Author's Note: I LOVE MY REVIEWERS AND FOLLOWERS. You guys gave me some pretty good sentences for this one, and I was having trouble deciding. So I picked two sentences, presented by missylynn99 and TheBigCat respectively below:

"Let me get this straight; The reason you're stuck in the tree is you're trying to scare me through my window? That's kind of pathetic."

"Are you sure you don't have a Babel fish in your ear?"

Thanks guys! And I really appreciate everyone who commented. If you request follow-ups, I will happily give them :) Here's my take on Artemis Fowl truth or dare! Sure, I've done some before on Fangathering, and they had Percy Jackson or Harry Potter making random appearances. Also, members of the fandom. If you want one like that again, mention it in your comments!

I don't own Artemis Fowl (come on guys, we know who wrote this. The guy who actually has Arty's IQ, mister Colfer) or The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams, one of the funniest writers ever, and Eoin).

Warning: My take on a Crazy Juliet, crazy Foaly and Butler Last Guardian.

So enjoy this, review, follow and favorite. I love you all!

Artemis sat on the couch.

That's it, really. Sat on the couch. He felt deprived of something. He had no clue what it was, because his IQ hadn't taken the slightest dip and he just received an email nominating him for two Nobel Prizes in different areas. Beckett and Myles were on the floor, left to their own devices (a stuffed giraffe that somehow had cucumber slices up its nostrils and a sketchbook containing almost perfect drafts of Renaissance art) and his parents weren't at home. The Nanny hadn't been available for the day and Juliet had promised to come, but for some reason was delayed.

What exactly was he missing?

Holly didn't call.

Oh, that. Surely he could live one day without hearing her say, "It's fine, Artemis. There are no evil pixies eating up Haven right now. It's fine." After all, what's the worst that could happen? The last Koboi incident just got over. It wasn't likely another would start again.

Artemis's eyes shot up at the wall clock.

Was Juliet delaying on purpose? Because whatever said and done, a Butler was never late. Butler himself was probably going over possibilities instead of preparing him a Hummus salad in the kitchen.

Just as Beckett was about to splatter some sort of suspicious green goo on his twin's hair, the doorbell rang. Loud.

Ding.

Ah, Juliet. How relieved Butler must be. Artemis stood, faster than his usual rate, and ran over to the great oaken door of the Manor to answer it. However, Butler was there before him, giving him a glare as he turned the knob.

"Artemis, I have not worked for you all these years not suspecting an assassin to literally shoot you at your doorstep."

Artemis hastily stepped back as the manservant pulled open the door.

Quiet. There was nobody...

"SURPRISE!" screeched four different voices as three fairies unshielded, one pulling off a sheet of cam foil wrapped around herself and a certain Juliet Butler.

Artemis and Butler, despite all their years of experience with these particular people, could only stand and stare.

Most noticeable among the visitors was the four legged Foaly, then Number One, the (rather innocent looking)powerful demon warlock, Holly and Juliet, who were for some reason collectively grinning.

Butler immediately turned to his sister. "And what's the meaning of this?"

Juliet pouted. "Come on, don't tell me you aren't happy. You have any clue how long it took to plan?"

"No, and I could've shot you if you hadn't unshielded on time."

"Nah. Where's your gun?"

"You never know where I might have one," said Butler mysteriously. Definitely not jokingly.

Foaly shrugged. "Anyway, now that's over with and I don't have to worry about my life, the shuttle's in the backyard."

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "You managed to get clearance for an informal visit?"

"Holly and I took the same day off, and Number One...um, convinced Commander Kelp to give us visas. A lot if effort, actually."

Artemis nodded, then looked at Holly. "Hello, Captain. What exactly is the purpose of this visit? I am guessing it has something to do with me recovering my memory, though I already have accomplished that."

The elf rolled her eyes. "Don't act like you aren't glad to see us, Mud Boy."

"Well, you're more than welcome to come in."

As everyone stepped in, Beckett and Myles looked up from their work and reacted in two entirely different ways.

