15
Her eyes dart from Fire Sage to Fire Sage. Of course, they will all betray her too just as everyone else has, but she can't banish them yet. They must crown her first, but it's a meaningless title now anyway. Fire Lord. Bah, what nonsense. Go back a few hours and it'd be the most powerful position in the world. The Fire Nation rules almost the entire world now, but with her father deciding to make himself the Phoenix King, not the most creative title, it makes her nothing but an honorary… something. Honorary vassal?
Oh, I'm letting my mind wander again. How foolish of me. I am raving like a madwoman. She'll banish the Fire Sages in a few moments before they could betray her. It all started with Mother. No, it started when Zuko betrayed her, stole all their mother's affection by simply being born. At least Father pretended to like her. Too bad he just dumped her off here when she no longer had a use for him. Helping him commit genocide against the Earth Kingdom would've made some fun bonding moments.
What's taking them so long anyway? Put the crown on my head! It'll make her the youngest, fifteen, and the first female Fire Lord ever. She blows a strand of her hair that's been dangling in front of her left eye. She should've hacked that one off too like all the other untrustworthy hairs. Maybe she doesn't look perfect right now. She can't tell. She destroyed her mirror after Mother wouldn't stop talking to her, from the other side of the reflection of course. She had the gall to not age for over half a decade and not even speak to her in person!
What little remains of the logical part of her brain screams at her, telling her that she's not well in the head. That was a hallucination, not her mother. All her servants, bodyguards, and teachers weren't trying to kill her.
Azula ignores that little voice in her head.
Just as the fools were about to put that crown on her head, she sees him. Him! There he is, returning at the most inopportune moment! He's been a traitor to her and their nation for how long? Weeks? He's been hiding somewhere with this glorious nation's most hated enemy, but he arrives to fight- No! He comes to betray her again, like everyone has done to her and like everyone will always do to her.
Azula stands up and faces him, grinning like a madwoman. She says one word to him. "Zuzu."
1
The baby reaches for the bright ball, but she can never grasp it. Why? Other balls come to her hands. That one doesn't. It makes her angry, but it makes her want that bright ball even more. It warms her, lets her feel alive. She stretches her arms out to seize the ball again. She fails again.
The tall person says words to her. Of course, Azula doesn't understand any of them, but the words seem harsh. She has a distant memory of those words once sounding nice, but not any longer. The being she will one day know as Mother doesn't say nice things to her. Instead, she moves the baby under the shade of a tree.
She decides not to cry. It never does much good anyway. The bright ball disappeared under the green stuff above her now.
The tall person and the short person sit by the water. Azula understands water. Once a day, she is put in water even though she doesn't like the feeling. The water feels bad. The bright ball feels good and warm even though she never reached it.
The two people throw something into the pond. Little fury things swim up and eat whatever the two of them toss into the water. Azula watches them until they run out of stuff to throw. She later learns it's called bread. While the tall person stays by the water, the short one walks over to her.
She doesn't understand what he's saying, but his tone is happy. He stresses one word over and over to her. She watches his lip movements and listens to that sound her makes. Why not copy it? It's how she learns many things after all.
"Z…"
He looks happier with that sounds, so he repeats that word over and over again. Perhaps he's broke? Maybe he'll be fixed by making that sound again.
"Zuzu!"
It's the first word she ever spoke.
2
Azula giggles. It amuses her to see so many metal men run around. They always stand still or walk behind her, but now they seem frantic. They bend away the fire from the stupid, ugly painting. fears their red armor and spiky helmets, but not Azula. No, she's a big girl who doesn't feel scared.
"Azula!"
The girl feels scared as her mother stands in front of the… What was the word? Tapestry! It's a tapestry. Mommy trembles. A tear falls down her face. Why is Mommy sad? I bended fire!
"What did you do, Azula?" Azula lowers her gaze. How come Mommy gets so angry at her and only her? She smiles at everyone else, well, except for Daddy.
"I…" Why am I in trouble? "I bended fire, like Daddy and Zuzu."
"Tell me the truth. You're two. No one bends fire at two. It was rare for Zuko to bend fire at only four."
"But I am tellin' the truth." She crosses her arms.
"Did you hide the candles? Please tell me the fire you burned this with isn't still burning."
"I burned it with my fire!"
"You burned my only reminder of my family. Stop lying."
"I am not lying. I am your family!"
She stomps her foot on the ground. The rug catches on fire where her foot made contact. Unlike before, pure joy, now she feels afraid. Will Mommy be angry about this too?
Instead of saying anything else, Mommy walks away in a hurry. The metal men, maybe they are called guards, bend that fire away too. She watches. They do it so easily. Why doesn't Mommy yell at them? They bend, but she doesn't mind. Why doesn't Mommy love her?
"A… Azula?"
She turns her head. Zuzu stands in the doorway, eyes wide. Zuzu burned something too when he first bended. It was part of Mommy's dress, a pretty and black one. Mommy was so happy when that happened even though the fire made her skin look a little red on her hand. She loves Zuzu.
"What did you do, Azula?" he asks, echoing their mother's words. Again, Azula lowers her gaze.
"I bended fire."
"Really!" She looks up, and he smiles. "You bent fire? Now, you're like me!"
But Mommy loves Zuzu but not me. Zuzu is not like me.
"No." She points to the tapestry. "I bended fire and burned that. Mommy was angry."
"That was Mom's picture of her mom and dad."
"I didn't wanna." She crosses her arms.
