** Warning the following chapter may have Triggers. Tobias and Tris will be talking about her time wit Eric in the Bureau! It will entail her experience of rape, and abuse. Happy reading! Comment below please!******

Chapter 57

Tris P.O.V

I don't know exactly how long we stand there holding each other allowing each other to sob into each other's embrace. Allowing all of our emotions take us over. Once our sobs have run dry, Tobias takes my hand and leads me out of the Fear of Landscape room.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"To a place I loved to go to think." He answers

We walk along side a wall, the path is slight dim but we can still see, and I can hear the roaring of the Chasm. Tobias walks in front of me, but still holding my hand tightly. I am not sure if he is ensuring my safety or am I ensuring his. Suddenly he stops and sits on a semi flat rock.

"Zeke showed me this place back during my initiation. He use to bring his women of interest of the week here to make out." He chuckles at the memory. "Man was I happy the day he finally woke the hell up and realized how he felt about Shauna. That girl tried so hard to be his friends while still having feelings for him. She watched him date after date, kiss after kiss, I knew it hurt her to watch him with all those women. I remember we would hang out in the training room practicing sparing, we would do it for hours until she finally was exhausted enough. I had so many nightmares... I would train at night. So I didn't mind the company. I guess in a way that made me selfish." He says grinning.

"I never thought... Zeke and Shauna they seemed to have it figured out. I assumed they have always been together." I say shocked at his story.

"Every relationship has it's down fall, Tris. No relationship is perfect. But they love each other, that's what makes it worth it all.' Tobias says, and I can't help but wonder if he is really talking about our relationship.

He reaches for my hand, and pulls me in to take a seat between his legs on the rock. I lean back, into him. His arms encircling me from behind so tightly I can feel his heart beating on my back.

"Tris, I know I told you once. Maybe I should have told you more than once, but you know you can tell me anything. You can share with me everything that happened back in the Bureau. You know that right?" She nods, not very convincing. "I want to know, Tris. When you are ready I am here. I always be here, no matter what." Tobias says gently kisses me shoulder.

Flashback

Sim Tris is stand in front of sim Tobias holding his hand. He looks at me with a blank star. "How dare you? You are discussing? How could you.. with him? With Eric? We're done, Tris. I don't want you. I can't even look at you." He glares at me with such hate and disguise in his eyes. He lets go of my hands, pushing me slightly back away from him.

End of Flashback

I want to tell him, but the vision of my fear of landscape to fresh in my mind stops me. What if he really doesn't understand the extend of my actions. What if this is what finally breaks us? How can I handle that?

"Tris, please look at me." Tobias says with a finger under my chin gently lifting it to look at me in the eyes. "Please talk to me. Trust me to be here for you. I am not going anywhere. I told you once that I would be your family from now on. I meant it then.. and I still mean it now. Even after all this time, even after all that has happened. I know you don't remember it all. But please trust me, I love you more then anything I am not going anywhere. But that fear to rest." He says with pleading eyes. How can I refuse him? I nod taking a deep breath not knowing where to start. I know he deserves to know the truth, to know everything that happened while he thought I was gone. I take another deep breath. "Tris, please talk to me. Tell me what happened. So I can help you heal. So we can heal."

"I... I remember waking up on a hospital bed of some sorts. Eric was there standing at the foot of the bed when I open my eyes. I was so confused. I didn't remember how I had gotten there to begin with. I was worried something was wrong with Abigail. He told me that "Four attacked us again." That you wanted to hurt Eric by killing me." I say feeling Tobias tighten his hold on me. "The Doctor released me right after I woke up. Eric took me back to the room. Right away I felt something was off, he would do or say things that were not the way I remember... but I shrugged it off. Thinking that maybe it was stress, or something. Little things like him placing a hand on my back pushing me forward instead of leading me gently by the hand." I stare at the floor recalling the first night. "When we got into the room, Eric was so rougher then what I remembered. He came up behind me holding me hard and pushing himself so hard behind me that it was difficult to keep balance. There was no passion, love, behind his actions, just rough and urgent." I let a tear escape my eyes, scared of how to get this next part out. I feel a single finger wipe my tear away. Tobias holding on tight, kissing my shoulder, trying to comfort me. "When I tried to... calm him, slow him down. He got so angry with me, he wiped me around and as I was trying to apologize he slapped me. He slapped me so hard that I fell on the couch. He left me there... I didn't understand. The man I remember would have never..." I take a deep breath, I wonder now if my memories were really of you, just clouded by the appearance of him because of the serum."

