Chapter 37

Tobias P.O.V

I feel exhaustion threatening to over power my mind and body, the past ten days catching up to me. I keep having to tell myself that this isn't a dream, Tris and Abigail are home.

Home. Something that I thought I would never have, something that I thought was lost forever. Even living in Dauntless, it wasn't a "home" it was a in between place. A place where I slept, shower and changed. I never really had a need or want to spend any long periods of time then what was needed. Even thinking back in Abnegation, living in Marcus' house, that was nothing near a home but a prison with my own personal demon.

Even the thought of being a boyfriend, husband, and one day a father never crossed my mind. Fear of becoming my father or fear of not being able to give love to someone, seeing that it was never given to me... Made those roles for me something that I could easily live without.

Boy was I wrong... The minute Tris jumped into that net back in Dauntless, it was like she jumped into my heart and made it start to beat again. She awoken things within me, things I thought I would never want, need, or experience. I immediately needed to be with her, protect her, and love her. Needing and wanting to learn on how to give and receive love. Home. Home was never a "place" for me, it never had walls, a roof, nor even a bed. Home, was simply where ever Tris was and went. It was a simple as that.

Everything went out the door, the day we discovered Tris was brutally shot and killed. My hopes and dreams for the future quickly died with her. The thought of that ever happening again sickened me. I didn't want any one else, no one ever turned my head or my thoughts like Tris did and no one ever would have.

When we found Tris in the Bureau alive, even the smallest glance of her from behind running down the hall... That one second sent shock waves through me making my heart beat again. I didn't matter if she didn't remember me, that moment it was her, alive. She wasn't a dream threatening to disappear when I wake up. All my hopes and dreams came crushing back to my heart.

Then discovering Abigail was truly real, and better she is in fact my daughter... Even if she wasn't proven to be mine, she still would have been. She is after all half Tris, and to me that's more then enough reason to love that baby. But she is in fact mine, it warms my heart. There is no fear of the one day... I know deep down I would never do anything to harm that little girl. No way can I raise a hand or item and use it to harm her intentionally. No way would I even have the heart to enjoy it like my father did to me. Sure Abigail was a "surprise baby", we never dreamed or planned on her. But I wouldn't have it any other way. My biggest regret is not rescuing them earlier, I knew something was going on, deep down I felt Tris was still alive, I kept having dreams of her and Abigail, then Marcus telling me that he did see her, and the final email telling me Tris was alive and needed me. How could I not go sooner? Why didn't I look into all this? I could have been there for Tris, I could have been there to watch our daughter be born.

I tear myself from my thoughts, when I notice the water no longer runs hot. When I get out of the shower thoughts on what to do for Tris next starts to wonder into my brain. Should I leave my door open tonight? I want Tris to know I'm here to protect her and if she needs anything. But I don't want her to feel uncomfortable or make her feel like I'm hoovering to much. Should I offer to take her to speak with someone? What if she is too strong to ask for help? Will she take offense if I bring it up?

Wonder if she is hungry? Wonder if she is sleeping yet?

Sleeping! Although my body and mind are exhausted I fear I will not be getting much tonight, if my mind keeps these thoughts up. I wish I could have Tris in bed with me. I always felt better with her by my side. Even in the middle of war, in the factionless sector... we both slept so soundlessly being in each other's arms. My body aches to have her close, to touch her, to feel her body heat against mine. But knowing that for now is possible. I would scare her off. Something I would never want to do. For now all control will be in her court.

I head to the kitchen after I dress with a mission in mind. Feeling like a nice cup of steam tea will help sooth the nerves... I grab the kettle, fill it with water, and place it on the back burner. Then grabbing two mugs, and placing a tea bag in each one. Thankful to have a task at hand. It helps keep other thoughts at bay.

I pause when I hear small voice coming from Tris' room, the door was left cracked open, but I don't dare to go near it. The voice doesn't appear to be threatened, or in fear, or even in pain. The voice is calm and whispering.

"Don't you worry little one. We are finally home! Mommy and Daddy will always be here to love and protect you, don't you worry."

I hear Tris whispering to Abigail, my heart warms up to the thought of her words. I know she must trust me on some level. She knows I would never hurt "our" daughter, and that is a great start.

The kettle starts to whistle, and two things go through my mind at once... While the whistle frighten Abigail and will Tris kill me for eavesdropping on her. Yup, now this sounds like a much better start. I pour the steaming hot water into the mugs. I hear a door creak behind me, and prepare myself for what ever trouble I'm about to find myself in.

"Please tell me that is something to help us sleep?" Tris says from behind me. When I turn around, holding both mugs I notice she is smiling.

"It's camel tea. Help sooth nerves or what not... at least it's suppose to." I say handing her a mug.

"Mmmm smells good, Thank you." She says our eyes refusing to let the other wonder.

"Abigail?" I ask Tris.

"Went back to sleep." Tris answers.

"You know we should get a bump. So I can help out with the three am feedings or what not." I say surprising what came out of my mouth. I let out a laugh, rubbing the back of my neck with a hand.

"What's so funny?" Tris ask.

"Oh.. umm.. just what I just said. Never thought I would ever say that." I say.

"Mmm... still kinda weird about having a baby?" Tris says almost looking disappointed.

"No, No not at all. I'm happy. Really! I love being a Dad already to that little girl. I just... those words. I thought the possibilities of ever having a family died when you did. So I just surprise my self saying the words bump, feedings and three am..." I try to explain. But I feel myself failing. I need to try harder. I take slow and careful step, letting one hand reach to touch her arm. "Please never think for one minute I don't love or cherish either one of you. Yes, I'm shocked but in a GREAT AMAZING way! I love you both being here and being a family." I look deep in her eyes, never breaking contact as I speak each word.

"Ok." She says smiling shyly. "Because I like being here too, Four." She says.

The name Four, although many still call me Four... still doesn't sound right coming from her lips. I wish another name that so long ago only she knew. I suppose she will need to know that story and the name soon for that to happen.

"Do me a favor, and don't call me Four." I ask.

"What should I call you then?" She ask. I reminded the last time we had this same discussion.

"You'll find out soon." I say placing my mug in the sink.

"How about tomorrow, we make it a family day, go to the park, take a walk, maybe a movie or something, what you say?" I ask. "I can even show you around a little."

"I think that sounds like a great idea!" She says with a warm smile.

happy reading!