Troll-Shaw
When Bilbo didn't show at the Green Dragon, at the time mentioned in the contract, Thorin decided to leave without him and headed down the road leading out of the Shire. We all fell in behind and soon were riding through a nice wood. The Dwarves took this opportunity to place bets on whether Bilbo would catch up. Most of them didn't think he would but Oin, Gandalf and myself thought he would. I had just ridden up to Bofur's right when I heard the sound of running feet behind us.
I turned to Bofur "I think I just won me some money".
Bofur looked at me "how d'you figure that?" he asked.
I turned around in my saddle and pointed at Bilbo's approaching figure "that's how" I laughed so hard at Bofur's face I nearly fell out the saddle.
"Wait! Wait!" Bilbo cried out; all the Dwarves stopped their ponies and Bilbo caught up. He waved his contract in the air "I signed it" he handed it to Balin and smiled at Gandalf.
"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield" Balin smiled and folded the contract up.
"Give him a pony" Thorin wasn't impressed Bilbo had turned up.
"No, no, no, no, that-that won't be necessary, thank you, but I-I'm sure I can keep up on foot. I-I-I've done my fair share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far as Frogmorton once…" Bilbo was cut off as Fili and Kili grabbed him by the shoulders and put him one of the baggage ponies.
"Come on, Nori, pay up" Oin called out, Nori tossed him a bag of money "hey, hey" Oin seemed pleased with himself.
I caught my bag and chuckled again at the look on Bofur's face.
"What's that about?" Bilbo asked Gandalf "oh, they took wagers on whether or not you'd turn up. Most of them bet that you wouldn't" the Wizard replied.
"What did you think?" Bilbo asked uncertainly.
Gandalf was quiet for a moment until Nori threw him a bag "my dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second" he laughed as he put his share into to his bag.
I was talking quietly with Bofur when Bilbo let out a loud sneeze. I turned my head and saw the hobbit digging through his pockets.
"Oh. All this horse hair, I'm having a reaction" he kept searching his pockets and suddenly looked shocked. "No, no, wait, wait, stop! Stop! We have to turn around" he called out, causing the entire company to reign in their steeds.
"What on earth is the matter?" Gandalf asked.
"I forgot my handkerchief".
I laughed to myself and dug in my saddlebag for a spare.
Bofur beat me to it and tore a strip off his shirt. He tossed it to Bilbo "here! Use this" he turned back around and laughed at the look on Bilbo's face.
"Move on" Thorin moved off and I slowed down to be closer to Bilbo.
"I think you would prefer using this" I handed him my spare handkerchief, patted him on the shoulder and rejoined Bofur. I shoved the Dwarf in the shoulder "you're so mean". I was met with a cheeky smile.
"Can't help it" he replied. We were well on the way to becoming friends I could tell and Bofur spent the next few hours telling me about what all the Dwarves did for a living.
I could hear Gandalf talking to Bilbo "you'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before we reach our journey's end. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the shire, but home is now behind you; the world is ahead". We spent a few days travelling in the beautiful wild of Middle Earth; through hills, plains and forest.
We made camp near a cliff edge and Fili and Kili were on watch. After dinner we all made ourselves as comfortable as possible on the rocks. I am a light sleeper and soon the sound of Bombur's snoring woke me up. I sat up and saw Bilbo had woken up as well. I watched him as he quietly got up and made his way over to the ponies; he looked around and gave his pony an apple.
"Hello, girl. That's a good girl. It's our little secret, Myrtle; you must tell no one. Sh, sh" Bilbo patted Myrtle and then a scream cut the peaceful silence. Bilbo hurried over to Fili and Kili "what was that?" he asked nervously.
"Orcs" Kili replied.
Another scream sounded "orcs?' Bilbo looked around and Thorin woke up.
"Throat-cutters. There'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them" Fili joined in.
"They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood" Bilbo looked at Kili and then out over the cliff.
Fili and Kili looked at each other and started laughing.
"You think that's funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?" Thorin got up.
"We didn't mean anything by it" Kili looked at the ground.
"No, you didn't. you know nothing of the world" Thorin walked off and stood next to the ponies.
"Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs" Balin stood next to Fili "after the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient Dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first".
I rose and stood next to the fire so I could hear Balin properly.
"Moria had been taken by legions of orcs lead by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the Defiler. The giant Gundabad orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King". Bilbo and I looked at Thorin. "Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us" we looked back at Balin and I saw a flicker of sadness pass over his face.
He looked at Thorin "that is when I saw him: a young Dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armour rent…wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield" Balin paused. "Azog, the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated". Balin looked sad again "But there was no feast, no song, that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived". Balin looked at Thorin again "and I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King".
