Chapter 80: Mixing

Year 1185 of the Third Age, Lindórinand

As the evil in what used to be Greenwood but was beginning to be called Mirkwood spread, more elves who had initially remained behind started to leave its southern areas. Some went North, to follow Thranduil after all, but some headed to Lindórinand as well.

The local Sindar looked at them with distrust and dislike. Most Silvan, on the other hand, welcomed them in commiseration – not only for the loss of their home to darkness, but also for being ruled by Thranduil for so long.

Galadriel would swear she had no part in it, but however it came to pass, it the fashion to blame Thranduil for the great losses suffered in the warcontinued undiminished in Lindórinand. Not that it was inaccurate, but indirectly, it had led to less openness to the Greenwood elves in general. Those who left the realm now, however, were mostly treated as unfortunate victims of his reign, though questions along the lines of "why did you not leave sooner?" were thrown in their way often enough, too.

It made Galadriel uneasy. She disapproved of Thranduil in very many ways, but never applied it to the whole of his people, and the tendency seemed to her to reveal something a little disquieting about Lindórinand. She had been hopeful, observing the mixing of its population in the last millennium, but it seemed there was still a long way to go to what she would consider truly opne-minded.

Refugees from Greenwood weren't the only change happening to the population, either. The Noldor from their city were beginning to talk about sailing again.

Feliel came to Galadriel with this information, unsure what to do. Galadriel sighed. "I will not try to convince them to stay," she said. "Not this time. I did it once, and ultimately, it was in vain. If they truly wish to leave Middle-Earth, let them go. But if they merely fear for themselves...I know it is not what most of you dream of, but you can come live inside the forest, inside the protection of the rivers."

"Is it really so much safer here?" Feliel wondered.

"Can you not feel it? It is. There is no danger from Sauron to you within this forest, I will answer for that." She hesitated. "I cannot promise there will not ever be - if Sauron finds the Ring again, my protection is unlikely to withstand him. But as it stands now, this forest is safe."

"I will tell them, then," she agreed. "It is true that forests are not where we naturally feel at home, but for this one," she glanced at the mellyrn, "I believe we might make an exception."

And some did. Slowly, individual Noldorin families started to trickle into the forest itself and settle in those parts of it that were still little inhabited. Sadly, that also meant the area around Galadriel's fountain was one of their targets.

"I will not forbid it," Galadriel replied when Feliel asked her about it. "I do not own the land, and besides, my people's safety is more important to me. But...I would be grateful if they could leave at least the fountain itself and the area immediately around it free. I would appreciate some privacy when I confront my visions."

Fortunately, there were not quite so many of the Noldor just yet, and so the entire hill with her fountain was left alone, with people only settling around it. Galadriel was relieved. Yes, she would not forbid them, but she sometimes needed the solitude this place could provide her. It was good she would be able to keep it a while longer. In time, no doubt, enough Noldor would come that she would lose it, but she would worry about it when it came. Now, she had enough other things to trouble her.

So many changes to the population in Lindórinand, and the expectation of more, required a special council to be called. Apart from the regular councillors, Feliel came, and so did Birik and Banja, to speak of those coming from Greenwood.

"I'm a little surprised," Galadriel said, "that Tugu didn't wish to come instead."

"She did," Birik replied with a smile. "I convinced her it was better, if we wanted to keep peace, if she stayed away."

That was certainly true. Tugu seemed unfamiliar with the idea of keeping silent to preserve peace, something she had in common with Ealc, but having more decided opinions on anything and everything, it created even more potential for friction. So her absence proved very valuable when Ornor asked: "Can we trust that those Silvan coming from Mirkwood are not touched by the darkness?"

Birik frowned, and his daughter put a hand on his forearm to calm him. As the eyes of everyone in the council turned to them to answer the question, she gave her father a quick look and then asked hesitatingly: "Has there been any indication that the darkness could...infect in this way, my lord? Now or before?"

