Chapter 4

He had talked her into getting dressed in his room. She was amenable but he could tell she was having second thoughts about what they had done. She was now carrying an aura of guilt about her. She was "doing" her hair which consisted of quickly blow drying it and then making it smooth and silky with a flat iron. She had gone from bouncy curly to silky straight again. He was amazed. He loved her hair. He had been constantly touching it throughout the night.

"Governor," I think." She had begun to say before he cut her off.

"Olivia please, after what we shared last night, don't you think I deserve a Fitz. We are lovers now Olivia. You know I. Love. You. And you have said you love me too. You did mean that didn't you?" He asked her. He was feeling so vulnerable in this new place.

"I meant it Fitz every word. I just am not sure where to go or what to say this morning. If we were normal lovers discovering each other for the first time and embarking on a future together I would be more together. You are a married man Fitz. You have a family. I wanted you for myself and I leapt into the fire. I won't say I am sorry, but I am disappointed in myself Fitz. I have a moral code I live by. I don't do married men. I don't do my clients. Even though I am elated with what I shared with you, you were wonderful by the way. I love the way you love me," she purred.

Throughout the night when she was being sexy and talking dirty she seemed to be purring. He loved it. Thinking of all the things they had done last night and this morning he had to readjust himself. He was hardening just thinking about it. Every position had been unbelievable. He felt like he would never stop coming every time. And lord have mercy, when she had gone down on him this morning, shit he was still weak in the knees. He was only 46 years old but he was thinking no way he should have been able to renew so fast. Last night he would touch her or look at her and instantly become like stone and he would have just finished making love with her. To say he had a hard-on for her was an understatement.

"Olivia we are brand new and there are obstacles in front of us but we ARE embarking on a future together. This has never been about a one night stand or even a fling for me. I love you Olivia, you are my heart. And I love the way you love me too Olivia. You excite the hell out of me. You have wiped the memory of every woman I have ever been with from my mind. There's only you," he said without a hint of insincerity."

"Even your wife, the mother of your children?" she inquired.

"Yes most definitely my wife. I haven't touched her sexually in over ten years Liv. We have been over for a long time. We were, we are just two people living under the same roof. There is absolutely

nothing between us other than Karen and Jerry, nothing. And now that I have met you and fallen so deeply in love with you Olivia there never will be again," he said.

"You haven't touched your wife in over ten years? You have a mistress then," she looked up at him incredulously. The thought that he would have a mistress distressed her. She was holding her breath waiting for his answer.

"No never. I have never been unfaithful to Mellie if that is what you are asking? Not until last night. No I had not been a monk. I am sure you know a man can take care of himself the same as a woman. I am not ashamed of it Liv. Mellie never wanted sex right from the beginning. Whether she is frigid or she just had no use for me, I never bothered to ask. I just made up my mind to no longer participate in an act with her that was meaningless. In my mind I had relegated sex to a biological function. When I got the urge I just took care of it,"

"Liv please don't let what I have just told you lead you to believe I am some freak. It was not me sitting in a chair looking at porn jacking off. It was not like that at all. Sometimes I just got the urge and I relieved myself. I wasn't proud of it but I just did not want to have sex with someone that obviously did not want to have sex with me. It was so degrading Liv. It was the worst.

"She wanted me to get a mistress. In fact she gave me her blessing to do so. She wanted me to be like my father for some reason. She wanted me to become an adulterer. Sometimes I think it was her goal. To be sure, because she thought I would become Big Jerry, was my biggest motivation for not taking one. I missed the human contact though, sex is to be shared Livvie like you and I did tonight."

"Please do not think less of me because of it. I have chosen to tell you the absolute truth about this portion of my life because it is or it was the broken part of me. A loveless marriage, a loveless wife, and a loveless life have been my existence for so many years and then I met you Olivia. My entire life changed in those moments. I loved you even then you know? The deeper I fell, the more I prayed for a second chance. A chance to have a woman that would want to share her life and her body with me not for coercion and power but because she loved me as I loved her. It was my dream Liv. When you chose to come to me tonight, It was everything to me," he finished his long spiel and let out a breath.

"Yes it was Fitz, it was everything. It is much more than sex between us much more; I know that deep in my heart. It was the best sex I have ever had. It was so good Fitz the way, the ways you made love to me. I have never in all my life experienced anything like it ever. It is because we love each other."

"I would never judge your life Fitz, never. I am so glad you have saved all your real lovemaking for me. I am so happy you have chosen me to share your body with. Fitz you are right we are not in the best of

places, but we are here and I do want a future with you so much. I needed to hear the truth and you gave it to me. I love that you have bared your soul to me."

"As to where we go from here, I do not know. I want to lie in this bed we have made for us forever. I am frightened though. Fitz I thought I had loved before, but I now realize that I have not. Not until you. So bear with me, this is a complicated affair. I have jumped into it with my eyes wide open. I love you and I want this thing between us to work so much. But it could be ruinous for you, for us. I am so joyous with it and then I become sad, because for us truly to begin something has to end," she said sadly.

Don't be afraid Livvie. We will get this thing right. I want a lifetime with you not just an affair. I am married and I am running for President. But I want us. Just know that on this very morning I would give it all up just to be with you again. Promise me you will not decide this is to be a "one night stand." Promise me this is not all we will ever have," he pleaded.

You are my client Fitz. We have broken so many rules you know," she said as she walked up to him. "But rules are meant to be broken. Let's see where this love of ours will take us." She then kisses him with all her love for him poured into it. He kisses her with the same fervor.

Parting was really such sweet sorrow. But he was the happiest he had been in years. She was going to give them a shot. She was skittish though. He had to keep her trusting in him. He was going to get out of this unholy alliance with Mellie and when he did, he would be free to love her as she deserved to be loved. Out of the shadows into the light, that was his goal.