I don't own NCIS
He pretended like he didn't know what an MMORPG was but of course he did. Tim played them he knew he did. He knew he'd gotten into them after he'd went away to school. Gibbs figured it was the same as his boats. Something to lose himself in. when he was younger it had been comic books. Now it was online games.
As he worked the case every time he would hear someone bring up the online games he would think of his son. And he would wonder did Tim feel alone did he feel isolated? Did he have friends at his job in Norfolk? These were all things they never talked about. Sure they'd sit around and drink a beer talk about the weather argue about his phone or Tim would ask him how to become a field agent but they never got deep. He knew it was time to set up that fishing date.
"Tim would you like to go Fishing next week?" Jethro asked as him and his son sat at his kitchen table later that night.
"Oh you were serious about that?" Tim felt his heart rate pick up he hadn't actually expected his father to actually take him fishing.
"Of course I was serious about that so how about it?"
"Uh yeah okay that works." Tim said figuring he'd put in for time off tomorrow.
He went to Tony's apartment after he left. His head spinning. Time with his father on a lake. He cringed.
"Hey was I expecting you." Tony looked up from the couch when Tim came into the apartment.
"No." Tim sighed sitting down beside Tony and leaning over to kiss him.
"Hey you okay?" Tony shut off the movie and turned to look at him.
"Yeah I guess. My dad wants to set that fishing date for next week. And I don't know out in the open alone in a boat. I just think it spells disaster."
"Come here" Tony pulled Tim close. "It will be okay. Just think at least you have a dad that wants to be around you I don't even know where my dad is at the moment."
"Yeah." Tim sighed. He could get into the fact that it wasn't until recently that his father had really tried to get to know him. As a teenager they had their separate corners and they stayed in them. Now they were in a place where they were trying to get each other and Tim would try he really would. But right now he just snuggled into Tony and had him flip the movie back on now wasn't the time to think about it.
It was a week later and Tim and Jethro were out on the lake the sun coming up. "So I know how I got the day off I mean I'm the low man on the pole no one is going to miss me really but you're the boss or one of them so how did you get off?" Tim asked looking from the dawn to his father.
"Well that's the thing I'm the boss. I told Marrow I was taking a Personal day and that was that. I never take off so he couldn't really throw a fit. Of course that meant my team got the day off but Todd and Dinozzo didn't seem to mind that." Tim inwardly smirked. He was sure Tony was enjoying sleeping in. He thought of the sleepy smile on his lips as he told Tim to have a good day and that he was going back to bed.
"Yeah and how is your new agent working out for you?"
"She's a good asset to the team. Of course her and DiNozzo are want to try and kill each other most day's but he's like that with all the female agents and they can give as good as they get so I'm not to worried." He shrugged. Yeah Tim Knew how Tony was he'd always complaining about Kate Todd but in a big brother kind of way. "How has you're job been?"
"Nothing spectacular. I mean I've been out to a few crime scenes. Mostly I work on the computers back in the office. Of course Norfolk is smaller than the DC office and I think everyone knows everyone. It's a bit jarring when one of the teams from the DC have to come out for something. Though I've noticed your team never comes out."
"Oh we come out sometimes but we're the team that gets called out for the big cases it's a good thing we don't get called out to often. "
"I guess." Tim said looking back towards the lake's edge. He looked back towards his father. The questions he wanted to ask resting heavy in his throat. Finally he opened his mouth and closed it before opening it again. and internal struggle of questions he'd wanting to ask for years fighting inside him. Finally winning "Why?"
"Why what?" Gibbs asked looking at him.
"Why? He cleared his throat. "Why did you want me to come out here with you?"
"Can't I just want to spend time with my son?"
That was such a loaded questions the words stuck on his tongue his throat dry was he ready truly ready to let everything out. He shook his head. It was now or never. Just him his father and the open land. "If you were a normal father I'd say yes. But besides hanging out in your basement every few weeks when you're not married or dating someone we don't. We haven't spent any real quality time together since, well since I was fourteen." He was going to say since Kelly and Mom died but he couldn't bring himself to say that.
"Well then I guess it's time don't you think?"