"The first time we...um... it felt so wrong. I remember feeling awful and dirty. I spent almost a hour in the shower wishing for the water to burn my skin off, I scrubbed and scrubbed so hard. He didn't care rather or not I was satisfied or anything. All he cared was about his own needs. He was rough, and thankfully quick to end. I felt more like a toilet, then what it should have been." I feel Tobias stiffen from behind me, but he never loosens his hold on me. Instead he leans his head to rest on my shoulder urging me to continue. "The second time... was even worst. I hoped that maybe the first time was just a hunger that needed to fill and couldn't control... or something. But I was proved wrong... the pain was worst the second time. He left behind soreness, and bruises. That night I snuck out of the room, I needed to think. I knew something was seriously wrong. My dreams I was having was so pleasant and loving." I turned to face him, I can see hurt and anger on his face. "I think my dreams were of us.. being together." His expression softens a bit hearing the words, that even then my mind tried to remember him. "I ran into a man that night, outside. He is older, gray hair, and blue eyes. Come to think of it, just like yours. He called me Beatrice." I say looking back at him.

"Marcus." Is all he can manage to get out.

"Marcus?" I ask. I remember him telling me his father's name is Marcus. Could it had really been him.

"Marcus contacted me a few months after you were... he said he was at the Bureau and saw you. He said that you were alive and pregnant with Eric's baby." He says looking ashamed. "I didn't know what to believe. I spoke to Evelyn about it. She said that she had connections and that she would confirm it or not.. They told her there was nothing to tell. I thought he was pulling my chain trying to get me to let him back into the city." His eyes threaten to let the moisture escape.

"This was not your fault. You hear me! You couldn't trust Marcus. I know that." I said trying to comfort him.

"But if I had listened. You would have been home sooner, so much would have been different." He says.

"Tobias, listen to me. We can't live in a world with WHAT IF'S. What happened, happened. We need to find our way forward." I tell him. Leaning more to the side to kiss his cheek.

"Go on please! Tell me." He pleads for me to continue. I nod.

"That night was... Eric woke up early and saw I had went out. He found me and dragged me back in. He slapped me so hard that I fell back, and I must have hit something because hours later I was on the floor with a bump on my head. After that, it was like walking on egg shells. I learned how to talk to him to avoid being hurt or...worst. We found a family suit to stay in, it had two rooms, and a living room with a small kitchen. Eric left me mostly alone all day locked up in there. After awhile he stopped acting like he cared about me, and stopped asking or even forcing me to have sex with him. Seeing we had separate rooms, he would bring back different women almost every night. Although I felt bad for them as a person, I was so relieved at the same time." I wipe another tear.

"So you see that fear that you have... is the farthest from the truth. I know from the bottom of my heart. You may not be like Eric, but that's a good thing. I know you are loving and caring partner." I say looking at him from the side. I stand up, turning around in his embrace. Never once letting our eyes wonder, both my hands reach up to cradle his face. "I know there is no comparison, Tobias. Please stop doubting yourself. Trust me... you are twice the man he is." I say leaning in to give him a tender kiss. It takes him a minute to process my words and my actions. But then I feel him responding, moving his hands. One hand finding my lower back pressing me tighter to his body, the other finding the back of my neck holding me where he wants me. When air is a necessity we part for air.

"Even our daughter, knows who her Daddy is." I start to explain. " When Eric came in to see us... he picked her up and Abigail started to fuss and cry until he place her back down. Even just a few hours old she knew he wasn't her Daddy." I take a breath looking even more serious then before. "But when I opened my eyes, and you were holding her in your arms and talking to her. She didn't cry, she didn't fuss. She was content. She knew who you were." I finish saying leaning in for another kiss. He doesn't hestiate this time, he returns the kiss and deepens it.