Chapter 44: Bond

Year 540 of the Second Age, Caras Aear

The identity of The Eldest became the most discussed topic among Lindon's scholars.

Galadriel had told the tale to Celeborn in detail, naturally, and shown him the strange meeting in her mind, but not even his extensive knowledge of all things to do with forests could answer the burning question. He had never heard of such a being.

A detailed consultation with Lord Ciryatan followed, but it did not tell her much either. "The Avari would probably know something," he ventured. "It might be a good thing to ask them."

Galadriel had some doubts about the Avari being able to answer the kind of questions the Noldor asked, but no other sources of information were at their disposal, it seemed. There were not any Avari to be found in Grey Havens on a permanent basis, but the next time a small group arrived there to trade, they were questioned in detail. It turned out they did know The Eldest, and called him The Fatherless in their language. But as to his identity, they were of no help, and did not seem to quite understand what it was the excited scholars of Lindon were after. "We know him," they said. "He is...him. He helps us sometimes, but does not like to be disturbed too much. He belongs to the Great Forest, and has always been there. What more do you want?" And that was that.

So the debate continued, for years and years, and finally most scholars settled on the easiest explanation, most vociferously defended by Erestor: that The Eldest was a Maia dwelling in Middle-Earth for a long time. It was quite telling, however, that those that unanimously arrived at this conclusion had never met him in their lives – a fact Galadriel liked pointing out to them every time one of them found the courage to try and convince her of their theory. They rarely dared to argue with her, but Elrond, who was their supervisor and so spent much more time with them, reported they were not convinced. "I tend to believe you," he said, "if only because the way I was freed from my despair by his presence seems to be beyond what even a Maia could do, from what you told me...but it is still not easy, when you do not offer an alternative explanation."

"Not all things have a clear explanation," she returned. "How did the Enemy destroy the Trees? What kind of monster it was that helped him? We do not know, and I did not get the impression that the Valar did either at that time, though they may now. Perhaps the answer to the mystery of the Eldest lies in the West as well."

"Shall I tell this to Erestor, or the other scholars?"

"Better not. None of them remember Aman, do they?"

Elrond shook his head. The eldest inhabitants of Lindon were rarely interested in scholarship, for they had personal experience with most of the things loremasters wrote about.

"Then there is no need to remind them of the Darkening of Valinor, and of the monstrous force that caused it. It is not remembered much, and it is better that way."

"Why do you believe so?"

Galadriel thought about how to phrase it. "We understand Moricotto, though that fact alone makes us uncomfortable. But he was one of the Valar, and he turned dark and seduced many to his side. It is not completely dissimilar to the tale of Fëanáro. The monster that brought darkness, though...that is something beyond our comprehension, and merely thinking about it can pull one towards the Void where it crawled from. We who witnessed the Darkening cannot forget it, but there is no need to tell anyone else."

"They know, though – they are loremasters, and it is written in the accounts. You made sure it was."

"I also made sure only the bare facts were written. It is not disturbing to know the Enemy had help. Speaking of that help at length, on the other hand..."

"Are you certain it should not be recorded? Should the knowledge be lost?"

Galadriel looked at him in consideration. "You may record it," she said then. "You only know it from my stories, and so however you decide to phrase it, there is not danger of capturing the true horror."

"Should I look into your mind to see…?"

Galadriel gave him a hard look. "There are but three things I will never show you in my mind, beloved," she said then. "My private moments with Celeborn, the sight of the Enemy through my Uncle's eyes, and the Darkening of Valinor. We did not as much as glimpse the horror, and yet it was enough. Never ask me for this again."

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Fruitless discussions about the Eldest were apparently not the only thing Erestor spent his time with, though. Galadriel began to notice Lord Laurefindil shining with even more inner light than was usual for him a few decades after she returned from her journey East, and some years of this saw her run out of patience with her curiosity. "Is it merely the beauty and bliss of this kingdom that keeps making you so happy?" She asked him one day in good humour.

"Not merely," he replied, his smile broadening. "I have been considering whether to tell you or not for some time now, and since you ask...I believe it is my right to ask for your congratulations, my lady."

"On…?"

"My upcoming marriage."

