I don't think I'd care now. I'd still always want to make sure that she knows that one person loves her, and that I'll always be there for her, even if she wants me dead. And...if she was married as well, then, I'd still always do everything I can for her and whomever was lucky enough to be with her, so that...if anything ever did go wrong, well...she'd still at least know that I'm there for her."
"...Minamo..."
"That's why I can't truly see myself ever loving someone else in the same way. All that matters is to me is that Yukari doesn't feel alone...like she does now. That's why she's so mad. That's the only way she knows how to express real sadness. She could never really trust anyone else...but, she trusted me. And, I ruined that." Minamo sighed deeply, her hands gripping the edge of the bed. "I'm sure she's never hated anyone more than myself right now. But...I don't care anymore..." She looked straight on at Eiko again. "I'll do everything I can to rebuild that trust again, so that Yukari doesn't feel alone. That's all I care about now, Eiko. Maybe...maybe the world will find out I'm gay in the process, but...if Yukari is happy, then...then I think I will be ok."
There was an delicate, easy silence between them then, quiet enough to where Eiko could hear one of her cats helping itself at its food bowl outside. "...Minamo...look, listen... listen: do you really believe that you can follow through on something like that? People...people don't behave like that..."
"Maybe they don't, but, I will."
It was said in such a solid manner that Eiko felt as if she had been slightly knocked back by the words itself.
...she really can be just like her mother sometimes.
Eiko looked down towards the floor, thought to herself for a minute, and then, slowly, enjoyed the last bit of coffee in her mug. "...I guess...that you've survived all these years with those feelings of yours buried, so...I suppose I shouldn't be surprised if you're able to pull off something of that magnitude as well." She smiled. "Sorry...I didn't mean to cast water on what you've said. It's very noble of you, and I'm proud and happy that you're thinking like that now. I'm just...well, it's quite a huge turn around from these last few days for you..."
Minamo smiled. "...you know, it's all thanks to you that I was able to think all of this through. I know you've always told me that my way of thinking is too narrow, so...I tried to avoid doing that. Just imagining myself dating another woman just...it just opened up different ways of thinking that I had always been too afraid to consider over before."
"...you let yourself consider other possibilities. I suppose that's really what creative thinking is."
"Is that what I should call it?"
"I guess so. Well, whatever you want to call it...it seems to have helped with your depression. It really does like you can whether the storm now."
"...but...please don't get me wrong, Eiko." Another warm smile. "What I really want of course, is..." She let go a small laugh. "I know this might sound selfish after what I've done, but...of course, I want to make up with Yukari. And...in my dreams, my good dreams, I see us together. Dating...and maybe..." Her face was a bit red now. "...maybe, somehow, even married..."
"Have you ever really...dreamed about that?"
"...actually, no, not before. Whenever I did sort of think of that...I felt sick and scared and just buried the thoughts. But this morning, I did think about it a little...being a couple with Yukari, having a life together with her. It was...it made me feel so happy and free!" She laughed lightly, but then quickly sighed. "I wish I had been able to do this so many years ago. Maybe...maybe I could have even helped some of my old students with this same advice as well, to...think a little more openly about things. To fantasize a little..."
Eiko couldn't help but chuckle. "You're always thinking of how to help others somehow. Even now..."
"...well...it just seems like the right thing to do, doesn't it?"
She didn't respond immediately, taking her time as she observed her now empty cup, feeling the warm sting of the sun's light upon her back as it continued to rise outside the window. "...can I tell you something, Minamo?"
Her friend glanced at her. "...well, sure?"
"...my father has always been very fond of you."
"M-me?"
Eiko nodded. "You were always so well behaved and considerate of others." She turned, grinning. "Not like me."
Minamo chuckled. "...you are."
"...you probably don't remember this, but, it was him who really got us to be friends when we were little. He would always set play dates for us and really got us to hang out together in the neighborhood."
"Really? I barely remember..."
"I know, it was a very long time ago. But, he would always tell me to go and play with you...to be with you all the time."
Minamo looked perplexed. "...oh...I know, to watch over me..."
"No, that wasn't the real reason."
