-x- Chapter Six -x-

She didn't know how long she sat there, she had cried so much her tears ran dry, she had nothing left to cry with. She sat with her head in her hands. As her body shook with fear, her head pounded. The only person she wanted and needed right now, was sat bleeding in resus. She hadn't expected him to be as bad as he was today. She knew he'd be heartbroken, devastated, disappointed in her. But, she'd expected him to let her in at some point, to give her a chance to explain. Not turn away from her like this. To walk out of work, to get drunk. His anger was the worst she'd ever seen in him. But she now could understand it all. She had hurt him so much. She knew she had. But, didn't realise that it would be unbearable for him to even look at her, without thinking of her with Bill. She didn't think. Not of that. All she wanted to do wad to explain to him why she turned to Bill. She felt alone, he was always at work, she was depressed, suffering from panic attacks and anxiety, she needed someone to talk to. She had no idea it would end up as a stupid one-night stand. Not that she could remember any of it. She disgusted herself.

How could I do that to him?

But now, after recent events - her falls. She could possibly be about to fight the worst illness she could imagine – dementia. She was going to lose herself even further. And had to do it all alone, without him. She couldn't bare it. Not without him.

Suddenly she heard the door open to the toilets, and footsteps, then a sigh.

"Duffy?" Robyn said.

Duffy wiped the tear stains with the back of her hand.

"Noel told me you were in here." Robyn asked, and sighed again.

"I, um, how's Charlie?" Duffy stuttered, the coldness of the room effecting her.

"We've stabilzed his bleeding, for now. But, um, he's going to have to go upstairs to surgery though. He's nicked a vein." She explained.

"Oh, can I see him?" she asked, then sighed again. "No, um, he won't want to see me. Um," she then sniffed, tears forming in her eyes again.

"You can see him, but, um, I won't tell him you have. If that helps?" Robyn suggested.

"Um, oh, ok. Um." Duffy sniffed back her tears, tried to compose herself, wiping away her tears.

Duffy stood up, unlocked the cubicle, and hung her head at Robyn.

"Oh Duffy. Come here." Robyn said, as she opened her arms to her, as she saw her reddened eyes, tear stained face, and pale complexion.

Duffy just pressed her head into Robyn's shoulder and began to sob.

"I love Charlie, Robyn. You have to believe me. I love him so much." She sobbed into her, her tears falling onto her scrubs.

"I know, I know." Robyn replied, stroking her back, trying to comfort her.

She pulled back, and looked at her shocked for a moment.

"You believe me?" Duffy sniffed back her tears, and looked down at her frowning.

"I know you love him Duffy. It's just. I never thought you'd hurt him."

"Oh Robyn, neither did I. Believe me, neither did I. I made a mistake. A stupid, stupid mistake. I can't go on without him. I just can't. I love him Robyn." Duffy said to her, between sniffles, and tears.

Robyn sighed, and looked at her, titled her head at her, and pulled her back for another hug.

"Shh, shh, it's ok, it's ok. It's going to take some time. He does love you too Duffy. He's just hurting, that's all." Robyn explained.

"I know, I know. This is all my fault, all of it." Duffy replied.

"I don't know what to do to help though Duffy. He's so angry, he's drinking every day. I've never seen him like this before." Robyn told her.

"I just need to talk to him, explain to him. He needs to understand. There's so much I need to tell him. About me. About what's happening to me. It's not his fault Robyn. None of it. It's all me." Duffy explained.

Robyn stood back, held Duffy by the shoulders as she asked her, "Um, what do you mean it's all you? What's happening to you Duffy? What's wrong?"

"I can't."

"Can't what?"

"I need to speak to Charlie, only Charlie."

"Duffy, come on, I can help you."

"No, no you can't no one can. Just him." She turned away from her.

"Um, ok, ok. Um, if I take you to see him, will it help?" Robyn asked.

She turned to her, nodded, but then sighed.

"He doesn't have to know, not right now. Ok? You just need to see him don't you?"

She nodded again.

"Ok, come with me." Robyn said, as she rubbed her shoulder, and walked towards the bathroom door.

Duffy sighed, sniffed back her tears, and followed Robyn out of the door.

-o-

Robyn stood outside of small high dependency room, next to resus, Duffy standing at her side, as she peered into the room. She saw him lying back, his arm strapped up, and pointing upwards, to allow the blood to avoid his torn vein.

Duffy sighed, as tears filled her eyes again.

"He'll be ok Duffy."

"Yeah." She sighed again.

Robyn looked thoughtfully at Duffy, and rubbed her shoulder.

Duffy felt drawn to Charlie, she wanted to go to him, but she knew it would only upset him more if she did.

Then Charlie turned his head, and opened his eyes, and he saw her standing looking through the glass window at him. Their eyes met, and he sighed, then frowned. He saw the look of worry written all over her face, and the red puffiness of her eyes, she'd been crying. He sighed once more, and lifted his hand, and gestured her to come into the room.

Duffy stood amazed, took in a breath in shock, and walked through the doors into the room.

She stood at the foot of the bed, and looked worryingly at him.

"Um, you ok?" She stammered at him.

"I'll live." He replied.

She sighed, the replied, "good."

He sighed at her, as he noticed her puffy eyes again, which seemed worse closer up. Despite it all, he still couldn't bare to see her upset.

"I hear you've um, torn a vein, and you'll be going upstairs for surgery." She asked, matter-of-factly.