Now Galadriel's smile grew wide as well, and she laughed. "Truly? That is the best news! To whom?"

"Erestor."

Her smile faltered a little. "Erestor the Head Librarian?" She assured herself.

"Indeed. You do not seem to quite approve, my lady."

She sighed. "I find his company...hard to bear, sometimes, as you know. But that is irrelevant. I assume you felt the Flame?"

"Naturally."

"That that is all there is to be said, is it not? Truly, my congratulations. Sincere ones, whatever my misgivings."

"You do not know Erestor well, do you?" He asked archly, though still with a smile.

"No, and there is some little grief between us." She hesitated. "I do not know if he told you..."

"He did."

"They you understand, I am sure. But it is not I who will be marrying him, so as I said, it hardly matters." In spite of herself, she could not help but ask: "What did the others think?"

"Others, my lady?"

"You know who I mean. Artanáro, Elrond, Sarnel...all those you are close enough to that you surely told them already, instead of waiting for years as in my case!"

She was smiling too, but he still defended himself: "Erestor is a private person," he said. "Until the date is set, he did not wish it widely known. As for the others, the king and Lord Elrond were overjoyed without any reservations, as I am certain you could have imagined. Sarnel was perhaps closer to your opinion, though for different reasons. I think she has trouble believing I could be happy with a scholar."

Galadriel laughed. "It seems I have not explained her my theory of the opposites attracting yet."

"Oh, she knows that. It is only that I think she imagined an opposite in the form of an austere and harsh warrior for me."

The Nolde grew slightly worried. "Do you believe she had hopes for herself…?"

"Oh no! She knows I am of the Select. But...one like her, perhaps? You know we are close. I think she hoped that in my husband, she could gain a new friend." Lord Laurefindil sighed. "You realize, do you not, my lady, that...she gets lonely sometimes?"

Galadriel nodded. "Yes," she admitted, "I do."

"Which reminds me," the lord added, "that Tindómiel knows as well."

Galadriel raised her eyebrows at that. Tindómiel, she knew, had not found it easy to feel at home in Lindon in the last hundred years. Except for Quendingoldo and herself, she was close to very few, which was perhaps why Lord Laurefindil remembered her when they spoke of loneliness.

"Erestor and her husband are close," he said by way of explanation. "We have begun to sometimes spend time all together."

"That is truly excellent news, then." It was – any friends Tindómiel gained, Galadriel was grateful for.

"Enough to assuage your misgivings?" He asked archly.

She laughed. "I told you my opinion did not matter!"

In fact, when she thought about it, the marriage might well help Erestor in letting go of his hatred, and Lord Laurefindil was certainly strong enough not to be swayed by him. And she had an additional reason to be glad it came at this time, beside the general happiness she always felt when true Flame was discovered, unmarred by any complications. She had felt, ever since returning from her journey East, that the time was coming for her to start preparing the project of her kingdom. She knew the place, now, and so everything else could be set into motion. Elros had passed and Tindómiel now lived in Lindon, and with them, her strongest links to Númenórë were gone. Leaving would still hurt, of course – she loved Amandil well, and Elendil's eldest daughter, Silmariën, was very dear to Galadriel because of closeness in spirit. But then, preparations would take time. It might well happen that they would not leave until all of these passed away. There were also those she loved and would have to leave behind in Lindon, of course, but still, her desire to go was beginning to overweight her desire to stay. She had done her duty, she felt, to all of them. They were now well established in their realms and with their spouses, and she was free of everything but bonds of affection. It was time to make her dream come true.

There was no rush, she told herself, but slow and steady preparation for departure could be started. She fad shown the valley to Celeborn in her mind as soon she she came back, with every detail she could conjure, and he had been enchanted. Now, they began to discuss possible names. "It's hard," he said, "naming a kingdom when we don't know what it'll be like, not even who'll live in it."

"We know the place, at least," Galadriel returned. "We could name it after the mountains, or the streams..."

Celeborn considered. "It's ultimately up to you, of course," he said, "but from what you've shown me, I always particularly liked the holly bushes strewn everywhere."

And so the name was settled as Hollin and they began to talk of their dreams and hopes for it, jotting down notes as the idea of the kingdom began to emerge.