"No...?"
"No. He was just hoping that some of you might rub off on me."
Her friend winced with abashment.
"...he was always a very sharp man."
"Oh, yes! I remember that, of course..."
"...I guess...he was worried about me..."
"Sorry...?"
The ruffling of sheets outside in the living room began to break the thin silence that had been enveloping them, a few gentle, curious cries from the cats heard among it all as well. Eiko stood up then, a smile on her face, and then began to playfully tousle her friend's hair. "It sounds like my kids have woken up your kids."
Minamo chuckled lightly, enjoying her friend's touch on her head.
"I brought enough breakfast for them all. Let's go set some plates for them."
"...thanks for taking care of them."
Eiko smiled. "It's my pleasure."
"Take care, girls. Are you sure you'll be ok finding your way around the city?"
The four young women whom Eiko had played host to all voiced an affirmation as they prepared to take their leave, Yomi taking the lead. "We'll be fine. We had a little sight seeing route planned ahead anyway. I mean, we just follow where our phones tell us to go. We're also going to hook up with some other friends of ours, too."
"Yeah, there's a kick ass arcade around here that we're all gonna' meet at. Right, Sakaki?"
The tallest girl in the group didn't seem to hear Kagura as she bid another personal farewell to Eiko's two cats, Sakaki stooping down over them as she incessantly caressed their heads.
"Dammit', Sakaki, you're gonna' be here all day."
Minamo was standing next to Eiko, smiling widely at her departing students. It had been about two hours since they had all woken up, and during that time they had eaten breakfast, showered, shared some banter, and discussed their plans to tour the city for the rest of the day before heading home by bus. And now, it was finally time to depart. "Don't rush her, Kagura."
"Man..." Kagura sighed, and then made her way over to her sensei, giving her an enormous bear hug that easily lifted Minamo off of the ground. "Text me if you need, like, anythin', ok? I'll rush right the hell on over."
The woman chuckled nervously as she was wedged between her student's strong arms, slightly gasping for air, and appeared relieved when she was eventually, and gently, put back down. "I'll be fine...thanks for everything again. I'll..." She peeked over at the other three girls, and then dropped her voice to a whisper. "I'll...let you know...how things go..."
Her student nodded sagely, and then give her a big, goofy thumbs up and a wink. She then turned to Eiko, and began to vigorously shake her hand. "Thanks a ton for having us here and, like, being so cool all this time as well! You're definitely, like, the coolest lady I've ever met...ok, well, after Minamo, I mean!"
Eiko laughed as her slender arm was rocked about by the young woman's tough grip. "N-no problem at all! It was great to meet you all, too. Feel free to stop by if you're in the area again, and I hope I'll see you all in Toyotas some day."
"Ha, yeah! Fer' sure!" Kagura finally let go, laughing as she did. "Maybe you can give me a discount! I can buy a bad ass car like yours, then!"
She composed her clothes and hair, a but ruffled now after the girl's hearty gesture. "I'd like to see that."
Minamo had wandered over to the other girls by the door, so Kagura leaned in for a quick whisper. "...by the way, thanks for last night."
"...o-oh...?"
Kagura grinned. "Yeah! I learned how much alcohol I can handle." She pulled off a quick flex. "I don't feel nothin' at all! I slept great!"
"...oh, that's amazing! Yes, you don't look like you even know what the word 'hangover' means." She stole a quick glance over at her friend, Minamo's back still towards them. "...so...do...you remember our chat...?"
"Huh? What chat?"
"...our late night one."
"Nah, I just remember gettin' drunk."
...whew. "Ah...I was just telling you how...that you don't have to worry about your sensei at all. She'll be in good hands with me."
"Oh, yeah! I have no doubt!" A big slap on her back, one which almost sent Eiko flying forward. "Well, thanks for everything!" She leaned in close for a whisper. "Especially for takin' care of coach." She leaned back out, her voice amplified once more. "Please let me try your car again soon, too!"
"Of course, of course...!"
Kagura made her way to the exit then, standing by the rest of the group. The small girl, Chihiro, grinned widely as she began to make her way out of the door with her belongings hands. "Bye, m'am! Bye, sensei! Hope you have a great rest of the summer."