"Fairies!"

"How unexpected."

The guests took their time to settle down (Number One squealing at how pretty the aquarium's Angelfish were) and Beckett grudgingly removed his mess from the floor. The cucumber still left a patch, though.

"So," said Foaly, uncomfortably kneeling back on the wall. "How're ya doin', Arty?"

Juliet held back some loud laughter at his posture.

"I am not correcting the grammar in that," replied Artemis pointedly. "May I talk to Captain Short for a minute?"

The centaur frowned. "So, what's so secretive you aren't going to tell the rest of us?"

The Mud Boy rolled his eyes. "Really, Foaly? You think you aren't going to find out eventually?"

After half a minute of Juliet whispering something in the centaur's ear that Artemis was for some reason rather glad he didn't hear, Foaly nodded with an obviously suppressed grin.

"You really planned this out, didn't you?" He asked Juliet.

For some other reason, everyone was glad they hadn't heard.

Artemis and Holly met up in the study.

"Something you wanted to tell me, Mud Boy?" asked the elf, perching herself on top of his desk. Their eyes were almost at level.

"Yes," he said simply. "I remember."

Holly raised an eyebrow. "You mean what I told you about your past?"

Artemis grinned. This was going to have a rather interesting reaction. "No, I mean what you didn't tell me about my past. The little bits you left out?"

She frowned. "What're you talking about?"

"Are you so naïve?"

Holly took a moment to observe her friend's pose. He was standing directly in front of her, deep blue eyes sparkling with some familiar but not common emotion she had seen on him, lips in a small smirk, arms crossed.

It struck her.

"Arty, you know I left that out for a reason..."

"Rathdown Park was a lot more than a healing, wasn't it?"

The elf groaned. "Can you please stop that?"

"Stop what, Captain? I'm merely asking you why you never told me something very relevant."

Holly snorted. "Relevant? Quit playing teenager, Mud Boy. This isn't you."

"Not even I consider my first kiss a waste of time, Holly. And I've just realized that, after accidentally coming across something about it in my encrypted diaries."

She looked ready to punch him. "And?"

"I was wondering how you felt about it."

Holly was silent for a while, all anger forgotten. She hadn't expected him to come up with something like that. This was happening too fast. And D'Arvit, it was annoying.

"Artemis, if this is your idea of a joke..."

"Not interrupting something, am I?"

Both human and fairy immediately spun to face the source of the voice—a very familiar dwarf who was wedged between two thick branches of the tree outside the study's window, wearing a huge smile that exposed his huge incisors.

"Mulch," said Artemis and Holly at once.

The dwarf shrugged. "Oh well, don't let me both you. I was just trying to make you guys jump a bit."

Artemis scowled. Just when they were making progress. "Let me get this straight: the reason you're stuck in the tree is you're trying to scare me through my window? That's kind of pathetic."

Mulch chuckled. "It worked, admit it."

"It did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not."

"Admit it, Mud Boy!"

"Mulch, I am about to slam this window in your face."

Artemis and Mulch blinked, then looked at Holly who had given out the threat. She was glaring at them both warningly.

"You know what?" said Mulch. "I'm gonna just join the others downstairs."

"Hey!" called Juliet with an impatient undertone in her voice to the duo descending the oaken stairs of Fowl Manor. This made Artemis and Holly only walk a lot slower. The blonde girl started silently fuming.

Once they had reached the bottom of the stairs (they eventually had to, anyway) and Mulch was inside the house beside Number One staring at the fish for an entirely different reason than the warlock, Juliet made her announcement.

"Okay, fairies. And Dom. And Artemis. We're about to have some fun and you're going to love it."

"I highly doubt that," remarked Artemis.

"This should be fun," said Number One cheerily, while wriggling his fingers and using some invisible magic force to get the fish out of Mulch's hands.

"This is going to be horrible," moaned Holly.

"Yay!" screamed Beckett. "Ugh," muttered Myles, rubbing his forehead.