There were also practicalities. First, what needed to be decided was how many would come with them. Artanáro told his people that whoever wished to leave with Galadriel was allowed to do so, and many in Lindon were now making up their minds, among the Noldor and the Sindar both.

One of the first to approach her, to her great surprise, was Tyelperinquar. "I have missed," he said, "a properly Noldorin kingdom for a very long time, and I will be glad to accompany you."

"You know Artanáro is the High King now," she replied, not sure how much she liked that reasoning, "and there are many Noldor living in Lindon."

"Artanáro is as Noldorin as can be, I grant you that, and the palace has retained something of that character, though it is less so since his marriage; but most of the people of this realm are Sindar, or their descendants, and it shows in its nature."

"It is quite likely that some Sindar will go with us to Hollin as well," Galadriel pointed out. "They will follow Celeborn, you see."

Tyelperinquar raised his eyebrows. "And Lord Celeborn will be going with you?" He asked.

Galadriel blinked. "Naturally. Why would he not? It is to be our realm, though I will be the Queen."

"I had simply thought he might prefer to remain here with Queen Oreth."

Galadriel narrowed her eyes. "Tyelperinquar," she said, "have you been listening to the gossip?"

"I do not need to listen to the gossip!" He exploded. "I have eyes! I watched them while you were gone! You need to know how he acted! But even when you are here...I see how often they walk together in the garden, and sit in the alcoves, and...how can you ignore it?"

"And do you also see how often I sit with Artanáro and Elrond?" She asked sharply, alarmed and repulsed at hearing these accusations from her own kin. Whatever their disagreements of late, she had not thought Tyelperinquar would sink so low.

"They are your kin!" He cried. "How can you...he treats you this way, publicly, this Sindarin lord, while you are the most powerful and the most beautiful lady of the Noldor, and you deserve to be adored! Anyone who truly valued you would worship the ground you walk on, and he-"

Galadriel's whole expression turned into ice. "I see," she said. "And that anyone would have, perchance, been you?"

"Well hardly, because I came too late! I was born too late! Yes, I would do anything for you, but little good does it do to me now, does it not? But I can at least warn you to make sure you know of his duplicity! You cannot be with me, no, but at least you will not be with one who disrespects you so! You can hardly blame me for being upset when-"

"Oh no, I can blame you and will blame you, in fact," Galadriel said in a voice as hard as steel. "This is unacceptable. Celeborn is my husband, and he has my complete trust. I see his mind and know well that he has no regrets over our marriage, and that Oreth is a close friend to him, not someone he desires. He feels the Flame for me, as I do for him. What you did just now, cousin, is completely unacceptable, and if this is the reason why you wish to go to Hollin, then I suggest you stay in Lindon instead, for you will not be welcome in my kingdom."

And Galadriel turned and walked away, rage rolling in her like a violent storm, barely controlled.

She did not want to say anything to Celeborn, but she was far too upset to hide this from him even though she avoided him until the evening, and when he found out, she saw a matching rage rise in him. "Please, just...don't say a word," she told him. "I don't want to hear one more word about this, one more indication, I don't..." She shook her head, the anger that had barely abated rising to full force again. "I've been protecting him and helping him for years," she said. "Years! And this is how he rewards me. I'm glad his mother didn't stay in Middle-Earth long enough to see it." Midhel, she knew, would see a reflection of Curufinwë in this behaviour, in this attempt to take in some way the one whom he desired, with no regard for her feelings or wishes.

It would not, of course, have been an entirely fair comparison. What Tyelperinquar did was worlds removed from Curufinwë – though a small voice in Galadriel's head said, yes, and do you know that it is not only because he can no longer do that, because you are already married, and more powerful than him besides? She pushed the thought away. No, she would not believe such a thing of her cousin, but still...she was revolted by what he did, by his attempt to break her marriage and gain a kind of attention from her to which he had no right, and which she had no wish to give. It broke every rule of decency.

Galadriel stayed furious for days.

Celeborn told Oreth the parts that were relevant to her, which in turn naturally led to Artanáro finding out, an event that resulted in the king waiting at the door to Galadriel's chambers early one morning.