"She will if she can avoid Yukari." Yomi laughed as she shot a quick wave. "Take it easy."
Eiko bit her lip as she looked over at Minamo, seeing if that particular comment had any affect on her. To her credit, her friend kept a smile on her face, an awkward blink at the words at most.
"...ah, yes! Take care, girls. Thanks for visiting me."
"Yup! And good luck with everything, sensei. Hope you can find a nice lady who's as awesome as you are."
"You can invite us to the wedding!"
Minamo turned red as the girls took their leave, Eiko patting her shoulder reassuringly.
"Dammit', come on, Sakaki."
Kagura pried Sakaki away from the cats by grabbing her arm, and soon, they were both out the door as well, Eiko and her old friend now alone in the apartment.
She smiled at Minamo as she closed the door, of whom still had some color on her face. "Be sure to invite me, too. I'll plan out the whole thing."
"Come on, now..." She gave her a gentle, playful shove. "That's...it's silly..."
Eiko chuckled. "Well, you never know." She shrugged. "In any case, they seem like a nice bunch of kids. Are all of your students like that?"
"They are, actually. I have the problem student here and there, but, for the most part, they're all well behaved and try their best."
"After you've drilled all the evil out of them, I'm sure."
Minamo smiled. "They're not like that. You would be surprised how considerate they are. You only ever hear about the bad kids on the news, though."
She shrugged. "I suppose so. Well, in any case, if all the kids these days are like that, then, I'm not too worried about the future."
Her friend happily nodded in agreement, and then made her way over to a couch, sitting down. Her eyes were still a bit fatigued from lack of sleep, and she more or less melted back into the plush cushions. Eiko's two cats then hopped up next to her, quickly scoring some free scratches behind the ears. "I'm so tired. But...I feel refreshed at the same time. I'm so glad they came over, Eiko. They really made me feel so much better..."
Eiko remained standing, her phone in hand now as she checked some messages. "I told you: kids these days don't care about your sexuality. They're probably better to talk to about being gay than most of your friends."
"...I guess. So..." She looked over at her. "...were you...still going to see Yukari today?"
She smirked. "I'm sure you've been dying to ask me that all morning."
"I was. I...I feel better about how things will go now, but, I'm still very anxious..."
"...well, unfortunately, I do have to put off our meeting until at least tomorrow."
Minamo frowned. "...oh..."
"I'm sorry." She came to stand behind Minamo as she sat, messing with her hair once again, her eyes still on her phone. "I was catching up on some work last night and I have to go in later today to make a few executive decisions." She sighed. "I can't even have one day off anymore..."
"Oh! No, no...I'm sorry. You're getting behind on things because you've been having to babysit me..."
"Don't worry about it at all. But, I will talk to Yukari. I was actually thinking that it might be better for me to wait another day or so in any case, if she really is as angry as you say she is. I had sent her a casual text yesterday but haven't received anything back, and she's usually on top of her phone. So, I'll take that as a sign of her current temperament." She leaned forward against the back of the couch, looking down and over at Minamo's face. "Will she be going to work this week...?"
"...I...doubt it. She hates working in the summer even when she's in a good mood. She said to me once that..." Minamo managed a snicker. "...that whoever made the decision for teachers to work in the summer should be tried for war crimes."
Eiko laughed as well. "That sounds like her. You guys do deserve much more of a break anyway, in my opinion. You're counseling all these deranged children all year..."
"Oh, don't call them that..."
"I'm just kidding. But, yes, I'll catch up with Yukari soon. However, either way, you're still staying here for the time being. Even if you're feeling better, it's still not a good idea to risk going back to work and running into Yukari right now. Who knows how things will go."
"...I know. I'm fine with staying here, but...I just don't like being such a burden to you."
She patted her head. "...you're not a burden to me, Minamo. In fact..." She set her phone in her pocket. "...I...had been thinking, after having you stay here with me, that...you know, we should be spending a lot more time together, actually. You're my oldest friend, and we haven't been able to do much together in so long, and, I blame that on myself. So...well...listen: your favorite baseball team is still the Swallows, isn't it?"