Thorin turned around and saw the company was all looking at him. He started walking back towards the fire.
"The Pale Orc? What happened to him?" Bilbo asked.
"He slunk back into the hole whence he came" Thorin said walking past myself and Bilbo "that filth died of his wounds long ago".
A few days later the sky decided to turn black with rain clouds. We were all quite miserable; drenched and freezing, as we made our muddy way through another forest.
"Here, Mr. Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" Dori was quite fed up with the rain.
"It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done" Gandalf replied "if you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another Wizard".
Dori didn't seem to like that but he stayed quiet. Bofur was next to me and he didn't seem to care that his pipe had gone out. At least his head was drier than mine; all I had was the hood of my cloak, whereas he had his fuzzy hat.
I heard Bilbo ask Gandalf about other Wizards "are there any?"
"What?"
"Other Wizards?"
"There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman, the White. Then there are the two Blue Wizards; you know I've quite forgotten their names".
"And who is the fifth?" Bilbo asked.
"Well, that would be Radagast, the Brown" Gandalf replied.
"Is he a great Wizard or is he…more like you?"
Gandalf looked offended "I think he's a very great Wizard, in his own way. He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing too, for always Evil will look to find a foothold in this world".
The rain finally stopped and we arrived at ruined farmhouse.
"We'll camp here for the night" Thorin said after dismounting "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them".
Once the ponies were unloaded, the brothers moved them a short distance away from the camp. I was laying my bedroll next to Bofur's when Gandalf walked past into the ruins.
"A farmer and his family used to live here" he didn't seem happy.
Thorin was still barking orders "Oin. Gloin".
Oin looked up "aye?"
"Get a fire going".
Oin put his ear trumpet down "right you are". In minutes we had a blazing fire.
Gandalf was walking about in the ruins "I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the Hidden Valley".
Thorin stomped past "I have told you already, I will not go near that place".
"Why not? The elves could help us. We could get food, rest, advice" Gandalf was trying to reason with Thorin.
"I do not need their advice" Thorin replied.
"We have a map that we cannot read. Lord Elrond could help us".
Thorin looked up at Gandalf "help? A dragon attacks Erebor, what help came from the Elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, the Elves looked on and did nothing".
So that's why Thorin had no love of Elves.
"You ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather and betrayed my father".
Gandalf looked down at the Dwarf "you are neither of them. I did not give you that map and key for you to hold onto the past" Gandalf was getting angry.
"I did not know they were yours to keep" Thorin retorted, equally angry.
Gandalf stomped off past Bilbo; who was talking to Balin.
"Everything alright? Gandalf, where are you going?" Bilbo asked.
I got up and began helping Bombur and Bofur prepare dinner.
"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense" the Wizard made his way through the Dwarves.
"Who's that?" Bilbo asked.
"Myself, Mr. Baggins! I've had enough of Dwarves for one day" Gandalf disappeared around the edge of the trees.
"Is he coming back?" Bilbo worriedly asked Balin, who sighed in answer.
Thorin watched him go "come on Bombur, we're hungry".
Soon dinner was ready and Bofur was serving. I got my serve and sat down next to Bifur; even though the Dwarf looked scary he was nice enough.
Bilbo was watching the trail that Gandalf had taken "he's been a long time".
"Who?" Bofur asked filling up two bowls.
"Gandalf" Bilbo replied coming back to the fire.
"He's a Wizard! He does as he chooses. Here, do us a favour; take this to the lads" Bofur handed Bilbo the two bowls and turned to his brother "stop it, you've had plenty".
Bilbo headed off into the dark to where Fili and Kili were watching the ponies.
We had all finished eating and I was doing the washing up; when all of a sudden Fili and Kili came rushing out of the trees.
Thorin jumped up "what's wrong?" he asked as his nephews stood panting next to the fire.
"T-trolls s-stole some p-ponies" Kili gasped.
"Bilbo t-tried to get the ponies back b-but got himself caught" Fili added.
The Dwarves picked up their weapons and followed Kili back to where the trolls were. I rushed over to my pack and pulled out my bow and quiver, and caught up just as the Dwarves started their attack. I stood at the edge of the clearing and fired arrow after arrow at the trolls, being careful not to hit a Dwarf or Bilbo. Once my arrows were spent I leapt upon the nearest troll and started stabbing him with my dagger.
From the corner of my eye I saw Bilbo free the ponies and stand with his back to the fight. "Bilbo turn around!" I yelled "look out behind you!" he didn't hear me so I tried to get to him before the troll did.
