As she waited for the elevator to show up, Olivia felt her eyes burning. Her worst fears finally came true. She had been replaced. She had lost her job. Her best friend was not speaking to her any more. She didn't have a lot when she left New York, and now that she was back, she had nothing left. "How could it possibly turn so badly in less than three months?" she wondered. How could Elliot move on of their friendship so quickly? Of course it was because of this young doe with her blue eyes and blond hair. The way she put her hands on Elliot's chest… Olivia didn't like that. She didn't like that at all. Elliot was a married man for God's sake! At least, the divorce was not finalized. Or was it? He wouldn't even touch her when they were partners, always keeping reasonable distance between them, and now he let this woman touch him like he was her belonging. Was he dating her? Olivia wondered if this woman knew who she was. Had Elliot ever talked about her? Of course not. Why would he? She felt so stupid! Back in Oregon, Hope had told her that she kept moaning his name when she was unconscious at the hospital. Damn, in her letter, Olivia told him Hope kept asking about him! She was stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid, stu…

She blinked when she realized where she was. One moment before, she was waiting for an elevator, and now she was standing there, in front of her building. She didn't even know how she ended up here. She has been so absorbed by her thoughts that she couldn't remember whether she walked all the way, or whether she took a cab or the subway. She entered her building and took the stairs, not wanting to wait for the slow elevator. When she finally reached her floor, she beat herself up, regretting her decision to drag her suitcase through the stairs. Her whole body was hurting. She was sore, she had cracked ribs, she was bruised everywhere but she couldn't wait for the damn elevator! Looking for her keys in her pockets, she glances at her mat and noticed there was no mail. Elliot did pick them. She entered her apartment, and quickly walked to her coffee table to check on her mail. She needed to know. She threw the envelopes one after the other until she found an opened one. The hospital bill, of course. She checked for the lawyer bill and noticed it was opened too. But it was not what she was looking for. She crossed her fingers, hoping he didn't open her letter and when she didn't find it she felt relieved. Then she remembered she hadn't sent the letter at her address but his. Damn it…

SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU-SVU

Back at the precinct

Elliot heard Dani's voice but it was like she was speaking underwater. He couldn't put his eyes off of Olivia or focus on anything else. When he felt Dani pushing him towards Cragen's office, he wanted to protest but couldn't. He felt like everything was moving slow motion, and without deciding any of it, his legs walked him to his captain's office, where he was expected. He knocked at the door and opened when he heard his captain shout "Come in!". He walked in the room, still confused with what just happened.

"Elliot… ELLIOT!" Cragen called him, trying to make eye contact while Elliot's eyes were staring at Cragen's desk lamp.

Elliot came back to reality, shook his head and looked at his captain. "Sorry cap, what did you say?" he asked.

Cragen stared at him for a moment, eyes full of concern. "I was telling you that you were due in court tomorrow in the morning for the Brovitch case… Are you ok?" he asked softly. "You're very pale". Cragen knew Elliot was having a rough time, dealing with Olivia's death. They all were…

Elliot looked through the window to see Olivia but she was nowhere to be seen. Had he dreamt it? He wasn't sleeping well since he heard the news. When he had the chance to catch a few hours' sleep, he had dreams or nightmares about Olivia. Sometimes she was sharing a meal with him at his desk, sometimes she was bleeding out on the concrete. « I got the traitor! I killed the fucking cop ». Maybe she was never there. Maybe he had imagined all of it.

"Elliot?" Cragen asked again.

"Uhm, actually cap I don't know. I'm not feeling well, and I…" he interrupted and looked again in the bullpen but there was still no sign of Olivia "… I need to check something… Get to the bottom of it… Can I have the day off?"

"Elliot what's going on?" Cragen asked more and more concern about his detective. Elliot never asked for a day off before.

"I'm not sure cap. But when I find out, you'll be the first one notified". Elliot said, gravity all over his face.

"Ok… you can leave for the day. But don't forget to show up in court tomorrow or Novak will have your ass" Cragen warns.

Elliot thanked his captain, walked to his chair, grabbed his coat and quickly left, without a glance at Danni. As he drove to Olivia's apartment, Elliot had to repress the urge to turn his portative siren on. "Calm down Elliot. She won't be there. She can't be…" Elliot kept telling himself. He couldn't afford too much hope. If he lets himself hope only to find out he imagined all of it, he's pretty sure he's gonna lose it. « I got the traitor! I killed the fucking cop ». Elliot heard this voice over and over in his head. He stopped the car, right in front of her building. He was double parking but couldn't care less. He ran out of the car and climbed the steps two at a time, too impatient to wait for the slow elevator. He only stopped running when he was in front of Olivia's door. He stopped there for a moment to catch his breath, raised a shaking hand, closed his eyes, and knocked at the door. "She's not there. She's not gonna answer" he kept telling himself… Click.