Minamo looked up at her. "...well, yes. Why?"
"Well, after we get things between yourself and Yukari all patched up, well...would you like to go and see a Swallows game with me?"
Her friend's eyes opened widely. "R-really?"
"Yes! We own luxury boxes at all of these stadiums as well, so, we'd make use of that. All enclosed, with A/C and plenty of amenities. So, are you in?"
There was a huge, childish grin on the woman's face now. "W-well...sure! That would be awesome!"
"I agree!" Both of her hands were on her friend's head now, her fingers completely messing up her hair, Minamo chuckling. "...let's...we could even make it a regular thing as well. I can get us into any sporting event around here. For instance, I know our national soccer teams are having their training camps soon, too. So, we could get front row seats for them."
Minamo appeared to be ecstatic now. "Oh my gosh...that would be amazing! I've always wanted to go to one! But...Eiko, would you really want to do all that, though? I know you're not a sports fan..."
"As long as we have fun together, then that's all that matters, right?"
The woman beamed up at her, Eiko's cats also staring up at her with expectant looks in their eyes, and she couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.
Time seemed to pass by slowly then, ten, maybe twenty minutes going by. Eiko wasn't quite sure. But, during it all, the conversation had led to Minamo explaining some of the ins-and-outs of baseball and other sports. She talked about her favorite teams and players, rattled off statistics with an ease that impressed Eiko, and essentially reminded her of how much of an avid sports guru she was.
And Eiko, despite not being a big sports fan, now found talk about it quite interesting since it was Minamo doing the explaining. She was surprised at how attentively she was listening to the woman speak, everything she said sounding so golden in her ears, so valuable and precious.
...I wonder...if this is what it really feels like.
Her heart sank for just a split second.
...how in the world did I ever find you boring? Have I never truly listened to you? And, look how happy you are now...
Minamo was going on and on, clearly excited to be talking to Eiko about her favorite passion, but soon appeared to be at the end of her limit for staying awake, eventually stretching her arms up as she yawned.
"...I think it's nap time for you, young lady."
A chuckle. "I guess I should get some rest..."
"I think that's a good idea. I need to get ready to run a few errands now anyway. When I come back I'll bring some lunch with me."
"That sounds good."
"And, you're ok now? You're not feeling as worried about things as you were yesterday?"
Her friend smiled and then nodded. "I'm feeling much better...the things that were haunting me aren't sticking in my mind anymore. It's all thanks to your chat last night..."
"That's so good to hear, dear." Eiko set a hand down over the couch, gently stroking one of her cats heads, and then began to head into her room. However, her pace slowed down as she neared the door, and she came to stop right in front of it.
Her hands balled into fists for a moment then, and she bit her lip.
She began to consider, began to reminisce.
A deep breath, an exhale.
She turned back around. "...ah, Minamo..."
Minamo peeped her head up over the couch. "Yes?"
"...so, before I go, there's...something that I wanted to tell you...". Eiko was by the couch again now.
"What is it?"
"...ah, well, I...just wanted to apologize to you."
Minamo stared at her with a quizzical expression. "...sorry, but, for what, Eiko?"
"...a lot of things."
"...I don't understand?"
"...well, you see...I just don't think that I've been what I could have been for you all these years. Maybe...maybe if I had been a more attentive friend, then...you and Yukari might not be in the situation that you're now both in."
The woman was clearly confused. "What are you talking about...? You've always been there for me, and, it's my fault that things are this way now."
Eiko paused in her response. "...no, I haven't been. That's why I want to say that I'm sorry. But, I promise that I'm going to make it up to you from this day onward."
Minamo still seemed at a loss for what her friend was talking about, but the somewhat somber way in which Eiko was speaking indicated that she didn't want to engage in any dissection of the issue. "...I'm still not sure what this is all about, but...Eiko, even if you ever did anything wrong, you know I'd just forgive you right away anyway."
"...I know you would. I just...wanted to say it to you."
Her friend smiled. "...well, thank you...?"
