Chapter 15

September 11th, 2022

"Better stay away from Asada, or she'll kill you."

"Oh no, I don't wanna die~!"

"Shh, you two, she can hear you."

"Who cares about what that murderer thinks?"

Shino Asada definitely could hear the three girls' semi-hushed comments from the other corner of the room, where she was sitting and steadily working through the simple lunch she'd made herself. Despite the harsh words, she just kept eating the plain rice. It was easier to make her lunch, these days. It meant she didn't have to go down to the cafeteria, where she'd be far more vulnerable. If she could avoid the worst of the bullying, well, a few mean comments from the gossiping girls wasn't anything special. Nothing she wasn't used to, at any rate.

The words still hurt, of course. Every time she heard the whispered rumors about how she'd killed people, Shino drew into herself just a little bit more. It felt like everywhere she went, she was walking through an ice-cold tundra, seeping into her bones and heart and trying to freeze her solid.

But it was okay, to her. As long as she was able to hold on to the memory of that one moment of warmth, Shino could survive no matter how frozen the rest of the world was. When she got too cold, all she had to do was close her eyes and remember the feeling, and a fire would bloom inside her heart. That was what let her get through the days of hearing insults and being shunned at school, and what let her wake up in the morning and start each new day.

Classes went as they normally did; the whispers quieted down during lectures, at least, and Shino was grateful for the small respite. It would have been better if the teachers would do anything at all to help her, she thought, but they'd all heard the same stories about how she'd shot a man; they didn't know she could see the glances of fear and uncertainty they would give her from time to time, she suspected. In the end, her teachers didn't do anything to help. Shino just kept her head down through most of the day and powered through.

At least they aren't getting physical, Shino thought as she let herself into her apartment. "I'm home," she called out into the small, empty place. Naturally, there was no response. It was only one bed and one bath with a little kitchenette, but it was hers. She didn't have anyone else, but she didn't need anyone else so long as she had her memory of him. Her mother had moved to live with her grandparents, but Shino had managed to convince her that she could live on her own, at least for the rest of the school year to avoid switching schools. To be honest with herself, though, Shino knew it was because she didn't want to give those girls the satisfaction of thinking she'd run away.

Shino trudged through the short hallway and placed her school bag by her computer desk. Her homework shouldn't take too long, she thought, running through the assignments she'd received in her head even as she started unbuttoning her school uniform. The clothes were neatly hung back up in the closet; she only had a few pairs, so she didn't want to let these get dirty and wrinkled. When the only thing she was wearing over her underwear was her shirt, Shino hesitated, and looked at her desk.

It was a simple wooden desk, nothing special, but to Shino it was heavy and imposing because of just one drawer in particular. She took the few steps needed to cross over to it and pulled open the uppermost drawer; inside it there were a few school supplies, a letter opener, and the real reason she was hesitating - a toy pistol. It was clearly not a real gun; the design was sleek and pointed, something straight out of a sci-fi game.

She breathed out slowly, but it still shuddered in her chest despite her best attempts. Shino reached out and brushed the body of the weapon with her fingertips. It felt cold against her touch, cold and lifeless. After another slow breath, she wrapped her right hand around the grip of the fake gun and lifted it from the drawer. In her hands, it was almost weightless; it was just a well-made toy, in the end, made from metal and paint but a toy.

Thump

It... was like she was still there. In her hands, she wasn't looking at the toy gun anymore, but a real pistol. The slide was pulled back, locked in place by a bright gold bullet sitting awkwardly in the chamber. Jammed in place.

Thump thump

A coppery smell filled her nose, and Shino couldn't help but remember. Red. It was so very, very red. And it was warm, too. Back then, the gun had been hot, but it was the warmth of the red, red blood pooling around her bare legs that she remembered the most. And the splatter across her legs and her sweater, staining the fabric forever.

His face had been red, too. The trails of blood leading down from his forehead, where she'd -

Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump

"Aaaaah!"

Dimly, Shino realized that she was screaming, the toy gun in her hand rattling around as she shook violently. It felt like there was a filter of red in front of her eyes, and it was hard for the girl to focus on anything except the murderous weapon she was holding. Her heart was pounding so hard it was like it was trying to burst out of her chest. The drawer... The drawer she'd pulled the gun out of was like a bottomless black pit, sucking her in - until a hand reached out. The disheveled, wild-eyed man rose up, sneering an ugly grin, and the hole in his forehead streamed bright red blood.

Shino cupped a hand over her mouth. "Gah!" Her right hand spasmed and she lost her grip on the gun. As it clattered to the ground, Shino staggered away until her back struck the closest wall. She was shivering. Cold. Cold. So very cold.

Abruptly her stomach lurched and Shino raced for the bathroom.

The sound of Shino's vomiting and coughing filled the small apartment a few seconds later.

Once she'd finished, the dry heaves finally stopping, Shino closed the lid of her toilet and hit the lever. It flushed behind her as she staggered out of her bathroom, clutching a simple white cloth. She knelt down and dropped it on top of the toy gun. She picked it up; this time, the chill was held at bay by the handkerchief, so it was easy to carry it back over to the desk and return it to the drawer. She drew the cloth away, and it was like she'd never touched it in the first place. Shino closed the drawer, rattling the entire desk.

She let out a sigh and turned around, catching a glimpse of herself in the wall mirror she used to make sure she was presentable in the mornings. I look awful... she thought. Her face was pale and her eyes totally exhausted, a few dark smudges under her eyes. She didn't wear makeup; the shadows were from the nightmares she always woke up from. She knew she always looked like this when she had an episode. The white shirt she wore didn't help, making her look washed out.

The gun in the drawer was her attempt at overcoming her phobia, stemming from that horrible incident. Hearing a gunshot or even just holding a gun could send Shino into a panic attack that would leave her trembling and nauseous. Still, she'd managed to come far. It hadn't been long since everything happened, but the memory of that warmth had given her the drive to overcome her fear.

Of course, to Shino, it didn't feel like she'd progressed at all. She fell onto the bed, face first, before rolling onto her side and drawing her legs up towards her stomach. "Save me..." she murmured. A few tears brimmed in her eyes, refusing to fall. "Please, save me..."