"I didn't say that. Was it an accident?"
"Yes, but I do better. I won't burn more things."
"Good. Maybe we can practice together?"
"Yes!"
Zuzu will help her. She never got to do big kid things with him before.
They hear a new set of footsteps. She turns and sees someone she only remembers seeing twice before besides their nightly, tense dinners. Mommy stands behind him. She looks angry.
"Daddy?" she asks. Zuzu takes three steps backwards.
"Azula, you bent fire."
"Yes." She clenches her tiny fists. Will he be angry too?
"Good job." He smirks. At this time in her life, it scared her. Eventually, she will learn to desire such approval.
3
Azula fires another blast of fire with every punch. She imagines a new Avatar, unlike that one who died generations ago, standing in front of her. Each blast burns off more of his face until he's nothing but a screaming skull. She would laugh at the sight, but she needs to focus. Her breathing is already… what was the word her teacher used? Impeccable. That's the word. Her breathing is impeccable.
"That's enough for today." Her teacher's words make the girl stop. She wipes the sweat from her brow and glances at the sun. It warms her aching limbs. As always, she pushes herself the very hardest to make Mommy proud. Not good enough. I must be better. Maybe Mommy will like it more.
Her mother moves from the chair she and the teacher sit at. She rushes past Azula and coddles Zuzu, struggling for breath. That Dum Dum hasn't come close to mastering breathing, let alone firebending. She knows she should feel pride. Already, she is better than Zuzu, but that hasn't done anything for making Mommy like her. Why isn't she good enough now? No, that doesn't matter. She'll become the best. That way Mommy must love her. Who doesn't love the bestest of them all?
But… she is already better than Zuzu. He is nice to her, but Mommy doesn't like her. Even if she becomes the bestest ever, what if that doesn't work? I need two plans. Maybe, if Zuzu does bad things too, like burning tapestries, then maybe Mommy wouldn't mind the bad things Azula does. But Zuzu doesn't do bad things. He is nice.
She scratches her head for a moment before smiling. Zuzu doesn't do bad things, but Azula does. Mommy only needs to think Zuzu did those. Maybe then she'll be nice and love her.
What does Mommy like? Mommy likes plays, the beach, Zuzu, and Turtle-Ducks. Azula can't destroy the beach, plus the beach is fun. There aren't any plays around, thank goodness. She doesn't want to hurt Zuzu. But…
She decides to do it at night. Night is dark, so most firebenders sleep. That means no one will see her, right? The girl waits until night. She refuses to let herself fall asleep and counts to six hundred before sneaking out of her room. She sneaks from corner to corner in the darkness. The guards in their red armor are on the lookout for people going inside the palace. They wouldn't expect someone to be sneaking into the palace's pond, right?
It turns out, she was right… or perhaps lucky. It doesn't matter. She made it. Standing by the wall, she knows that the pond will be in the open. She'll have to do this fast. After breathing in and out a few times, the girl sets her sight on one duckling. Unlike the others, that one sleeps away from her mother. The others all cuddle under the mother's wings.
Azula rushes forward. Some of the turtle-ducks wake up when she arrives, but not her target. She plucks it out of the water. It squawks and bites her hand. She lights her hand on fire while still grasping it. She keeps the blaze cold enough to make it a painful death for the creature. When it stops struggling, she drops it in the water and flees.
Blood drips down her pointer finger, but the elation of victory drowns any of the pain. Tomorrow, she will blame everything on Zuzu. Then, Mommy will forgive him because she loves him. Mommy will then forgive her since everything Azula had done before wasn't as bad a murder.
When she reaches her bedroom, she wipes the few trickles of blood on her nightgown. She falls asleep with ease. Uncle Iroh always said killing something made him feel sad. Now, she knows he's a coward. She doesn't feel bad at all, yet she's only three.
She falls asleep with a smile on her face.
When she wakes up, she puts on her normal clothes. Zuzu has servants who do it. So does Mommy. Mommy hasn't given Azula any servants though.
She sprints to the dining room. Mommy always eats dinner at sunrise, and Azula always wakes up with the sun.
"Mommy! Mommy!" she calls doing the best to sound anxious. She pushes open the dining room doors. She sees Mommy and Zuzu, as expected. She also sees two others. One is her father. He seems curious about something. The other is being held in Mommy's hands. It's a baby Turtle-Duck, the same one she killed.
"Azula." Mommy's voice sounds cold. "Why did you do this?" Why does she know I did it?
"I did not." She crosses her arms.
"I see the bite mark on your finger."
Zuzu tugs on Mommy's sleeve. "Mom, maybe she didn't."
Using the temporary distraction, she comes up with a story. "I wanted to pet the Turtle-Ducks last night. They don't like me, so one bit me. I left, but I saw Zuzu. He sneezed, and it burnt one. I wanted to tell you before you thought it was on purpose." She will believe that.
"How could you kill an innocent creature, Azula? Why must you always lie?"
Mommy marches up to the girl and grabs her by the ear. As she gets pulled to a day full of yelling and spanking, she looks back at the two males in the room. Zuzu looks hurt, maybe fearful. Daddy… Daddy looks proud.
The next morning, Azula wakes up with a sore bottom and salty stains streaking down from her eyes. She also doesn't dress herself. Three servants come in and do it for her. Azula doesn't have any doubts over who sent it.
Azula learned a powerful lesson that day. She lost any chance of Mommy's love and lost Zuzu's trust, but she still won. Azula could always win. Yesterday, she won Daddy's approval.