I didn't make it because Ori dropped on top of me, after being freed from the grip of another troll.
Two trolls held Bilbo by his arms and legs and once Thorin noticed the attack stopped.
"Bilbo!" Kili started forwards but was stopped by Thorin.
"No!"
"Lay down your arms" the troll growled "or we'll rip his off".
Thorin looked frustrated for a moment before planting his sword in the ground. We all followed suit and before we knew it half of us were in sacks, while the other half were being turned on a spit over the fire.
The trolls were talking to each other "don't bother cooking them. Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly".
I didn't fancy that at all and I tried to wriggle my arm out of the sack. That wasn't going to be easy as the sacks were tied quite tight. I looked at the spit and my chest tightened at the sight of Bofur and Ori trussed up like chickens.
"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage" the third troll was saying.
"Is this really necessary?' Dori yelled out.
"Ooh, that does sound quite nice".
As I was laying on top of the Dwarves in sacks, I fell heavily on top of Fili when the rest started to move around. Fili grunted in pain when I landed on top of him "I'm sorry" I whispered.
"Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move one. I don't fancy being turned into stone".
Bilbo perked up when he heard that. "Wait! You are making a terrible mistake" he said getting up awkwardly in his sack.
"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori yelled from the spit.
"Half-wits? What does that make us?" Bofur retorted.
"Uh, I meant with the, uh, the seasoning" I looked at Bilbo incredulously, was he trying to give the trolls ideas.
"What about the seasoning?" the troll growled.
"Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up" Bilbo replied.
That didn't go down well with the Dwarves; they all started shouting.
"What do you know about cooking Dwarf?" the troll at the spit asked.
"Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit talk" another troll said.
Bilbo looked stumped for a moment "uh, th-the secret to cooking Dwarf is, umm".
The troll leant closer "yes? Come on".
"It's, uh" Bilbo was struggling to come up with something.
"Tell us the secret" the troll pressed.
"Y-yes, I'm telling you, the secret is to…skin them first!" there was an instant outcry from the Dwarves.
"I won't forget that!" Dwalin yelled from the spit as the Dwarves in sacks cursed Bilbo.
"Tom, get me filleting knife" the troll seemed pleased with the 'secret' Bilbo had just told him.
"What a load of rubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scoff them, I say, boots and all".
I noticed Gandalf slip behind some trees behind the trolls.
"He's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw Dwarf! Nice and crunchy" the troll picked poor Bombur up.
"Not that one, he-he's infected!" Bilbo said quickly.
"You what?" the troll at the spit wasn't happy.
"Yeah, he's got worms in his…tubes" Bilbo was thinking quickly.
Bombur was dropped back onto the pile of bagged Dwarves and they all groaned at the pressure.
"In fact they all have, they're infested with parasites. It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't" Bilbo sounded pleased with himself and then the Dwarves had to ruin the moment.
"Did he say parasites?" Oin asked.
"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kili yelled back.
Bilbo's shoulders slumped.
"What are you talking about, laddie?" Gloin chimed in.
"Shut it!" I hissed.
Thorin seemed to understand Bilbo's plan, as he kicked Kili to shut him up. They finally understood.
"I've got parasites as big as my arm" Oin said.
"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!" Kili added.
The Dwarves on the spit joined in as well.
"We're riddled" Nori said.
"Yes, I'm riddled" Ori chimed in.
"Yes we are. Badly!" Dori added.
The trolls weren't happy "what would you have us do, then, let 'em all go?"
Bilbo shrugged "well…"
"You think I don't know what you're up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!" the troll was mad.
"Ferret?" Bilbo didn't like that.
"Fools?" one of the trolls said.
Gandalf appeared suddenly on top of a large rock "the dawn will take you all!"
"Who's that?" one troll asked.
"No idea" another answered.
"Can we eat 'im too?" the third troll asked.
Gandalf struck the rock with his staff, causing it to split in half.
The sun burst through into the clearing and soon all three trolls were turned to stone.
We all cheered; the Dwarves on the spit were still uncomfortable though "oh, get your foot out of my back!' Dwalin grumbled.
I was so relieved; I made a determined effort to roll off Fili. He made a happy sound when I hit the dirt beside him.
"I am really sorry about that" I said as Gandalf made his way down the slope to set about freeing us all.
"Don't worry, we Dwarves are made of some strong stuff" Fili smiled.
I looked back at the spit and saw Bofur had been cut down. I sent a silent prayer of thanks to the heavens as it seemed he was all in one piece. After this little experience I could hardly wait to see what the rest of journey threw at us.