Tim shrugged. "If you say so." He knew his dad wanted to drop this and he just couldn't fight him.
"Tim are we ever going to be okay?"
Tim whipped his head around and looked at his father. Did his father really just ask him that and where a second ago he was willing to drop it now, now he felt the fire build in him. "Okay are we ever going to be okay?" his eyes snapped fire. "That's what you brought me out here to ask? You want to know if we'll be okay. Well news flash I don't know. Because I don't know you anymore, you're not the person you used to be. You shut me out. You couldn't or wouldn't look at me. I know you blame me for living while they died. I know you think I should have saved them. That I should have tried harder to save them." He was choking up. "I was a good swimmer it's how I lived but Mom was unconscious I think she'd hit her head on the seat and Kelly was trapped in her seat belt and the car was sinking fast and I know you think it's selfish that I saved myself but I couldn't get to Kelly I would have had to grab mom because she was between us. I would have had to yank Kelly's seat belt and you know what I tried for a second I tried I crawled over mom's body as the car was sinking and the drivers blood was spreading around us. I tried to yank Kelly out of that damned seat belt. But I couldn't if I hadn't gotten out when I had if I hadn't opened that door when I had if I hadn't swam then I would have died with them. And you weren't even there you were in Iraq and then you were in a coma and then god only knows where you went after the funeral leaving me with Grandma and then you joined NIS. And pushed me away. Built more and more boats. Got married time and again and I went away to College and that's what lead us here. Because I'm not Kelly. Though I guess I should just be thankful you talk to me unlike Grandpa who you haven't spoken to in years."
Tim was shouting now. His voice reverberating against the clear glass like surface of the lake . He stopped he swallowed and his face went white. He couldn't believe he'd said all of that. He couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth. Words he'd wanted to shout since he was 14 and prayed at his father's bedside as he prayed he'd wake up only for him to leave after the funeral. Only for him not to even be able to look him in the eyes.
Gibbs felt shell shocked like he'd been kicked in the stomach. he swallowed and then looked at his son. He couldn't believe everything that had been burdening him since he was fourteen. He'd never asked about the car crash. Nothing past what the case file said. He'd never asked Tim what it had been like. He hadn't wanted to know he hadn't wanted to think about it. He'd left Tim to avenge Kelly and Shannon but had it been the right thing. Looking at his son now he knew it probably wasn't. He wanted to reach out and take him into his arms. To hold him to apologize for all the wrongs he'd done to him. But he didn't know how. He wished he did.
He swallowed. "Tim…"
"No just no let's just scrap this stupid thing and get back to shore." Tim looked away from him. A part of him wanted to know what his father had to say but another part didn't think his heart could handle it. They got back to shore and packed up going their separate ways. Two men. One thinking of how he'd let down his son. One thinking of how he couldn't believe he'd opened up wounds from so long ago. He hadn't meant to. No he hadn't meant to shout those things at his father. He just couldn't hold them in anymore. Relationships torn apart by years of resentment. But could they be healed?
Tim drove to Tony's his hands shaking as he let himself in and crawled into bed with his boyfriend.
"Tim?" Tony asked groggily. Opening his eyes. "Tim." Tony sat up in alarm. "Are you okay what happened? I thought you were fishing is it your father okay?"
"He's fine kind of I mean we got into fight a big fight like blow up where do were go from here." Tears started to fall from Tim's eyes. "He asked if we'd be okay and I exploded with every thing I'd felt and resented him for, for all these years. I told him how Kelly and Mom did. I told him I knew he resented that it was me that lived and not them. I just… I just.. I can't.. Tony… I try to be who he wants… I tried since they died but I've never been good enough I've never been Kelly or Mom. I was my mothers son and Kelly was Dads. It's just how it was."
"Shhh oh Tim Shhh." Tony gathered him in his arms. It's okay it will be okay. I love you I'm here I love you I want you I'm glad you lived." Those words feel into Tim's ear as he laid against Tony's chest trying to catch his breath trying to pull himself out of the memories he'd fallen back into. Murky black water. Blood fiery red hair floating in water and haunting words spoken by his baby sister. He couldn't go there not again. if he did he'd never get out. So for that moment in that second he allowed himself to be held by Tony.