Given his first appearance in this story, back in Lissa's chapter, you should have guessed that Gaius' chapter would be a tad silly.

"Hello, Gaius." Robin said to the ginger thief sitting across from him. "Do you have any idea why I called you here?"

Gaius shrugged. "I dunno. Has to do with something sweet?" He reached into his pocket. HIs eyes suddenly widened in horror. "Oh crap."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "'Oh crap,' what?"

"I forgot to resupply my stash." Gaius said, opening his empty pockets. "I'm out of sweets."

"Oh." Robin sighed. "I thought it was something serious."

"This is serious!" Gaius exclaimed, losing his usual cool. "What am I supposed to do without a stash of candy?! I'll die!"

"How are you not diabetic?" Robin muttered. "Or, for that matter, fat?" He sighed. "Look, this meeting shouldn't take long, so I'm sure you can hold off until then."

Gaius nodded, but his skin was already beginning to pale, and dark bags began to form under his eyes.

"OK...So, I afraid we're gonna have to let you go." Robin said. He looked at Gaius, expecting a response, but got none. He decided to elaborate. "You're a useful fighter and all, but your loyalty to our cause is shaky at best. I mean, Chrom bought you out with a bag of sweets. I would understand that if you didn't agree with killing Emmeryn, and that it was a spur of the moment thing, both of which are true. But," Robin looked at a piece of paper in front of him. "According to these checks, you're still paid in candy."

"Yup." Gaius said quickly, eyes darting around the room. "Saves time. Would go to candy anyway."

"...You know you have a family, right?" Robin asked.

"Yup." Gaius responded. "They can take care of themselves. Cherche has a dragon. She can make money."

"I don't think your priorities are all that in line." Robin said. The door to the office opened up, and a maid walked in with a tray. "Oh. Hello. Here with the tea, right on time." He nodded at the maid as she placed the tray on his desk. He took a jelly pastry and a cup."So, how do you like your tea, Gaius?"

Gaius stared at the tea, his eyes as wide as some of the small plates. Suddenly, in one swift motion, he grabbed the small cup of sugar and shoved it in his face.

"NAGA!" Robin exclaimed. "Gaius, what the hell?!"

Gaius pulled the sugar cup away from his face. His mouth and nose were coated in the white powder of sugar. He eyed the pastry in Robin's hand.

"Can I have that?" He asked quickly.

"Gaius, there are even more present-"

"I WILL SUCK YOUR DICK FOR THAT!" Gaius shouted.

"Woah, Woah, Woah!" Robin exclaimed. "This isn't that kind of story!"

"GIMMIE!" Gaius exclaimed, jumping over the desk at Robin, and tackling him to the floor.

The two beaten up men sat in silence. Gaius was covered in a few burn marks while Robin mainly had bruises.

"...So I'm out, right?" Gaius asked.

Robin glared at him.

"Right." Gaius said. "I'll...I'll get some help about all...that." He stood up from his seat.

"You should. Cherche'll feed you to the dragon if you don't." Robin replied.

"Right. Gotta find a sugar...rehab." Gaius said.

"The first step is admitting you have a problem." Robin commented.

"...Never speak of this again?"

"Do you even have to say it?" Robin asked.

Robin has no real respect for the fourth wall.

Up next: Panne!