"No," Ornor conceded reluctantly, "but we do know that proximity to Light had the effect in the positive. Surely it should follow…"

"Do we know that, though?" Galadriel asked. "I'm gratified that you have such a high opinion of us who came from the West-" his frown clearly indicated that that was not what he had meant to imply, he had just meant to insult the Silvan, "-but even I have to admit there was much great evil done by us. It doesn't seem to me that proximity to the light, next to which he was born, helped Feanor any to be a better person. So I don't see how living close to the darkness of Amon Lanc could make anyone a worse one. Weaker, perhaps, but that'd only mean they needed our protection even more."

"What about outright spies of the Enemy, then?" Ornor was unwilling to give up.

"Do you truly believe that elves could be recruited as spies?" Celeborn asked him.

"Not all elves, perhaps, but…"

"I've heard enough," Ealc stated. "It seems to me, Amroth, that some of your councillors didn't notice the change that happened in this realm two millennia ago." She turned back to the Sindarin councillor. "Do you believe I'll just sit here and let you insult us?"

"I wasn't insulting you, my lady," Ornor replied, the honorific stiff and formal on his lips. Galadriel knew that Eacl merited it at all only because she was married to Avorneth, a fact that, in itself, no doubt caused Ornor some mental anguish.

"Do you think me stupid?" Ealc returned sharply. "Never mind the question, most likely you do. But I can hear what you aren't saying just as well as anyone else at this table."

"I never said anything-"

"Stop it, Ornor," Amroth said tiredly. "Ealc is right, we all knew what you meant, and I don't want to hear any such talk in my council."

"Of course, my king," he muttered, bowing his head.

"What s your opinion on this?" Amroth asked Birik and Banja.

Birik turned to his daughter, apparently trusting her more to speak without inciting another argument. "None of the Silvan I knew in Greenwood," she said quietly, "would ever willingly serve Gorthaur, your majesty, or help him in any way."

"And unwillingly?" Ornor asked sharply.

Banja hesitated. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, my lord," she said then, only glancing in his direction, "but elves who are twisted to become the Enemy's servants become orcs, don't they?"

Ornor had no answer for that, and the discussion moved to more practical concerns of where to settle the newcomers and how to arrange for the new Noldorin presence and make it agree with their self-governance.

"If you'll forgive me, my king," Ornor spoke again on that topic, "I believe that if the Noldor wish to live in this forest, they should give up the partial independence they had."

"Colour me surprised," Ealc muttered, to Feliel's suppressed snigger, and then said aloud: "Oh? Given that Silvan settlements are still self-governing, even though they are no doubt part of this forest, what exactly is your reasoning for this?"

He gave her a surprised look which clearly indicated he had not expected her to speak in favour of the Noldor. "You're traditional inhabitants of this forest…" He began haltingly.

"And you're not. Does that mean your self-governance, in the Sindarin city, should be taken away? Why, I welcome the proposal, councillor! Finally your barbaric laws about the Select would be refuted!"

He was taking a breath for a sharp reply when Feliel interjected: "Are you worried about the Sindar being outnumbered here?" She asked.

Ornor did not respond, which was an answer in itself. Galadriel had to admit, though reluctantly, that it was a legitimate concern. Noldor living inside the forest, such quantities of them, would require proper representation in the council, likely at the cost of the Sindar who sat there. And it was perhaps just a little understandable that Oror did not wish to lose the last vestiges of Sindarin control over a realm that was once wholly theirs – or so they believed at least.

There was a short silence, into which Banja spoke, again in that quiet, hesitant tone: "Perhaps His Majesty could guarantee that your rights remain untouched even under those circumstances?"

Amroth nodded. "I'm sure something could be arranged."

Ornor looked like he wanted to retort something to that, but he swallowed it and said only. "Very well."

"If there's anything those from Greenwood can do to make this easier for you, please let us know and we will do our best to communicate it to them," Banja added, a little more confidently now.

That seemed to be the final nail in Ornor's ability to argue, and he stayed silent for the rest of the discussion, thankfully.

"I admire your patience," Feliel said to Banja after the meeting was over.