No matter how much she called, though, he wouldn't save her. Instead, she simply closed her eyes and remembered, pulling the single memory of him over her like a comforting blanket. Slowly but surely, her heart stopped pounding so fast and her shivers slowed to a halt. Once she was calm again, Shino opened her eyes. "Not this time either, huh..."

Shaking her head, Shino sat up. Soon, that would change. She reached out towards the side of the bed where a grey helmet rested innocently on the headboard, plugged in and charging. She'd worked so hard to save little bits and pieces from her allowance to buy it that she almost couldn't believe that it was sitting there. It was still unused, but that wouldn't last much longer. After all, Shino's copy of Sword Art Online had arrived that afternoon, and all she had to do was wait one more day for the servers to go live. And then she could be someone else and become strong in that game.

She could become Sinon.

...

October 7th, 2022

Sinon's hand tightened on the hilt of her dagger. She held it in front of her in the traditional reverse grip and let out a slow breath before she lunged forward, the blade flashing in a viridian arc as she attacked. Her weapon bit into the flank of the boar in front of her and left a long red slash as she passed. The lunge took her past the boar, and she was able to recover from the post-Sword Skill delay before it turned around. Her eyes were laser-focused as she stared at the boar, watching for its next movements.

The Frenzy Boar snorted and pawed at the ground, and Sinon remembered what her instructor had told her. 'That's the sign it's going to charge', his voice echoed in her mind. As it lowered its head and started thundering towards her, Sinon dodged to the side. She slid awkwardly, nearly losing her balance, but the boar's charge missed her entirely. In fact, it stopped far enough away that Sinon was able to get her balance back and jump, awkwardly stabbing her blade into the weak point she'd been told about, right where the boar's head met its shoulders.

The mob squealed as her blade struck home, and shattered into blue polygons. The girl blinked at it for a second before she realized that she'd won the fight. It wasn't the first time she'd killed a mob in this game, but it was the first since the announcement about the truth of Sword Art Online. It had been... easy, she realized. All she had to do was aim and strike exactly at that weak point, and the mob's HP had all but vanished. She stared at the dagger in her hands. The weapon felt... cool, but it was the coolness of steel, not the cold in her nightmares.

"Alright," she heard a voice call out. "Sorry, but I have to cut today's practice short, okay?" The voice belonged to the boy in black that organized these training sessions; they'd been running for a while, but this was the first one she attended. Sinon sheathed her dagger on her hip, sliding it back into the sheath on her back. It hung heavily on her mind, even though the weight of the weapon itself was almost negligible.

"Awww."

Kirito... There was something about him that drew Sinon's eye. She kept glancing at him every now and then, trying to figure out what exactly kept pulling at her attention. In the end, she told herself that it was just that he'd been the one to teach her how to fight properly. Either way, she knew that with this, she would finally be able to move on. She'd be able to prove that his kindness hadn't been wasted on someone weak like her.

She didn't remember much about that day, after the gun had gone off; she was pretty sure she'd been in shock. She remembered that it was a boy that wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, and that was mostly it. She didn't remember his face, or what he'd been wearing. While she'd been wrapped in that wool-like warmth, almost like being in a dream, he'd said something to her, not that she could remember what it was. In the end, his words didn't matter; all that mattered was that she was able to cling to that memory. It kept her above water, when she felt like she was about to drown.

But that was Shino. She was Sinon now. And Sinon was going to be strong. She had to be. Once she knew how to be strong as Sinon, then it would be easy to have that strength bleed over to her other half... assuming she survived.

No, Sinon shook her head. Don't think like that. She was definitely going to survive, no matter what, she told herself. Kirito was talking to a young girl with twin-tails, patting her on the head before pointing at the sky, and Sinon realized that she was watching him again. After the younger girl left, Kirito turned and headed back to town; Sinon watched him walk away. He was going to go fight the Floor 1 Boss, she realized. She'd heard some of the players whispering about the raid party that was being organized in the furthest town.

One day, she promised herself. One day Sinon would be strong enough to fight on the front lines without being scared. And then, when she knew the secrets, she'd never feel that awful cold again.

...

February 5th, 2023

"Aaah! Watch out!"

Sinon's vision still hadn't returned from the teleport, so there was absolutely no way she could have known the shouted warning was intended for her. That was, until someone slammed into her at a fast pace, knocking the black-haired girl down. She ended up on her butt, back against the Warp Gate. "Oww..." she muttered, rubbing her head where it had bounced against the stone. It didn't hurt, not really, but it still felt funny. "Hey, watch where you're going."

"I'm terribly sorry! I had no intention of running into you, but I found I couldn't stop in time!" The culprit responsible was almost a surprise to Sinon. She'd been struck by another girl, something of a rarity in this game. The other girl had bounced off of Sinon and landed on the ground facing her; she was cute and pretty, even though her forehead was red from where she'd bumped into Sinon. She had long, bright-colored hair, and it fell in curls and waves. "I'm really very sorry."

Sinon smiled. "Don't worry about it," she said as she stood up and offered her hand. "Neither of us are hurt."

The girl sighed in relief. "I'm glad."

"...What's your name?" Sinon asked. For the life of her, she wasn't sure why she asked that question, but... there was something charming about the way the girl talked. Maybe she was one of those roleplayers?

"My name is Lux," she replied. "May I know yours?"

Well, the girl had a strange manner of speaking, but Sinon decided that it wasn't that big a deal in the long run. "Sinon," she said.

Lux smiled. "Our meeting may have been an accident, but a welcome one," she said. "It's nice to meet you, Sinon."

It was almost natural for the two girls to start walking through town; Sinon needed to restock on some potions before she headed out on a tough quest, and Lux tagged along. "So, what are you doing up here?" Sinon asked the other girl. "It's dangerous for solo players, isn't it?"

"Well, I could ask you the same question, couldn't I?" Lux replied. "Neither of us seem to be walking with a party."

Sinon smiled faintly at Lux's comment. She didn't really work with others all that much - it would defeat the purpose if she couldn't rely on herself. "You're right," she said. "But I can handle myself."

She was talented with the metal throwing knives she'd started using; they could only be made by player blacksmiths, so they were expensive to buy, but as long as she didn't miss they could be reused several times. By this point, Sinon rarely missed her target. It was some weird ability to hit exactly what she was aiming at, but she wasn't questioning it. With that kind of talent, she could stay far away and snipe mobs with thrown weapons at their weak points, making being a solo player a lot less dangerous as long as she kept an eye on her surroundings. She had her dagger in case she got ambushed, but she wasn't the best with it.

