Author's Note; Firstly, a big thanks going out to A Silverstorm of Snowflakes, silviaastrid112, HollyShortWannaBe, whitealmond and TheChickWithTheAwesomeUsername for suggestions.

I have picked A Silverstorm of Snowflakes' suggestion, which I thought could be both serious and weird. Not to mention the fact that I enjoy mortally humiliating Artemis. But then again everyone suggested mortally humiliating Artemis.

In which Artemis gets obsessed with a video game and refuses to give up. (I was never a gamer, so I kinda made one up.

:) enjoy! The Princess of Weird has returned to FF!

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Artemis hadn't asked to click on the ad by accident. Rather he hadn't, two weeks ago, asked Beckett to make him accidentally click on the advertisement. But then he had, and it wasn't love at first sight; but one attempt at hacking Foaly's account had led to another, and there was...well, a grander competition now than there ever was before.

Artemis had to get the Golden Leaf.

"Foaly signed in first," he muttered at the elf who sat waiting in the far corner of the room. Why she was even here, he didn't know, and didn't care, but her purpose while the game lasted was to appreciate his completely ingenious skills of snatching, planting and climbing. Virtual exercise, too.

Holly sighed. "Artemis, Foaly told me you like the game, but it's just...a game."

The human snorted. "Foaly signed in first just so I would be Player number two. Don't you see that as completely immoral?"

"Er..."

"BECKETT, DID YOU UNPLUG THE WIFI?!" yelled Artemis, eyes actually leaving the screen to stare threateningly at the empty doorway. "Put it back on now!"

"Artemis, I think you should calm down. Look, the wifi's on." Holly pointed at the bottom of the screen. "Just two bars, though."

"Foaly is behind this," murmured Fowl. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. When he opened them again, he looked fresh and ready and...still crazy. But a little calm. He turned in his swivel chair to face the elf. "While we wait, would you like me to explain a few of the game's concepts?"

Holly tried her best not to groan. "Arty, do you know why I'm here?"

"Hardly relevant," Artemis waved a hand dismissively. "Seeing as Foaly's still alive enough to be playing Kingdom of Thieves and hacking into my systems, I doubt Haven City's burning right now."

"We have three mass murderers on the loose, aboveground, killing exiled fairies and leaving them around for humans to see. Does that get your attention?"

Artemis had to think about it. "Well, given the circumstances..."

"Oh thank Haven. You want me to get the shuttle?"

"...given the circumstances right now, Holly, I'm afraid I really can't help. If I stay offline for two more hours, Foaly will find an easier competitor for the Golden Leaf and that'll be the end of it."

Holly's jaw dropped to the floor.

"I'll make it up to you," said Artemis, not sounding the least bit sympathetical. "And, of course, the victims. Dinner?"

"Artemis, you can't have dinner with murder victims!"

"I'm sure I could sponsor..."

"Murder victims mean they're dead!"

"Oh." Artemis sighed. "I'll donate some amounts to their families, if any." He looked over his shoulder at the screen. "Three minutes till I can play."

Holly crossed her arms and scowled. "Ok. Fine. How long is this stupid computer game going to take?"

"With my level of skill and all things considered, fifteen minutes for me to win."

"And then will you stop your addiction?"

Artemis pretended he hadn't heard that and swiveled back to face the screen. The city had loaded and three thin bars displayed his health, the money stolen and the probabilities for loss. The first was full. Good. The second would be full in fifteen minutes, and the third one would stay like that for the rest of the game. An icon of a sparrow with an envelope flew over to him. Mail from Player One. You gonna lose bad, it said. There was a PS. That said; Oh, isn't your girlfriend watching? Keep her impressed!;)*devil emoji* HAHAHAA. You gonna lose baaad!

Artemis simply clicked delete.

The game started. He could see Foaly on a seperate screen, taking precautious steps down the dark alleyway he was given. Artemis was a bit luckier with location; he got the open entrance of the city. While Foaly was exposed to competing thieves, he faced only the risk of a few street fights. Better to lose a little bit of health than a whole load of wealth. In the game's concept, of course.

He moved fast but just as carefully. Anything could go wrong. A building could explode. He could get hit by a speeding carriage. Or worse; he could run into the cops. Sure Artemis wasn't letting that happen in his lifetime.

Holly checked her watch impatiently and kept her arms crossed. While it was infuriating that Artemis chose this over the potential exposure of the fairy race, less than a tiny part of her wanted to let him catch up on the normalcy he had missed. Sure nobody played video games in bespokes. But humans made up styles for everything.