The half-elven lady gave a soft smile. "I find it's sometimes best to fight hatred with kindness, my lady," she replied.

"Most efficient at times, perhaps," Ealc commented from the other side, "but is it right? To pretend to roll over for such stupid oafs as he is?"

"Not always, possibly," Banja conceded. "But I truly believe that showing kindness and understanding can soften the edge of hatred."

"Or it can make them despise you in addition," Ealc replied, shaking her head, unconvinced as she left.

"My sister would agree with Lady Ealc," Banja noted, mostly to Galadriel. "We're forever arguing about this."

"I'm not sure I entirely agree with you either," Feliel said, "but then neither do I agree with Ealc. I've been a ruler for too long not to know that you can't always approach everything directly."

"I sometimes wonder," Galadriel noted, and at Feliel's questioning looks, elaborated. "I had one member of council much like Ornor when I ruled Hollin," she explained for Banja's sake. "One includes them for political reasons and tries to placate them, but...often, they can become truly detrimental for the realm. I sometimes wonder if, had it not been for Tavoron and his influence, Hollin could not have ended differently…if it would not have been better for everyone had I told him what I thought of him, and banished him from council."

"It would've certainly made the council much easier to bear," Feliel replied with a smile.

"You were a councillor in that realm, my lady?" Banja asked with interest.

"I was," Feliel confirmed. "There are not many things that give me more regret than what I did there."

Banja asked her something too softly for Galadriel to hear, and with a nod to Birik, the Nolde left the room. It would do Feliel good to discuss this with someone, she thought, and for that, she had to be absent.

-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-

Galadriel had not seen any of the envoys of the West except Olórin since they first arrived, and even for Olórin, it had been a long time since he was last in Lindórinand. But one day, unexpectedly, she felt the white one crossing the border of the realm.

She set out to welcome him as soon as she could. "My lord," she said, "to what do I owe the pleasure?" Contrary to Olórin, he never protested this address, she noticed.

"I've returned from my journeys in the East," he said, "and I need information from you."

"From the East?" She asked, surprised. "I thought you said you would stay in Gondor, that the excursion East was to be only a short one..."

"The region proved more difficult that I had been given to understand here. But now I sense the shadow is rising close to these lands, and so I returned to take charge of driving it back. As I said, I will need all the information you have."

It would have been easier, Galadriel mused, to take orders from Olórin whom she actually remembered as a Maia. "Of course, my lord. What exactly do you need?"

"You live close to the Dark Fortress. Surely you have observed something. I need to know all about it. Also, when I was last here, you mentioned a ring..."

Galadriel had to prevent herself from sneering. You mentioned a ring, indeed. Of course, he had been too impatient to leave before he managed to learn much more of it…

"There is, indeed, a ruling ring," she said, "but it has been lost."

"Then it needs to be found, naturally."

Galadriel gritted her teeth. "We have made these attempts, my lord, directly after the loss. To no avail."

He smiled a condescending smile. "I am sure you did your best, but as I have discovered, I have a particular affinity for craft. I suspect I must have been an affiliate of Aulë before I sailed here." Galadriel thought of Sauron in Hollin, and a chill went down her back. "I therefore believe I may be more successful at this than you have been," he continued, not noticing. "Who among you had the task of this?"

"There was not one particular person," Galadriel replied. "Ealc will likely remember best who were the people tasked with the search directly. As for coordinating it and devising the ways to look, even, you would need to speak with Avorneth. She is our expert on the rings."

"Then I will need all of her research."

"I will get her for you, my lord," Galadriel replied, and with a regal nod, he sent her away.

The Nolde had a good reason to wish to fetch Avorneth personally, though. She did not like the thought of giving away the entire ring research to the white one. She detested his lordly manner, and could not help but compare it in her mind to Olórin's constantly.

Is this how King Fili saw me? She also wondered. If so, I am no longer surprised he treated me the way he did.

She would not hinder the white one in any way, but she would also not simply roll over for him. As Ealc had said, sometimes conceding in everything only made the situation worse.