Lux, as it turned out, was also a solo player, though her weapon of choice was the one-handed longsword. "It makes being a solo player a little difficult," she admitted when Sinon asked how that was going for her. "That's why I'm looking for a group to tackle a dungeon on Floor 15. It's not the most difficult, but I would feel much safer with a partner or two."

"You're trying to clear a dungeon?"

"Yes!" Lux said. Her eyes sparkled. "According to the rumors in the Daily Argo, it has a particularly rare drop."

"A rare drop, huh?" Sinon hummed in thought even as she purchased a resupply of healing potions. She swiped open her menu and checked: healing potions, check; emergency antidotes, check; throwing knives, check; and dagger fully repaired, check. "If you haven't found anyone, I wouldn't mind going."

Suddenly she realized what her mouth had said without much input from her brain. "Really?" Lux gasped. "I didn't wish to impose, but if you'd be willing to come with me, I'm certain that the two of us can clear the dungeon."

"Sure," Sinon said. Even though she'd made the offer without thinking about it, it wasn't that bad an idea. In fact, the thought of teaming up with Lux to go clear a dungeon was more appealing the more Sinon thought about it. Why shouldn't she? It was just a temporary party, anyway. They'd go through the dungeon once or twice until one of them got the rare drop, and then split up.

"I look forward to working with you, then!"

July 13th, 2023

"Good morning, Sinon!" Lux sang. Sinon had half a second to brace herself before the long-haired girl tackled her in a huge hug from behind. A few players on the street looked at the two girls, but this was far enough behind the front lines that so they didn't attract too much attention from the players standing around.

Sinon smiled. "Morning, Lux. Did you sleep well?"

"Of course. And you?"

Sinon didn't even hesitate as she said, "Just like I always do." The nightmares were becoming rarer. That being said, Sinon couldn't quite convince herself that she was getting stronger. She couldn't be certain that it was her strength, and not just a lack of exposure to the gun sitting innocently in her drawer. In the end, she shook her head mentally to clear out the early-morning cobwebs and said, "Have you had breakfast already?"

Lux finally released her hug and stood next to Sinon. "Yes! I'm ready to get started on today's grinding if you are."

"I've restocked my throwing knives, I'm good."

"You're the only player I've seen still using those, you know."

The two girls had been in a dedicated party ever since they teamed up to clear the dungeon on Floor 15. They'd worked together well; Lux was pretty good with her longsword, good enough that she could handle the front line on her own while Sinon provided pinpoint-accurate support from the rear. By this point, Lux had stopped flinching every time one of Sinon's throwing knives whizzed past her head to embed itself in a mob, and because of Lux taking all of the aggro, Sinon didn't have to worry too much about monsters that sneaked around and flanked her. It was a partnership of convenience, nothing more, Sinon had told herself at first, but eventually the girl thawed a little bit.

There was still an invisible gap between the two of them, though. Sinon knew it was probably her own fault; she just couldn't find it in herself to get that close to the other girl. Some part of her mind whispered that if she did, Lux would find out about what Sinon had done and would leave. Sinon had her memory of him - she could take that. But it would still hurt so, so much and Sinon didn't want to lose a friend.

"Oh!" Lux said right as the partners were about to leave town. Sinon jumped in her skin a little bit, surprised by the sudden sound. "I almost forgot!"

"Forgot what?"

"I'd intended to say something before now, but I've kept forgetting." Lux drew Sinon off to the side of the road where they wouldn't be bothering other players attempting to leave. Sinon looked around the secluded nook; hidden behind one of the buildings, the sounds of the other players on the main road was a little muffled. A large tree cast shade over the small clearing, and that was where Lux was staring.

Sinon fidgeted awkwardly. Th-this place was... it reminded her of all those TV shows she'd watched in the real world where a best friend would confess to another one... It was really kind of a romantic spot, when she thought about it. Secluded, under a leafy tree, with no one around to watch or interrupt. Suddenly, a memory flickered through her mind, totally unbidden: arms around her, making her feel warm and secure.

Why? she wondered. Why was she thinking about that time? It wasn't like she'd had another panic attack or anything like that. Her heart still felt like it was beating faster, though...

Lux turned around, and Sinon shook her head to chase away the thoughts swirling through her head and focus on her friend. "Actually, I've been meaning to say this for a long time," Lux began. "It's actually a little funny. I hadn't realized you were so important to me until a little bit, and then I couldn't say anything because I kept looking for the perfect moment. Thank you for being my best friend," Lux said as she smiled at Sinon. "I wanted to do something nice for you, so please accept this present!" She held out a neatly-wrapped box in her hands.

"You didn't have to do something like this..."

"I wanted to," Lux insisted. "Please."

Sinon hesitated, and then gave in. "Alright," she said, and accepted the present. When she looked at her friend, Lux nodded almost eagerly, telling her it was fine to open the gift there. Once Sinon tapped the present and opened it, she stared in amazement at the blue silk scarf in her hands. It felt soft and comfortable, and she immediately equipped it.

"It looks great on you," Lux said with a smile. "I'm glad. I hope you like it!"

Sinon lifted the end of the sapphire blue scarf, and then smiled. Even though it was the middle of summer, it didn't feel hot at all! "I do," she said. "I love it. Thank you, Lux."

A sigh of relief escaped Lux. "I'm so relieved," she said. "I wanted to do something nice, and when I saw this in a boutique on Floor 20, I knew I wanted to buy it for you."

Sinon was still smiling by the end of the dungeon they were running that afternoon. She fiddled with the edge of the scarf unconsciously, rubbing her fingers against the soft material over and over again. This was the first present she'd ever received from a friend, ever since that day... She promised to herself that she would cherish it forever, as a memento of her partner. Her partner who, at the moment, was leaning over a chest to loot the contents.

"Oh, hello there! I didn't expect there to be anyone else around."

Sinon turned around, and Lux stood up. They both blinked; a player was standing there, one hand jauntily on his hip. His armor looked like scale mail, but made of some strange material that wasn't metal. "Who are you?" Sinon asked.

