Lulu fell fast asleep long before I finish reading Goodnight Moon, but I just sit here with her in my arms. I can't get enough of staring into her little face or watching the rise and fall of her chest as she drifts off into dreamland. I desperately hope that all her dreams are lovely. I'm working so hard to make this world a better, safer place for her.
My desire to keep Donna and Lulu safe and happy is so strong sometimes I swear I can actually taste it. Of course, Sam was right, my first instinct last week was to wrap them in bubble wrap. And if the threats hadn't been resolved, I would have canceled our plans. We would have spend the weekend in the White House with the first family. But once the immediate threat was eliminated, I had to push past my instincts. I already know what it's like to let fear of the unknown stop me from having the life I want. And I've already seen what happens to Donna when I shut her out. I do not want to go back to those days.
Everything feels right in this moment. Even if the trip itself wasn't 100% smooth sailing. We are here together. We have family around us. We will laugh. We will bicker. We will live.
Eventually, I do have to put Lulu in the crib. She needs her sleep and I need to go be with people who understand. I hope Lulu doesn't wake up frightened because she's in a new place. There's no way she'd remember staying here a year ago, and both times we've seen Jed and Abbey this year, they've visited DC.
Lulu sighs a little as I put her down in the crib, so I linger in the doorway a bit longer, but she doesn't wake up. Then I grab the monitor and walk through the bathroom to the room Donna and I are using.
Once I've changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, I check on Lulu one more time before I head downstairs.
Zoey and Donna are coming out of the kitchen giggling. It's a nice sound.
"Hey, you." Donna wraps her arms around me and leans into me. This is my happy place. I swear I could stand here forever just like this. But eventually she lets me go. "Is Lulu zonked out?"
"Yep." I twirl the baby monitor on my finger and grin at her. "Grown up time."
"Great!" Zoey exclaims. "I think my parents want to play scrabble."
Well, thats not exactly what I had in mind, but I suppose we can play. Afterall, I have a 760 SAT word score, how bad could I be?
. . . .
Zoey plays DIVA next to the E on HONE, putting the V on a double letter. "Ugh. Only 15." She whines.
"That's okay sweetheart." Jed soothes her. "You know, the history and etymology for diva is Italian. Literally, goddess, deriving from Latin, being the feminine of divus or divine. I don't know why the word has such a negative connotation these days. I mean, really, it's a good thing."
"I do speak fluent Italian, Dad." Zoey rolls her eyes at me as soon as Jed looks down at his own tiles.
"Aha!" Donna grins at me as she adds LISTER to the end of DIVA. "32"
I'm getting completely killed here. I rearrange my letters again with a sigh, but I'm still not seeing anything impressive. Then it hits me.
F-E-L-L-A-T-I
Oh my god. And it plays. Right there on the end of Polo.
I look around the table and feel my ears turning red. My desire to win is a war with my sense of self-preservation. I have to be able to look Jed Bartlet in the eye for the rest of the weekend.
"Tic-Toc, Josh" He teases me.
Donna smirks at me. It's like she can tell I have an embarrassing word. "Come on, baby, show me what you've got." As she joins in the harassment, my entire face goes red.
"I don't think you're nearly as good as you think you are." Zoey chimes in.
I can't do it. I just can't. I'm about to put the a-t on the P and make Pat for 5 points, when Abbey comes up behind me and starts laughing hysterically.
"Oh, Josh! You have to. It's too funny." She reaches around me and starts putting the tiles on the game board. "Josh and I are a team now. Fellatio, for 10 on a double word score for 20, plus using all our tiles for 50 bonus points. 70 points."
"Excellent word, sweet knees." Jed beams. "You know "Fellatio," comes from the Latin, fellare, to suck. There were quite a few suggestions regarding technique in that sex education report."
Donna's lips quirk up and she shoots me a look. Right here, in the President's study. Oh god. Kill me now.
But Abbey's really having fun. "Ignore those looks that Donna's giving you and draw some new tiles. The sooner this game is over, the sooner the two of you can make an excuse to go upstairs."
