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A twisted return

Chapter 70

Tris P.O.V

I have been in a abandon ware house for almost two days. Peter at least arranged for me to have a semi private room,with boarded up windows, a thick layer of dust for carpeting and a extremely old and questionable mattress.

My wedding dress that I still wear, completely ruined. I fear the minutes Christina sees it. The dress is muddy, dirty, blood stained, and torn. Again I fear Christina, and if Peter has any brains he will disappear before she appears. This dress was "Perfect". WAS! Honestly I have no idea how we allowed her to get out of hand with all this wedding stuff. I know she is pregnant and all but looking back I wish I pulled in her rends a little. A small simple wedding with Tobias' and I's closes friends and family would have been the perfect dream wedding for us.

I understand why Peter took me the way he did. He made sure to make the perfect stage for Evelyn. He couldn't take the risk of her finding out his plan to betray her and get the love of his life killed. Love of his life? Peter going to be a dad? These are things I never would have expected from Peter. Really, I always picture Peter being alone. So manipulative, not trust worthy, nor was he ever truly kind (even when he tried his hardest). But Peter does seem like he has changed though. He is nicer and gentler in many ways that I defiantly don't recall from him. I'm happy for him. Seems like it took loosing himself in order to find himself.

Me on the other hand... There were memories that I was glad that the memory serum took away. Being hunted by my parents deaths were just one of a perfect example, along with so many other deaths that I witnessed and caused. Needless to say I started having nightmares again, the world filled with blood that I caused to spill.

One memory that has hunted me, that I am glad to place to rest, was Will's death. The empty glare he gave me on the streets of Abnegation while he approached me, was something I could never forget. The choice that I needed to make, him or me. I wanted to choose him, I wanted to let him live. But if I had he would have killed me and my mom, and in return the consequences were too great. If he would have killed me, I would have never been able to stop the attack. Then more abnegation members would have been lost, and more Dauntless members would have been murders. Who knows what alternate reality would have been.

But I am relived and grateful for Will being alive. I am also grateful for the return of Uriah, and even relived for Tobias. He was so broken heated at the thought of having a hand in Uriah's death. It tore him apart, it almost tore us apart.

Than there is Abigail... my baby girl. My little miracle. The life that Tobias and I created out of one night of deep love and passion. My baby girl that hung on while her mother exposed her to the death serum, than got shot multiple times, poisoned by serums to keep me paralyses, and in a coma. Than to experience Eric's torturous plan. My mother always told me that the Prior women are stronger than anything, we are fighters, we don't know any other way to live. Clearly even in the early stages of pregnancy Abigail was strong enough to hold on.

Eric. That coward took so much from us. He knew what he was doing all along. I thought it was me, I was upsetting him. That the stress of the battle was making him anger and bitter. Instead he knew what he was doing. He knew time would come and Tobias would realize and come to Abigail and I's rescue. He wanted it, maybe even prayed for that day. What he did was not just physical but mental and emotional hits as well. He took so much for us and he took it with pleasure. He took our time that we could have been together bonding, cherishing our pregnancy, our growing Miracle. He took my memories and feelings from us. He took the one thing that Tobias and I wanted to share only between us. If we were back in Dauntless many would say it's just sex... no big deal. But for Tobias and me.. it's more than that. We were each other's first and only first kiss, first love, first sexual experience. Eric took that. I was took confused to do otherwise. My poor Tobias... the pain he had to endure to get me back.

I let out a long sigh... I know I need to get out of this room soon. Nothing else to do but to think. One thing for sure when I do get out of here Tobias and I have a lot to figure out. So much pain and heart ache I have caused us before. Than when we fully committed to a future together, I turned around took Caleb's place. I choose to take the risk once again to leave him. What makes me feel even worst, I was pregnant with Abigail. So many times something could have went wrong, I could have lost her. Lost our baby girl. What kind of mother am I? What kind of person does that make me?

Than I think about the night that Tobias was finally there to rescue me. The look on his face when he saw both me and Abigail. Than I collapsed and he rushed me to the emergency room. He stayed with me. With us. Knowing what had happened. Knowing I thought he was the enemy, having to prove himself to me.

That man, has been through the ringer and back for me. So muh pain I have caused him, and in return he still loves me unconditionally. Something I don't deserve after all the betrayals that I have caused. But I am too selfish to walk away from him, from them. They are the only family I truly have, I can't live without them. I won't. The only other choice I have now is to spend every day, every minutes trying to be worthy of their love. Something I will do til the day I die.