"So here it is," said Foaly, who was suddenly standing beside Juliet literally at the center if attention. "We planned this a few minutes ago, and it's totally worth it because this might be our only chance in years to pay a random visit to the surface together."

Juliet nodded. "We're going to play Truth or Dare."

Everyone except Number One and Beckett and the two announcers had their mouths open and their eyes widened at that.

"TRUTH OR DARE!" cheered the Warlock. "Oh, how I've always wanted to play this game! I hear it's really fun with friends. Can we add torture and kiss too?"

"Sure," Juliet beamed. "And here are the rules— you may choose Truth only three times throughout the game, Dare as many times as you want and you have to pick on of two dares in the first four rounds, Torture can be picked only twice and if you pick Kiss more than once, it should be a different person each occasion. Alright?"

There was a string of different excuses.

"I'm too old for this," mumbled Butler. And he never mumbled.

"This is so not fair, " whined Mulch.

"I can't play, I'm...uh, sick," said Holly, before faking a cough. Very unconvincing.

"I have more important things to do," lied Myles.

"This is too childish for my tastes," complained Artemis. "I'm leaving, Juliet."

She was standing authoritatively in front of him before he and Myles proceeded back up the stairs. "Oh no you don't. Let's get to work before I do any damage here, hmm?"

"Come on, Arty," Number One made a face. A very cute, wide eyed face with a quivering lower lip. "What's the worse that could happen?"

"Fine," muttered Artemis. "But I will not follow your ridiculous rules."

"Arty, don't be a spoilt sport," said Juliet warningly. "Alright? Butler won't defend you on this one, because then I know exactly how to torture him."

Butler sighed. "Just take part, Artemis."

Artemis and Myles grudgingly sat down, one muttering something about blackmail and the other wondering if all women took little kids' games seriously.

"Foaly, spin the bottle."

Artemis couldn't resist rolling his eyes as the centaur winked at him, then put a plastic water bottle on the centre of the coffee table and spun it. It was in motion for about twenty seconds before...

Holly.

The elf did three things at once. Groaned, pulled her own hair and hit her head on the table. Juliet was smirking.

"Sooo, what will it be?"

"Uh...dare," muttered Holly. "And please don't dare anything with Mulch in it."

Mulch was suddenly interested in the game, which was obvious when he joined Foaly, Juliet, Number One and Beckett in their planning circle of what horrible thing to make Holly do. On the other hand, Butler looked at the distressed elf.

"I pity you," he said.

"Don't," replied Holly sarcastically.

It was less than half a minute later that the people in the planning circle broke apart and looked at her, each one wearing a smirk. The elf simply crossed her fingers and hoped.

Please not Mulch. Please not Mulch. Please...

"Holly," said Foaly. "We'll give you two dares. Do one. You can either stuff something embarrassing in your mouth and keep it there for the rest of the game, or..."

"Or you can wear my ballroom dress for the rest of the game and let me do up your hair neatly," completed Juliet.

This, by far, was turning out to be the worst day of Holly's life.

Holly had carefully gone through her options of what she could use for the first dare (a pair of socks, a rubber duck, a plastic teacup, a huge marshmallow bunny) and reluctantly gone for the second. She vanished behind Juliet into a room upstairs that was probably Angeline's, and the others could hear some horrified screams and hysterical laughter coming from it once the door was shut.

Foaly chuckled. "This is a lot more exciting than I thought."

Number One looked at Artemis. "Hey, Arty, I was wondering..."

Artemis groaned. He was probably going to ask a question about the game, in which case he would have no answers. "Yes, Number One?"

"Have you ever seen Holly in a dress before?"

The human teen was caught off guard by the question. Just slightly. "No."

"Neither have I."

A whole lot of minutes later, the elf and the hyperactive torturer (which is what Butler now considered his sister was) emerged from the room upstairs, standing at the railing giving them a clear view of the new attire. Or rather, Juliet was giving them a clear view of what Holly wore, while Holly herself had her face buried in her hands in utter embarrassment.

