Totally finished this in a timely fashion, what are you talking about?
"You really lucked out with your name, Ness." Robin said to the young boy seated at the other side of his desk. "I mean, yeah, they were still in that 'naming the protagonists after consoles' phase, but at least 'Ness' sounds like a real name. The guy before you got 'Ninten.' Could you imagine if the protagonist of MY game was named something stupid like 'Threedeeyes' or 'Weeyu' or 'Chrom?'"
"Isn't Lucina's dad named Chrom?" Ness asked, confused.
"Yeah, it is a pretty stupid name." Robin replied, laughing to himself. "Anyway, Ness, you're a golden boy, and you've been with Smash longer then I have, but, if we want to open your franchise up to the new generation, we have to wade through the weirdness."
"Is this what we're talking about?" Ness asked. "I thought you would say something about my psychic abilities or something."
"I mean, I could talk about those if you'd like." Robin said. "Or, you could buckle up and listen to someone whose game successfully brought his series to a new audience, while keeping what made us special to begin with. Fire Emblem's the new Pokemon, Ness, and I want to make sure your weird game gets in on it."
"I'm fine, thank you." Ness said. "Couldn't you just, I dunno, tell me to stop breaking windows when I play baseball or stop trying to peer into people's minds to learn the facts of life because my father is too distant to tell me himself?"
"That's heavy, but not the sort of heavy that sells copies." Robin responded. "Trust me, all we have to do is subtly turn your game into a dating sim and the money will start flowing. Pokemon did it, I did it, and now you're going to do it! The best part is that you'll get married! Marriage is great!"
"I can't get married!" Ness exclaimed. "I'm thirteen!"
"You're thirteen?" Robin asked. "You look like you're eight. So what? I know people who've gotten married around that age."
"...Why did you really call me here?" Ness asked. "I know you're lying."
"Alright, fine." Robin sighed. "Hand wants me meet with all of the Smashers."
"Why?" Ness asked.
"He didn't tell me, so I've been making up reasons." He replied.
"...How much authority do you actually ha-" Ness began to ask before-
"INCOMING!"
Before Robin or Ness could register what was happening, the wall next to them exploded. When the smoke and dust cleared, Robin looked up to see Master Hand hovering above him.
"Holly shit! What the hell was that?!" Robin exclaimed.
"That was a dramatic entrance! You should try it sometime!" The Hand replied.
"You could have gone through the door and NOT burst a hole in my office wall!" Robin exclaimed.
"I don't do doors, Robin!" Master Hand exclaimed. "I make them, like how I made this entire world. That's not a hole! It's a self-made Hand entrance! This entire building is not giant hand accessible!"
"Didn't you build it?" Robin asked, already feeling a headache coming on.
"Well, if I made it to fit me, you mortal, sentient, full-body beings wouldn't be able to get around, and there are apparently more of you then there are of me!"
"Where did Ness go?" Robin asked.
"Probably through that Ness-shaped hole in the wall." The Hand replied, pointing at the other wall, where there was indeed a Ness-shaped hole in the wall.
"You definitely just hurt him!" Robin exclaimed. "He was like nine! What the hell?"
"He was twenty, at least!" Master Hand retorted. "Then again, I am the disembodied right hand of a superintelligent, inter-dimensional deity with a vague understanding of mortal age and form, so you may know more about that then I do. Either way, he was old enough to play in my murder sport, so he can take a hit or two!"
"I told you not to call it that." Robin said. "It's hard enough to get people to join the tournament without calling it a 'murder sport.' You don't want the sort of people that name would attract. I think most of them went over to Playstation."
"You are overestimating how much of a shit I give about that by an impressive amount!" Master Hand replied.
"Could you just tell me what you want?" Robin asked. "This was supposed to be my last meeting of the day, and now I'm sure I have to get Ness medical attention or something."
"Oh, no big reason." Master Hand replied. "Just wanted to stop by to congratulate you for completing your first twelve interviews!" The hand closed its fist and threw some confetti at Robin. "Congratulations, you low tier genius!"
"...You didn't even get me cake?" Robin asked.
"You'll get cake when you deal with the Melee crew." The Hand replied.