"Don't mind me~. I just wanted to run this dungeon, but it looks like you beat me to it. Man, I knew I shoulda left when I woke up this morning. Hahaha! Guess today's not my lucky day."

The male player in the clearing rubbed the back of his head. Sinon's eyes narrowed as her hackles raised. There was something about the way he talked... It was cloying, and a little syrupy. It didn't help that a metal hood covered his eyes, a few chain links dangling down his face like locks of hair. "Sorry," she said shortly. "Bad luck."

The man laughed again. His giggling was shrill, and Sinon wondered if that was what causing her to be suspicious about something she couldn't quite name. "Guess so," he said, approaching them. He extended a hand out. "Mind shaking my hand? Maybe some of your good luck will rub off on me."

Sinon eyed him and took a step back. She didn't do well with men... Her hands started to feel cold, and she shivered. The man just smiled cheerfully and took a few steps closer. "No thanks." Sinon grabbed Lux's hand and tugged her to the side, trying to circle around the other player.

"Oh come on, I don't bite! Unless you want me to," he added. "The name's Morte."

Sinon and Lux were almost halfway across the clearing; Lux glanced back over her shoulder, and gasped. "His crystal, he's -"

That was as much as she was able to say before Morte rocketed across the clearing. The hand he hadn't been extending was holding a wicked-looking hand axe, and the blade was glowing a dirty green color. Sinon had just an instant to gasp, but it felt like an eternity. The axe was slashing straight for her, and Sinon felt herself accept her death - before Lux shoved her, hard. "Lux!" Sinon cried as she tumbled across the ground.

As soon as she was able to focus, she scrambled to her feet. Her hands reached for the throwing knifes strapped to her belt - and then she froze. Her heart thundered in her ears, and a hollow cry echoed from her throat. Lux was lying face down in the dirt, Morte's axe in her back. He straightened up and grinned at her; it was the same grin he'd been wearing since the beginning. "Sinon," Lux gasped. "Run!"

"I can't -"

"Go!" Lux screamed. Then she screamed again as Morte grabbed his axe and tore it from her back without hesitation. "Please, Sinon, you have to get away! You have to -"

Any words Lux was about to say were silenced forever when the killer slammed his axe down again. Sinon's eyes widened as she stared, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Lux's HP bar in the corner of her vision slid down, down, down - and then vanished as Lux's body shattered into a million cheap blue polygons.

Morte laughed, and it was like she saw double; he was standing there, but the bank robber was also there in front of her, blood trickling down from his forehead. The bank robber leered and reached out for her, and for an instant Sinon was just a young girl again, hot blood pooling around her legs and a gun clutched in her shaking hands.

"Noooo!" she screamed, flinging a throwing knife. She wasn't sure who she'd aimed at, but Morte deflected it with his axe anyway. "Get away from me!"

She turned and ran. She couldn't stay there in that clearing anymore. Her vision was red, and she could barely see in front of her face. His mocking laughter rang in her ears, long after she'd left the dungeon behind.

In the end, she found herself sitting on her lonely inn room, hugging her knees to her chest. She couldn't quite remember how she managed to make it back there safely, but she'd survived. Yeah... Sinon laughed hollowly at the thought. She survived again. This time, it was her friend that had given up her life. How many people would die because of her? How many times would her hands be stained with blood?

She curled up on the bed and cried. Even the memory of his arms around her didn't help her aching heart. "Why?" she wailed. "Why me? Haven't I been through enough?"

Sinon was tired of having to be hurt. She was tired of putting up with the whispered comments of her old classmates, tired of suffering from a panic attack every time she looked at or touched a gun. She was so tired...

Slowly, Sinon's heart went numb as the poor girl's sobs dwindled to sniffles and hiccups, and then finally to exhausted silence. It was the only thing she could think of to make the pain go away. She tucked herself away in her shell of cool ice, hiding from the world and everyone else. Even as the pain washed over her in unrelenting waves, Sinon curled up and tried to think of nothing. Nothing at all.

In the darkness of her room, the girl cried, and the only comfort she could find was in the memory of warm arms wrapped around her.

...

November 20th, 2023

Sinon woke up and stared blankly at the ceiling of her inn room. After a few seconds, she sighed and rolled over before getting out of bed. "Another day," she said. She checked her menu out of habit, but it wasn't like anything had changed overnight.

Her daily routine hadn't changed for several months, ever since she heard the rumors of a rare item that could bring a player back from death. As soon as the opportunity to bring Lux back presented itself, Sinon had latched onto it like a drowning woman onto a life preserver. It didn't matter how much she had to risk her own life, Lux had to come back. She didn't have hands stained with blood. Sinon should have been the one to die that day.

Sinon grabbed breakfast from the inn; just a piece of bread with cream, but it was enough to fill her stomach and stop it from complaining. That was good enough for Sinon. After paying her bill, she pulled her scarf up over her face, glad for the protection from the weather. It was starting to get cold, and her lips and nose would end up chapped and stinging after a long day of grinding.

And that was essentially all she did, these days. She had to grind. She knew that trying to kill an event boss on her own was practically suicide, but it was her only option. She didn't have allies to rely on anymore, so the only thing she had going for her was her own strength. Well... That was okay, Sinon thought as she stepped out into the cold. Fortunately for her, she had a skill that made soloing pretty easy.

Once she was out of the town and safely out in the forest, Sinon decided she was far enough away from anyone else. Swiping open her menu, she tapped a few buttons, and the dagger on her back disappeared. In its place, a weight that was more familiar these days settled over her shoulder. Sinon unslung the bow from her back and nodded once.

Archery. She was pretty sure it was a Unique Skill after looking over the available information she could buy from the info brokers. It let her use the bow that she'd found on a dungeon run back in September; the arrows were fairly powerful, but it was Sinon's uncanny ability to snipe with the weapon that made it deadly in her hands. To Sinon, though, it was a way for her to stay solo. She could shoot pretty much anything from far away, and since she stayed away from other people, she didn't have to worry about anything other than the enemy mobs.

The 42nd Floor... The mobs there weren't the best for grinding, but Sinon was fine with that. They still gave good experience, and they died in one arrow to the weakpoint. The ones on the true front lines, Floor 47, took more than that, and buying arrows from the NPC shops was such a pain. She had to go in and show them her bow, and only then would she be able to restock her supply.

