A/N:

Thanks for reading! I've had a request to write Antonin Dolohov, which is a new character for me. We'll see if I can manage! :) Any others?

-AL

Lights, Camera, ACTION!

TAPE FOUR:

ALECTO CARROW

Alecto Carrow fidgeted in the armchair, twisting her fingers together, while Euphemia Burke plaited her strawberry blonde hair.

Narcissa Malfoy bent down before the big-boned, strong-jawed young woman, and swiped the back of her hand with a tube of orangey lipstick.

"What's that?" asked Alecto, alarmed.

"I need to see which color will work best on you." Narcissa swiped another, deep crimson this time. "Hm. No. Something pinker, perhaps?"

"Try an autumn color," suggested Euphemia. "Have you got a dusty tan or rosey brown?"

"Light brown lips?" asked Alecto. "Ow! You're pulling."

"Your hair's a rat's nest! When did you last condition?"

"Condition? Ow!" Alecto's head jerked back as Euphemia pulled again. Narcissa swiped the 'rose chocolate kiss' along the back of her hand.

"Oh, this is nice, well done, Euphemia."

"Why am I bothering?" asked Alecto with a resigned sigh. "I can't remember the last time a man showed interest in me. I tried answering one of these videos, you know. I wrote a letter to Sev… to someone seeking a woman with ginger hair and green eyes, like me."

"Your eyes aren't green." Narcissa squinted at her face. "They're brown."

"My eyes are gold with flecks of green."

"They're brown," said Narcissa definitively. "Do this." She widened her mouth, tightening her lips. Alecto copied. Narcissa applied the lipstick.

"Here I am!" Bellatrix Lestrange swept into the room dramatically, and looked disappointed when no one celebrated her arrival. "I brought the camcorder! Had to steal it from that tired old hag Madam Rosemerta. Nicked two bottles of mead for good measure."

"Excellent," said Narcissa. "Set it up between the windows. The light coming in will brighten Alecto's face."

"Are you sure we want her that well-lit?" asked Bellatrix.

Alecto pouted. Euphemia and Narcissa glared at Bellatrix.

"She will look lovely when we're through with her!" Narcissa blotted Alecto's lips with a handkerchief. "Won't she, Euphemia?"

"Lovely," the skinny brunette agreed. "You know, Alecto, Thorfinn and I met fifteen years ago shortly after he finished his education at Durmstrang, but we hardly spoke, and then, after he saw my video, he contacted me by owl to ask me to dinner, and look at us now!"

"You're happy together?"

"Would we be getting married this summer if we weren't happy together?"

"No?" guessed Alecto.

"We have so much in common. We both enjoy swimming and gobstones and baklava, we're entirely dedicated to the Dark Lord, and our sex life is nothing short of incredible."

"You're having sex even though you're not yet married?" Alecto appeared to find this quite salacious.

"We had sex on our very first date, before pudding," said Euphemia. "We'd gone to a Muggle restaurant and excused ourselves upon finishing dinner for a quick fuck in the coatroom."

Alecto's mouth dropped open cartoonishly.

"You've never had sex in a public place?" asked Euphemia. "Thorfinn and I cannot be the only ones who've-"

"Oh, Lucius and I have," said Narcissa. She waved her wand, Accioing over the mascara. "When we were younger, of course. Before Draco."

"Did you?" Bella sniggered. "Where?"

"Oh, everywhere. Everywhere we could manage, that is. In the Hogwarts owlery. In an alcove off Knockturn Alley. In the Mediterranean Sea. On the London Underground. In the cellar of Honeydukes. In the garden behind Grandmother Rosier's cottage house. On the Knight Bus."

"You've taken the Knight Bus?" This, more than anything else, seemed to shock Bellatrix. "Bit slummy for you, isn't it?"

"We only took the Knight Bus to see if we could get away with having sex on the upper deck. Which, it turns out, we could."

"You don't anymore, though?" asked Euphemia. "Not since Draco? Oh, I hope my marriage doesn't turn dull after children."

"Oh, it's not dull! We've simply moved onto other things," said Narcissa dismissively. "Once we felt we'd thoroughly accomplished public sex, it ceased to be exciting."

"Do tell, Alecto…" Bellatrix positioned the camera on the tripod and smiled at her fellow Death Eater. "Where is the most interesting place in which you've given yourself to a man?"

"I…" Alecto bit her lip, getting pinkish-brown lipstick on her crooked teeth. "Er..."

"Salazar's sins!" breathed Bellatrix. Narcissa gaped.

"What?" asked Euphemia.

