Guys. This is really big. It's insane. It's the explosive finale you've all been waiting for.
Let's get right into it!
"Well, Robin," Chrom said, pulling out a bottle of wine from under his desk. "I'm surprised you managed to do this. I thought it would be pretty hard to cut everybody."
"Yeah, well, maybe if you didn't hire so many Shepherds…" Robin commented. The two were lounging in Chrom's private office. It was much more lavish and fancy than Robin's, although that might be because it has sustained much less damage than Robin's office.
To be fair, less dragons barged through the window.
"Hey, you weren't complaining about having the extra units during battle!" Chrom exclaimed.
"Doesn't mean I had to like putting up with them." Robin commented.
"Aye." Chrom agreed. "I wouldn't mind not seeing Henry again."
Robin frantically hushed him. "Don't bring up the demon albino!" He exclaimed. "It seems like every time he gets mentioned something bad happens!"
Chrom raised an eyebrow. "...Well, I would assume this job was pretty stressful, but it's all over now. Now, just so you know, if anything happens, odds are I'll just call everybody back together, since I trust them as a team."
Robin looked at Chrom. "Wait. So you're telling me this was all pointless?"
"Well, not pointless." Chrom replied. "We needed to let everybody know they weren't on duty, and I figured you would be the best person to tell them. I assumed you would just send out a flyer or something."
Chrom grinned as he raised his glass to a frozen Robin. "Here's to us: the last two Shepherds!" He took a large gulp of his wine.
"..." Robin had a far off stare in his eyes. "...It's not a shield."
"What?" Chrom looked at the tactician, confused.
"The Fire Emblem." Robin clarified. "It's not...You know what?" He stood up. "Follow me."
"Why are we in your office?" Chrom asked, annoyed.
"Because this is where I work." Robin replied. "And this is work."
"What's work?" Chrom asked.
"The Fire Emblem isn't a shield." Robin said. "You took the most valuable treasure in the world, an artifact that wars have been fought over, and you were using it as a shield! That is completely and utterly irresponsible."
"I'll have you know that the Fire Emblem is indestructible!" Chrom exclaimed.
"Yeah, but it has very important, removable stones in it!" Robin exclaimed. "What would have happened if, after blocking a blow, a gem fell off? We would have to explore the entire battle field just to find a gem you stupidly lost!"
"Ok, we're talking about stupid stuff?" Chrom said. "Let's talk about stupid stuff, Mister Master Tactician! Why are you still wearing those Plegian robes? It's really stupid to go into battle dressed as the enemy! Hell, I even gave you new robes when you were promoted to Grandmaster Tactician!"
"Those were a fashion disaster and you know it! There were weird metal things sticking out of it and shit. Anyway, you're one to bring up wardrobe choices!" Robin countered. "You just keep one shoulder completely unguarded, just because it has your mark on it! You know, the thing that would point you out as a bigger target than the rest of us!"
"It shows that I'm proud of my title!" Chrom exclaimed. "And, for the record, I wore armor after I became a Grand Lord!"
"Which brings us back to the Fire Emblem." Robin said
"You had the mark of Grima on your hand for the entirety of the time you worked for us!" Chrom countered.
"To be fair, you never were that picky about who you let into the Shepherds." Robin commented. "'Some dude I found in the middle of a field? Let's put you in charge of all my soldiers! Guy who killed my sister? Let's break some bread together! Crazy sex witch? Sleep in the tents near my family! Murderous warlord? We shall accommodate for your vegan needs! Sister I thought was dead, but miraculously turned out to be alive? Get on the front lines! Random, unimportant guy with a big sword? Our next battle is literally our last one, so you can join us for roughly a week!'"
"That was only because you turned down the other options!" Chrom countered. "Remember that old man with the cards that could project heroes of old, including the freaking Hero-King?"
"They were sticky, Chrom!" Robin exclaimed. "Why were the cards sticky?! What do you think Old Hubba was doing to those cards to make them sticky? Plus, there is no way the author would pay for that DLC. He didn't even get Future Past!"
"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Chrom said. "You always mention those weird things! What are you talking about?"
"Forgive me for being worried that my chief tactician might be crazy!" Chrom exclaimed.
"If you have anything bad to say about me, you should also mention that you put me in charge of the lives of your soldiers." Robin said.
"Some of your plans are reckless and put hundreds in danger! Need I remind you of the journey to Valm?" Chrom exclaimed.
"And you put me in charge of all of your soldiers." Robin countered.
"You have an incredibly shady past, including being Grima!" Chrom added.
"And you put me in charge of all of your soldiers." Robin repeated.
"You're generally difficult to be around, and tend to be an asshole!"
"And you put me in charge of all of your soldiers."
Chrom was about to retort, before stopping himself. He took a deep breath, and steadied himself.
"Look, Robin, we're both adults here." Chrom said slowly. "I'm the ruler of a nation, you're a genius tactician. Why are we bickering like children? Or an old married couple? To be honest, I'm starting to question how professional you were during these meetings. If you were just trying to press people's buttons by saying thing like-"
"I fucked your daughter."
"You're end has come!" Chrom exclaimed, leaping over the desk.
"You're finished!" Robin shouted back, ready to strike Chrom.