The snow crunched under her boots as she walked through the forest. More white flakes fell, but Sinon didn't have to worry about them affecting her ability to fight. Her white cloak was 'snow-proof', which meant she didn't suffer from movement penalties in the snow or if her cloak got too wet from melting snow. It was nice to have, especially in the winter. Instead of worrying about that, she could focus on looking around for enemies. She couldn't relax, not in the slightest. Not if she wanted to get stronger.

Time passed, and she paused to eat lunch. The jerky was tough and dry, and she wasn't the biggest fan of it, but it sated her hunger. She drank from a water pouch and wiped at her mouth, and then stood up and gripped her boy. It was time to keep going. No rest at all.

She'd heard that the 47th Floor's boss fight was going on that day. She didn't want to risk people seeing her bow, and her dagger skills weren't good enough to fight a boss. Hopefully, that would change; the players seemed to accept Heathcliff's Holy Sword and Kirito's Dual Blades, but they were both leaders of popular and powerful guilds. Sinon wasn't sure how they'd react to a solo player like her having a Unique Skill.

Either way, nobody knew about her Archery Skill, and she wanted to -

"Ah... Is that a bow?"

Sinon stopped, eyes wide. A mob in front of her had just shattered unexpectedly, and a player in black was standing there, staring at her. She definitely recognized the twin swords he was holding, one in each hand, as well as the long black coat. But the one thing she couldn't quite process was why Kirito, leader of the Royal Blades, was out there all alone without any of his guild members with him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a picture of him in the Daily Argo without at least one girl in the picture.

She'd heard some players refer to him as 'The Playboy Swordsman', but she dismissed those comments as petty jealousy that he was surrounded by a bunch of pretty girls. If she didn't, she'd have to believe he was as bad as Sir Gawain when it came to playing with the hearts of women.

She didn't even realize she'd been staring until he raised a hand defensively. "Oh, sorry if I'm interrupting your hunt or something. Are you a solo player, or here with a party?"

He felt so familiar... But Sinon shook her head. That was probably just because she'd attended one of his lessons early on and kept seeing his face in the newspaper. "Just leave me alone. Or stay here, whatever," she said, turning around. Was it too much that she wanted to be left alone? That way, she wouldn't have to worry about dragging someone else into her mess. "...Don't tell anyone about my bow."

"Ah, wait -"

Kirito's voice echoed in the clearing behind her as she headed deeper into the forest. Sinon stifled a sigh, trying not to feel irritated that someone had intruded on her hunting grounds. It was far harder than she expected to put Kirito's appearance behind her, though. He kept appearing in her thoughts, over and over again - until she smacked her cheeks once. Once her cheeks were red from more than just the cold, she gripped her bow and kept moving through the snow. She had more mobs to kill.

...

December 5th, 2023

It was almost time for her to take a break for lunch, Sinon realized as the arrow left her bow and sped forward, killing the last mob of the group she'd attracted. With a bone-weary sigh, she climbed out of the tree and landed on the ground lightly. It was very impressive - until her nose wrinkled and she let out a cute sneeze. "Achoo!" Sinon sniffled a few times before letting out another sigh. This one was a little more irritated than before.

Okay, she decided, first things first she was going to get warm. Then, she'd go run the next dungeon, and then eat something when she went back to town to sell off her drops. Her plans in order, Sinon nodded resolutely and headed to the nearest town. She didn't stop once she was inside the Safe Zone, however, and ignored the NPCs lining the road in favor of walking straight for the the Warp Gate in the center of town.

She reappeared on one of the lower Floors; unlike the front lines, where she'd just been, this Floor was almost empty aside from the NPCs that lived there. That suited Sinon just fine, and she felt herself relax a little bit. The mobs on this Floor were weak enough that she didn't waste some of her limited supply of arrows on them; instead, she just tossed her metal throwing knives at them until they died. She was precise enough that most of the time, she could kill the mob in one shot unless it made a lucky dodge.

Her poor, shivering body longed for the warmth, and Sinon found herself looking forward to visiting the hot spring she and Lux had unlocked. It was her special place, where nobody else could find her. For as long as she'd been using it, Sinon had never seen another player there except for when Lux had been with her. To her, it was a calm, relaxing sanctuary where she could unwind; the small buff to her stats after soaking in the springs long enough was just a nice bonus. It was one of her favorite memories with Lux - the two of them relaxing in the steamy springs together, just talking about nothing, until the heat started to get to her head. Sinon smiled to herself even as she walked up to the empty clearing -

- except the clearing wasn't empty. Sinon froze as she stepped out of the forest and came face to face with someone she really didn't want to see again. "Ah... you," she said, staring numbly at Kirito.

Kirito smiled. "Oh, hey there, Miss Archer," he said kindly. "Fancy seeing you here. I thought we were the only ones to know about this."

Th-this was... "I... I'm the only one who knew... Um, 'we'?" Sinon asked. As if in response to her question, voices from inside the bathroom got louder, and Sinon realized that this time, Kirito wasn't alone. Or, well, he wasn't by himself. If she had to guess, the rest of the main circle of the Royal Blades was sitting inside the hot spring, enjoying the steamy water, while Kirito stood guard.

"It's just my party in there right now. They're all girls, so I don't think they'll mind. You wanted to use the hot spring, right?"

Sinon's traitor head nodded without her conscious input, her body realizing how wonderful the warm water sounded. Kirito smiled gently at her and knocked on the door to the hot spring before pushing it open slightly. "Kazuto? Is that you?" a girl's voice called out.

"Yeah," he called back. "There's another girl out here, wanting to use the hot spring. Is there room for one more?"

"Of course. Tell her to come on in, I can make a swimsuit for her if she'd like!"

Kirito nodded before turning back to the archer, a smile on his face. "There you go, Miss Archer. Don't worry, I'm keeping guard out here, so go ahead and relax." He hesitated, then asked, "...Do I know you?"

Sinon shook her head. She'd never spoken to him before, after all. Attending one of his practice sessions definitely didn't count; there was no way he'd remember her. Without another word, she started walking towards the open door. It was surprisingly difficult to take those steps, since this was really the first time she was going to talk to other players in... a long time.

When she walked in, a beautiful girl with her hair tied up on her head was waiting for her. Asuna the Lightning Flash, the Princess of the Royal Blades, was as instantly recognizable as Kirito the Black Prince. She was wearing a cute swimsuit, and smiled at the sight of Sinon. "Hi there," she said. "I'm Asuna."

