Hi guys. I'm sorry for not updating for so long, I was giving my mind a break. I know, I probably shouldn't have done that after so many long pauses in between chapters, I'm sorry. Um, I know this isn't any of the suggested stories, and I'm sorry about that, I just had to get my emotions out in this. I've been dealing with some shit, especially with my grandma and my dad (long story short my dad came back into my life a year or two ago and my grandma absolutely hates it. She won't respect my opinions and my feelings about it, calling me naive and shit. We argue every time she brings it up). It all just stresses me the fuck out, she always tries to break down my opinions so I agree with her, and just...yeah. On top of that all I'm trying not to fall back into a depressive episode again, which I've been trying to fight off for a long time now. It all just keeps building up, so...yeah. Anyways, sorry about all this, I'll try to get back to uploading regularly soon, I just...had to try and get all of this off of my chest. As a result, there will not be any review responses at the end of this. So, again, I'm so, so sorry.

Summary: This is more of like a symbol of Ed's internal struggles.

Idea Came From: Me

Rated: T

Warnings: None

Notes: this is a vent

Story 20: Internal Storm

He stumbles down the street, hugging his red coat close against his small body. The wind seems to try and push against him, the rain hitting his face like cold needles, mixing with the hot tears as he stumbles once more. He doesn't know how far out from civilization is, all he knows is that he's alone and it hurts.

He clutches his chest as a sob is ripped from his throat out of his own will. His golden bangs are stuck to his hair, soaked by the rain. He had given up on trying to hold his hood up long ago, seeing as the wind would just push it back down seconds later.

He doesn't care though. It is a nice distraction from the inner turmoil he feels, clawing and ripping at his heart like a savage animal stuck in a cage. Eager to get out and cause more chaos.

Edward chokes on another sob, stopping as his stomach churns violently. Being out in the pouring rain like this makes his stumps ache like hell, and yet he doesn't care. Because hurting on the outside is easier to deal with than the hurt on the inside.

It comes to a point where Edward eventually ends up collapsing to his knees, hugging himself. He leans forwards and screams at the ground, trying with all he has to make the hurt disappear. Trying as hard as he can to just make it stop. But it doesn't. It feels like a stone, deep within the ocean that just refuses to be pulled up from the sand it is lodged within. Refusing to let go. Refusing to make the hurt stop.

The memories inside his head scratch and claw at his mind, chipping away ever so slowly at his sanity. That night when they had tried to bring their mother back, the fear and grief and guilt as he watches his brother disappear right before his eyes, the pain of his own libs being torn from his body. The fear of watching his brother collapse in the street as he had his first rebound, the sight of the chimera Tucker had made using his daughter and their dog. All of it comes crashing down, and it hurts. It feels like an indescribable amount of weight, heavy enough to pin him to the ground, heavy enough to where he can't physically move his body anymore.

And the good memories only add salt to the wound, reminding of everything he had, everything that he can't ever have again. All the joyful times with his mother, all the late nights he would lay awake when reading with Alphonse, all those times they would play in the yard with Winry and her dog, Den. All those times they would spend with Trish and Hohenheim together, as a family.

Everything that he can't ever have. And it hurts. The reality is crushing and his heart throbs painfully in his chest as he collapses to his side, curling into a ball as sobs continue to escape through gritted teeth. He can feel the mud soak in through his wet clothes, sticking to his tangled hair as he shakes violently with emotions that feel like they will burst from his already aching chest.

Because no matter what he does, no matter how good he is and what he does to fix things, it never works. It always comes around, thrown in his face as something horrible. The hope they have had for years to get their bodies back has always ended up twisted in such a gruesome way that leaves harsh nightmares at night and heavy-shouldered days.

He can hear a voice yelling in the distance and looks up, watching as his brother, along with Mustang, Winry, and everyone else he's ever known run towards him. Izumi and her husband, the rest of Team Mustang, Armstrong, everyone. And as they run towards him, the dark clouds seem to part, the rain slowing ever so slightly as they get closer and closer, smiling and waving and laughing.

He can feel a warmth in his chest as he slowly pushes himself up to stand, more tears streaming down his face. Because no matter how much it hurts, no matter the weight of the guilt on his shoulders, he always has it to share with someone else. He always always has someone who cares. And that makes everything so much better.

And, again, I'm really sorry for all of this. Thanks for reading, though, and thanks for all the support you guys have been giving me. It means so much to me. It gives me a purpose to do something, and I can't thank you guys enough for that. I'm going to try my best to update, but the weight of my family literally being ripped apart is sometimes too much to handle, so I can't make any promises. Again, I'm so sorry.