I'm starting to notice my most insane ideas come when I'm not really trying.
Anyway, here's Yarne.
Robin glared at the young taguel seated across from bunny-man was sweating bullets as Robin looked down at a piece of paper on his desk.
"Well, you're fired." Robin said.
"What?!" Yarne exclaimed. "W-Why?!"
"I honestly don't know." Robin said, much to Yarne's surprise. "Looking over your file now, you seem to have some skills that we really could use."
"R-Really?" Yarne asked nervously.
"Yup." Robin replied. "Especially your ability to turn into a giant cat."
"Thanks!" Yarne exclaimed, smiling nervously. "I-Wait. I turn into a giant bunny, not a cat."
"Really?" Robin asked, looking back at the piece of paper. "Because it says here that you're a huge pussy."
"..." Yarne stared blankly at the tactician. "Is...is this because I date Morgan? Because, in my defense, she was the one who did all the heavy lifting in this relationship!"
"..." Robin glared at the taguel, who shrank under his gaze in fear. "First off, no. This has nothing to do with your relationship with my daughter. I treat everybody with the same brutal honesty and, I'll admit, dickishness I'm treating you with. You really are being fired for being a pussy. Also, the 'last of your kind' thing is actually a pretty valid excuse to back out of combat. doesn't make you any less of a pussy, but still."
"O-Oh." Yarne said nervously. "Thank you, Mr. Robin, sir! I-"
"Don't call me Mr. Robin." Robin said. "That's not my name. That's my first name. It's stupid of you to think that's my last name. I would assume you would know the last name of the girl you are dating. By the way, yes, it is pretty obvious that she spearheaded your relationship. The only reason Morgan would be dating someone like you would be if she really wanted to."
"Hey!" Yarne exclaimed. "I take offence to that!"
Robin glared at him.
"This seems pretty bias…" Yarne mumbled. "Both of you have amnesia, so neither of you know your last names…"
"Say what you will." Robin replied. "Now, even though I'm no longer your employer, I'm still the father of the girl you're dating." He folded his hands over his desk and glared at Yarne. "What are your intentions with my girl?"
"Marriage, sir." Yaren quickly replied, much to his and Robin's surprise.
"What?" Robin asked quickly.
"Uh.." Yarne exclaimed. "I said that without thinking about it! But…" He paused for a second. "...Yeah. Marriage."
"...Your hesitation doesn't exactly fill me with confidence…" Robin remarked.
"Well, we can talk about that. We're both here. Kill two birds with one stone, right?" Yarne asked nervously.
"I think I might want to get Lucina in on this." Robin said.
"Oh!" Yarne replied. "I already talked to her about it!"
"...Really?" Robin asked.
"Yup. She said that she trusted me with Morgan, since she believed that Morgan could fend for herself if worse came to worse. She recommended I talk to you, since she said you might be a harder sell." He said."Don't get mad at her!" Yarne added quickly.
"I won't." Robin replied. "Actually, I have to admit, I can kinda relate to you about having to go up to a friend and ask for their daughter's hand in marriage." Robin paused for a second. "What exactly did Lucina say to you, when she inevitably threatened you?"
"How did you know that?" Yarne asked, surprised.
"She's her father's daughter." Robin replied.
"Oh." Yarne said. "Well, she-"
"Also," Robin interrupted. "Master Tactician."
"...Yeah, well, she said that, if I hurt Morgan, she would...uh, 'make it much more difficult for me to save my race from extinction'." Yarne said nervously. "Her words, not mine."
"...Huh." Robin commented. "That's funny. Chrom basically did the same thing to me."
"Really?" Yarne asked.
"Yeah, although he was a bit more subtle about it. He 'casually' reminded me that the Falchion was the sharpest blade in existence. He was using it to cut a sausage at the time." Robin said. "He probably could have been a bit more subtle."
"So, what you're saying is that Lucina's Chrom in this situation?" Yarne asked.
"...Oh Naga." Robin realized. "That makes me Sumia."
"Was...Was Sumia by any chance more open to your relationship?" Yarne asked nervously.
"A bit more passive aggressive, actually. Oh, don't get me wrong." Robin said. "Chrom and Sumia were both happy with Lucina and I. I just kinda assumed I would get to be the threatening one in this relationship."
"Oh...Does that mean you're...OK with this?" Yarne asked timidly.
"..." Robin glared at the bunny man, who gulped nervously.
He sighed. "...I'm gonna have fuzzy grandchildren." He admitted.
"R-Really?!" Yarne exclaimed.
"Quick rule of thumb about all of this." Robin quickly said. "You hurt her in any way, shape or form, and I end you. You make her cry, I make you cry…which actually wouldn't be that difficult. Pussy, remember?"
"Yes, sir!" Yarne exclaimed.
"I guess I kinda see a little of myself in you, to be honest." Robin admitted. "Even though you are a pussy and whatnot, I'm sympathetic to your situation."
"Yes, sir." Yarne said. He stood up to leave, but Robin spoke up.
"Also, I don't want any more 'mounted combat' until after you're married." Robin ordered.
"W-What are you talking about?!" Yarne exclaimed, a blush covering his face.
"I'll be frank." Robin said. "No being inside my daughter until after you're married. You lost points for making me say that, by the way."
"...A-Actually," Yarne muttered, blush still on his face. "I...I was never inside her, but-"
"This conversation is over." Robin quickly interrupted him. "A rabbit's foot isn't that lucky when it's in your mouth."
"Right." Yarne muttered, before quickly walking out of the office. He turned and smiled at Robin. "Thank you, Robin."
"Take care of her, Yarne." Robin replied earnestly. The taguel left his office. "...Well, I for one am getting plastered." Robin pulled a flask out from his desk. He paused, and pulled out a full bottle of wine. "This should do it."
That went a bit more peacefully than most of you expected. I might just be speaking for myself, and I wrote it.
Up next: ...Um...I want to say...Kelly? No, no...um...Well, you guys know who I'm talking about.