"Hi," Sinon said quietly.

"I can make you a swimsuit, if you want," Asuna offered. "You don't have to if you don't, of course. I just thought I'd offer." She smiled.

The smile was strangely comforting. "Sure," Sinon said, even as she started stripping off her clothes. "A bikini is fine." She busied herself with taking everything off except the towel; it was her little routine, after Lux had convinced her not to use the menu because 'it ruined the experience'. When she turned back, holding the towel closed across her chest with one hand, Asuna offered her a few strips of cloth.

"Here you are! I picked something simple, since I wasn't sure what you'd like."

Sinon equipped the swimsuit, and glanced at it; it was mostly black, with white making a checkboard pattern across one side. "It's nice," she said. "How much do I owe you?"

Asuna smiled. "No charge," she said. "Think of it as a gift, for letting me practice my Sewing Skill."

Sinon stared at her, a little startled. It was weird to see someone so... kind. She followed Asuna inside, still off-balance from the one-two combination of Kirito and then Asuna, and entered the bathing area. Asuna went back to the hot spring and slipped back in, joining what Sinon assumed was the rest of the Royal Blades. She recognized them all easily thanks to their very unique traits.

The girls talked to themselves while Sinon washed up, but once she slid into the hot springs, Argo drifted over. "So, how's it goin'?" the info broker asked with a cat-like grin.

"Argo, don't you dare," Asuna said immediately.

"What? I wasn't gonna touch!"

Sinon, automatically, folded her arms across her chest. "Fine," she said.

"I thought we were the only ones that knew about this place," Lisbeth said. "Guess not, huh?"

Sinon nodded. "I've used it for a while," she said.

Leafa raised her hand. "Me next! What weapon do you use?"

Sinon blinked at the girl, startled. Meanwhile, Asuna sighed. "Sugu, what kind of question is that? Everyone, don't bother our guest, please."

"I-It's fine," Sinon said. "I use a dagger. And throwing knives."

"Oh yeah?" Lisbeth leaned forward at the same time Leafa did. Sinon, briefly, felt a pang of jealousy. "Who makes your throwing knives? Bet I can beat the quality," she bragged with a grin.

"Liz," Asuna sighed fondly.

"You know it's true, Asuna."

"Yes, but it's not becoming for a young lady to brag like that."

"Yeah, yeah, Miss All-Girls School."

Sinon giggled at the back and forth, and then paused. She'd almost forgotten, that's what her laugh sounded like... The girls in the bath with her had, that easily, gotten her to open up. Their conversation had felt... warm. Like the way the arms around her had felt -

She stood up abruptly. The other girls looked at her, and she said, "Thank you for letting me join you. I'll be leaving early."

"O-Okay," Silica said. "It was nice meeting you!"

As Sinon left, she heard Lisbeth say, "Hey, Argo, did you catch her name?"

"Nope. A-chan?"

"...Come to think of it, she never..."

The girls' voices faded to a quiet murmur as she slid the door to the changing room shut. With a harsh sigh, Sinon leaned over and pressed her forehead to the closest wall, letting tension drain out of her. Asuna hadn't asked for the swimsuit back, so Sinon didn't feel bad about stashing it in her inventory as she got dressed again. It was a nice swimsuit, and she liked the colors.

Once she was dressed, water still beading in her hair, Sinon hurried out. She didn't want to stay in that place for any longer than she had to - "Miss Archer!" Kirito called out, and Sinon flinched. When she turned around, he was watching her. "Did you enjoy it? The hot spring, I mean. You were out pretty quickly, that's all."

"I'm used to being quick," she said after a second. Every time she was there, she had nobody to watch over her, so she made it a point to only stay as long as she had to.

Kirito scratched his cheek. "Oh, that'd make sense," he said. "If you're a solo player, then there's nobody to keep watch, I guess. But you could have taken your time, you didn't have to hurry."

Sinon looked away. Still, he did deserve an answer, didn't he? "It was nice," she said. "And your friends are nice. It was..."

She hesitated, trying to figure out the best way to describe the feeling of being part of that little moment, and Kirito grinned. "Nice?" he suggested.

That wasn't it, and Sinon shook her head. "Warm," she said. "It was warm." She tugged her scarf over her mouth and turned, heading back out into the words. For a moment, she'd seen something that she desperately, desperately wanted.

But until Lux was back, she couldn't stop. She needed to get stronger. Stronger and stronger, until Shino's weakness was just a distant memory.

...

December 25th, 2023

Of course. Of course it had just been a cruel joke. Ten seconds. That's how long the Divine Stone of Returning Soul worked before the player was lost forever. This whole time, Sinon had been forcing herself on a wild goose chase.

She got back to her cold, lonely inn room and collapsed onto the bed, face first into the pillow. A sob ripped out of her as Sinon finally let herself grieve for the loss of her dear friend. She didn't have any chance to bring Lux back, not anymore - so she accepted the pain, and the jagged shards of disappointment.

All at once, Sinon felt like she'd been plunged deep into a dark ocean, where light couldn't reach. It felt like she was drowning in the black water, and she couldn't swim no matter what she tried to do. It was almost funny; months of determination, of focusing on getting stronger, of pushing everything else aside and aiming at her goal with the focus of a laser sight, and this was the result. She wasn't getting stronger. She never had been. She was still just the same old crybaby that she'd been back in the real world.

It wouldn't even hurt so much, Sinon thought, if she hadn't let herself relax around Kirito and the Royal Blades. That day when she joined them in the bath, a crack had formed in the shell of ice she'd built around her heart, and joining them for the fight against Nicholas the Renegade had only made it worse. They'd moved so smoothly around each other; Sinon got the feeling the only reason they even called out for switches at all was because she was there. And then, when Kirito had made that offer to let her join the Royal Blades, she'd been so tempted. She liked the Royal Blades. She liked Kirito and his easy smile, his effeminate face that still promised safety. She liked Asuna's gentle eyes, and Leafa's excited voice. Somehow, the thought of disappointing them and seeing hate in their eyes made her feel like she would lose something important.