To that end, when she found Avorneth, she took her aside before walking with her back to the white one.

"Give him what he asks for," she said, "but there is no need to give him more."

Avorneth gave her an arch look. "Should we not be all cooperating on this?"

"Yes," Galadriel conceded, "but I am almost certain he means to tread over already discovered ground. He means to look for the ring again."

"We cannot quite blame him for that, I suppose. He does not know us, and does not know how much he should trust us."

"He should try to find out, instead of simply assuming," Galadriel insisted. Part of her knew she was irritated beyond what was reasonable, but she could not quite help herself. It was like an itch under her skin, and it made it impossible to trust him as much as she probabyl should, given who sent him.

"Perhaps," Avorneth conceded. "But should not the Maiar be allowed some leeway in this?"

"If he still remembered all Lord Aulë taught him, I would give him all the reverence in the world," Galadriel replied. "But I know, from Olórin, how little they actually remember. We know more than he does at this point."

"Yes, and that is why we should share all we do know," Avorneth pointed out.

"Are you willing to simply hand over your rings research to him, then?" Galadriel asked.

Avorneth hesitated.

"Now you see where my problem lies?" Galadriel said, just the slightest bit triumphant. "If it seems to you that he is truly heading toward important discoveries, then of course give him all you have, beloved. But I do not wish to help him lord it over us by just handing out all the information we have without getting anything in return but condescension, not when he has no just claim to his superior position."

"But how can he head towards important discoveries when he does not have the information?" Avorneth asked, then sighed. "You are right that I am not willing to give up my research to him, and that it would be nonsensical for us both to work on the same things and retread each other's steps. But perhaps we can divide it between ourselves?"

"If you think it best," Galadriel said reluctantly.

Avorneth gave her a searching look. "Aunt," she said then, "this is not another Hollin. The white one truly is from the West, and you can trust him."

Galadriel sighed, because just like that, when Avorneth said it, she realized that that was, in truth, the root of her fears. "I know," she said. "It is simply hard to let go of some of the burdens of the past."

It bothered her the rest of the day. Was she truly becoming foolish, blinded by the past and unable to deal with the present?

She looked into her mirror, and it seemed to support that notion, showing nothing but the best future for their cooperation with the white one. Troubled, she confessed the matter to Celeborn.

"It's natural, my love," he said. "We've all been hurt deeply by Gorthaur in Hollin, but you, most of all."

"I should be able to rise above it," she muttered. "I have been on this side of the Sea for too long..."

Celeborn only embraced her, for what was there to be said when she could not leave?

"Should I apologize to the white one?" She asked after a moment. "I'm certain I treated him discourteously."

"He treats you discourteously as well," Celeborn replied. "It is good to keep in mind that he is not the enemy, but I would not quite go as far as apologizing."

-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-

Her talk with Banja more than just did Feliel good, as it turned out when Galadriel came to see Feliel some weeks later and found her fairly beaming.

"What is the source of your happiness, if I may pry?" Galadriel asked.

"It seems," Feliel replied. "That I have finally found my purpose."

"Your purpose?"

"Banja loves me," Feliel replied simply. "And I love her."

Galadriel smiled brightly. "It was truly fortunate fate that brought Birik and Hana here," she said. "First Tugu, and now her sister too have found love. It must be a relief for their parents, too, that both of them felt the Flame for elves. I am very happy for them, and for you."

"Thank you. I have to find out...surely they have some way to court, some I know nothing of?"

"That will be hard, since they lived in so many places and come from so many cultures. Ask Hrassa, he will know how he courted his wife."

"Somehow," Feliel remarked, "I do not believe that what worked well for Tugu would work well for Banja as well."

As it turned out, though, Feliel had been a little too hasty and there were more serious matters to consider in that courtship than the best way to please one another. Banja sought Galadriel out only a few days later, clearly troubled.

"My lady," she said, "may I speak with you?"

"Of course. What do you need?"