"Does your cousin think," he began without preamble as soon as he entered, "that he can insult the queen of this realm without any consequences?"

"He is your cousin too," she pointed out, more sharply than she had intended. She was still furious.

"I do not much feel like it at the moment," he replied, his voice hard.

Galadriel found his rage a little hypocritical. Perhaps it was only her own anger speaking, but she felt he had no right to it, given he only knew part of the issue. "I do understand that," she said, trying to keep her temper, "but you knew the gossip existed. Why be so upset now?"

"Because Tyelperinquar is a member of my council!" He exploded. "I might have even called him a friend! And do not pretend you are not angry for Celeborn, I can see your mind. In fact, the source of your fury has puzzled me for the last two days, until Oreth told me last night."

"I am angry," Galadriel admitted plainly, "but then I know something you do not. Given your reaction to this, I am not certain I should tell you."

He gave her a sharp look, and she sighed. "No, I am not being serious, of course. Sit down, you will need it."

In fact, Artanáro seemed mostly astonished when he heard. "But...you are friends, or were, at least."

"Apparently, my cousin believes we are something else entirely, or should be, at any rate."

He shook his head. "This is...I did not expect this of him."

"Neither did I. Especially as…we have not been on entirely friendly terms for decades now. Why he thought his confession would awake any pity in me at this particular time, I do not know. Or perhaps he thought that if he blackened Celeborn enough, I would be more sympathetic to him?"

"Do not ask me, for it is entirely beyond my comprehension. You know him better than I do, anyway." He said it like an accusation.

"That is what I thought, but it seems..." She trailed off, and they both stayed silent for a moment, standing by the window and looking towards the West, attempting to calm their anger.

"Will you shun him, then?" Artanáro asked at length.

"Yes. I will not speak to him again unless he offers a sincere and profound apology. I am sorry for the way this will inevitably affect your councils."

He shook his head. "No, no, I understand."

"I also told him that as it is, he is not welcome in Hollin."

Artanáro looked at her with raised eyebrows. "He wanted to go?"

"It surprised me as well, but now I know why, of course." She grimaced. "At least I have one additional motivation for leaving – I will get away from him."

"Have you lacked motivation until now?"

She sighed. "It is...complicated. I long to go, and yet I detest the idea of leaving you and others behind...there are many I love here, and not all of them will accompany me. I will tarry, I know, when the time comes for me to depart."

He pressed her hand and gave her a brief smile. "Well, I am happy with you tarrying, of course, but know that you have my full support in your endeavour. I am less happy with the thought of you leaving Tyelperinquar here, but I suppose if Oreth can bear him, it is none of my business. I do not intend to cast him out or anything of the sort, but I will have to consider his place in the council."

"I cannot advise you in that. I am too angry at the moment."

She was, and continued to be so, and as days passed, she realized she needed to talk to someone more removed from the case that either Celeborn or Artanáro to calm herself. And so Galadriel went in search of Ambë.

It did not take her friend much time, as they were going through attempts at small talk, to notice she was upset. "Whatever is the matter?" She asked.

Galadriel sighed, and as briefly and calmly as she could, retold the tale of Tyelperinquar and his shocking remarks.

Ambë was saddened by the story. "Unrequited love is deserving of pity, under normal circumstances," she said, "but this, this is terrible. Has he no regard for...well, for anything?"

"I don't know. I feel like I don't know him at all! For years I took him under my wing, guided him...have I been blind to this selfish tendency the whole time?"

"Has he ever shown it in Nargothrond?"

"No, never! Truth be told, I used to be impressed by his relative selflessness. I mean, he tended to be a little too proud, to pretend he was more of an adult and stronger than he was, but apart from that...I used to admire his devoted love for Midhel, in spite of his father trying to poison him against her." Se shook her head. "But it all changed when she sailed."

Ambë considered this. "Well, she was his guiding light when he was a child," she said slowly. "It might have hit him hard..."

"Don't tell me you blame her as well!"

"No! He was an adult when she left. She wasn't responsible for him. But perhaps...perhaps I can see how that made him detest any semblance of weakness even more?"

"And is trying to break up a marriage a sign of strength?"

