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You do know "Dastard" is a real word, right?
"Well, I do now." Robin said. "Although, to be fair, when was the last time you ever actually heard the word "dastard?'" He paused. "...Is any of you smartasses say 'Fire Emblem' I will hurt you in ways only a fictional character can. For that matter, when was the last time you saw it used as much as it is in this game? I get that it's a real word, but that doesn't mean it's a common word. It's like if everybody started using the word 'regurgitate' more. You would notice." He rubbed his forehead, sighing. "Sheesh, Naga forbid you say something wrong on the internet."
To Chrom, what do you actually do? It seems like Robin does most of the work.
"Oh, no no no!" Chrom exclaimed, waving his hands in front of him. "Robin does NOT do everything! Naga forbid! If Robin did the things I had to do, do you know how fast he would cause a diplomatic incident?"
"I wouldn't be that bad!" Robin countered. "I'm super classy! Master Tactician, remember?"
"Remember what you said to that diplomat at that ball we held between the wars?" Chrom asked. "Do you have any idea how much we had to negotiate that away?"
"How was I suppose to know he didn't read the books?!" Robin exclaimed.
To Libra, could you paint a picture of Donnel?
"Donnel, you understand that this is an important portrait, right?" Libra asked the farmer, who was posing across from him.
"Yup!" Donnel replied.
"This is going to be your official knightly portrait. Historians will look back on it as they read through each of your great deeds, so it must be an image that portrays that." Libra elaborated.
"Sure!" Donnel replied.
"People already travel great distances to see the portrait of Frederick, among other things." Libra explained further.
"Golly, Libra! I know this is a big deal!" Donnel happily exclaimed.
"...If you did, then you would understand why I ask you to take. Off. The. Pot." Libra stated, annoyance in his voice.
"Aww, but Libra, I like my pot!" Donnel exclaimed.
"Donnel, you have to look professional." Libra elaborated. "This is an important piece of art. This is going to be how people remember you ages from now. Do you truly want your legacy to be marred by a piece of cooking equipment?"
"It's a really nice pot!" Donnel retorted.
"I'm not arguing the quality of the pot. I am merely suggesting that it would not be found in a portrait of a famous knight hung in the halls of the castle." Libra calmly responded.
"I don't want folks seeing my hair!" Donnel exclaimed
"I'm sure your hair is fine." Libra said.
"What do y'all know about hair?" Donnel asked.
"Plenty." Libra replied, flipping back his beautiful head of hair.
"...Fine." Donnel sighed, taking off the pot. "But it gets to be in the background."
"Naturally." Libra said. "I like to think of historians in the future debating the reason for the pot in your famous painting, not realizing that, for some reason, you always wore it. Imagine the papers written on the subject." Libra snickered, uncharacteristically.
To Yarne, YOU'RE SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!
"M-MORGAN! HOW DID YOU GET A QUESTION IN?!"
"SO SOFT AND CUDDLY!"
"MORGAN! We're engaged! You should act more mature about this!"
"Oh, you're being forward. I like that!"
"W-W-What?! N-No, I-I didn't mean it like-AHH!"
To Tiki, Did you enjoy eating that tree?
"No." Tiki said plainly, an annoyed look on her face. "And I found out that the being I was speaking to that day wasn't Naga. She told me herself when I prayed to her afterward. In hindsight, I'm not entirely sure how I was tricked. Just know that, if I ever find whoever tricked me, I will make them pay. Painfully."
The army discovers all their marriages were orchestrated by Robin
"Hold on a second!" Robin exclaimed. "I didn't orchestrate anything! I let it all happen naturally!" He paused. "...Although I may have reassigned Panne and Rickon when I noticed how close they were getting. I...just kinda thought it was weird. I probably could have done the same to Henry and Nowi, but I just kinda figured I'd let Henry do what he wanted. Besides, how was I suppose to know a bunch of children would come from the future?"
To Cynthia, How does "Pega-Pony Princess Punch" sound?
"Cool!" Cynthia exclaimed. "Although naming attacks is kinda more of Owain's thing. I'm more of an entrance gal. Let's try it out...PEGA-PONY PRINCESS PUNCH!" She closed her eyes and punched the air in front of her…
"AHH!"
"Oh no! Lucy!"
"Cynthia! What are you doing?!"
"I was trying out a new move! Are you OK?"
"I'll...be better. It might help if my loving husband would take a second to stop laughing."
"It's….ha...it's just...it was so funny the first time…hehe…"
To Libra, Now paint Gaius!
"I just want to make sure I understand you. You want me to paint you."
"Yup."
"And you want me to use this special paint."
"Yup."
"That's really some sort of candy based concoction you created."
"Yup."
"And, when I'm done painting, you wish to...eat it."
"Yup. Wanna know what I taste like."
"...You understand how long it takes to paint somebody, correct?"
"All I know is that this is something I need in my life. Now how should I pose?"
"...I'm going to leave."
1) Robin's response is much more snarky then my personal response. In hindsight, I probably should have looked it up or something, but I just thought the joke was pretty good. Given that I know the word "dastardly' I probably should have made the connection. Robin has a point: when's the last time you heard someone say the word dastard? I think I might make an effort to use it more!
2) Robin is that asshole.
3 and 8) Part of the same question, but I figured I'd divide it into two different parts.
4) someone requested seeing Morgan try to break the fourth wall, and this is kinda like that. I'll still do that one, though.
5) This is why I will never do a self-insert. Sorry folks. Asleep is pretty good, if you want that kind of thing.
6) Based off of something I did in-game.
7) Allusion to Sumia's famous punch!
Up next: Morgan, but a boy.