"I...I was wondering if...when will Lady Arwen next come to our forest, do you know?"

Galadriel gave her a surprised look. "In the next decade or so, I expect. Why?"

"I...I would very much like to speak with her."

"You will certainly have an opportunity, but...what is it? You sound as if something troubles you."

"It does," Banja admitted after a moment. "But I do not believe you could help."

"And my granddaughter could?"

"I...believe so. I hope so."

"Then I can certainly urge her to come sooner."

Baja shook her head, looking almost panicked. "No, please, do not...trouble yourself on my behalf. It is a small thing, a silly thing..."

"You do not look like it is only a small thing, Banja," Galadriel pointed out. "Clearly it troubles you greatly."

"Yes," Banja admitted reluctantly, "but it is merely of...personal nature. There is no need to bother Lady Arwen."

"Things of personal nature are sometimes the most crucial ones," Galadriel countered. "Why do you not tell me what is it that troubles you, and I will try to counsel you whether it merits calling my granddaughter sooner?"

Banja seemed to hesitate.

"You do not have to," Galadriel assured her. "I do not wish to pry, only to help."

"I simply do not wish to burden you with my private worries," Banja said after a moment.

"I am asking you to," Galadriel pointed out.

Banja hesitated some more, but then she gave a small nod and took a deep breath. "It is Feliel," she said, "or rather the choice I would have to make to marry her."

"The choice?"

"The choice of my fate," she elaborated.

"Oh!" Galadriel's eyes widened in surprise. "Have you...considered taking the fate of the Second-born? I did not think so."

"Not truly, no, but...still. It is a very definite choice, is it not? Something very big, and very final."

"So is marriage," the Nolde pointed out.

"Yes, but...there, when one makes the bad choice, one can always live separately at least. But once I decide which race I wish to be counted with, there is no going back in any way."

A sudden fear struck Galadriel. "Do you have a particular reason to believe my granddaughter might be familiar with this dilemma?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Banja assured her. "It is only that she is half-elven, and not...she is not like my sister, who I believe never had a moment's hesitation about choosing her fate when she met Hrassa. Lady Arwen could understand my hesitation more, I believe."

"Is it only your fate you doubt, or Feliel as well?" Galadriel asked. The idea that her old advisor would have to give up the love that gave her so much joy was painful.

"Only the Fate- or at least-" Banja sighed. "I love her, I do, but...I wish I could be as certain as she is."

"Do you not feel the Flame, then?"

"Therein lies the problem," Banja admitted, and Galadriel poured her some wine, judging this was something the younger nis needed to get off her chest. "The Flame is not...a natural consideration for me. My mother's culture had nothing of the sort, and while my father's did, it was, as I believe he told you, only tied to his people. I always knew he felt the Flame for mother, but it was never a very...tangible concept in my life until now. In Greenwood we lived among the Silvan, who do not honour it, and before in Magrandoro, where it is different as well."

"Different how?"

"You do not open your mind just to anyone," Banja explained. "It is only after a period of structured courtship. It...changes the whole process. I think the Flame was always, to my mind, this big romantic thing that happened to my parents only, as part of their dramatic fairytale of conquering death to be together. I never expected it to concern me."

"And do you feel it now?"

"I feel...something."

Galadriel gave her an intent look. "Do you feel that Feliel forms the other half of your soul? That you could not live in separation from her? That your hearts beat as one?"

"I do," she confirmed. "But I have heard Men claim the same of ones they love, only to grow tired of them in a few years. How do I know it is truly the Flame?"

"You could...wait a few years," Galadriel suggested reluctantly.

"That would hurt Feliel," Banja opposed, "and would not truly answer my doubts conclusively." She sighed. "I will wait until Lady Arwen comes. I hope she, at least, will have some advice – or perhaps her brothers will?"

To Galadriel's best knowledge, none of her grandchildren had much experience with either the Flame or with deciding their fate, but if they could offer Banja some comfort, she would ask them to come. If only because she dearly wished Feliel to finally find her happiness.