Sinon had declined the invitation in the end, but she knew the reason why she'd said no was because she was scared. She was scared of the warmth she felt from being around the Royal Blades. She was scared that if she joined them like Kirito had offered, and then they found out what she'd done, they'd force her out again.

More than anything, she was scared of disappointing the boy that she loved. She didn't know his name, or what he looked like, or even how old he was, but she still loved him. She'd figured it out months ago; that warmth she felt when she thought of him, and when she was around the Royal Blades, was the warmth of love. They all loved each other so much, and the way they interacted with each other proved it.

Sinon rolled over and stared at the ceiling, feeling tears trickle out of her eyes and down her cheeks. Should she just give up on hope? That warmth that she wanted, that she craved... It'd never be hers, would it? If she gave up on love and totally froze her heart, she'd be able to give up the pain as well. All she would have to do was let herself... fall...

The brief memory of his arms around her pierced through the darkness, like a beam of light. More beams of light followed, lighting things up little by little until seven rays of light led the way to the surface. Sinon reached out, hand grasping for whatever was casting the light -

Sinon opened her eyes and lowered her hand. It had just been a dream.

But she knew, now. There was no way she was going to just give up and roll over. If it was impossible for her to get stronger, then she'd just have to make the impossible real. She was going to beat this, no matter what she had to do. She would never be normal again, but... as long as she didn't stop, that didn't matter. Carrying that burden with her was her punishment and her duty. Slowly, Sinon sat up and got out of bed. Her legs shook a little bit; leftover nerves from the night before working themselves out.

"Merry Christmas, Lux," she whispered, looking at her reflection in the mirror. The girl that looked back at her... Her eyes were hard but focused; there weren't any bags under them, and she held herself with confidence and poise. She wore glasses, even though she didn't need them, but they only served to highlight her black hair and eyes nicely.

Sinon smiled and left her inn room, heading downstairs to get breakfast and start her day.

After a second, she ran back into the room and slammed the door shut behind her, blushing. After a second, she swiped her menu open and changed out of her pajamas. The little cat design on her sleep shirt might have been cute, but it was definitely not something she would wear out in public.

...

February 9th, 2024

Sinon stalked through the forest, desperately hurrying to where the info broker had promised her she'd find her target.

This was it. It was like she'd been gifted this one perfect opportunity, and she wasn't going to let it slip by. She might have accepted Lux's death, but that wasn't going to stop her from avenging her death. What a wonderful coincidence that her killer was one of the few members of Laughing Coffin to escape the purge. Morte had been spotted nearby; the instant she discovered that he wasn't in the Black Iron Palace, she'd gone to the best info broker she knew and demanded he sell her the info.

It took almost twice what she'd expected to pay, but she got the info. And now, here she was, coming up towards him.

As soon as she stumbled onto his tracks by using her Tracking Skill, Sinon smiled grimly. He was as good as found now. She just needed to be patient. And patient she was; after hunting solo for over seven months, she'd learned the art of waiting, totally still, for the perfect shot to arrive. In the end, all she had to do was follow his footprints, just like she was tracking a monster.

Just like all those monsters she tracked, Sinon finally found her opportunity. Morte had taken a break, leaning against a tree, and the archer took the opening given to her. She pulled back on the bow, the arrowhead gleaming with a pale green color, and let it fly. To his credit, Morte was able to react fast enough that the arrow didn't hit his heart, like she'd been aiming for; Sinon clicked her tongue in irritation that he'd been faster than she expected. Still, the throwing knife she'd also thrown had sunk home into his side, and that was enough for her plan.

With a grunt of surprise, Morte toppled over. Sinon walked out from the edge of the forest, pushing her hood back from her head, and the paralyzed player still managed to pull his lips back in a rictus grin. "I know you," he said, his voice still annoyingly slimy and cheerful. Sinon felt her lips pull back as well - except her expression was an irritated grimace instead of a grin. "The scarf, that's the giveaway. You're that girl that ran, right? The one with the throwing knives. Hey, how's it going? I'd wave, but I'm a little stuck right now."

"Shut up," Sinon snapped.

"So, what's this gonna be, then? Gonna march me off to jail? So sorry, don't think I can move right now. Something's kinda wrong with my legs."

Sinon gritted her teeth. "I said shut up!" she shouted. With a fluid movement, she pulled out an arrow and nocked it, pointing it at his forehead. For an instant, she held it there, panting heavily.

Thump

She could do this. She could avenge Lux.

Thump thump

All she had to do was let go of the bowstring. From this range, it'd count as a critical hit. No matter how much health Morte had, that would kill him.

Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump

Sinon gritted her teeth so hard she was worried they'd snap. Why couldn't she fire the arrow?! she screamed in her head. She and Morte were frozen there, motionless -

- and then someone exclaimed, "Sinon! What's going on?!"

Her head snapped to the source of the voice. Kirito was standing there, staring at her - and the rest of the Royal Blades were flanking him.

Her mind ran wildly. No! Why him! Why now?!

It was like time froze. Sinon stared at Kirito, and he stared back at her. In the endless moment, his mind latched onto the strangest thing; the little ribbons in her hair, tied in the pigtails that framed her face, were white. He hadn't noticed that before.

Then Sinon let out a little strangled cry of surprise and pain; she turned and ran, stumbling through the brush and bushes. Immediately, Kirito started running after her, ignoring his girls' cries of "Kirito!", "Kazuto!", and "Kii-boy!"

"Take care of Morte!" he shouted back at them. As he chased after Sinon, he heard Asuna call after him again, but he didn't stop.

He couldn't stop, not after seeing the pain and anguish in her eyes. He wasn't sure why he was chasing after Sinon; all he knew was, something in him recognized that look, and wouldn't let him not follow her. She wasn't making it hard, either. Silica left less of a trail when moving through the forest. Plus, he was slowly gaining on her, if the way the rustling and crashing was gradually getting louder was any indication.

Kirito burst through a row of bushes and stumbled to a halt. They were on the edge of a cliff, a river running below. Sinon was staring over the edge, clearly trying to decide what to do. Before she could make up her mind to either jump down or try to clear the gap to the other side, Kirito shouted, "Wait, Sinon!"

The archer turned around, staring at him. "Why are you following me!?"

"Because I want to know why you were trying to kill Morte," he said. "I don't think you're a killer, Sinon -"

"You don't know me!" she shouted. "You don't know what I've done," she said, quieter this time.