Out of the blue, she heard her friend yelp.

"D'Arvit!"

"What?!"

"He...he employed people to steal from me! That is the most disgusting–"

"Shut up, Fowl!" Holly showed him her watch, even though he wasn't looking back at all. "Every minute we waste here, another exiled fairy is being killed!"

"I have a window monitoring that. None so far."

"FOWL!"

"Well, would you look at that. Foaly got knocked down. If only I could get there fast–yes! I told you the teleport option would come in handy! Hah!"

Holly didn't know whether to laugh or cry or pull his hairs out one by one and painfully.

"I stole from Foaly! Three slots up the points bar!"

"GOOD! FINISH THE GAME!"

"He has a teleport icon too?!"

"AAAARGH!"

"He's closer to the leaf than I am! Holly, what am I going to do now?!"

"Artemis, it's a D'Arvitting video game..."

"Don't leave me at a moment I need moral support!" snapped Artemis. "Physiologically, moral support is what I need, but practically if that'll help me win is–"

Holly calmed her nerves and smiled. It was a very forced smile. "Okay. You're playing a game where you're a thief and you have to steal this monument before the other thief."

"He's getting stalled for a while. Ok, ok, this could work..."

"You're Artemis Fowl. You're the best thief I know."

Artemis froze, his index finger lingering over the mouse. She may have been imagining it, but a faint blossom of colour spread on his cheeks. Then he snapped out of it and got his player into a street fight completely on purpose.

Losing a few slots on the health bar but earning a teleport icon through his victory, the player teleported himself to a spot inches away from Foaly and the high rise wall to the Golden Leaf.

They started climbing at once. Artemis chucked a couple of nails, missed twice and hit once, and Foaly fought back with some kind of glue gun Artemis had never seen before. Initially it was a surprise, but he found its weak point pretty easily and zapped the gun itself, which exploded in Foaly's hands and sent him skidding to the bottom of the wall. Real-life Artemis grinned, complete smugness returning, and continued a painless climb up the wall. He reached for the monument that glistened gloriously in the sinking sun's rays.

Then the leaderboard was displayed and his name was one top.

For a moment, Artemis contemplated the chances of the game being all a dream. But then he realized. He had won the highest level to be programmed by its producers! And he had defeated Foaly in fifteen minutes!

"That," he said finally. "Was an experience."

Holly sighed. "Really happy for you, Fowl. How many fairies died so far?"

Artemis hurriedly called up the window and breathed with relief. "None. My guess is that the murders are having trouble locating them. Exiled fairies seem to have developed a talent of hiding."

"Which means we still need to get there anyway," Holly stood, picking up the Neutrino she carried around everywhere. Even to the bathroom at night, where a quick zap was more convenient than getting up to fight trespassers. "Grub have better had filled the fuel tank by now."

Artemis nodded. "I suppose I'm only coming along in case humans do get involved?"

"Right. Get ready quick." And with that, she was gone.

Before he could turn to leave, though, she poked her head back in and frowned. "Seeing as I can't ask you in front of Grub, just why did you look thrilled about it when I called you a good thief?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "I looked thrilled about it?"

"I was bored with nothing else to look at. Of course I noticed you blush like it was the biggest compliment anyone could give you."

Artemis shook his head in clearly restrained protest. "I don't think I did."

Holly shrugged. "I know what I saw. You either really did do something not-so-legal recently that you're immensely proud of, or you just like to be called a thief."

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Captain," Artemis started to turn back. "Maybe you were bored enough to picture things happening."

The elf rolled her eyes. "Oh, okay. Let's just make sure that this banter hasn't cost us a few fairy lives then, shall we?"

Artemis didn't even reply because by then he was already gone, into the next room through the other door, away from sight. She shrugged again and left. Behind the wall, Artemis went over the fact that he'd actually just won the Golden Leaf and, a small, tiny part of him actually understood what had happened with Holly's compliment. The way she had said it. She'd sounded so...Artemis decided to leave it at that. Things happen. But you didn't win a Golden Leaf everyday.

Foaly will hear about this till the end of time, a small smirk formed on his lips. It's going to be fun for as long as that is.

Author's Note;

THAT WAS A LOT OF FUN TO WRITE! Hats off to A Silver Storm of Snowflakes!

I came up with the game then and there. If there actually is a game like that, well, that's a really creepy coincidence. Maybe it was a little inspired by assassins' creed. My cousins play that. I liked a lot of the ideas you put forward last time. I might use them in this fic later:) review or you won't get more of this!