I wasn't sure what the joke was going to be for this chapter, so I just kinda rambled and this...happened.
"Can I take my armor off?" Samus asked. "I don't usually wear it outside of battle."
"No." Robin replied. "First off, that's bullshit. You don't wear it during battle either. Second, I'm interviewing Samus, not Zero Suit Samus. You took up two character slots, you have to come to two different meetings."
"So you're going to do the same thing with Zelda?" Samus asked.
"Actually, Sheik is Time Zelda." Robin said.
"Really?" Samus asked.
"Yup." Robin replied. "Hand wanted Sheik to have her own place in the tournament, so he called back Time Zelda to take the role."
"That actually explains a lot." Samus reflected. "That would mean the current Zelda had to be Sheik last time, and she never really seemed as comfortable as she was when she first entered the tournament." She sighed. "That Hyrule stuff can get pretty confusing."
"Tell me about it." Robin said. "Now, Mario's interesting." Robin said. "He keeps insisting that he and the Doctor aren't the same person."
"They aren't." Samus replied.
"...Seriously?" Robin asked, disbelieving. "I've never seen the two of them in the same place."
"Just ask them about it." Samus replied. "I'm sure they'll clear up the confusion. I'm not sure what the problem is with talking to me without the armor. You're married, so I assume you're not having the same problem Falcon is with eye contact."
"Believe me when I say you're not the most obnoxious person I've had to deal with when it come to boobs." Robin said. "You're not going to become obsessed with me and randomly hex people, are you?"
"No promises." Samus joked. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Well, I have a few issues, but I figured I should save some of them for when you come back in Zero." Robin replied. "When it comes to the suit, however, we only really have a paperwork issue."
"What's wrong?" Samus asked.
"I don't really understand it, but, according to this paper, we technically don't have the authorization to allow you to use some of the skills in your suit." Robin explained.
"What do you mean we don't have the-" She stopped. "Oh, for Chozo's sake."
"Yes, you do not have the authorization to use some of the features of your suit." A voice replied.
"Who the hell was that?!" Robin exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his seat.
"My apologies." A man suddenly appeared, holding a lamp head in his hands. "My name is General Adam Malkovich. I am Samus's commanding officer?"
"...Were you disguised as a lamp?" Robin asked, looking at the lamp head Adam was holding.
"..." Adam turned to face Samus. "Samus, you shouldn't be using your armor without authorization."
"For God's sake, Adam! I don't work for you anymore!" Samus exclaimed.
"But you respect my authority." Adam replied.
"...Didn't you die?" Robin asked.
"Didn't you die?" Adam replied.
"Well, I'm part dragon-god...thing." Robin said. "What's your excuse?"
"...You didn't even ask for authorization." Adam replied, ignoring the topic.
"I'm sorry, who put you in charge of my personal weaponry?" Samus asked.
"You respected my orders last time." Adam replied.
"You were in charge of that mission. The last thing I need are some officials getting on my case." Samus said.
"Hey! I'm an official!" Robin exclaimed.
"You're not an ass about it." Samus replied.
"...You clearly don't know me that well." Robin admitted. He turned toward Adam. "Look, I get it. You're just bringing up some old crap with Samus because, the fact of the matter is, you're bitter because you're not in Smash."
"Why would you assume that?" Adam asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because that's the issue everyone has when they come here!" Robin exclaimed. "God, you should have seen how much Chrom was bitching about it when he came to visit. Plus, you seem to be keeping the company that would usually complain about this stuff."
"What are you talking about?" Adam asked.
Robin pointed over to the window, where there was a purple claw sadly clawing at the window.
"...You came here with Ridley?!" Samus exclaimed.
"I did not intentionally come here with him." Adam said. "We were simply heading the same direction and decided that we might as well carpool."
"...You rode here on Ridley?!" Samus exclaimed.
"I would be lying if I said it wasn't magical." Adam said stoically. "Granted, I probably lie most of the time, so you must be used to it."
"I really don't like you." Samus simply said.
"The sexual tension is palpable." Adam monotonously said.
"I will cut you." Samus said.
"Look, I get it. it sucks that Samus is taking up two slots to represent your series." Robin said. "I get it. I'm married to someone who people were complaining about, so I heard a lot about it. The fact is, however, that there is no way in Hell we would let someone as irrelevant as you into the game."
"Is that really your choice?" Adam asked.
"I don't think so, but all of you nobodies keep annoying me about it, so I feel like there might be a misconception." Robin replied. "If you really want to try your luck, take it up with Hand. If you're feeling ballsy, you could try Sakurai."
"Who?" Adam and Samus both asked.
"Don't worry about it." Robin quickly replied. "Now get out of my office or I'll authorize Samus to shove a rocket so far up your ass people will claim the landing was fake."
"I don't need your authorization for anything!" Samus growled, charging her blaster.
"Well, now she's gonna do it no matter what I say. I'd run if I were you." Robin said.
"This meeting has been drawn to a close, I see." Adam said before, in a professional, militaristic sense, hauling ass out of there.
"...You guys were never seriously considering him for the tournament, right?" Samus asked.
"Oh, Naga no!" Robin said. "We don't need any more, non-goofy-or-unique human characters. He didn't even get a trophy. I'd bet dragonface out there would have a better chance getting in."
There was an excited noise from outside the window.
"THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE IN!" Robin shouted. "NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE MAKE AN ELDER SCROLLS CROSSOVER AND GET THE DRAGONBORN ON YOUR ASS!"
There was a sad dragon noise, followed by departing wings.
"...What's a dragonborn?" Samus asked.
"Don't worry about it." Robin replied. "I feel like I didn't pay enough attention to you this meeting. You'll probably have a better time when others are involved."
"Whatever." Samus said. "Now that all that nonsense is over with, I'm going to leave and mentally prepare myself for when you call me back." The bounty hunter left the office.
"...I've only done this three times so far, and I've already had to deal with obscure characters, raps, and clones." Robin sighed. "There is no way I'm getting paid enough for this.
I just kept writing until I decided to end the chapter. My writing can sometimes just be complete improv. Hope you found it funny. If not, theres always next chapter.
I have a bunch of ideas for Samus, with jokes I can do and whatnot, but none of them involve Robin. I'll still be able to do them, I'll just have to wait a bit.
Next up: Yoshi!