Eiko put on a muted smile, and then rubbed her friend's head once again, and began to scratch it like she would one of her cats.
Minamo began to laugh at the gesture, and Eiko's cats began to climb on her friend's lap, apparently jealous of all the attention the woman was receiving. Their heads tried to compete for her fingers, and right there and then, Eiko witnessed an image before her that instantly became permanently emblazoned upon her mind: Minamo and her two cats, all of them happily mingling with each other below her, all of them idolizing Eiko, craving her affection and attention.
It was so clear in Minamo's eyes now.
The adoration.
...it is. This is it. How did I never see this...?
She chuckled at the warm spectacle. "Sorry...I know that came out from nowhere. But...I suppose I'm just feeling very good right now, since you're feeling very good." She took out her phone, noting the time, while giving Minamo a clownish, one-armed hug from behind. "I'm going to get going in a few. What would you like for lunch?"
Minamo seemed quite joyful, both friend and cats upon her. "...ah, maybe something local. Some curry and noodles?"
"Sure. I guess we've been eating a lot of foreign food lately. In any case, I'll let you get some sleep now. I'll be in my room for a little while before I head out."
"Alright. Thanks so much, Eiko..."
She smiled, gave the woman one last mussing of her hair, and then headed into her room as Minamo relaxed her body along the length of the couch. After closing the door, she picked up a notebook from off her bed stand and then sat on a small recliner that was in the corner. She undid a leather lock on the book and then, with pen in hand, began adding on to a section of notes that she had started scribbling down late last night.
A few minutes went by.
...face...
...if she's able to always see it, then...
...same thing, which means...
Her eyes closed for a moment as she thought.
...a...reflection...?
A sharp, sudden chill went up her spine.
...but...where...?
After another ten or so minutes of writing, she locked the book back up and set it aside. The item was a journal of sorts, something that Eiko used to help sort out muddy thoughts or plans. It was also one of the few things that she didn't utilize technology in, as she enjoyed the intimate feel of pen upon paper for her more personal thoughts. She always felt that, for these sorts of endeavors, a computer screen just somehow forced her mind to think too narrowly, too logically; issues becoming too facile.
She sighed then, resting back in her chair. What she had just finished jotting down were the highlights from a certain combination of dreams. Much of what she had just added was from Minamo's nightmare this morning, along with tidbits from past dreams of her friend's that Eiko could somewhat recall.
The rest of the notes for this specific entry, however, weren't from Minamo's own visions.
...sleepy...
Eiko yawned, rubbing her eyes. She too had not gotten much sleep last night, for a variety of different reasons. There had been much on her mind throughout the night of course, but all of that had not been the main culprit for the theft of her rest.
Instead, it was a nightmare that had denied Eiko sleep, a gruesome dream that had been so uncannily similar to Minamo's in one key, terrifying way.
...it really did feel so...real.
She shook her head to slough off the fatigue and then got up to stretch, allowing her thoughts to relax for now. She would spend more time pondering over this later, as it was a puzzle that had time to be solved. For now, Eiko had just wanted to make sure that she recorded the details of Minamo's dream before they escaped from her mind, and, before she soon turned her attentions to a far more greater matter that would consume the whole of her concentration.
I'll take care of things at work quick. Bring lunch, and then...
She fetched her purse, and then checked herself in the mirror.
...I'll talk to...'her'.
She'll know the answers.
Because, right now, I just need information.
Once satisfied with her appearance, she left the bedroom and returned to the living room.
Her feet then lead her back to the couch, and Eiko stood over it, looking down at the peacefully slumbering Minamo. Both of her cats were still there as well, and they jumped up to the head of the couch to be nearer to their master's face. She patted them slowly and affectionately, caressing their soft fur and enjoying their soothing sounds of pleasure.
"...I'll be back soon. Watch your sister for me while I'm out."
She smirked with some surprise. Based on the expressions that both cats had just presented back to her, Eiko swore that they had actually understood what she had just said. This point was further reinforced when both of the pets hopped back down next to the sleeping woman and began to make themselves comfortable on both her stomach and legs.
So, you two knew all this time, huh? Well, I wish one of you would have told me...
