I'd apolige for the long wait, but Luigi does enough apoliging for me.
"Sorry." Luigi said.
"You just got here." Robin said, confused. "What the hell could you be apologizing for?"
"I don't know." Luigi shrugged. "Usually I do something that I have to apologize for, so I just apologize beforehand to save time."
"You have the saddest eyes I've ever seen." Robin commented. "It's like one of those pets in those sad commercials."
"Um...Thank you?" Luigi said, confused and slightly uncomfortable. "So what is this meeting for? What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything." Robin assured him. "We just have to go over a few things, given the new tournament and everything."
"Am I being accused of being a clone?" Luigi asked nervously. "I'm sorry if I'm a clone. Mario and I-"
"Luigi, you're not a clone." Robin assured the green plumber. "You've become pretty unique over the last few years." Robin paused. "That said, there is a bit of a problem with your moveset."
"Oh, I knew it!" Luigi exclaimed. "Is it my look? Cause if he wants it, Mario can just wear my colors as his green alternate and I can just find something else!"
"For Naga's sake, Luigi!" Robin exclaimed. "Stop with the negative thinking! What's with you? Is Mario putting you down? If he is, I've got a few choice words for him."
"No, no!" Luigi exclaimed. "Mario's the best bro a bro could ask for!" Luigi looked down. "Everyone else just reminds me of my place…"
"...Last time I felt I had to be this gentle with someone, she had the mind of a slow child after suffering massive brain damage." Robin said to himself.
"I'm no better." Luigi muttered.
"Shut up, Luigi." Robin shot back.
"Ok…" Luigi said, sinking into himself.
"Look, Luigi, let me be honest with you: that negativity is exactly your problem." Robin said. "It weirds people out."
"So I have to be more positive?" Luigi asked.
"I mean, yeah, and you are delightfully weird, but I think the main issue people have is the fact that you've weaponized your negativity for your final smash." Robin said. "What the fuck is the Negative Zone?"
"I-I don't really know." Luigi stuttered. "It's just, w-when I grab a Smash Ball, something stirs inside of me. I-It's dark and scary, but I welcome it like an old friend. I dance a dance I-I didn't practice, but I know it by heart. It-It is a dance that I know in m-my heart has not been danced since ancient times. I can feel the terror in the souls of those caught in the attack, but I feel more relaxed then I ever felt. I-I'm afraid of the dark, but I let if flow through me. And when it's over, I feel terrified and guilty and wonderful and powerful."
Robin looked at the stuttering plumber. "...You're not Emmeryn. You're Olivia."
"What does that mean?" Luigi asked.
"Nothing." Robin replied. "That terrifying shit aside, can you just not use that as a Final Smash?"
"But it feels natural!" Luigi rebuttled. "I don't want to go against my instinct."
"I understand that more than you know." Robin said. "When I grab a Smash Ball, I feel the urge to turn into a giant demonic dragon god...thing and obliterate my enemies and maybe the world."
"Oh, golly." Luigi stuttered, staring at Robin.
"Now, I don't do that." Robin said. "I simply focus on my 'powerful ties' or some bullshit like that. I summon Chrom, who by the way, will only appear when I get the Smash Ball."
"I...I already knew that." Luigi said.
"I wasn't saying it to you." Robin replied. "Anyway, what else do you think you could use as a Final Smash?'
"Well...I could use my Poltergust 5000!" Luigi exclaimed, pulling out the aforementioned device.
"...Why do all Nintendo characters have access to some sort of hammer space?" Robin mused to himself. "Well, regardless, next time you feel the need to unleash your negative hell on your opponents, pull out your unit and suck as many of them up as you can." He paused. "...That sounded better in my head."
"Gotcha." Luigi said, standing up. "Well, bye-bye now."
Robin sighed. "Luigi." He said, stopping the green plumber. "I feel like someone needs to tell you: You're better than Mario."
"What?" Luigi asked.
"I know, in your world, everyone puts Mario above you, but you should know that everyone else thinks you're better than him. You can run faster and jump higher then him, and he's literally called 'Jumpman.' Mario, despite being almost as popular as Mickey fucking Mouse, is as dull as a brick. You have an interesting and ranged character and personality. I bet more people would date a Luigi then a Mario."
"I-I-I mean, Daisy turned me down-" Luigi stuttered.
"I didn't say you were a lady killer." Robin said. "I just said you were better than Mario. Now, you don't see her with Mario, do you?"
"Why are you throwing Mario under the bus?" Luigi asked, somewhat irritated.
"I'm not throwing him under the bus." Robin said. "I'm putting you over the bus. I'm not great at directly complimenting people. I'm better at saying they're better than other people. The point is you're better then you give yourself credit for, and you should be more confident. You trust me, right?"
"Um…" Luigi stuttered.
"Do you think I'm smart?" Robin asked, knowing it was a more definite question.
"Oh, yup yup!" Luigi exclaimed.
"Well, take my smart guy advice and grow some balls." Robin said. "I mean that in the nicest way possible."
Luigi smiled and left the office.
"...Should I look into the possibility of Luigi being possessed?...Eh, he's fine." Robin said.
Anyone who read Decruited will be having Olivia flashbacks right now. I like Luigi, and stand by the fact he's better then Mario. I had more fun with this chapter then I thought.
Up next: Jigglypuff!