"She's a virgin." Bellatrix cackled. "A virgin, a vigin! A forty-year-old virgin!"

"I'm thirty-six!"

"Thirty-six-year-old virgin, then!" Bellatrix doubled, laughing so hard tears formed in corners of her eyes. "We ought to fix you with Severus Snape! Now there's a thirty-something virgin if ever I've seen one!"

"He didn't respond to my owl!" Alecto shoved Narcissa away, even though only one of her eyes was lined and had darkened lashes. "He said he wants a ginger woman who drinks wine and doesn't mind tattoos, but I wrote him a very fine letter and he hasn't replied!" She burst into tears.

"Oh, well done, Bella," snapped Narcissa. "Now I'll have to fix her face all over again!"

"Least her hair looks nice," said Euphemia, who was tying off the thick French braid.

"Sorry," giggled Bellatrix, not at all sorry. "But it's quite funny to me. A virgin, at her age!"

"In case you've forgotten, I had to go into hiding after the Dark Lord fell, which did not exactly lend itself to-"

"Oh, poor ickle mite, you had to go into hiding! Were there no men in Bavaria or Albania or wherever it was you crawled under a rock? How terrifying for you, being in hiding, while the rest of us were locked up in Azk-"

"Stop that, Bellatrix, you snarky, bitter old crow!" Narcissa was only marginally more empathetic to Alecto's plight than her sister, but she was quite sore about her work on the woman's face going to waste. She'd done so well with the contouring!

"My apologies, Cissy. From here on out, I'll hold my tongue."

"Wait a moment…" said Euphemia. "Did you say Severus Snape made one of these videos? That pale, ornery, overgrown bat? You responded to him?"

"Moving on!" Narcissa Accioed over her handkerchief and wiped the tears from Alecto's ruddy cheeks. "I haven't all afternoon for this. Let's get you fixed up so we can start recording."

"I'll manage the camcorder," offered Bellatrix.

"You'll do no such thing," said Narcissa. "I don't trust you."

It took about fifteen more minutes, but finally, Alecto was ready. She gave a high, wheezing nervous giggle as she got comfortable in the armchair, her long ginger braid cascading down her right shoulder, her makeup impeccable, her short-sleeved blouse unbuttoned only twice at the top, her Dark Mark carefully hidden by the purple pillow cradled in her lap.

"Oi there, name's Alecto. Come from London, went to Hogwarts. Thirty-six, good teeth, clean. No diseases. No children. Pureblood. Looking for the same for companionship, 'adult relations,' maybe marriage, if our families approve. No smokers, no alcoholics, no addicts, no gamblers, no gluttons."

"Look in a mirror and lower the bar," hissed Bellatrix. Narcissa elbowed her. From behind the camera, Euphemia snorted. Alecto sighed.

"Alright, alcoholics are fine, gluttons and gamblers will be considered on a case-by-case basis, and only my family has to approve. Er… what else, what else? Oh! I follow You-Know-Who, if you know who I mean. That's very important."

Bellatrix pantomimed smacking herself in the forehead. Narcissa elbowed her again, harder this time.

"I got one brother, if it works out between us, he'll probably have to live with us, you know… not much going on up here for him…" She tapped her temple.

"This is going well," Bellatrix muttered to Narcissa.

Narcissa stepped on her foot and elbowed her at the same time.

"Ouch!" she whispered loudly. Alecto flinched.

"Keep going love," Euphemia encouraged. "Any parting words?"

Alecto smirked at Bellatrix, who was now rubbing her injured ribs while standing on one foot to keep off the hurt one.

"Yes! I've never been to Azkaban, never even been arrested, because I was smart enough to escape the Aurors after the first war! Now I'm staying at Malfoy Manor with the Dark Lord himself, plus the Lestranges and Rookwood, where no one would even think to look for us!" She crossed her arms and leaned back, a self-satisfied smirk on her well-contoured face.

"Stop recording!" Narcissa stalked over to Euphemia and pressed the button on the camcorder. "Start again, Alecto, you brainless sexless shapeless cow! And this time, don't tell the world you and the Dark Lord and half the bloody Azkaban escapees are hiding out in my home!"

"Oops." Alecto fidgeted. "Was it good up until that point?"

"You were doing brilliantly, dearie," Bellatrix assured her with a mocking undertone she knew Alecto wouldn't pick up on. "Keep it exactly the same."

Alecto smiled, took a deep breath, and waited for Euphemia to hit the button to make the little red light come on.

"Oi there! Name's Alecto! Come from London, went to Hogwarts. Thirty-six, good teeth, clean. No diseases…"

NEXT UP:

Narcissa & Lucius Malfoy