I know… I know… This wasn't on my list of (7) one shots, either. I just accidentally wrote it, and it's so pointless. Oops. It's just some random texts between everyone's BROTP, Clary and Simon. It's really ridiculous, but I had fun.

Simon is bold.

Clary is regular.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments, but I'm an amazing texter, obviously.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

Whaaaaat?

My life.

What happened?

My life.

What happened to make you so down?

Fuck happened.

What was that, exactly?

My mother is a douche.

What did she do?

She became a douche.

When?

It all started… when I was born.

Well, that's not good. Let's turn that frown upside down, and make it a…

A douche.

A SMILE. But hey, whatever you're into putting on your face. I don't judge.

Hey, Fray.

Hey, Lewis.

I was just looking at that photo you drew for me.

What a coincidence. I'm eating an apple.

It's a coincidence that I'm looking at a photo you drew while you're eating an apple? No, it's fate.

Clary is going to speak in third person, now.

Simon doesn't understand why Clary is going to speak in third person.

Clary thought it would be a good idea, and she is glad to see that her best friend joined in.

Simon would follow Clary anywhere.

Clary doesn't know what SMH means, and she briefly wonders if Simon knows the answer to these philosophical life questions.

Simon doesn't know, but he thinks that Clary should search it on Google and report back to inform the masses.

Clary has discovered that SMH means shaking my head.

Simon wonders which person shook their head so often that they needed to create an abbreviation for it.

Clary doesn't know.

Clary should come to Simon's house.

Simon should come to Clary's house, because she is lazy.

Simon will be there in ten minutes.

Hey, what's up?

I'm looking for a midget.

That sounds a bit personal.

Don't ask if you can't handle it, Brohomie.

I got a fohawk.

Ew. Stay home.

You don't want me to come to school tomorrow?

Not with a fohawk.

Why not? I rock the hawk.

I'm ready to die.

Pop!

Pop?

Goes the weasel. You're jealous that you didn't think of that, arentcha?

Absolutely. So jealous, in fact, that I need to take a shower to wash the jealous residue from my skin. Bye.

I need a shower, too. I'll text you later.

I'M CLEAN.

ME TOO. We have so much in common. Let's be friends.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's too soon for that.

Acquaintances?

Fair enough.

How's it going?

Eric is kicking me.

Why?

I said he couldn't put "loins" in our new song.

It's a good word.

Are you on drugs?

Yes. Massive amounts.

Hey! I swear that I know you from somewhere…

We met at the Gay Pride Parade. You were the one with the Too Gay To Care Committee.

No! It was at the gay strip club. I was the one running around shirtless, in the assless chaps, screaming "My biscuits are burning!" while holding a tray of rainbow bagels.

That was Magnus.

Magnus is my gay lover.

How are you?

Peachy. You?

I'm decent…

The dots take away any illusion of decency that may or may not be occuring.

Oh…

We got into Rockfest!

Cool!

Eric finally wrote a song without "loins"

Cool!

Also, my pants are on fire, and I'm pregnant.

What?

I was just checking if you were going to keep saying "Cool!"

Fray, you are the greatest friend in the world! I love you with the intensity of 10,000 suns!

You got the T-shirt I left for you, I see. And I love you with the strength of 10,000 elephants.

I love you with the swiftness of 10,000 raging rivers.

I love you with the volume of 10,000 crowds in the 80's, screaming for Tiffany.

Izzy is looking fine, today.

Yes, she's smokin' hot.

Don't turn into a lesbian. That's already Aline's thing.

I'm almost an adult. I'll do what I want. Also, don't put your semen in Izzy. Keep it away from her eggs.

Can I put it in her eyes?

Why would you do that?

I want her to see my children as they die.

I told Sebastian "I'd tell you to go to hell, but I never want to see you again."

Sebastian is a cock.

Agreed.

I got my nipples pierced.

I'm proud of you.

For getting it done?

For having nipples.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. It's quite an accomplishment.

I know. I wake up every morning and ask myself "What can I do to make sure I have nipples today?"

Well, you're succeeding at having them.

And it's the thing I'm most proud of in my life.

I would be, too.

I've had five cups of coffee in the last hour.

You need to calm down.

Calming down would be like doing meth.

Not even once.

This is the most pointless thing I have ever written. I'm sitting here like "Why do I exist?"

Hope you enjoyed this random drabble of BROTP texts. (I'm updating RA soon, don't yell at me)

-IWriteNaked.