Several jaws dropped down at once.

Despite the it being an oversized fluffy pink and purple ballroom dress, complete with shiny flowers holding up part of the skirt, Holly looked absolutely perfect. Juliet had taken as much care as possible with tying her hair back in a high ponytail with braids on the side, which seemed impossible to do with the shoulder length auburn hair up till now. As much of a fighter Juliet was, she still did her own makeup on wrestling tours.

Artemis, for one, couldn't stop staring. He realized he must have looked like an idiot if his mouth was wide open, but he couldn't bring himself to act on it. Wow. Just wow.

Through a tiny gap in between her fingers, Holly caught him staring. She grinned smugly.

Maybe this game isn't so worthless after all.

The bottle landed on Number One, who was seated in between Artemis and Holly (who was finding it difficult to sit down in the oversized ballroom dress). The little warlock clapped delightedly.

"I choose Dare!"

Foaly hmmed. "You know, we must be careful with this one. He could burn the house down on accident."

Juliet giggled. "Alright, Number One, I dare you to go back in time and kick a cannibal in the face!"

Butler, Artemis and Foaly rolled their eyes.

"How about transporting us into the future where we have already finished this ridiculous game?" asked Artemis sarcastically. "Or simply mesmerizing Juliet into stopping the game?"

"How about making us a chocolate cake?" suggested Mulch. "A big one. About the size of this table."

The warlock actually had to think about it. "Well, you gave me more than two options, so I guess I have to appreciate that...I can't kick someone in the face. It's too violent. And my legs are short. I don't want to stop the game, so can I make the cake?"

Butler raised an eyebrow. "You know how to?"

"Sure!"

And less than a few minutes later, they were staring at huge double chocolate cake with creamy icing, but couldn't stare at it for long because soon, half of it was down a certain dwarf's throat.

"Mm," said Mulch in between mouthfuls of the remaining half. "Delicious." Surprisingly, he let Beckett share it with him.

Number One nodded modestly. "Thanks. I had trouble finding the ingredients."

Myles groaned. "Mother is going to kill us."

The bottle landed on Butler next.

"Torture," he said tonelessly. "It's not going to hurt."

Juliet smirked. "Oh, it won't?"

"No, it won't."

"Let's tickle him!"

"WHAT?"

The bottle landed on Foaly.

"Truth," he said, feeling a little unconfident. "And no asking for passwords."

"You can't do that," protested Myles.

"I will certainly enjoy this," Artemis put on his trademark vampire grin. "So, Foaly, you built an entire firewall around a certain video clip I am rather interested in. How do I access it?"

The centaur's eyes widened. "NOOOOOOO!"

"Oh yes."

"No, Fowl."

"Yes, Foaly. We have done our share of humiliating dares, although mine is yet to come, and it's your turn for a little disadvantage. So tell me the passcode."

"WAAARGH! I WILL NOT!"

"You have to."

"YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "I am actually confused."

Foaly continued to scream. "I WILL NOT SURRENDER! YOU WON'T GET THE PASSWORD OUT OF ME! WAARGH! BLAH BLEH BLUE BLAH BLAH!"

At this point, everyone was staring at him.

"Foaly," said Holly quietly. "Are you sure you don't have a Babel fish in your ear?"

The centaur had reluctantly agreed to tell Artemis the passcode only after Artemis did his dare, so the next round hadn't needed the bottle to be spun.

"Truth," said Artemis calmly.

Mulch broke into a wide grin. The Mud Boy gave him a suspicious look, but suspicion turned into intense embarrassment when the dwarf followed with, "So, tell us. What exactly were you telling Holly about in your study?"

Author's Note: YEAAH! Mission accomplished!

The Babel fish belongs to Douglas Adams. It translates any language for you if you stuff one in your ear. Thank you to missylynn99 and TheBigCat for the sentences!

Contest— Tell me what you think of this chapter and give me dares, or questions, torture or kiss to include in the continuation of this which is the next update.