Don't let go
Your eyes searched the room frantically. He promised he'd be here. He knew how much you hated being here. Your hands were clammy and you looked at the woman next to you, still happily chatting away. She had not noticed your lack of attention.
Your heart was racing as anxiety washed over you. She would expect a response from you soon, but you couldn't hear anything she said over the blood rushing in your ears. You closed your eyes and tried to take a deep breath. You could feel yourself begin to sweat and you were glad you wore a black dress.
With your eyes still closed, you tried to listen to your surroundings again. Behind you sounded hurried footsteps and then an arm wrapped around your waist and a kiss was placed on your cheek.
"Sorry I'm late." the tall blond figure said to you and you felt relief wash over you as you released the breath you had been holding and opened your eyes.
You looked straight into those beautiful blue eyes that you loved do much. His smile made your heart skip a beat and you leaned into him. He was clad in a crisp black suit and his hair was perfectly styled. He must have had help, you mused. His thumb on your waist was rubbing softly, calming you.
You turned to the woman next to you, a smile in place, "I am so sorry. I didn't catch that last bit. I was a bit distracted." you said, feeling confidence come back to you now that Steve was here. She beamed at the two of you and shook her head with a smile.
"Don't worry about it love," she said and with al nod to the both of you she walked off to chat with other people.
You turned to face the love of your life fully and he wrapped his other arm around you as well. Looking at your face with an apologetic look in his eyes.
"Sorry, practice ran late. Natasha wanted to make sure everyone knew their part for tomorrows mission" Steve said and place a soft, quick kiss on your lips.
"It's okay, you're here now," you said and placed your head on his chest. The anxiety from earlier was finally, slowly, leaving your body. Your heart beating normally and the rushing in your ears was gone.
"I should have been on time," he said now and you turned your head to look up at him, "This is you're first time out after….you shouldn't be alone," he added, guilt apparent in his features.
"And now I'm not," you tried to reassure him. He was worried about you and it filled your heart with love.
"I wont be like this forever," you promised him after a few short moments of silence.
"Don't worry about that," he said his hand now on your face, thumb stroking your cheek, "This is perfectly normal"he said and while you knew this to be true, you still wished he did not have to worry his pretty head about you so much.
You nodded and place your head on his chest again. You closed your eyes again and flashes of your last event played in your head like a movie. A fragmented movie.
Music, dancing, laughing, chatter. You happily talking to everyone you came in contact with. And then the blast. People running. Scurrying to exits. While you were Frozen in time. The blast had you propelled against the counter, hitting your head. You couldn't move and a fire was getting closer, the heat unbearable, licking your arms. And then everything went black.
You opened your eyes again. Looking at the scarred skin of your right arm under the mesh of your dress. The pain was long gone, but your mind was still a jumbled mess.
Steve seemed to know what you have been thinking off as his hands were making soothing circles on your back.
"We can leave if you want," He whispered, his head bend close to yours.
"No," you said resolute, "I promised myself to stay at least one hour." you looked up at him again.
"You don't have too. You've nothing to prove, darling." Steve said, looking into your eyes with a sincere look.
"I don't want to stay this scared forever" you replied.
"You won't be, just give it time" Steve said earnestly.
"Lets just try a little longer," you said and he kissed the top of your head.
"Whatever you want." he said. His hands still rubbing your back. You remained like that for a few more moments, looking into each others eyes.
"Dance with me," you said and you took a step back from him.
" Yes please," he said with a smile, pulling you towards the dance floor.
Steve watched you carefully as you moved. He still felt guilty about not being at the last party. He had been on a mission and rationally he knew it wasn't his fault, but he still felt that he should have been there to save you from all the pain that event had caused you.
That night a terror group had placed a bomb in the government building the party had been in. The agents clearing the room beforehand had missed it. And you, and several others had paid the price.
Three government officials had died and ten more, including you, had been injured. All of you still struggled with severe PTSD. A year had now passed and this event was to commemorate those who lost their lives. Which was why you had wanted to overcome your fear of places such as this. And Steve wanted to help you. He admired your strength in the face of this tragedy. You had taken the time needed to recover from your injuries and went right back to your work as a humanitarian.
"Thank you"you softly said.
"What for?" Steve wondered, pulled back from his thoughts by your voice.
"Your patience" you said simply and his arms squeezed you a little tighter.
"I love you" Steve said and you smiled warmly.
"I love you too!"you replied. He made you feel safe, always had. He knew how to keep most panic attacks at bay.
But in this moment, sweat was still forming in your forehead and your hands were still clammy. It would be a while, before you were okay. You hated it, but Steve never rushed you. Or tried to push you into things. He was calm, patient and loving as he let you decide the pace of your recovery.
And he never seemed to care about the scars that littered your body now. He simply loved you and you knew you were lucky to have him.