Kirito sighed, shaking his head. "...He's going to jail," he told her. "He won't be able to hurt anyone ever again."

Sinon went still, and slowly her shoulders seemed to sink, like she folded in on herself a little bit. "That's too late," she muttered.

Kirito was pretty sure he wasn't meant to hear that comment, but it definitely explained why she'd been trying to kill Morte. The player killer must have attacked her - and killed someone close to her. That was why she'd been trying so hard to get the revival item at Christmas. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Huh?"

"For your loss. But... that doesn't mean we should sink to their level," he said. "You shouldn't have to get your hands bloody because of -"

"Well too bad!" Sinon screamed. His eyes widened as he stared at her; tears poured down her cheeks. "Because... Because my hands are already covered. Can't you see? They're practically dripping!"

Kirito looked at her hands. They were slender and pretty, but they were pale. "Sinon..." He took a deep breath. "What happened, Sinon?"

She shook her head. "No! You'll hate me if you find out! I don't want that -"

In her mild panic, Sinon took a step backwards, and her foot rolled awkwardly on a pebble. The girl let out a scream of surprise as she toppled backwards, pitching over the edge of the cliff.

"Sinon!"

Before she could fall, though, Kirito had closed the distance between the two of them. He wrapped her in a hug, keeping her upright; from this position, he was able to see her pretty black eyes clearly. She stared back up at him, tears streaking down her face.

"It was when I was a kid," she whispered, almost as though she was entranced. "...I lived in the countryside with my mom. Ever since my dad was killed in a car accident, it's just been the two of us. One day, we went to the post office to mail a letter. I was young at the time, so I was sitting there, waiting patiently like a good girl.

"And then this man comes in... I still don't know exactly clued me in, but I knew something was wrong. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or his dirty coat. I don't know." Sinon closed her eyes, tears leaking through the lids. "He p-pulled out a gun. Said that he wanted money. H-He shot the bank teller... and then he pointed the gun at my mom. I didn't think, I just tried to save Mom. I bit his finger, and he dropped the g-gun."

Her breaths were coming fast now, her face pale. "He threw me to the ground, and I picked up the gun, and he tried to take it from me, and it went off twice and he fell over and oh god it was so loud and the blood was so hot -"

Kirito wasn't sure what to do, really. However. He'd met Asuna while she was crying and hugged her. That was the first time he'd tried to hug a crying girl, and it'd worked out pretty well all things considered. At this point, he was two-for-two on comforting crying girls with a hug, so it really was his best chance at stopping her from whatever was going on.

Therefore, he tightened his hug on Sinon. The girl's shaking stopped almost immediately, though he felt a few teardrops spill onto his back.

A far-off memory tickled at his mind, and Kirito let his mind recall it. It floated to the surface little by little, and slowly he remembered what his mind had deliberately forgotten. Something about that story felt familiar, and he started to talk. "When I was a kid, a few years ago... I was taking the train to Asuna's house, but I took the wrong train by mistake. I was reading a new game magazine, and I wasn't looking where I was going. I ended up on a long train ride out to the country. Since I wasn't sure where I really was, I went to... the local post office..."

In his arms, Sinon let out a gasp.

"I went there to get the train schedule. While I was there... a man walked in, with stubble and a sour smell. He pulled out a gun and started threatening people. He shot someone... and then before he could shot a woman, a little girl with a cute hairstyle bit his hand. He dropped the gun, and threw her around. I couldn't move, but this brave girl the same age as my little sister had just attacked him... When the gun went off twice, and she was sitting there crying, the only thing I could think to do was go over, kneel next to her, and -"

"And you knelt down, and put your arms around her," Sinon whispered, "and you hugged her tight."

"Yeah. I told her, 'Thank you for saving us.'"

"It was you... It was you, it was you, it was you..." she repeated over and over again, even as her knees buckled. Kirito held her in his arms as the two of them sank to the ground together. Sinon didn't even seem to notice as she leaned back from the hug and looked Kirito in the eyes. The tears were still falling, but they were different this time. "This whole time, I've been thinking of you."

She put her arms around his neck and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his.

The kiss lasted just long enough for him to realize that she was kissing him, and then Sinon pulled away, still smiling. "Thank you," she said. "I love you."

Kirito stared at her for a moment, mind whirling in confusion, before he finally smiled. "Sinon," he said, "do you want to join the Royal Blades?"

"Yes. I do."

His smile was warm as he said, "Then let's go."

Sinon! Hello there, how are you doing? Thank you for bringing Serious Zone time to a close.

Yes, this is a background chapter, but I feel it's important because it's the only thing that explains Sinon's… well, her everything. The reason she is the way she is; the reason she joins SAO; and the reason she ultimately joins the Royal Blades. We've seen her crop up from time to time as mentioned in the background/narration (guess who Kirito was thinking of when he first met Sachi?) and three times in the story proper. Hopefully that was enough of an excuse to slide her into the story. Either way, she's here now, and here to stay.

Other than that, a slight re-imagining of Shino and her backstory. She's several years ahead of her progress in canon, but I'm chalking that up to her relying so much on her solely memory of the Kazuto-hug. I was looking to see who her partner should be (I knew the beginning and the end, but I wasn't sure how to get Sinon from 'enter the game' to 'trying to kill Morte' properly. I settled on losing her partner, in a 'similar to Kirito from canon' way) and I decided, let's go with Lux! Any speech pattern weirdness is because I've only read Girls Ops a few times, and kinda winged it.

And then in the end, Kirito chases her down and hugs her. Cue the traumatic memory of being in a post office where a kid shot someone resurfacing. Kirito, as we know, is good at repressing memories (like the Laughing Coffin fight from canon) so I figured that young Kazuto would definitely 'forget' that part of his life. We'll see his real reaction to the kiss in the next chapter.

Many thanks to everyone that favorited, followed, or reviewed.

Standing behind the nearby trees, Argo's eyes widened as she watched the archer girl press her lips firmly against Kirito's. She was kissing their Kirito! That was... This was going to change everything, wasn't it? She ducked back into the woods as Kirito asked Sinon to join the Royal Blades and opened her menu.

"Guess it's time for us ta stop playin' around," she said to herself as she pulled out a Teleport Crystal. "Just as well, I guess. We were startin' ta get lazy."