chapter rating: teen/pg-13
word count: 1,027
prompt: things you said that i wasn't meant to hear
summary: "I'm barbed wire and paint spatter and I hoard the few people I like and screw the rest! Eventually, he would've realized I'm not good enough."

i hear you (loud and clear)

Lucas doesn't mean to eavesdrop. His momma would have a few things to say about how rude it was. But when he hears his name, he hesitates, lingering in the hall, and finds himself listening in.

"So you really broke it off? Just like that?" Zay asks.

"Yup," Maya answers, snapping her fingers. "Like pulling off a band-aid."

From where he's standing, Lucas can see Zay's back as he sits on a bench while Maya leans against a wall, one foot out and her arms crossed loose over her chest.

"I call bullshit."

"Excuse you?" Maya raises an eyebrow. "You can't tell me who I like. I get to decide who I like!"

Zay shrugs. "I'm not making your mind up for you, I'm telling you that you did decide and now you're pretending you didn't. Anyone with eyes knows you care about Lucas–"

"As a friend!"

"–as a lot more than a friend."

Maya glares at him. "I made the choice. Me. You don't get to tell me it's the wrong choice."

"Look, I'm not going to pull a Farkle and announce to everybody we know, plus a few strangers, that you lied about your feelings. That's on you. You're right, it's your choice. Do I think you made the wrong one? Yeah, I do. But you gotta figure that out on your own."

She shakes her head, pushes off the wall, and starts to pace. "You don't get it."

"What's to get? You liked Lucas, he liked you, you exited stage left and told him you wanted to stay friends." He throws his hands up. "I miss anything?"

"Yeah, the part where he was also dating Riley! Who he really likes, and who likes him, and who he belongs with."

Zay lifts a finger in contention. "See, now that's where I think your argument fails."

"What? How?"

"Well, it's like you said. You made the choice to walk away. You. Not Lucas. You don't get to decide how he feels. You don't get to tell me or him or even yourself who he would've picked. Because he never got a chance to.

"He had a chance. He had plenty of chances, and he didn't pick. He couldn't. So what's that tell you?"

"Honestly, that the boy is too worried about what other people think and want to figure out what he wants… Look, I like Riley. She's awesome. She's all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns. It's great. And I like you. You're all edges and teeth and an electric fence of protection. You're awesome, Hart. But you two come on like a tornado, you got him all twisted up, doesn't know which way he's going, which way's up or down or right. You two are a packaged deal and he knows if he picks one, the other one is still gonna be there, and they'll be hurt."

"Right." She nods. "Which is why I did everyone a favor and stepped back."

"Okay. But what if he didn't want you to."

Maya sighs, throwing her head back. "We're talking circles here, Babineaux. It doesn't matter. He liked both of us. We're great, like you said. But this whole triangle thing was only going to end badly."

"For who?"

"For me!" she exclaims.

Zay stays calm. "Why?"

"Because!" Her pacing picks up. "Because it always does! Because why would he pick me when he can have Riley? Because I'm a Hart and nothing good ever happens to us, not unless it's going to get ripped away. Because he is too good! He's cowboy boots and manners and caring about everybody he meets. And I– I'm barbed wire and paint spatter and I hoard the few people I like and screw the rest! Eventually, he would've realized I'm not good enough. I'm not nice enough. I'm not–"

"Riley," Zay supplies.

"Yes!" She throws her hands up. "Okay? I'm not Riley. I can't be Riley. And Lucas… He deserves Riley." She groans then, and swipes her hands over her face. "Just… can you leave it alone? Please. I made my choice. It's done. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

He nods. "Sure. Whatever you want."

"Thank you." Tiredly, she shakes her head. "I need to get to the art room. They said I could use it for an hour. We good?"

"Sure. No problems here."

She half-smiles and nods at him before she goes. And Zay sits, alone, until finally he asks, "You hear all that?"

Lucas hesitates, but eventually steps out from the hallway, hand gripped tight to the strap of his bag. "Some of it." At Zay's raised eyebrow, he admits, "Most of it."

"Didn't take you for a lurker, Friar." He pats the seat next to him and Lucas walks over, dropping down to the bench with a sigh.

Lucas stares at the floor, at where she'd paced from one end to the other. Everything she said is racing through his head and he has no idea how to feel or what to think. He's just overwhelmed and confused and, well, a little pissed, if he's honest. At himself and Maya and whoever convinced her she wasn't good enough.

"So?"

Lucas turns to him. "So?"

Zay is unimpressed. "What're you gonna do about it?"

He bites his lip. Because that's the question, isn't it? The same question he's been asking himself from the start. Since he met a beautiful blonde girl on a subway train and then a pretty brunette fell in his lap not a minute later. Since his first kiss and his first date with Riley. Since ha-hurr and Huckleberry and 'it's one minute to midnight and I'm glad you're standing here.' Since a fire in Texas and his hands on her cheeks and her eyes were so big and blue and he could still hear his heart pounding in his ears and he hesitated, why did he hesitate? Because of Riley. Because of Riley and Maya. Because their friendship does, should, will always come first, and he doesn't want to come between that.

So he says the same thing he's been saying and thinking from the very beginning. "I don't know."