"CHARLIE!" Zoey bellows. His head pops up from the other side of the room. I've never understood how he can study with so many distractions around him, but I guess he has years of experience. "You have to come help me. If not, I'm going to get killed."
Charlie closes his book and comes over and stands behind Zoey. He takes a look at the board, and Donna and Abbey's barely contained laughter, and shakes his head slowly, but I catch a glimpse of a smile as he turns to pull a chair closer. This is an odd family, but obviously he's glad to be a part of it. I know exactly how he feels.
When the game is over, Abbey saves us the trouble of finding an excuse to go upstairs.
"Well, time for bed." She announces as she stands up and takes Jed's arm. "Good night everyone. See you in the morning."
"Your Dad seems to be doing really well." Donna offers looking to Zoey for confirmation.
"I think he is. Mom keeps him on a pretty tight leash as far as the kind of food he's eating and the amount of sleep he's getting. He hasnt had a major episode since he left office."
"That's so good to hear!" Donna gives Zoey a hug.
"Yeah, it seems like he'll be around to walk me down the aisle after all."
A look passes between Charlie and Zoey, and I can't help but look at her left hand. It's still blank. I know Charlie wanted to be stable before he put a ring on it, but maybe I need to have a little chat with him about not wasting time. But definitely not right now. Right now, I want to make the most of the rest of the evening with my wife.
It seems like Charlie has a similar idea. He takes Zoey's hand. "Come on, Zo. Let's go to bed."
Donna links her arm through mine and moves us toward the stairs. "Goodnight guys."
"Night!" Zoey calls as she turns off the light in the study.
As soon as we are out of earshot, Donna starts in with the banter. "You know, I read that sex education manual too."
"Really?!"
"Yes, would you like to know what I learned from pages 27 to 33?"
. . . . .
At 6 am, I'm sitting on the edge of the bed dressed in sweats, contemplating going for a run. It's still dark out, and Donna doesn't really like it when I run in the dark. She's concerned that I'll trip or something. Plus it is pretty cold. I'm sure Abbey won't mind if I use her treadmill. On the other hand, it would be nice to watch the sunrise.
Lulu's soft cry immediately makes my decision for me. I'm not surprised that she's up earlier than usual. I expected that yesterday's traveling would throw her off. But I tiptoe into her room just in case she's not really awake yet.
She's so adorable, laying on her stomach with her rump up in the air and her knees tucked under her. Her head is turned away from me so I can't really tell if she's awake. She shifts and her eyes open slowly. When she spots me she grins and sits up.
"Da-dee." She gurgles happily, and I swear my whole being is filled with joy. No one on earth loves me as much as this baby girl. I would do anything for her.
"Good morning, Lulu. Did you sleep well?" I ask her as I pick her up. She snuggles into my shoulder as I rub her back for a few minutes.
"Let's get your diaper changed." It doesn't take long, then we make our way downstairs. I smell coffee so someone must be awake already.
"Good morning!" Jed greets me from the dining room, where he's reading the paper with a coffee cup.
"Good morning. You're up early."
"Old habits die hard. And Abbey makes me go to bed early now so, I'm usually up around 6."
He reaches out and jiggles Lulu's foot. "Good morning Princess. Do you want to sit with your Grandpa Jed while Daddy gets your breakfast?"
He holds his arms open and Lulu leans towards him, so I gently sit her in his lap. "I'll be back in a minute with your milk."
"Ohs, Daddy."
"Yes, and some ohs."
In the kitchen I find a sippy cup in the cupboard and some vitamin D milk in the refrigerator, along with some blueberries and strawberries. That will be a good start while I scramble some eggs. I put everything on the tray of the high chair then walk back into the dining room.
Jed is reading the editorial section of the New York times to Lulu and she's giving him her full attention.
"Do you want me to bring the high chair in here? Or would you like to join us in the kitchen while I make some eggs?"
"I'll join you in there. I'm still not used to watching you cook, Josh! I find it amusing."
I take Lulu from him. For as well as he's doing, he doesn't hold the grandchildren unless he's sitting down. Still, I'm please to see him walk from the dining room to the kitchen without his cane.