"Got it. Anything else you wanted to add before you get out of my office?" Robin asked, pointing toward the hole Master Hand had made on it's way in.
Master Hand turned toward the hole, laughed, and floated behind Robin, placing itself on his shoulder.
"Robin, Robin, Robin. Running an army has made you too stuck up. You think you're so much better then everyone, that you're in charge. That might be true back home, but this is Smash, baby. Any authority you have is directly given to you by me. You're expendable. Hell, you're one of the most expendable members of the roster. Do you know how many interesting versions of you there are out there? I could chose any of them. I just like you because you have a bit of a funny novelty to you. Have your fun and games, but don't forget who's in charge here. Don't tell me what to do again. And no pointing! That's my thing! Any funny remarks to add to that?"
"..."
"Thought so." The Hand patted Robin's back and flew out of the room.
Robin shuddered to himself, let out a breath, and took a phone out from his desk. He dialed a few numbers and waited.
"Hi, Mario. Ness is hurt. Could you help him?...Ok, then. In that case, have you seen anywhere...Can I talk to him...I'm talking to him right now? Sorry, it's hard to keep up with your insanity over the phone. Anyway, Ness is in a crater somewhere. Fix him."
Robin flopped down on the twin mattresses on the floor of his room. Despite the fact that he and Lucina were the only married couple living in the mansion, they were still given the same bunk bed everyone else got. Robin was pretty sure it was because Master Hand was fucking with him. Not letting that stop them, the couple took the mattresses off of the beds, set them up next to each other on the ground, and used the bed frames as storage.
Lucina, who was reading a book at one of the desks in the room, looked down at her husband, who was groaning into a pillow.
"Rough day?" She asked.
Robin groaned into the pillow.
"Want to talk about it?"
Robin rolled over. "How about we talk about your day first? It could not have been as inane as mine."
"It wasn't really that eventful. I fought a match against Diddy, spared with Meta Knight, and had lunch with the Hero King. I also bought this book for mother. It appears to be about Luigi, but I don't really see him having this sort of adventure." Lucina said, examining the book she was reading.
"I dealt with both Mario Brothers, the three Links, The Hand and a lawyer, and I know for a fact Handy is having me do it just to screw with me." Robin said.
"That sounds...difficult." Lucina said, putting the book down and turning to face her husband. "Why are you doing it?"
"I'm not sure. Probably because there actually are some things I want to address with some of the competitors. Also I'm a glutton for punishment." Robin replied.
"Just pace yourself." Lucina said. "Do one of those interview things a day, kind of like you did back at home when you were firing everyone."
"...You mean in-universe one day, right?" Robin asked. "This story is updated at an embarrassingly slow rate."
"...I suppose so?" Lucina replied, slightly confused by her husband's answer. "Just take some time to make some friends. The Hero King was very interested in talking to you!"
"I have friends." Robin retorted. "Mac and I hang out, and Shulk is there, sometimes."
"OK. Mac counts, but you and I both know you don't that Shulk seriously." Lucina said. "I'm sure you'll find friends in unexpected places."
"I'll try, I guess." Robin said. "As long as you do the same thing. I know she's annoying, but I heard that Peach is having a little 'Ladies-Only' shindig in a few days. You might make some friends."
Lucina grimaced slightly. "...I suppose I could try." Lucina looked away, grabbing the N-phone provided to each competitor. "By the way, Morgan sent me a message saying she was enjoying her travels. She's going to be visiting in a few days, so make sure you have time to meet with her." SHe looked over at Robin, only to find him fast asleep. She smiled to herself.
"Goodnight, my love." She said, kissing his forehead.
I may have jipped Ness out of a chapter, but Earthbound is so weird I wouldn't have known where to start.
Master Hand's voice in my head was a combination of Handsome Jack and Bill Cypher. If you think he sounds crazy, wait until you see Crazy Hand. He is...not coherent.
The story's going to expand a little from here. After each interview...thing, there's going to be a little story about life with the Smashers, usually revolving around Robin, and sometimes Lucina. I hinted at a few of them in the last part. There's going to be a little bit of an overarching plot, but that's not going to be really relevant until the last quarter of the story.
Also, Lucina was talking about the series of books about Luigi from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door.
Anyway, up next: Bowser!