Ambë shook her head. "No," she agreed, "it isn't. What did you tell him?"

"That his behaviour was unacceptable and that under these circumstances, I didn't wish for him to go to Hollin with us. In fact, I don't indent to speak to him again unless he apologizes."

Ambë gave a small sigh. "My friend," she said, "are you certain that you wish to end your contact with him in this way?"

Galadriel frowned at her. "Did you hear what I just said?"

"Yes, he did you a terrible wrong. But...well, as ever, I'm thinking of Fingon, you know?"

Like always, Galadriel felt a stab of pain at that name. "Yes?"

"I, too, thought that what he did was unforgivable, and was very unwilling to do anything to facilitate reconciliation. If he wanted it, I thought, he should come to me on his knees. The mistake was his, after all." She paused. "And then he died," she said simply. "And I think I might never stop regretting it, or not until I meet with him again in Aman, at least. I'd wish to spare you that."

Galadriel considered this. Speaking to Tyelperinquar was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment, and yet...the thought that he would die – improbable as it was in these peaceful times – and she would still be on bad terms with him was...hard to bear.

"I'll consider it. Does that satisfy you?"

"It's not my satisfaction that matters here, my friend. It's yours."

Galadriel only nodded in response.

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In the midst of her planning for Hollin, she had to make time for another grand event. Her plans to leave, along with Lord Laurefindil and Erestor preparing their wedding, was what Lord Ciryatan needed to finally make up his mind about Arminas, and so a great celebration of their union took place in Grey Havens, hosting all the important lords and ladies from the realm.

Given the ages of both grooms, well into thousands of years, they chose to have the ceremony in the style Galadriel and Celeborn had and there was no one in place of parent when the exchanged their vows. Galadriel watched, smiling, and pressed Celeborn's hand tightly, remembering her own wedding very clearly. Lord Ciryatan even looks a little like Celeborn, she thought, even though Arminas looks nothing like me. "It gives hope, doesn't it," she said aloud, "that love can be found, even after so many years?"

"It does," he admitted. "You know the kind of doubts I had, but seeing Lord Círdan with Arminas, I can't question the...realness of this."

"I'm very happy to hear you say that, truly."

"It hurts to know that the king I was loyal to for so many years was wrong, in so many way."

Galadriel shook her head. "As much as it pains me to say so, I blame Lady Melian more in this. She knew he was wrong. She could have made it evident to him, she could have done something. But she simply...let it be."

"Well, you know what my grandmother used to say about that."

"Yes, and though I always saw it, I'm only now fully beginning to realize the...well, the evil it did in your kingdom."

Celeborn shrugged. "Without her, there'd have been no kingdom in the first place. We couldn't have lasted there, unprotected."

"No," Galadriel agreed, "but still...it was a good thing Doriath had your grandmother as well. A very good thing."

"Yes," he agreed with a sigh, and she pressed his hand again.

They went to congratulate Lord Ciryatan and Arminas at the earliest possible opportunity, and were thanked with warm smiles of deep contentment and, in Arminas' case, a trace of relief. "Were you perhaps beginning to worry that Lord Círdan would change his mind?" Galadriel asked him with a smile.

Arminas returned it. "Not precisely change his mind," he said, "but...well, he's much older than I am, as you know, my lady. Time is almost irrelevant to him."

"And what made you act, Lord Círdan?" Galadriel asked, turning to him. "Did you fear Arminas would go with us to Hollin otherwise?"

"Something like that," the Sindarin lord admitted. "Your upcoming departure finally roused me, made me realize that though I hardly pay any attention to it, time does pass and changes do happen, and that I shouldn't forget it."

"And praise the One for these changes," Celeborn said mildly, "otherwise this wedding couldn't have taken place."

Lord Ciryatan gave him a penetrating look. "You never spoke to me about this," he said slowly.

"No," Celeborn replied evenly. "I used to live in even stronger prejudice than you did, as you know, and I didn't wish to risk hurting you with some unfortunate comment until the matter was fully sorted in my mind."

Lord Ciryatan frowned a little. "You should have known I, of all, would understand."

"Understand, yes – but that doesn't mean my words couldn't be hurtful."