"Don't tell Abbey."
Oh great. Now I'm an accomplice. I grab his cane from the dining room and tuck it under the kitchen table.
"No reason to leave the evidence out there."
"I always knew your Daddy was a smart one, Miss Lulu. Now, do you know that the strawberry is the only fruit with the seeds on the outside?"
"Berry." Lulu offers him a blueberry with her fingers and Jed takes it and pops it in his mouth.
"Thank you for sharing."
"Welcome."
Jed beams at me. "She has very good manners. She must get that from Donna."
"You know it."
He studies me for a minute. "So, . . . how are you doing? Last week I was starting to wonder whether you guys would be here this weekend."
"Me too. I can't even describe . . . well, you know what it's like . . . getting intelligence that tells you there is going to be a major terrorist attack, but not knowing exactly where or exactly when. Having to wait around for each piece of the puzzle while trying to figure out all the alternatives to prevent mass destruction, while trying to go on with everyday business so that you don't tip your hand to your enemies, and trying maintain a pleasant demeanor so that you don't completely freak out the people you care about."
Jed looks at me sympathetically. "I do understand."
"I guess I have a better appreciation for you and Leo than I did a few years ago. Heck, even a few months ago. It's different when the potential problem is in your backyard instead of half way around the world."
"You can call me any time Josh. I do get briefings. They aren't as up to the minute as yours, but I have clearance. And l can be a good listener."
"I know. I appreciate it. The hardest thing is not telling Donna. I usually tell her everything. Most of the time she needs to know for her job's sake too. But this time, I just didn't want her to have that feeling . . . you know, that disaster was about to strike at any moment."
"I know. I didn't tell Abbey how close we were this time either. This was a lot like the time with the Golden Gate Bridge. For a while it looked like the attack was going to be on the East Coast. They were preparing the bunker. I didn't tell her then either, but I sent her here."
"Good morning, you three!" Abbey announces herself then places a kiss on the top of Lulu's head. I wonder how much she might have overheard. Oh well, I suspect that Abbey always knows more than she's letting on.
"What are you making there, Joshua?"
"Scrambled eggs. Would you like some?"
"No thanks. I'll stick with my fruit and yogurt. Today will have plenty of calories."
Abbey gets her coffee and breakfast and then sits down next to Jed and gives his hand a squeeze. Yeah, she knows. And she knows just how to comfort him. Maybe I will tell Donna about last week after all.
. . . .
"Shhh, Lulu, let's surprise Mama." I put my finger over her lips as we sneak in the door, but I see Donna smile softly as she hears Lulu giggle. That's actually better, now I don't feel bad about pouncing on her.
Lulu and I jump on the bed. "Mama, mama!" She laughs as she copies me, as I tickle Donna's ribs.
Donna laughs and opens her eyes. "Good morning sweetie!"
"Hi Mama." Lulu answers back as she throws her arms around Donna.
I crawl in next to them and wrap my arms around them too. I'm sure Lulu will only stay this way for a few minutes but I don't want to waste a second of it. This is my happy place. The three of us together. Nothing else in the world matters at this moment.
Sure enough, Lulu starts to squirm after a couple minutes. "Down, Mama."
"Do you want to jump in the shower?" I ask Donna as I grab Lulu before she can crawl towards the edge of the bed. "I can get her dressed and we'll go look at cows or something."
"I've got to get the macaroni and cheese ready to go in the oven. Why don't I do that, then I'll take her in with me when I take a shower. That way she won't smell like cow for Thanksgiving dinner."
"Geez, Donna, we're not going to go ride a cow. They're out in a field. We're just going to look at them."
"Go on, Farm Boy, come back in an hour. I'll be ready then."
"As you wish." I smirks as I scoop up Lulu and head towards the door. She can just wear these footie pajamas during our walk. We really won't be outside that long anyway. "Come on Lulu. Let's go see if we can find a kitten in the barn."
"Kitty?"
"Yes, baby doll, Kitty."
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"We ARE NOT taking a kitten home with us, no matter how much Lulu loves them. Understand?"
"Yes, dear."