This was weird to write. I don't think I'm cut out for the self-insert stuff. Given Robin's personality, I was talking to myself most of the time.
I trust you guys with my first name.
This references Asleep by Gone2GroundEX and Daydreams and Nightmares by lambentLodestar.
"Ha." Robin said to the young man seated across from him.
"Shut up." The brown-haired man with a noticeable white patch of hair said.
"Ha. Ha Ha. Ha." Robin dryly laughed.
"I created you. Shut up." The man said, annoyed.
"You didn't create me." Robin said. "Nintendo did. Nintendo and the Internet!"
"I wrote this fic!" The man exclaimed.
"And you still are." Robin explained. "I'm just going to wait for it to hit you."
"...Shit." The man sighed. "I'm a self-insert."
"Look on the bright side." Robin said. "Some of the most popular stories in this archive are self-inserts!"
"I suppose, but I think this story wound up being pretty popular." The man replied.
"Whatever." Robin said. "So how is this going to work? Do you have like any special powers or anything?"
"What do you mean?" The man asked.
"Well, maybe this is like Asleep, and you're stuck here forever, with special powers and stuff." Robin suggested.
"Yeah, but that would mean I also have an evil opposite running around." The man replied. "That sounds troublesome. I don't feel like I have any special skills or anything, aside from whatever I had before."
"Well, what about Daydreams and Nightmares? Is this all just a dream to you or something?" Robin asked, then paused. "Why do all of these have titles related to sleep?"
"I'm not really sure." The man replied. "Maybe it has to do with the 'Awakening' subtitle."
"That's a thing in the game." Robin replied. "I think we could figure all of this out a lot faster if we just knocked you out."
"I...don't want to be knocked out." The man nervously replied.
"Suck it up. I wanna solve a mystery!" Robin exclaimed, attempting to climb over his desk. The man panicked and pushed away from the desk.
"Robin?" Chrom asked, from the door. "What are you doing?"
"Interview." Robin replied, before realizing this was the exact wrong thing to say to Chrom about a stranger.
"Interview?" Chrom asked, then brightened up. "Oh! Hello!" Chrom extended a hand to the confused stranger in front of him. "Welcome to the Shepherds!"
Robin groaned.
"I...I didn't finish the...interview…?" The man said, confused.
"Nonsense!" Chrom replied. "You seem pretty nice! Welcome to the team...Um, what's your name?"
"My name...is…" The man paused, thinking. Robin looked at him, somewhat interested in what he would say. "Is...Ed...Eddard?"
Robin made a noise that seemed to be the cross between a groan, a sigh, and a laugh.
Chrom grabbed Eddard's hand. "Well, it's great to have you on the team, Eddard! I look forward to seeing what you can do!" He promptly turned around and left the office.
"...What just happened?" Eddard asked.
"You just met Autopilot Chrom." Robin replied. "He does what he assumes his duties are, but he never stops to think about them. Usually that happens when he has something major on his mind. I think little Cynthia's on the way."
"That's...nice?" Eddard said.
"Anyway, seriously?" Robin asked. "'Eddard?'"
"I panicked!" Eddard exclaimed. "We were talking about what kind of self insert this was, and I didn't know if I wanted to give my real first name or make something up!"
"So you chose Eddard?" Robin skeptically asked.
"It seemed like a compromise!" Eddard exclaimed.
"...Your name's Eddie."
"And the people here can still call me Eddie." Eddie replied. "Just...just in a fancy way."
"You're probably going to regret naming yourself after a Sean Bean character." Robin said.
"What if I was taking the name off of the book character?" Eddie asked.
"You didn't read the books." Robin said.
"Robin?" A voice interrupted. Robin and Eddie turned around to see Tiki standing at the door. "I wanted to talk to you about-" She looked at Eddard. "Oh. Who's this?"
"Oh crap." Eddie said, before regaining his composure. "I-I mean, uh, my name's Eddie- I mean, Eddard! Yes. That. My friends call me Eddie."
"Smooth." Robin commented.
"Well, it's nice to meet you, Eddie." Tiki smiled. "I suppose I'll see you later." She left the office.
"...She came in here for a reason, didn't she?" Eddie asked.
"I'm pretty sure the two of you are being hung on red string right now." Robin commented.
"Yeah, that wasn't even subtle." Eddie complained.
"Are you seriously complaining?" Robin asked.
"Kinda. This is just going to get awkward." Eddie replied.
"Please. All good self-inserts have themselves paired up with their favorite character." Robin said.
"It wasn't as obvious in Daydreams and Nightmares." Eddie commented.
"Stop comparing yourself to other stories." Robin commented. "I think it's become pretty clear that you're not cut out for self-insert stories."
"I don't really even like Tiki." Eddie said. "I mean, yeah, she's pretty, but so are all the other characters. None of them really stood out to me."
"Everything has a reason." Robin said.
"...I know my writing, and this is probably setting up a joke. I'm somewhat frightened."
"...A beautiful woman just showed interest in you. I assume." Robin said. "This is really crappy romantic writing. "
"It could be worse." Eddie said. "It could just skip any relationship development and cut right to the romantic crap."
Later
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"The interrupting cow."
"The interrupting co-"
"MOOO!"
Tiki laughed. She and Eddie were having a picnic on top of a hill, under the setting sun.
"You know, Tiki," Eddie said. "I know there's a chance this might be the emotions of losing my home and all of my loved ones talking, but I really think I've gotten to know you over the last hour."
"Yes." Tiki replied. "I couldn't agree more."
"...I have something I need to admit to you, before this goes any further." Eddie said, embarrassed. "You remember that time you heard a voice you thought was Naga, and that voice made you eat a tree?"
"Yes?" Tiki replied.
"Well, I...may have been that voice." Eddie admitted. "I know that was embarrassing for you, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me."
Tiki smiled.
"So you just ate him?" Robin asked, taking a sip of tea.
"Yup." Tiki replied. They were having tea in Robin's office.
"...Now, when you say 'ate,' is that a sexual thing?" Robin asked.
"I turned into a dragon and ate him up." Tiki clarified.
"Do you think you might have overdone it?" Robin asked. "I mean, he seemed like a nice enough guy."
"You've never eaten a tree before, have you, Robin?" Tiki asked.
"True enough." Robin replied.
Suddenly, the door slammed open. Robin and Tiki turned to see a man who looked a lot like Eddie, only he had a curly, pencil-thin mustache.
"Greetings, fools!" The man exclaimed. "I am Black Patch! I am here to kill Eddie, the White Spot! Then I can return to my various evil acts! Bwahahahaha!"
"Huh. Turns out it was Asleep." Robin commented.
"I'm afraid you're too late." Tiki told him. "I ate him."
"...Drat." Black Patch cursed. "I suppose all I can do now is terrorize the land! I'm off to loosen all of your salt-shakers!" He galloped out of the room.
"Should we stop him?" Tiki asked.
"He's harmless." Robin said. "He's only as powerful as Eddie, and Eddie was remarkably weak, compared to all of us." Robin took another sip of tea. "Someone will probably kill him."
Black Patch was mainly a joke based off the description of the rules of the Asleep story. In case you don't know, the inserts get to power themselves up, but, in doing so, they create evil alternates, with equal but contradictory powers. They also tend to have foiling personalities. I didn't give my self insert any powers, and I consider myself a bit of a quite and good person, so Black Patch is obnoxious and cartoonishly evil, but harmless.
So yeah. That was this chapter. The next one is the last one, and I don't think any of you have any idea how this will go down.
I'll tell you this: Up next is Morgan and Morgan. In a way.