I don't own NCIS
The case was wrapped up, an innocent man's name cleared and Gibbs sat in his basement working on his boat finally allowing himself to think of the words his son had thrown at him.
"I know you blame me for living while they died."
Those words haunted him. He sanded down the boat with vigor he was surprised it didn't' break something.
"No, no Tim." He whispered into the sawdust infused air. "I don't blame you for living. You were all I had to live for after that. I just didn't know how to live for you enough I guess."
"I tried for a second I tried I crawled over mom's body as the car was sinking and the drivers blood was spreading around us. I tried to yank Kelly out of that damned seat belt".
Those words haunted him. Thinking of his scared son, his scared daughter thinking of it all haunted him. Tim hadn't said if Kelly had been alert at the time and he didn't think he wanted to know. Shannon had been unconscious he know knew that had he took some comfort from that. He reached for his phone wanting to call his son but stopped himself. He needed to know exactly what he was going to say before he opened that emotional wound again.
Tim sat in his dimly lit apartment. Paper strewn around him. Half written chapters. Untouched alcohol at his elbow. Flashes of memory racing through his mind.
" Tim I love you."
"Tim Chase me."
"Tim I'm scared. "
"Timmy am I going to die."
He slammed his fist against his desk as his mother and sister's voices raced through his head. Kelly had lost consciousness as he'd tried to yank her seat belt. It had gotten jammed he couldn't get it she hadn't been conscious when he'd gotten himself out of the car. He didn't think he could have left if she'd still been alert but her last words still haunted him. Her eyes haunted everything about those moments haunted him.
"Timmy am I going to die."
"No Kel no you'll live through this." He'd whispered those words to his baby sister he'd watched as she'd lost consciousness he knew he'd lied to her. He couldn't get her even if he tried and he knew at that moment he had to leave both of them as he let himself out of the car and swam towards the surface. He'd barely made it himself before collapsing on the shore and waking up days later in a hospital not even sure how he'd gotten there.
"I'm sorry Kelly I'm so sorry." He whispered into the empty air before slamming the alcohol back. Tony found him like that. Despondent. Empty glasses and bottles littered around him. "Oh Tim." He sighed shaking his head. 'Why Tim?"
Tim looked up at him. Glassy eyed. "She's haunting me Tony, I keep hearing her asking me if she is going to die. I let her die."
"NO, No Timothy you didn't let her die. You were a child you did everything you could but you couldn't save her."
"I should have tried harder. "
"And if you had you'd be dead right now and where would that leave your father. Leave me."
"You would find someone else to love. And dad I'm sure he'd move on. he doesn't care that much anyway."
"You are not replaceable Tim. I couldn't live without you and your father cares. He's been ten times more gruff with me and Kate lately I know it's because he's being tormented by what you told him."
"Really?"
"Yes really, now come on I think it's time to get you into Bed."
"Okay but what are you doing here?"
"Well we were supposed to have a date tonight but it's okay you forgot."
"I'm sorry Tony really I am."
"It's fine Tim," Tony got him up out of his chair and walked him to the bedroom pulling him under the covers and joining him there. "We'll make it through this." Tony whispered to his sleeping partner. "I'll make sure of it."