And thus forth, Artemis Fowl loved lollipops

by shaadiaThePrincessOfWeird

A collection of random, hilarious and mostly OOC oneshots that will have you laughing (maybe cringing too) while I experiment with the utterly improbable for the Fowl universe. Latest; Foaly has been trying for months on end, but the magical night finally comes when he actually hacks into Artemis's diary. Taking requests; even the weirdest ones, so bring it on.

2. Chapter 3: Unicorns!

"...No Fowl, get it over there! THERE! Are you deaf or something?"

Artemis snorted. "Foaly, you asked me to help with your project, and if you'd mentioned carrying around your frond damn boxes-"

"That's helping a lot, Arty." the centaur secretly chuckled. This was turning out to be a pretty interesting experiment so far.

Holly threw aside one of Foaly's gadgets she'd been asked to carry. "What are you trying to invent, anyway?"

Foaly smirked. "I've decided to clone an extinct creature, with the faked DNA samples Dr Argon gave me."

Artemis raised a doubtful eyebrow. 'And this creature is?"

"A Unicorn."

There was a brief silence, then suddenly the elf and the human burst into roars of laughter.

"What?"protested Foaly. "I'm being serious!"

Holly whispered something into the Mud Boy's ear, and they started laughing again.

The centaur scowled. "Well, if you're done with the flirting and stuff-"

"WHAT!"

"Shall I explain how this works?"

"Just make it happen,"smirked Holly. "Go on, make a unicorn, my little pony fan boy."

"Don't call me a-!"

"Start it, will you?"

Foaly clip clopped towards his weird gadget, lovingly patting the device. "This," he said, "Is called the-"

"I don't think I want to hear this," said Artemis, grinning. "Your naming scheme was never very impressive."

Foaly ignored him, wordlessly switching it on. "Now, we wait. Three hours maximum."

Holly groaned. "Should it take so long?"

"Look, to get a good result, you need time! Ever heard of patience?"

Artemis shook his head. "Captain, we best spend our time productively. Your suggestion?"

The elf's face lit up. "How about the Cinema?"

"Sounds fine."

Foaly watched them leave. "Lovebirds," he muttered disapprovingly.

...

Three hours later

"Is the unicorn ready, pony boy?" Artemis asked, mockingly pronouncing the word "unicorn".

Foaly glared at him. "Yes, and here it is!"

Holly observed the figure carefully. "Ummm...would you mind taking off all the wires?"

Foaly took off the wires.

They stared, then started laughing again, this time much louder, even tearing.

"What?" snapped Foaly.

"Nice rat," commented Artemis.

The centaur looked back at his creation.

Fowl was not joking...