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"Say Uncle! Say Uncle!" Chrom exclaimed, as he held Robin in a headlock.
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"Oh, you're in for it now!" Robin exclaimed. He was standing on top of a bookshelf, holding a fire tome.
He chucked the book at Chrom's head.
Chrom duck under the book.
"Well played." Robin admitted.
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Robin and Chrom were standing across from each other.
Robin slapped Chrom.
Chrom slapped Robin.
Robin slapped Chrom.
Chrom slapped Robin.
Robin slapped Chrom.
Chrom slapped Robin.
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"Stop spamming side-B!" Robin exclaimed. He and Chrom were sitting in front of a TV, holding Wii remotes.
"It's a strategy!" Chrom exclaimed. "...Why are you using the wheel attachment?"
Robin looked at his controller.
"...TACTICAL STRIKE!" He exclaimed, throwing the remote at Chrom and running away.
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"Rock! Paper! Scissors! Shoot!" The two leaders of the Shepherds exclaimed, presenting their hands.
"Hah! Paper beats rock!" Robin exclaimed.
Chrom punched Robin in the face.
*We are unsure which version of Sherlock Holmes they were referring to. The name, like all of our memos, was given to us on a crumpled up piece of paper with a substance that appeared to be blood, but hopefully wasn't. Just continue as you were. If you happen to break the rule, you will be punished.
Robin and Chrom stood across from one another, on separate sides of the room. A tumbleweed would have rolled between them, were it not for the fact they were in the middle of an office in the castle of Ylisse.
They stared at one another intensely.
A bead of sweat rolled off Chrom's forehead.
Suddenly, Chrom drew his sword…
...only to be hit in the head with another book.
"Stop doing that!" Chrom exclaimed.
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Robin and Chrom both hid under Robin's desk.
"Nya-ha!" Henry exclaimed happily. "I can smell your fear!"
We were recently purchased by StrexCorp, but that has nothing to do with anything.
Robin had his arms wrapped around Chrom's back, and was forcing Chrom's fist into his own face.
"Why are you hitting yourself?" Robin exclaimed. "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"
Drink your milk.
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His milk is delicious.
Now on to your previously scheduled story.
"Ok." Robin said, wincing as he sat back down at his desk. "Maybe that was going a little too far."
"Yeah." Chrom said, picking up the overturned chair across the desk. "It was. I get the feeling this happens a lot?" He looked around at the horribly damaged office.
"Yup" Robin exclaimed. "Although, to be fair, we did a lot more damage in one fight then all the other Shepherds did combined. A lot less feces, though."
"I suppose it was nice to get that out of our systems." Chrom added.
"Yeah!" Robin exclaimed. "I'm totally using that as my Smash Brothers audition."
"So…" Chrom said. "Now what?"
"We forget any of this ever happened?" Robin asked.
"Sure." Chrom said. "But, if your interviews went as badly as that did, then you destroyed many different relationships with other Shepherds."
"Eh." Robin shrugged. "I'm on good terms with the ones I would want to stay on good terms with. I'm not really going to be torn up about not being invited to any of Maribelle's parties."
"Oh, no you don't!" Chrom exclaimed. "You are going to eternally go as Lucina's plus-one, because there is no way in hell you are leaving me alone at those parties!"
"Damn it!" Robin muttered. "Fine. We should probably find someone to give us a quick healing. Neither of us want to go home covered in bruises."
"If Sumia or Lucina find out what happened, we'll probably both leave home in bruises." Chrom said, and he and Robin shuddered. "Not Lissa. She'll blab about it. Anna will probably make us pay."
"Would it be bad taste to suggest Emm?" Robin asked.
"Given our luck, all of her memories will probably come rushing back to her while she is healing us." Chrom said. "It will be a happy, heartfelt moment, and then she'll kick our asses when she finds out what happened."
"Right. How about Libra?" Robin asked. Chrom nodded and the two men began to walk out of the office.
"Robin," Chrom stopped Robin. "for both of our sakes, could you never again say that you've ever touched Lucina? I'm OK with you guys being married and everything. I just don't need the physical reminder. At least until baby Morgan comes along."
"Right." Robin agreed. "I think I kinda understand how you feel about that."
"Alright." Chrom said. "Let's go to church." He walked out of the office.
Robin lingered behind, looking around the office.
"You know, Chrom?" Robin said nostalgically. "I'm really gonna miss this place."
"Robin." Chrom said. "You work here. You'll probably be here tomorrow. Or, at least, a few weeks from now. It might need a few repairs."
"They know what I mean." Robin said.
Chrom sighed. "I suppose I never will."
Office destruction! Henry cameo! Weird, meta thing! Obscure references! Bickering! So much bickering!
So we finally decruited Chrom. In decruiting him, Robin decruited himself, since any flaws he has were overshadowed by how much authority Chrom gave him.
I actually like how Chrom came out this chapter. He had to come off as the kind of person who would be good friends with Robin, but more likable.
The decrutiment's may be over, but this story will still update with stuff. There are those prompts, a few loose ends in this part to tie up and...something else.
But, for now, up next: The Winner of that contest I had a while ago. Tifer's Female Avatar, Rufure!