"Um, yeah." He replied, and heard the concern in her voice.

"How's the pain?" She asked.

"Bearable." He replied.

"Ok." She said.

He sighed again, and moved slightly, as he was uncomfortable.

"Do you want moving? Are you uncomfortable?" She asked him, as she stepped forward towards him.

"Um." He replied.

She sighed, and looked down, disappointed.

"I am a bit actually." He replied finally.

"Oh, um, here, let me help." She picked up the bed controls, and began to lift up the foot of the bed, and the top, as he rose upwards.

"Better?" She asked.

"Um, yeah." He replied, and looked at her.

She sighed, and wistfully smiled at him, before she replied, "ok".

"Are you, um, thirsty, do you want me to get you some water?" She then asked.

"Um, I am actually. The whiskey...um, has made me a bit..."

"Dry? Ok, I'll go and get you some water." She said, as she turned to leave.

He sighed, before he spoke, "I'm sorry, for what I said."

Duffy turned around in shock at his admission, "no, no, I understand Charlie."

"No, you don't Duffy. You have no idea." He admitted, then sighed, and winced slightly.

"I hurt you, I deserve it Charlie." Duffy replied, and looked down with guilt.

He sighed, before he spoke, "you broke my heart Duffy."

She let out a breath, just hearing him say that brought tears to her eyes.

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Charlie." She said, unable to look at him, as a tear ran down her cheek.

He sighed, as he saw her tear fall.

"I don't know what to do Duffy. I can't", he sighed, "I can't help it. Seeing you with Bill", he sighed, as tears filled his eyes, "it destroys me seeing you with another man Duffy. I've", he sighed again, "I've never been able to deal with it."

"Bill was a mistake Charlie...a stupid, stupid mistake..." she paused, then it registered with her exactly what he'd told her. She looked up at him, "what do you mean? Never been able to deal with it?"

He sighed, as he looked at her.

"I think you know Duffy."

"I want to hear you say it."

He sighed, before he spoke, "I've never been good at sharing you, with anyone."

She stood in amazement, at his words.

"You mean, all this time, all of the men in my life. You, you weren't interfering? You were?"

He nodded.

"Jealous?" She added, in shock.

"When you put it like that it seems so..." He explained.

"Stupid?" She interrupted him.

"Well, not exactly the word I'd use but..."

"You, stupid, stupid man. All this time. All this time?!" She said in shock.

"I'm sorry, it's not something I can just switch off Duffy." He replied back to her, getting a little defensive.

"You never once told me how you felt. If I'd known Charlie. If you'd just told me. All those years together. All that time..." She told him, tears filling in her eyes.

"How could I tell you? You were married, so was I!" He bellowed at her.

"You mean?..." She replied, then paused, "when you were married to Baz?"

He sighed, and nodded at her.

"But?" She looked at him, still in shock.

"I knew you'd react like this." He sighed at her.

"Like what?"

"Just forget about it. It doesn't matter now does it?"

"No, no, it does matter. It matters to me!" She said as she turned to look at him.

He sat looking back at her in shock, but knew why.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. To make you think about Andrew."

"You think that's why? Pfft. Do you not think that for one small moment that I might have actually had feelings for you then too? Hmm?" She replied, tears filled her eyes.

Charlie sat and his jaw dropped in astonishment.

"You stupid, stupid man. I was in love with you then too!" She told him as tears ran down both cheeks.

"You, you, loved me then?" He stammered.

"Oh God Charlie, what a mess, what a mess." Tears fell down her cheeks.

"Fuck'n hell Duffy."

She giggled slightly at his reaction.

"Yeah, fucking hell Charlie!"

She looked at him, as he lay there in shock, tears filled his eyes too.

"All this time eh? Kid?" He said, as he wistfully smiled at her.

"Ha, yeah, all this time", she paused, and looked into his eyes, "and I still love you Charlie Fairhead".

Tears filled his eyes as he looked at her, he reached out for her hand, and she took a few steps towards him and held his hand with hers.

"I love you too kid." He smiled wistfully at her, as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Oh, Charlie." She bent down and kissed his lips tenderly, and rested her head on his forehead.

"I love you so much." She said, as her tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I love you too. I've missed you so much." He replied, as he lifted his hand to cup her hair, and cheek, his thumb wiped away her tears.

"I've missed you too." And she kissed him again, a lingering, meaningful kiss.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, as Robyn stood with the surgical staff outside the room.

"Oh, um, your surgery." She looked up and stood up, signalled to Robyn that it was ok to bring them in.

"Oh, um, yeah." He sighed, as she moved away from him, but still held his hand in hers.

The surgical team walked in, and explained to Charlie that they were ready to take him upstairs, and explained the procedure to him. He nodded in agreement, as he held Duffy's hand with his.

"Ready?" Robyn then asked him, and then smiled softly at Duffy.

"Yeah." He replied.

Duffy let go of his hand, and he grabbed it back again.

"Wait. Um, can I just, um, kiss my wife before I go?" He asked.

"Of course", the head surgeon said.

Charlie turned to Duffy, and smiled up at her. She turned, and smiled back at him, bent down and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

"I'll see you upstairs, ok." She said, as she pulled back and squeezed his hand.

"I love you." Charlie told her, as he looked up at her.

"I love you too." She smiled softly at him, and kissed his forehead.

The staff then pulled his bed out, and walked him out of the room, until he let go of her hand.

She stood as she watched him leave, the doors closing behind him.

-x-