The Lord of Grey Havens slowly inclined his head. "That's true, I suppose. And it is fully sorted now?"

"Yes," Celeborn said plainly. "Seeing you, my lord...well, how could it not be?"

Galadriel looked at them for a moment and nodded at Arminas. "Would you dance with me?" She asked.

He smiled and assented, and they headed to the dance floor. "It's an honour, my lady," he said.

"Oh no, it is the other way round – it is an honour to dance with the newly-weds! Even though every time I do so with your husband, I have to fight the intimidation I feel."

"Truly?" Arminas smiled. "Even on the day you see him marry one of your brother's sworn servants?"

"More so than ever before," she replied. "I have never had to discard my deeply ingrained beliefs the way he had, but I have had some glimpse of what it is like from Celeborn and I admire him deeply for his ability to do so. It is very brave to admit to a mistake so publicly."

Arminas grew serious. "It has not been easy, no," he admitted. "I do not wish to divulge too many personal things about him, but...I have been with him most of the way, and I saw the struggle up close, and...there were even times I wondered if I should not have gone West, if it would not have made it all easier."

"I am glad you did not. There are not many things that could give me so much joy as this wedding does."

When their dance ended, Celeborn and Lord Ciryatan were still talking, so Galadriel left Arminas to some of his friends and went in search of other company.

She found Tindómiel sitting quietly as her husband conversed with some other scholars, and sat down next to her. "Are you remembering your won wedding?" She asked.

The Noldorin princess thought about it. "The feeling of this one is very different. This is a dream of many centuries coming true. My own wedding was...well. I had never felt any interest in marriage at all as a girl, and as I told you, I truly expected to live out my days at my leisure, exploring the island and perhaps Middle-Earth one day as well, and advising Amandil in his rule. Marriage seemed like it could interfere with that, so I was not interested. Beside a case or two in my early youth, I never fell in love either." She shook her head. "Quendingoldo took me entirely by surprise, and not only because he was an elf."

There was a short silence, then Galadriel found the courage to ask the question she had been hesitating about for the last hundred years. "Are you...happy with your choice?"

"You mean, do I regret it? Sometimes, yes, I will not lie. Sometimes I feel tired, and I miss my parents and siblings painfully." She shook her head. "It is a terrible thing to watch all of your siblings die...but then, you would know," she added bluntly, and Galadriel felt a stab of pain, not only for her brothers but for the more recently departed as well. She missed Elros painfully.

"It is perhaps more terrible still knowing that my nephews and nieces will follow not long after," Tindómiel continued. "That is why I go to Númenórë only so rarely now, and why I talk to anyone beside them and their children even more rarely. I do not wish to form new bonds there. It hurts too much." She took a deep breath. "Amandil is planning to pass the Sceptre to Elendil soon, did you know?"

Galadriel did know, and said so. It made her think of Elros again, with that familiar pain, and wonder what would he have thought of this great-grandson of his as the heir. He took after Vardamir, being even more of a scholar and equally close to Elrond.

"How can you bear spending time with them all?" Tindómiel asked. "How can you bear getting close, when you know-"

"But I cannot. It pains me, too. Less than you, because at least they are not my close kin...but it pains me. You know I mostly limit myself to Elendil these days, since he is the heir and can, I think, benefit from my advice."

"And his eldest daughter. I have noticed that much."

"True. Silmariën is...a kindred spirit, to me, always has been. I do not remember feeling this sort of closeness to a child since Artanáro was born. She is very young, of course, but still. I can see it in her. Have you known this feeling, with a child?"

Tindómiel grimaced. "No," she said. "You know I try to avoid children as much as possible. Another reason why I never sought marriage."

Galadriel smiled at that, even though she knew it was not entirely true. Tindómiel was much like her, in this: she had no desire for her own children, but with some other children, she could be close. "But are are happy in it, nevertheless?" She insisted.

"Yes...in spite of my occasional regrets, I am, overly, happy."

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AN: I think this requires a bit of Tolkien-ey theology of marriage to fully get the impact of why what Celebrimbor did was so wrong, but it would be pretty scumbaggy even without it, so I guess it works.