Eiko smiled, and then observed her old friend for a minute, watching her comfortably rest.
She stepped over to a closet then and fetched a thin blanket, the air conditioning in the apartment making the air relatively chilly. She then went back to Minamo and had the cats move aside before carefully draping the sheet over the woman's body, tucking her in nicely.
After that was finished, her hand went and gently rubbed Minamo's forehead, feeling her smooth skin.
...I truly am sorry, Minamo.
I'm such a stupid fool.
I didn't see this.
A sliver of a sad smile slowly crossed her face.
You may not believe this, but...
...you've always been the real adult in our group of friends.
Now...I suppose that I'll try and be one, too.
I know that I can never truly make up for everything I've done.
I can't even come close.
But...I'll at least do this one thing for you. I promise that.
I promise...
Eiko wondered if, deep down in her heart, she had always known what she actually was to this woman. The reality could have been simply overshadowed by how Eiko's guilt had chosen to view things all these years, of how much easier it was to justify her actions through the lenses of a sibling.
Maybe it's strange. I'm only a year older than you. But...I suppose things just play out like this sometimes.
It's just natural, then.
I guess...
...I'm honored.
She sighed.
...I wonder, even without last night, though...would I have stopped all of this regardless? Would I have really followed through with this all the way, or would I have...given up, right at the last moment...?
...
All these years...
...how obsessed I was.
One of Minamo's long bangs was in her hand now, her fingers gently playing with it.
You really are like a little dog, with your little ears. A good, obedient little dog, that's loyal to the end...
The cats had climbed back onto Minamo. With them as a witness, Eiko leaned down and lovingly kissed her friend's forehead.
I'm sorry.
I'll do everything that I can for you from now on.
You've given me a real purpose.
...so...I'll...
...I'll try and be what you never really had.
What you really deserve...
She stood back up, controlled her quivering lip, and then headed towards the door.
Her cats remained on the couch, dutifully following their orders.
Soon, Eiko was outside in the hallway, the door locked behind her.
The tear was a small one.
Gone within a moment.
But, for someone like Eiko, it was gigantic.
...because, right now...
...
...I'm just a thief.
Her lips were delicious under this moonlit night, the passion they emitted nothing short of bewildering, the fight in her intoxicating.
''...mmmph...mmm..."
Eiko held Yukari tightly upon the carpet as she kissed her incessantly, the stench of beer and whisky engulfing the luxury loft. Yukari, in return, giggled without let as the other woman felt her skin under her clothes, returning her affections without really knowing that she was.
It had all started out innocently enough. Two university students on break, Eiko back in Japan to visit. In the privacy of one of her family's many high-rise properties, she and her old friend Yukari had enjoyed an evening of binge drinking and movies. As the alcohol had gradually loosened their minds, Eiko had found it a delightful idea to give Yukari a few affectionate pecks on the cheek.
At the time, she thought that the actions had come from no where. Eiko had always considered herself straight, but she would readily admit to finding Yukari attractive, especially with that unruly, disobedient personality of hers. She was so unlike the other women in this country, of whom seemed hellbent on always being pleasing and adorable. Yukari, however, simply didn't give a damn about any of that, and so Eiko had found her a hearty companion in all sorts of fun adventures because of it.
But then, when Yukari had taken it upon herself to give Eiko a deep, drunken kiss in return, laughing like mad all the while as her tongue forced itself into her mouth, something else had then ignited inside of her.
That taste...that scent...
...it awakened it.
A hunger, an insatiable craving.
One that she was now discovering that she had always possessed.
Just simply waiting for that spark.
It had erupted even further as Eiko had succumbed to it, had turned things around, had taken charge, had taken Yukari from the couch to the floor, was over her, tasting her lips nonstop now, feeling her, caressing her.
She couldn't stop it.
This wonderful, exhilarating feeling of...
...control.
Unrelenting, unyielding, control.
Holding the reigns on such a strong spirit.
How could she have always missed this?
Somehow, this was different from controlling a man.
With another woman, such an indomitable, vigorous, wild woman...
...it was a far more intense feeling.
Far more potent.
Beyond anything else that she had ever experienced in her life.
This wasn't really love, of course.
In all her relationships, love had never been a priority.
No.
This was more...
...and always has been more...
...about...
...
...power.
"...hahaha...tickles..."
Yukari continued to laugh as Eiko sampled the sleek skin of her neck, a conflicting mix of reactions emanating from her friend all the while. One was sheer elation of course, as she was obviously enjoying the experience of making out with Eiko, the feelings, the sensations, the cascade of emotions. She appeared to be having a delightful time, her drunken, heavy breaths mixed in with her own.
But then, there were other messages that she was reading off of her as well. Eiko was dictating the script here, physically holding her and making use of her, choosing what to taste and when, and Yukari seemed to resist that. It wasn't because her hands were straying too far, as Eiko remained within bounds. Instead, she knew, it was simply because that Yukari didn't feel as if she were in charge here anymore after instigating things.
It made sense, of course. They were of the same material, the same substance.
Two strong wills, colliding against each other like plates of earth.
But, one of them had to overtake the other at some point, though.
And that, without a doubt, would be Eiko.
As the night progressed, that realization further cemented this newfound obsession that Eiko now had for women, for Yukari. Of everything in life, nothing brought more electricity to her existence than that of being in control. It had always been with men before, and now, with her own sex as well.
Yes, that was the key here.
The knowledge of having anyone under her spell, under her power.
Whatever sex or gender they may be.
However strong their personalities.
She could own them.
Control them.
Do what she wanted with them.
And now, she was controlling Yukari.
Another woman like herself.
Another indomitable, untamed woman.
And, beneath this ocean of alcohol, Eiko just couldn't let this very special prey ever escape from her jaws.
However...
...
...despite how glorious this high was, there was still a little something missing from it.
Just one...little...thing.
...
Awareness.
...
The smell of booze continued to permeate the air, and Eiko knew that the main ingredient to this amazing dish was still unfortunately absent.
Yukari could not be drunk.
She could not just be making out with her because of how of good her intoxication made her feel.
She could not simply forget about things a morning later, like how she would soon forget this night.
No, she had to be fully aware.
Fully awake.
Catching floundering, bumbling prey was not the same as catching something that was it its peak.
Yes, Eiko would need Yukari to genuinely fall for her.
Completely be aware of how she would yield.
And that meant one thing...
...
Minamo.
...
Her mind, although weighted with alcohol, was still sharp, and she began to think ahead into the future as she continued to rain down kisses upon her new obsession, her fingertips still salivating as they held down Yukari's slender wrists.
Eiko knew Minamo loved Yukari.
And, Yukari...
...well, she was Yukari.
Eiko understood how she thought, and what her desires were.
However convoluted they may be.
Regardless, what Eiko needed, then, was for things to gradually fall apart.
Which, they would of course.
It might takes years and years.
But, it would be a natural result of Minamo's own actions.
Or, rather, lack of actions.
And Eiko wouldn't have to do a thing.
Not a single thing.
...
There would be guilt, of course, but...
...didn't siblings occasionally steal from each other?
And, was it really stealing, if all she did was choose not to act?
Not to intervene?
That was just how things worked out some time.
She wouldn't be doing anything to her.
After all, even though Eiko was fond of her dull little sister, she couldn't be held responsible for the status of her relationships.
And if she happened to pick up the pieces after the fireworks were done, well, who could fault her?
Since, Minamo did have her chance.
And Eiko could always help her find another.
...
...
...
It was past midnight now
Yukari was sleeping happily on the couch.
Eiko, too, was resting on another.
...waiting.
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
She could wait years.
She could wait to sample the whole of Yukari's body, of her mind.
It was fine.
She was patient
Besides, she had other things to entertain her in the meantime.
This newly opened world of women was something to now explore, and Eiko would have her fill all the while.
The ocean was vast, after all.
And she was the apex predator.
Had the means to feast on anything she wanted.
And then, finally, some day...
The main course would arrive.
Things would finally click into place.
They would come together in the way that Eiko knew that they would.
Because people were always so easy to predict.